Dating/Courtship ideas

[Argh]

Oh, here’s a good idea. Just throwing it out there, but maybe someone should make a thread for good dating suggestions? That is, places to go, things to do, etc that are “safe” and conducive to leading a chaste relationship.

I know where I live, unless you like going to bars and drinking or something, there’s not a whole lot to do on a Friday/Saturday night with your significant other.

My GF, for one, isn’t quite old enough to drink legally, doesn’t like alcohol in general and can’t stand cigarette smoke so bars/clubs aren’t a good idea. Not to mention that alcohol can be chastity’s enemy . I’m not much of a big drinker either.

Besides perhaps going to the movies, which gets old very fast, especially when there isn’t anything you want to see, wht else is there to do for a young couple dating who are trying to practice a chaste relationship?

 

[GhostMan]

Physical activities: hiking, walking, biking, working out together, kayaking, rock-wall climbing, roller or ice skating. Some of these are indoors and other outdoors.

Volunteer: read to shut-ins, deliver meals-on-wheels, go to a place where disabled children go to get therapy and play with them. Rock crack babies to sleep. Then, go have an ice cream,

Start a garden and work in it together. Grow some herbs and make fancy dinners with your harvests.

Take time to visit each others grandparents. Learn funny and embarassing stories about the other. Do things with the extended families of each others too.

Find a hobby to do together and get in a group. Maybe anamie, gaming, guns, chess, reading, etc. Meet new friends along the way.

 

[kage_ar]

Spending time with family, as mentioned above - playing games, board games.

How about learning something like bridge?

Dancing? There is more than just club dancing, you can learn ballroom dance, swing dancing, square dancing… turning on the stereo and light some tiki torches and dance on the back deck!

Classes, museums, volunteering, book clubs.

 

[Traddy]

Walks are strong foundations during courtship.

 

[Belgarion]

Walks are strong foundations during courtship.

Quoted for total and wonderful truth. Just walking with a friend is awesome, imagine walking with the one you’re courting!!

 

[stringbeanduck]

Walks are strong foundations during courtship.

I don’t know why, but it is very true. There’s just something about walking with the one you like that makes it so wonderful. Of course that wonderful feeling is nowhere to be found if she has another girl with her. Then they start to chat which makes you turn into a 3rd wheel and that is no fun. Am I right?

 

[Belgarion]

I don’t know why, but it is very true. There’s just something about walking with the one you like that makes it so wonderful. Of course that wonderful feeling is nowhere to be found if she has another girl with her. Then they start to chat which makes you turn into a 3rd wheel and that is no fun. Am I right?

Yes…you are totally right.
Not that I don’t enjoy the company of my soon-to-be-girl’s sisters…but its not the same to talk to all of them instead of just talking to her

 

[stringbeanduck]

Ughhh same here. I don’t mind her talkative friend, it’s just not the same as being with her.

I don’t really want to start a whole other thread on this, but what do you do if the girl you like doesn’t like people spending $ on her? She said that was she was still a little upset that I paid for dinner a couple weeks ago. And it does not help that I say I’ve been saving money all my life for just such occasions. All I want to do is just make her happy, but she isn’t making it all that easy for me. :banghead: * sigh* At least she’s not like most other girls who want to just use me.

 

[Argh]

Ughhh same here. I don’t mind her talkative friend, it’s just not the same as being with her.

I don’t really want to start a whole other thread on this, but what do you do if the girl you like doesn’t like people spending $ on her? She said that was she was still a little upset that I paid for dinner a couple weeks ago. And it does not help that I say I’ve been saving money all my life for just such occasions. All I want to do is just make her happy, but she isn’t making it all that easy for me. :banghead: * sigh* At least she’s not like most other girls who want to just use me.

