Dating: How do you rate your skill at the game vs your willingness to actually participate?

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Seduction also, which is the part I hate the most, almost.

The part I really hate the most, the part I have the most disdain for, is confusion.

The rest is, well, people skills, broadly understood. Negotiation (not that skilful negotiation is wrong in itself), questioning (sometimes necessary), evasion (more of a grey or black area), image-management, putting up appearances etc. (if you suspect disdain for that in my voice right now, then of course you are right).

In a broader sense, I guess anything that is not normal enjoyment of each other’s company would qualify.
 
Horton said:
I refuse to play the “game”. Have refused for many years. The game is stupid and hurtful. I never liked being treated that way and I won’t treat anyone else that way.

I’m still open to marriage but I believe marriage is not God’s will for my life now.
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I do not think of it as a game, but a sort of job interview over dinner and a movie or whatever date activities are made of.

A job interview for the position of spouse.
 
If you mean getting women to go out with me, then I guess I was reasonably good at it.

If you mean seducing women, then I don’t really know since I was never particularly interested in that.

If by the “game” you mean discerning holy marriage with a lady then I’d say I was excellent at it, since I married a wonderful Catholic lady.
As far as I’m concerned that’s the only “game” that matters. 😃
 
I’ve never dated anyone so I have no experience with this game. Seems easy enough though. 🙂
 
Brassring said:
I think people define “The Game” wrong. The goal of The Game is not to be good at dating. What does that even mean? If you have had a lot of relationships and still aren’t married, I’d say you’re terrible at dating.

In the last season of the TV show “How I Met Your Mother” a character asked Barney Stinson (a notorious womanizer who had literally written the playbook for “The Game”), “About the Game, do you want to keep playing forever, or do you want to win?”

That question motivates him to propose to his significant other, and they get married.

My wife and I both dated one other person before each other. We dated for one month and got married, and we’ve been married for fourteen years. I’d say we were awesome at the Game.
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I’m not sure I know any priest who will marry a couple today who have been dating only one month.
 
GAME OF DATES. Well if it was a game I sucked at it and called it day. I either ended up with users or guys still not sure what they wanted at 40. If you don’t know what you want at 40 I certainly can’t help you.🤷
 
ConfusedLucy said:
That’s pretty harsh, we don’t all have long engagements.
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With a 50% divorce rate in much of the developed world, even among Catholics, the Church would be very foolish to allow any young couple to rush into marriage. I do not judge those who had quick engagements in the past, but in the here and now a priest cannot be so trusting. In Canada, 75% of marriages contracted under the age of 25 end in divorce. Most people marry closer to 30… but I would recommend minimum discernment of one year for any couples under 25.
 
angelic06 said:
Marriage is too important in order to play “the game”. Count me out.

My heart aches when I am rejected, but I am still hoping and praying that my last crush will come to a happy issue.

When “the game” is played, one is playing with people’s hearts…and with the Wicked One. Instead, follow the path to holiness, and seek the King’s will in all things.
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I don’t think people are talking about it as a literal nefarious game but as a friendly figure of speech.

If you don’t date, how do you expect to find a suitable partner for marriage?
 
Sarcelle said:
Same here.

I have zero dating skills.

Besides, I am not conventionally beautiful, so what’s the use.
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I don’t know how old you are, but looks become less important for a lot of people as we age.

Also, most people aren’t born natural daters. They have to practice.
 
chevalier said:
Seduction also, which is the part I hate the most, almost.

The part I really hate the most, the part I have the most disdain for, is confusion.

The rest is, well, people skills, broadly understood. Negotiation (not that skilful negotiation is wrong in itself), questioning (sometimes necessary), evasion (more of a grey or black area), image-management, putting up appearances etc. (if you suspect disdain for that in my voice right now, then of course you are right).

In a broader sense, I guess anything that is not normal enjoyment of each other’s company would qualify.
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Don’t confuse seduction with romantic communication or flirting. You’re not going to have a relationship if you don’t communicate romantically.

And that can be tastefully without drama or trying to get the other person into the bedroom.
 
twf said:
With a 50% divorce rate in much of the developed world, even among Catholics, the Church would be very foolish to allow any young couple to rush into marriage. I do not judge those who had quick engagements in the past, but in the here and now a priest cannot be so trusting. In Canada, 75% of marriages contracted under the age of 25 end in divorce. Most people marry closer to 30… but I would recommend minimum discernment of one year for any couples under 25.
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We were together for over 5 years before getting engaged to be fair as we started dating whilst at university. My husband and I always agreed we would not get engaged until we were ready to get married in the near future, neither of us wanted a long engagement.
 
SuperLuigi said:
I don’t think people are talking about it as a literal nefarious game but as a friendly figure of speech.
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Openly disparaging figure of speech, at least in my case, but the thing itself is probably morally neutral, like diplomacy for example, becoming good or evil depending on intention.

Diplomacy can cause wars, enslave people, exploit entire countries and more. It can also end wars, help trade, establish beneficial ties and useful exchange in culture and other areas of life. Similarly the ‘Game’ can be used to manipulate and confuse people, which is why talk about people being players for example, but more or less the same kind of skills and moves can be and are used to help people get to spend some time together where otherwise they wouldn’t get an opportunity, use their opportunities for introductions as best they can, make informed decisions, expose lies, weed out abusers etc.

Combat skills or negotiations skills too can be had by someone reluctant to use them to advance nefarious goals, though rather efficient in using them defensively or to help people.
If you don’t date, how do you expect to find a suitable partner for marriage?
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In the opening post I used the term in a very generic, loose sense. Introduction, selection, discernment, whatever, without necessarily including any explicit ‘dates’ at all. For example just hanging out as friends or colleagues (officialy at least) until one of the parties proposes to become ‘boyfriend and girlfriend’ (such unserious words for men and women grown!). Not a rare situation at all.
 
twf said:
With a 50% divorce rate in much of the developed world, even among Catholics, the Church would be very foolish to allow any young couple to rush into marriage. I do not judge those who had quick engagements in the past, but in the here and now a priest cannot be so trusting. In Canada, 75% of marriages contracted under the age of 25 end in divorce. Most people marry closer to 30… but I would recommend minimum discernment of one year for any couples under 25.
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The Church can’t refuse to marry a couple because they are young. There must be evident an actual impediment to marriage in order for a priest to refuse the sacrament to a couple.

Also, there are many young people that go into holy marriage with the right attitude and a proper understanding of the sacrament. The last thing the church should do is throw up obstacles to those couples marriages.
 
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