Dating: How far is too far?

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ThatOneDudeAlex

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I hope this thread isn’t TMI 😊

It is known that any form of pre-marital sex (not restricted to intercourse) is considered “too far” in the Catholic church. What about, for example, “making out”, or giving hickeys? Both happened yesterday on a date with my girlfriend, and everything seemed fine. Though she’s not Catholic, she is Christian, and was worried we went too far. I then considered it, and I’m not certain either way. Are these things, and similar things, too much? I mean, essentially, they’re both just “super-kisses”.

Is there anything that specifically says what the limit is on what’s acceptable by the Church? Thanks in advance for the assistance!
 
ThatOneDudeAlex said:
I hope this thread isn’t TMI 😊

It is known that any form of pre-marital sex (not restricted to intercourse) is considered “too far” in the Catholic church. What about, for example, “making out”, or giving hickeys? Both happened yesterday on a date with my girlfriend, and everything seemed fine. Though she’s not Catholic, she is Christian, and was worried we went too far. I then considered it, and I’m not certain either way. Are these things, and similar things, too much? I mean, essentially, they’re both just “super-kisses”.

Is there anything that specifically says what the limit is on what’s acceptable by the Church? Thanks in advance for the assistance!
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Hi DudeAlex,

There’s no strictly defined limits here to my knowledge, but it’s important that you avoid the near occasion of sin. That means avoiding doing anything that could arouse you to inordinate lust.

Personally, I think it’s best to limit yourself to hugs, light kisses, handholding, and that sort of thing.
 
My friend, you have opened a huge can of worms!

I don’t think you should even hold hands until you’ve been married for three years, and never in public. In fact, don’t even look at the other person until you have a ring on your finger.

In all seriousness, there is no set rules by the church. Your going to get a bunch of different answers.
:cool:
 
ThatOneDudeAlex said:
I hope this thread isn’t TMI 😊

It is known that any form of pre-marital sex (not restricted to intercourse) is considered “too far” in the Catholic church. What about, for example, “making out”, or giving hickeys? Both happened yesterday on a date with my girlfriend, and everything seemed fine. Though she’s not Catholic, she is Christian, and was worried we went too far. I then considered it, and I’m not certain either way. Are these things, and similar things, too much? I mean, essentially, they’re both just “super-kisses”.

Is there anything that specifically says what the limit is on what’s acceptable by the Church? Thanks in advance for the assistance!
Click to expand...
I have no idea about the religiousity of hickies, but they are tacky. Why would you want to mark up your significant other in such a way? You do realize that hickies are just advertising to the world that your girlfriend is engaging in some kind of sexualized behavior, right?

dis·cre·tion /disˈkreSHən/
noun
  1. The quality of behaving or speaking in such a way as to avoid causing offense or revealing private information.
  2. The freedom to decide what should be done in a particular situation.
 
Rascalking said:
I don’t think you should even hold hands until you’ve been married for three years, and never in public. In fact, don’t even look at the other person until you have a ring on your finger.
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Eh, this is about the response I got when asking someone in person 😛 I’m certain I’m over exaggerating, but I want to make sure there’s nothing specifically saying this type of stuff is wrong.
 
The thing that helps me is not asking “how far is too far?” or “how far can I go without sinning?” but “how can I bring glory to God through my relationship?”
 
karow said:
I have no idea about the religiousity of hickies, but they are tacky. Why would you want to mark up your significant other in such a way? You do realize that hickies are just advertising to the world that your girlfriend is engaging in some kind of sexualized behavior, right?

dis·cre·tion /disˈkreSHən/
noun
  1. The quality of behaving or speaking in such a way as to avoid causing offense or revealing private information.
  2. The freedom to decide what should be done in a particular situation.
Click to expand...
It’s not like we planned it. While kissing, it just sort of happened. Hence, the regret.
 
ThatOneDudeAlex said:
I hope this thread isn’t TMI 😊

It is known that any form of pre-marital sex (not restricted to intercourse) is considered “too far” in the Catholic church. What about, for example, “making out”, or giving hickeys? Both happened yesterday on a date with my girlfriend, and everything seemed fine. Though she’s not Catholic, she is Christian, and was worried we went too far. I then considered it, and I’m not certain either way. Are these things, and similar things, too much? I mean, essentially, they’re both just “super-kisses”.