At your age I would’ve been soo happy to be used by girls!..which isn’t a good thing but I digress…

Most girls don’t like the idea of guys always paying for dates and stuff, it’s just one of those things that irks them. H(eck), some girls will giv eyou weird looks if you hold/opn doors for them! Here’s a lil tip, let your GF pay for the small things every once in a while. Like, umm, if you goto the movies buy the tickets in advance but let her pay for a popcorn if she wants.

Remember, God designed us to want to provide for girls/women (oh, that’s another thing to watch out for, some “girls” HATE to be called “girls” even though you mean it affectionately) and He designed girls to confuse the h(eck) out of us.

Oh, my turn for ideas, no sense not contributing to a thread I started:

• Video games. Guitar Hero, anyone?
• Walking was alreayd mentioned, but walking to interesting places like beaches/shores/lakes/parks or touristy areas or places of historical interest are always fun. Unless, of course, it rains.
  -Bowling. I don’t know why throwing round objects amuses me and everyone else in the world, but it does, and it’s one of those things where even if you’re terrible at it, it can still be fun!
  -Renting movies can be just a fun thing to do on a rainy day. Find some pilows, a blanket, and enjoy. Remember to keep the door open if applicable!
  -Shopping.

 

[ChristineML]

I don’t really want to start a whole other thread on this, but what do you do if the girl you like doesn’t like people spending $ on her? She said that was she was still a little upset that I paid for dinner a couple weeks ago. And it does not help that I say I’ve been saving money all my life for just such occasions. All I want to do is just make her happy, but she isn’t making it all that easy for me. :banghead: * sigh* At least she’s not like most other girls who want to just use me.

If she doesn’t like you spending money on her, then respect her feelings and try to comply. You’ll have to be even more creative to come up with free or low-cost date ideas. Do you want to spend time with her or not? Do you want her to feel comfortable in your presence or not? Maybe inquire about where exactly her line of comfort is so that you can better honor her wishes. What you DON’T want to do is belittle her feelings or opinions, “Oh, that’s so silly, you shouldn’t feel that way” (very patronizing, albeit unintentional) and spend money as YOU would prefer it, which would NOT make HER happy.

I cannot speak for why SHE feels that way; you’ll have to ask her, and even then, she may not be able to put it into words. But I can give you some insight into the feminine psyche by explaining why I felt that way back during my dating years. I did not want a man paying for dates or presents (at some point, cute little stuffed animals and chocolates were OK) because I did not want to feel OBLIGATED to him. This was especially true at the beginning of the relationship, when we don’t know each other well. It just made me really uncomfortable; I felt at a disadvantage in the relationship, like I OWED him something in return, yuk, squirm. This is NOT how you want her feeling after a date with you, yes?

I preferred to either split the bill or take turns paying the bill. If she earns significantly less money than you, then you may have to make a small sacrifice for the sake of her comfort by simplifying your usual (perhaps expensive nice restaurant?) dating plans, so that she can afford her “equal share.” It is a kindness you can do for her, even if you don’t understand WHY she needs you to do that for her. And if your relationship proceeds to deepening familiarity and trust, she may eventually feel comfortable enough for you to “treat” her every now and then. You can spoil her all you want after you’re married.

Best wishes,
Christine

 

[ljahns]

If she doesn’t like you spending money on her, then respect her feelings and try to comply. You’ll have to be even more creative to come up with free or low-cost date ideas. Do you want to spend time with her or not? Do you want her to feel comfortable in your presence or not? Maybe inquire about where exactly her line of comfort is so that you can better honor her wishes. What you DON’T want to do is belittle her feelings or opinions, “Oh, that’s so silly, you shouldn’t feel that way” (very patronizing, albeit unintentional) and spend money as YOU would prefer it, which would NOT make HER happy.

I cannot speak for why SHE feels that way; you’ll have to ask her, and even then, she may not be able to put it into words. But I can give you some insight into the feminine psyche by explaining why I felt that way back during my dating years. I did not want a man paying for dates or presents (at some point, cute little stuffed animals and chocolates were OK) because I did not want to feel OBLIGATED to him. This was especially true at the beginning of the relationship, when we don’t know each other well. It just made me really uncomfortable; I felt at a disadvantage in the relationship, like I OWED him something in return, yuk, squirm. This is NOT how you want her feeling after a date with you, yes?

