Dating for marriage

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Cupcake143

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I met a guy that I really like (which is not common for me to like a lot of guys). The way I like this guy is something special. He told me he liked me and said I was definitely something special also. He’s catholic, goes to church, and from what I’ve seen he has been a perfect gentlemen and very respectful. But, he has a cool personality and I don’t see him to be the type of guy who hasn’t done anything sexual with girls. I’m worried that he might not want to be with me once he sees I won’t do anything with him sexually, including kissing. Unless a quick kiss (peck) on the lips is ok?

I know he would of course be ok with not having sex, because he seems serious about his faith also but I am pretty positive he’s not as much as a prude as I am and he probably doesn’t see anything wrong with cuddling or kissing a lot. I don’t want to come off as weird to him and turn him away. As much as I like him i feel like I’m not showing him that, (example - he put out his arm so that we could lock arms and I didn’t). And I feel like I keep wanting to be on group dates, and I don’t want him to kiss me or anything like that and then i pull away. Can someone give me some advice on what i ahould do if I’m in a situation where he tries to kiss me or cuddle? He is pretty touchy and touches my arm a lot and hugs, which i like and don’t feel anything wrong because he’s not doing it in a disrespectful way.
 
He sounds like a wonderful young man. Kisses and hugs are acceptable pre-marital signs of affection. Obviously if he tries to get you to do more than that, he’s probably not a guy you should keep seeing. But, as you say it is, I see no problem continuing this relationship, even with some kisses or hugs attached. 🙂
 
Convert_in_99 said:
He sounds like a wonderful young man. Kisses and hugs are acceptable pre-marital signs of affection. Obviously if he tries to get you to do more than that, he’s probably not a guy you should keep seeing. But, as you say it is, I see no problem continuing this relationship, even with some kisses or hugs attached. 🙂
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Thank you so much! Yea, I wouldn’t want to be with him if he wanted to do more
 
Cupcake143 said:
I met a guy that I really like (which is not common for me to like a lot of guys). The way I like this guy is something special. He told me he liked me and said I was definitely something special also. He’s catholic, goes to church, and from what I’ve seen he has been a perfect gentlemen and very respectful. But, he has a cool personality and I don’t see him to be the type of guy who hasn’t done anything sexual with girls. I’m worried that he might not want to be with me once he sees I won’t do anything with him sexually, including kissing. Unless a quick kiss (peck) on the lips is ok?

I know he would of course be ok with not having sex, because he seems serious about his faith also but I am pretty positive he’s not as much as a prude as I am and he probably doesn’t see anything wrong with cuddling or kissing a lot. I don’t want to come off as weird to him and turn him away. As much as I like him i feel like I’m not showing him that, (example - he put out his arm so that we could lock arms and I didn’t). And I feel like I keep wanting to be on group dates, and I don’t want him to kiss me or anything like that and then i pull away. Can someone give me some advice on what i ahould do if I’m in a situation where he tries to kiss me or cuddle? He is pretty touchy and touches my arm a lot and hugs, which i like and don’t feel anything wrong because he’s not doing it in a disrespectful way.
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If your attitude to kissing is far more conservative than his, then he may be concerned that you lack warmth or attraction to him, or you are more comfortable with platonic relationships. He might conclude there is an incompatibility with you (which may or may not be the case). Neither of you would be to blame, and no one should feel obliged to do anything that makes them uncomfortable.
 
I would suggest, once you’ve known each other for awhile, that you have a conversation about your beliefs. If you get as far as him hugging or initiating a kiss, you are far enough along to talk about your faith and what it means as far as relationships.
There’s nothing wrong with taking a guy’s arm when walking. Don’t let him think you are averse to him. But you are making a lot of assumptions. Maybe he isn’t thinking what you assume he is. Better to ask.
Also, you are not a prude. You are a young woman who values her chastity, and has self respect. A prude is a killjoy, a moralist, a goody-goody, which you don’t want to be. There’s nothing wrong with enjoying the opposite sex, it just has to be in the right context.

.
 
One of the ways I checked if there was a connection, was by touching my dates as often as possible. Like you say, touching an arm or so. The only it means, is that he likes you 😉 …

I know lots of stories of girls talking about a boyfriend ‘who likes the faith’, or ‘respects their choice to abstain’, or ‘is okay with me going to church on sunday’. That would be a red flag for maintaining chastity (and for the relationship as a whole) because both need to be convinced internally.