Is there anything that specifically says what the limit is on what’s acceptable by the Church? Thanks in advance for the assistance!
Click to expand...
As others have said, the Church has not infallibly defined a concrete line whereas any behavior on one side is fine and any behavior on the other side is immoral. Making such a distinction would be an impossible task and it would only serve to encourage people to view physical intimacy in courtship in terms of what they can “get away with.”

That you both feel a sense of remorse is, I think, and indication that you already know the answer to your question. Listen to that inner voice. It’s called your conscience. 😉
 
cami4 said:
the thing that helps me is not asking “how far is too far?” or “how far can i go without sinning?” but “how can i bring glory to god through my relationship?”
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perfectly stated!!!
 
A hickey may or may be a sin, but it is almost certainly an occasion of sin. The problem is that once you’ve gone at far as making out, it’s really hard to keep from going a lot (or a little) farther. Kissing is one thing, but a major make-out session is another. Touching her arm is one thing, but touching, well, somewhere else is almost certainly a sin, and probably seriously so. When you’re dating, you have to exercise an robust, athletic, and vigorous control over yourself. You have to think not only about your self, but your girlfriend, too. Because, as the guy, you’re the leader in the relationship, and your girlfriend’s chastity is your responsibility. The bottom line is this: is her chasity more important to you than your own wants and passions? Trust me, the way you answer that question will determine what kind of a husband you’ll be to her, or any other girl.

And, frankly, when you find yourself getting aroused, that’s a pretty good indication that you’re getting close to “the line.” I know of many Christian couples who went no farther than holding hands before marriage. My wife and I didn’t do that, but something I look back and think that it might have been better (and certainly easier) if we did. I’m only 27, so this isn’t coming from someone born before television (not that there’s anything wrong with that). It’s never easy, but the tighter the boundaries the holier your relationship and the better prepared you’ll be for marriage.
 
ThatOneDudeAlex said:
That was great, thank you!

Luckily, I’m in a rather open relationship, and we’ll have no problem talking about this. I’m certain we’ll determine our limits, and stick to them. Thank you all very much for the help!
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Your very welcome

Let always live in Christ!

In him is true life
 
ThatOneDudeAlex said:
I hope this thread isn’t TMI 😊

It is known that any form of pre-marital sex (not restricted to intercourse) is considered “too far” in the Catholic church. What about, for example, “making out”, or giving hickeys? Both happened yesterday on a date with my girlfriend, and everything seemed fine. Though she’s not Catholic, she is Christian, and was worried we went too far. I then considered it, and I’m not certain either way. Are these things, and similar things, too much? I mean, essentially, they’re both just “super-kisses”.

Is there anything that specifically says what the limit is on what’s acceptable by the Church? Thanks in advance for the assistance!
Click to expand...
The Church isn’t going to declare anything about marital behaviors in a dating relationship because private, secretive dating is a relatively new concept. (WIth the invention of the car) Behaviors that revv you up for the marital embrace are marital and sexual. Should you be practicing marital behaviors with your girlfriend? How many girlfriends is it appropriate to be intimate with over the course of your dating life?
 
It says in the gospels any man who has looked upon a woman lustfully has already commited adultery with her in his heart. What you have been doing goes beyond just looking. I think this is going too far. You and your girlfriend might want to consider purifying your relationship.
 
ThatOneDudeAlex said:
Eh, this is about the response I got when asking someone in person 😛 I’m certain I’m over exaggerating, but I want to make sure there’s nothing specifically saying this type of stuff is wrong.
Click to expand...
Would you do it if Jesus were present? IS it glorifying to God? Would you want your daughter to be doing that with men? How many men? Or just her husband? Would you be able to attend your girlfriend’s future wedding and look her husband in the eyes?
 
My rule was always this:

Super kissing is OK, but it stops there. No clothes off, no fondling of the private body parts.

It worked out pretty well. My husband and I dated for over FOUR YEARS before getting married and were able to stay within these boundaries. 😃

The important thing is you have to support each other in times of weakness and temptation. 👍
 
“Super kissing” you describe (making out…passionate kissing…( it would seem hickies too if one wants to do such in marriage))…would be for those who are married…for they are rather aimed at direct stimulation…they are made for the preparation of martial relations.

Again I refer you to the link I posted…it goes into detail…
 
Also always keep your focus on following Christ…and living chastely and modestly for him…
 
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