I preferred to either split the bill or take turns paying the bill. If she earns significantly less money than you, then you may have to make a small sacrifice for the sake of her comfort by simplifying your usual (perhaps expensive nice restaurant?) dating plans, so that she can afford her “equal share.” It is a kindness you can do for her, even if you don’t understand WHY she needs you to do that for her. And if your relationship proceeds to deepening familiarity and trust, she may eventually feel comfortable enough for you to “treat” her every now and then. You can spoil her all you want after you’re married.

Best wishes,
Christine

Boy things have changed. I know I’m old:doh2: but I didn’t think I was that old. Back in the stone age when I dated, I expected a boy to pay for the evening. He was the one asking me out so he was the responsible party. I went against custom and asked my husband out on our first date and I still expected him to pay for it.

That being said, you might try saying that you didn’t think chivalry was completed dead yet. Make her feel feminine. Not condescenly, of course.

Also, you might try putt-putt, go cart racing, lie down in your front yard and watch the clouds and talk. See how long it takes for people to ask what your doing. Read together! Especially (well only if you like them), classics like Shakespear and see if you can figure the Old English out. (be sure to get cliff notes but don’t cheat!), play silly games like hide and go seek or paint clown faces on and walk down the street holding hands and see how long you can do it without cracking up. People will think your nuts but who cares. Whatever you do, have fun!

 

[ChristineML]

Most girls don’t like the idea of guys always paying for dates and stuff, it’s just one of those things that irks them. H(eck), some girls will give you weird looks if you hold /open doors for them! Remember, God designed us to want to provide for girls/women

I explained previously how uncomfortable it made me feel when a man paid for the date. It may not make sense to a man, but it is a very real, very strong feeling for many girls.

A generation or two ago girls might have been surprised or offended to be asked to pay for something on a date, precisely because it WAS a demonstration of how the man would like to (or be able to) take care of “his” woman. Now, however, the women’s lib movement has taught us girls that it’s an insult to women. “What, you don’t think I can earn my own money and buy myself the things I want? You don’t think I can take care of myself?” Hence, the offended looks when a man holds a door open for a woman. I think that’s just stupid. Old-fashioned good manners and clean speech will never go out of style.

(oh, that’s another thing to watch out for, some “girls” HATE to be called “girls” even though you mean it affectionately) and He designed girls to confuse the h(eck) out of us.

It used to bother me that girls are called “girls,” implying youth and little power in a relationship. (Hmm, women’s lib has had its effect on me, too, I guess.) You usually don’t refer to men in their twenties and up as “boys;” see the disparity? But I felt better when I realized we don’t use the word “men” (implying greater age and power) opposite “girls;” we use “guys” opposite “girls.” Ladies/gentlemen, women/men, girls/guys. It’s just the slang usage, still equal.

-Renting movies can be just a fun thing to do on a rainy day. Find some pillows, a blanket, and enjoy. Remember to keep the door open, if applicable!

-Shopping.

REMEMBER TO KEEP THE DOOR OPEN, emphasis mine. (Umm, exactly when does this become NOT applicable? VERY delicate judgment call, that.)

As for shopping, if she doesn’t like you spending money on HER, let the shopping be either the window-shopping “no actual purchases made” variety or buying groceries or something for YOU. It’s always flattering for you to ask her opinion, for example, on clothes, right?

 

[Argh]

The “if applicable” part might mean when there simply is no door to a room, like a living room or something. OR, when your GF’s suitemates are drunk and being obnoxious and there’s no worry of “touch-feely” actions happening, as was often the case last year in my GF’s dorm suite.