Judging by how you describe him, he is different. He has a strong conviction and will never want you to feel hurt or pressured.

Do know that a guy can get a bit frustrated when NO physical contact would be involved. But if you’re afraid he will want to kiss you more than you’d like, than be ‘ahead’ of him and show your affection in another physical way that you feel good with: A short neck massage when he has an ache, a hand on shoulder or leg, a hug, holding hands in public. A man, I think, will always look for some kind of contact as a way of meeting his desires, and to check if there is mutual love; meeting this desire with something you ARE comfortable with, will help him and you both.
 
Cupcake143 said:
I met a guy that I really like (which is not common for me to like a lot of guys). The way I like this guy is something special. He told me he liked me and said I was definitely something special also. He’s catholic, goes to church, and from what I’ve seen he has been a perfect gentlemen and very respectful. But, he has a cool personality and I don’t see him to be the type of guy who hasn’t done anything sexual with girls. I’m worried that he might not want to be with me once he sees I won’t do anything with him sexually, including kissing. Unless a quick kiss (peck) on the lips is ok?

I know he would of course be ok with not having sex, because he seems serious about his faith also but I am pretty positive he’s not as much as a prude as I am and he probably doesn’t see anything wrong with cuddling or kissing a lot. I don’t want to come off as weird to him and turn him away. As much as I like him i feel like I’m not showing him that, (example - he put out his arm so that we could lock arms and I didn’t). And I feel like I keep wanting to be on group dates, and I don’t want him to kiss me or anything like that and then i pull away. Can someone give me some advice on what i ahould do if I’m in a situation where he tries to kiss me or cuddle? He is pretty touchy and touches my arm a lot and hugs, which i like and don’t feel anything wrong because he’s not doing it in a disrespectful way.
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Rule of thumb. Don’t do anything you would not do in front of your parents.
 
Some good and bad news: simply put, touching leads to sex. That’s good if you can squeeze a wedding somewhere in there, and bad if you can’t. So, basically, my advice would be to go ahead with it if you enjoy it and if you’re both ready for marriage now or in the very near term, but pull the plug on it if you’re not. Also, develop your relationship in other non-physical areas like verbal communication.

Fun story: a friend of mine dated a girl that absolutely forbade him to touch her prior to their wedding. They’ve enjoyed a very (ahem) warm marriage since then. So, good for him for sticking with it.
 
Samwise1 said:
One of the ways I checked if there was a connection, was by touching my dates as often as possible. Like you say, touching an arm or so. The only it means, is that he likes you 😉 …

I know lots of stories of girls talking about a boyfriend ‘who likes the faith’, or ‘respects their choice to abstain’, or ‘is okay with me going to church on sunday’. That would be a red flag for maintaining chastity (and for the relationship as a whole) because both need to be convinced internally.

Judging by how you describe him, he is different. He has a strong conviction and will never want you to feel hurt or pressured.

Do know that a guy can get a bit frustrated when NO physical contact would be involved. But if you’re afraid he will want to kiss you more than you’d like, than be ‘ahead’ of him and show your affection in another physical way that you feel good with: A short neck massage when he has an ache, a hand on shoulder or leg, a hug, holding hands in public. A man, I think, will always look for some kind of contact as a way of meeting his desires, and to check if there is mutual love; meeting this desire with something you ARE comfortable with, will help him and you both.
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Those are good ideas! Thank you! 🙂
 
Thank you everyone for your responses… They all were very helpful and answered exactly what I needed.
 
Keep doing what you are doing. You are not a prude. Tell him your thoughts on this, and why you want to abstain from kissing on the lips and too much close contact. He should respect that, you are being a true, classy, Woman and follower of Christ. God Bless!
 
LittleFlower378 said:
Keep doing what you are doing. You are not a prude. Tell him your thoughts on this, and why you want to abstain from kissing on the lips and too much close contact. He should respect that, you are being a true, classy, Woman and follower of Christ. God Bless!
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Aww thank you!!
 
Also, you are being counter-cultural and in today’s society that is exactly what you need to raise a holy family.
 
Chaste kisses and hugs are well…chaste.

(Keep in mind that a man is different than a woman- what may seem fine for a woman is in reality a temptation for a man.)
 
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