Dating - Cold Feet

[Apologista]

Single Catholics - Have you ever been a long long time without dating, then someone asks you out and you realize you are NOT emotionally ready after you’ve said yes? But you don’t want to cancel because that seems lame, and you’re trying to teach yourself how not to chicken out of everything in life.

Part of the problem is the guy is Protestant - sorry for how that sounds - he’s a great person - but I grew up in a Catholic/Protestant home where there was religious conflict.

I know I sound like a 12-year-old - I’m only meeting, not marrying - it’s embarrassing how quick my mind starts down that road. But since it has, the fears and questionings are already there.

Plus I’m just plain nervous. :frighten: Please pray for me!

 

[johnnyjones]

You will always be nervous. You must walk through it, this IS the nature of the dating life. If it is just that you are not interested in the person, first don’t agree to go out with them because you feel bad. Second, call them up and cancel. Don’t waste the guys time (or yours).

 

[louisak]

If you cancel, then you have to explain your reasons for canceling, and you risk hurting his feelings - not to mention the fact that it forces you to reveal personal things about yourself that aren’t appropriate yet, in order to explain why you are canceling. And even then he may think you are making up an excuse.

Just have a date with him. As you said, it’s not marriage. There’s no reason that there needs to be a second date.

BTW you are right that the religious conflict is a serious thing. A good reason not to have a second date.

 

[jeannetherese]

Single Catholics - Have you ever been a long long time without dating, then someone asks you out and you realize you are NOT emotionally ready after you’ve said yes? But you don’t want to cancel because that seems lame, and you’re trying to teach yourself how not to chicken out of everything in life.

Part of the problem is the guy is Protestant - sorry for how that sounds - he’s a great person - but I grew up in a Catholic/Protestant home where there was religious conflict.

I know I sound like a 12-year-old - I’m only meeting, not marrying - it’s embarrassing how quick my mind starts down that road. But since it has, the fears and questionings are already there.

Plus I’m just plain nervous. :frighten: Please pray for me!

Many people see dating as a means of discerning a potential marriage partner. If this is your situation and you have discerned that you do not wish to marry outside of your faith, then you might want to let your friend know that you are not looking for a formal relationship. You might still enjoy doing a few things together as friends, if he is amenable to this.
You will have the best sense of what to do in this situation and your friend who is a great person will likely remain a friend however you decide to respond. May God bless you both. Amen.

 

[Bezant]

Single Catholics - Have you ever been a long long time without dating, then someone asks you out and you realize you are NOT emotionally ready after you’ve said yes? But you don’t want to cancel because that seems lame, and you’re trying to teach yourself how not to chicken out of everything in life.

Part of the problem is the guy is Protestant - sorry for how that sounds - he’s a great person - but I grew up in a Catholic/Protestant home where there was religious conflict.

I know I sound like a 12-year-old - I’m only meeting, not marrying - it’s embarrassing how quick my mind starts down that road. But since it has, the fears and questionings are already there.

Plus I’m just plain nervous. :frighten: Please pray for me!

Nervous? About what? In the best case scenario you will meet the love of your life or good friend, in the worst case no hard feelings.

It’s just a date. Don’t cross-examine yourself too much or look for problems, but do be realistic about what you’re looking for (and it need not be marriage).

 

[bonvivantHermit]

Every mistake has a first step! I am always the optimist. I’d not date a Protestant- of course I shouldn’t date at all being married…

In the past I’d say, sure. My husband was of a “different faith” but is pliable, like gumby.

For regular folk, I’d be afraid of being in a religious war your entire marriage with children as weapons.One date can lead to “I do” and" yep she’s 10 cm" to "No way am I raising those kids Catholic… and posts such as these: after 10 years of marriage and six kids is it too late to get an annulment?

 

[Luvz2travel]

Single Catholics - Have you ever been a long long time without dating, then someone asks you out and you realize you are NOT emotionally ready after you’ve said yes? But you don’t want to cancel because that seems lame, and you’re trying to teach yourself how not to chicken out of everything in life.

Part of the problem is the guy is Protestant - sorry for how that sounds - he’s a great person - but I grew up in a Catholic/Protestant home where there was religious conflict.

I know I sound like a 12-year-old - I’m only meeting, not marrying - it’s embarrassing how quick my mind starts down that road. But since it has, the fears and questionings are already there.

Plus I’m just plain nervous. :frighten: Please pray for me!

No one has asked in so long I don’t really remember my response…lol I don’t count my ex BF who I was dating last year we were set up through my sister so he never really just asked me out the traditional way.

I did go out with a couple guys when I was in my late 20s and early 30s who straight up said they were looking to get married. I wasn’t emotionally ready for that at the time (I started dating late due to family illness, work and school). I haven’t met a guy since who was able to commit and wanted a real relationship. I guess those are just the breaks. Missed my chance but I think I would have been unhappy to marry just to marry so I’m better off and happier for not doing so.

 

[TheCartoonist]

I just wanna say, I feel your pain!! I was in a similar situation last month. But I ended up going through with the date, and we’re still seeing each other. I’m afraid further down the road issues my come up, but he’s been respectful of me and my religion thus far. I also really, really like him. I get scared of the future too, and spent the day before out date worrying about what would happen 5 ears from now. But I’m glad I took the shot, and I’m glad I continue to do so. Try not to worry so much and see where it goes… it’s just one date… for now!

 

[Irishmom2]

Just have a date with him. As you said, it’s not marriage. There’s no reason that there needs to be a second date.

BTW you are right that the religious conflict is a serious thing. A good reason not to have a second date.

This.

Look at this date as a way to see if you may want to date anyone any time soon, or just not this person.

 

[Apologista]

I just wanna say, I feel your pain!! I was in a similar situation last month. But I ended up going through with the date, and we’re still seeing each other. I’m afraid further down the road issues my come up, but he’s been respectful of me and my religion thus far. I also really, really like him. I get scared of the future too, and spent the day before out date worrying about what would happen 5 ears from now. But I’m glad I took the shot, and I’m glad I continue to do so. Try not to worry so much and see where it goes… it’s just one date… for now!

Best advice - though all of it was good! Actually I worried for nothing (which I tend to do) - it turned out not to really be a “date date.” Silly me.

I think God was telling me “be careful what you wish for” and that it’s not time yet to think about dating again. Need to do some soul searching. So it was a learning experience, and that’s that.