But here’s a GOOD question, that is, it applies to my circumstance specifically. Now, my GF, after suffering through loud, drunk, stoned, obnoxious, dirty, etc suitemates in the university dorms, is going to move into an apartment. Is it alright to go there alone, say for dinner or watching movies or playing old school SNES games? Vice versa? I’m not sure if that’s necessarily scandalous, it’s not like one of us would be sleeping over. Thought I’d get your opinions.

Oh, on that note, I did sleep over once out of necessity during a blizzard. Last winter we had a near record snowfall, most snow in winter for nearly a century, actually. We DID sleep in the same bed, and nothing happened of any sort, but we NOW know that was a bad idea. Not really sinful, but it put us in that “near occasion no-go zone” and it may have been scandalous. The buses literally stopped running and it was downright dangerous to drive on the streets. Anyone from Milwaukee remember that?

In disclaimer because I know I’m going to be called out on this. Yes, we recognize sleeping in the same bed overnight is a very bad idea. No, absolutely nothing happened. No, we will not be doing it again until if/when we are married. Next time, if Milwaukee County and the CIty of Milwaukee fail to prepare for a really bad snowstorm or other natural calamity and it’s necessary in the interest of my well-being, I’ll sleep on the floor. It was positively wonderful to sleep next to someone and wake up to someone you care about, but that’s exactly why you wait until marriage :tsktsk: .

 

[ladylinguist]

I don’t like letting boyfriends pay for everything, but it has nothing to do with wanting to be “independent”. I don’t find it insulting (just the opposite. I’m glad old-fashioned values are still around). I just feel guilty that every time I went out on a date, the guy would always pay. I mean, I get the guys are supposed to be the breadwinners and leaders in a relationship, but it doesn’t seem fair that they should always have to be the one shelling out the cash. My last two boyfriends absolutely insisted on paying, so I learned to grin and bear it, even though I let them know that I was perfectly happy to help pay for things if they were short of cash that week or something.

 

[stringbeanduck]

If she doesn’t like you spending money on her, then respect her feelings and try to comply. You’ll have to be even more creative to come up with free or low-cost date ideas. Do you want to spend time with her or not? Do you want her to feel comfortable in your presence or not? Maybe inquire about where exactly her line of comfort is so that you can better honor her wishes. What you DON’T want to do is belittle her feelings or opinions, “Oh, that’s so silly, you shouldn’t feel that way” (very patronizing, albeit unintentional) and spend money as YOU would prefer it, which would NOT make HER happy.

I cannot speak for why SHE feels that way; you’ll have to ask her, and even then, she may not be able to put it into words. But I can give you some insight into the feminine psyche by explaining why I felt that way back during my dating years. I did not want a man paying for dates or presents (at some point, cute little stuffed animals and chocolates were OK) because I did not want to feel OBLIGATED to him. This was especially true at the beginning of the relationship, when we don’t know each other well. It just made me really uncomfortable; I felt at a disadvantage in the relationship, like I OWED him something in return, yuk, squirm. This is NOT how you want her feeling after a date with you, yes?

I preferred to either split the bill or take turns paying the bill. If she earns significantly less money than you, then you may have to make a small sacrifice for the sake of her comfort by simplifying your usual (perhaps expensive nice restaurant?) dating plans, so that she can afford her “equal share.” It is a kindness you can do for her, even if you don’t understand WHY she needs you to do that for her. And if your relationship proceeds to deepening familiarity and trust, she may eventually feel comfortable enough for you to “treat” her every now and then. You can spoil her all you want after you’re married.

Best wishes,
Christine

Thank you so much. So when I insist on buying everything for her, she feels belittle/indebted/ annoyed that “I” am doing all the work and such. She wants to have a good say on how “we” spend “our” money and not just me spending my money on her how I want to. I see. The reason that I did so was because I want to make sure I have enough to offer her. There must be something about me she likes otherwise she wouldn’t hangout with me.

