Dating in today's world

[chatterbox]

I wish I lived in Ohio then. I wish I knew any blue-collar man who lived a liberal lifestyle but was conservative in faith and morals (like me). Here in St. Louis the only parishes that have any singles or young adult groups are the very wealthiest suburban parishes. If you don’t fit in there, you don’t feel welcome in the church. I would join Ave Maria but really I need to work on my own issues before I am ready to meet anyone. I have looked at AveMaria and I wish that before you joined you would know what kind of questions you would be required to answer in your singles profile.I have heard you have to answer really in-depth questions.

 

[gam3rchic]

Chatterbox,

The type of men living around here aren’t just liberal in lifestyle…they are liberal in beliefs as well! That’s why I went online to find my DH…b/c all the people in my parish were really liberal…having pre-marital sex, taking birth control, etc, etc, etc.

Oh, and the kind of questions you answer are all kinds about what you believe in as far as your faith (Mass attendance, stances on abortion, birth control, raising kids, stuff like that) and about what your goals are in the future…and of course what kind of guy you want! Also, you have to tell about yourself…your hobbies and stuff like that. It does take a little while, but not hard at all…I think you should give it a shot…what could it hurt? You can’t get any MORE single…only get less

 

[ack]

I don’t understand what you mean when you say “liberal lifestyle”. To me, a “liberal lifestyle” would mean having sex outside of marriage, etc.

I wish I lived in Ohio then. I wish I knew any blue-collar man who lived a liberal lifestyle but was conservative in faith and morals (like me).

 

[BlestOne]

Ok… so that I don’t further derail this thread, I’m going to pm you.

That’s hilarious about the email response!!! Who won?

Personally I thought my sister should have… she came in 3rd. The response that won was from a friend and it was pretty bad…mentioned pimp outfits and working late because of a convention… where as my sister took everything she said in the email, answered it, and made the woman look like a complete idiot In other words… it used her own words against her! Winner got a $35 gift card from Barnes and Noble and 2nd and 3rd got a $25 gift card from the same place…

One of the examples was she mentioned trying to buy my brothers dog a pink leash that said fing princess on it and later in her email she pondered what color to get an Ed K** fan club tee. My sister simply suggested she got it mixed up… the tee should be pink and say fing princess and the leash should be true blue and say Ed K** fan club… I rolled when I thought about her figuring that slam out!!!

Sorry…it was too good not to share… anyway I just got married almost 2 yrs ago… On our first date I totally grilled him about his faith and his family… I say get it out in the open before you get attached to the person!!!

 

[Liberanosamalo]

BlestOne, your sister sounds very funny!

But Jay2, says who women with kids and a psycho ex don’t deserve love too?

Haven’t we suffered enough? And besides, many of us have a lot of love to give. But we never meet anyone who is willing to get to know us and our wonderful children. Every man wants to start out with his own kids, even if he waited till he was 50 to start having them.

There is something worse than the feeling that you haven’t found the right one, but they may be around the next corner.

Tha’ts the feeling that you only got one chance in life, and you drew the really short straw. And that’s all you get.

 

[chatterbox]

I don’t understand what you mean when you say “liberal lifestyle”. To me, a “liberal lifestyle” would mean having sex outside of marriage, etc.

To me the fact that I have a non-proffessional job automaticaly qualifies me as having a liberal lifestyle. WHere I live is not rnner-city but it is an aging area of the city and it’s not a growing suburb. Politically, I am moderate and I am conservative in some ways but I thibk that when I change addresses I may not reregister to vote. I will just be apolitical. I despise politics becuase most people at my work always talk about how they hate Republicans, they hate our current president etc. and I would never admit I voted for him. I did becuase I won’t vote for someone pro-abortion. But I can’t talk about politics at work and why do anything in secret you won’t admit outloud. I hope this begins to explaiin something. To me “liberal” and “conservative” are kind of bad labels to put on someone but I don’t know what other word to use. I am sort of conservative but I don’t fit the stereotypes of one.