• Video games. Guitar Hero, anyone?
• Walking was alreayd mentioned, but walking to interesting places like beaches/shores/lakes/parks or touristy areas or places of historical interest are always fun. Unless, of course, it rains.
  -Bowling. I don’t know why throwing round objects amuses me and everyone else in the world, but it does, and it’s one of those things where even if you’re terrible at it, it can still be fun!
  -Renting movies can be just a fun thing to do on a rainy day. Find some pilows, a blanket, and enjoy. Remember to keep the door open if applicable!
  -Shopping.

I like them all Especially walking in nice areas together.

 

[ChristineML]

So when I insist on buying everything for her, she feels belittle/indebted/ annoyed that “I” am doing all the work and such. She wants to have a good say on how “we” spend “our” money and not just me spending my money on her how I want to. I see. The reason that I did so was because I want to make sure I have enough to offer her. There must be something about me she likes otherwise she wouldn’t hang out with me.

It’s not “your (plural you)” money until after you’re married, and then she darn well ought to have a say in how the money is spent. It’s true that you should be able to spend YOUR (singular you) money in a way that makes YOU happy now, but if it makes HER unhappy, then there’s a problem, isn’t there?

Please don’t get upset with me for explaining how/why I feel uncomfortable when a man spends money on me. Maybe you didn’t precisely ask in so many words, but I thought it might be helpful to men to understand why SOME WOMEN, NOT NECESSARILY YOUR SPECIFIC ONE, might feel uncomfortable. Theoretically, no one OWES anyone anything but the pleasure of one’s company in exchange for spending money on the date, but MY feelings of discomfort were still there. Feelings don’t always make rational sense, they are certainly confusing at times, but they are there, and you can do your date a kindness (whether she wants you to spend lots, little, or nothing on her) by respecting her wishes and acting accordingly.

(Just wait, your next girlfriend will be the “expecting you to pay for everything” type and will be offended when you try to act the same way your current girlfriend prefers. )

 

[stringbeanduck]

It’s not “your (plural you)” money until after you’re married, and then she darn well ought to have a say in how the money is spent. It’s true that you should be able to spend YOUR (singular you) money in a way that makes YOU happy now, but if it makes HER unhappy, then there’s a problem, isn’t there?

Please don’t get upset with me for explaining how/why I feel uncomfortable when a man spends money on me. Maybe you didn’t precisely ask in so many words, but I thought it might be helpful to men to understand why SOME WOMEN, NOT NECESSARILY YOUR SPECIFIC ONE, might feel uncomfortable. Theoretically, no one OWES anyone anything but the pleasure of one’s company in exchange for spending money on the date, but MY feelings of discomfort were still there. Feelings don’t always make rational sense, they are certainly confusing at times, but they are there, and you can do your date a kindness (whether she wants you to spend lots, little, or nothing on her) by respecting her wishes and acting accordingly.

(Just wait, your next girlfriend will be the “expecting you to pay for everything” type and will be offended when you try to act the same way your current girlfriend prefers. )

No, that’s cool. I’m not angry or mad with you. Your advice an stories that you’re sharing really helps me out. All I want is to find some1 who I like and vice versa and won’t dump me for the next guy she sees.

 

[Argh]

Or, hows about cooking and baking. Chocolate chip cookies are fun to make.

 

[ghaybyers1]

Or, hows about cooking and baking. Chocolate chip cookies are fun to make.

I did that once for a first date… somehow ended up being a cookie dough throwing match in my kitchen! He contributed to cleaning up, though

I don’t think anyone’s mentioned picnics yet! It’s one of my favorite things to do, and can be tied into a nice walk/outdoor event.
Summer festivals make for great new date opportunities

 

[Argh]

Very cool guys, great ideas.

Say, what’s the convention for asking other people my GF and I know if they want to go on a double date? I figure it kills two birds with one stone. You go out with your significant other and have fun while removing the possibility for unchaste actions.