 

[chevalier]

There do not seem to be nice men who respect women in my generation. If I mention that to older people they think that I am nuts and I feel they don’t understand my generation and how crude and foul-mouthed men my age can be. Deep down, I think church-going Catholic men are not ever going to be interested in me becuase they have higher moral standards than the population at large and most people I feel would believe I have bad morals becuase I do not have a professional job. No, I don’t work as a stripper or anything immoral like that-I work in a nursing home but most Catholic conservative men want a women with a professional career. Even if they say different, they all seem to want a professional girl. I have posted about this before but have never gotten an answer. Maybe there is no answer.

Chatterbox, I’ll try to give some explanation, but first, yes, focus on yourself and your life. I don’t mean you should become an egoist for a while, none of that. Just do what you will with your life for God and yourself, not for a man or another. If you feel good about your appearance, great, if not, well, do what you want to change it a bit if that will make you feel better. But do it for yourself and not for a guy. Some guys like glasses, some others hate it. There are actually women who buy zero-power glasses to look more professional in their work. I know one who isn’t even 20. Personally I refuse to let go of my glasses. If someone wants a picture of me without my glasses, fine, but that’s it.

Now, as for poor manners in well… your generation? Mine? I guess it’s nearly the same unless mine is worse. The standards decline. There’s been a whole lot of, “be yourself, express yourself, do what you want,” kind of attitude and that has done some brainwashing all over the globe - except the conservative environments where it didn’t reach. I try to see good in people, but honestly, I can’t rate their overall manners too highly.

Now, as for conservative Catholic men wanting a professional girl. What kind of conservative Catholic men are you looking at? I would imagine they come from a variety of environments and they don’t necessarily share this expectation. Don’t many of them want a stay at home wife and mother, first of all? Your work is somewhere close to that, isn’t it. Perhaps you’re looking at professional guys? Those may be looking for similarities. If you specifically want a professional guy, well, since you’re single you probably have some free time to take a course or two, make a certificate or a diploma or learn a new skill, no? Taking things in your own hands will bring you a lot of satisfaction too.

And don’t worry about people looking down on your for some self-perceived moral reasons. There’s no moral obligation to earn six digits. If someone looks down on you for moral reasons, he needs to get a better understanding of morality, for I fear he doesn’t get much of it.

 

[Sarabande]

Personally I thought my sister should have… she came in 3rd. The response that won was from a friend and it was pretty bad…mentioned pimp outfits and working late because of a convention… where as my sister took everything she said in the email, answered it, and made the woman look like a complete idiot In other words… it used her own words against her! Winner got a $35 gift card from Barnes and Noble and 2nd and 3rd got a $25 gift card from the same place…

One of the examples was she mentioned trying to buy my brothers dog a pink leash that said fing princess on it and later in her email she pondered what color to get an Ed K** fan club tee. My sister simply suggested she got it mixed up… the tee should be pink and say fing princess and the leash should be true blue and say Ed K** fan club… I rolled when I thought about her figuring that slam out!!!

Too funny!!!

anyway I just got married almost 2 yrs ago... On our first date I totally grilled him about his faith and his family... I say get it out in the open before you get attached to the person!!!

I agree. I was always open and clear with my husband of what I expected and believed in so that he could bolt now before getting attached to me. Well, it looked like I and my crazy, huge family didn’t scare him off and now he’s with me for life.

 

[chatterbox]

Chatterbox, I’ll try to give some explanation, but first, yes, focus on yourself and your life. I don’t mean you should become an egoist for a while, none of that. Just do what you will with your life for God and yourself, not for a man or another. If you feel good about your appearance, great, if not, well, do what you want to change it a bit if that will make you feel better. But do it for yourself and not for a guy. Some guys like glasses, some others hate it. There are actually women who buy zero-power glasses to look more professional in their work. I know one who isn’t even 20. Personally I refuse to let go of my glasses. If someone wants a picture of me without my glasses, fine, but that’s it.

Now, as for poor manners in well… your generation? Mine? I guess it’s nearly the same unless mine is worse. The standards decline. There’s been a whole lot of, “be yourself, express yourself, do what you want,” kind of attitude and that has done some brainwashing all over the globe - except the conservative environments where it didn’t reach. I try to see good in people, but honestly, I can’t rate their overall manners too highly.

Now, as for conservative Catholic men wanting a professional girl. What kind of conservative Catholic men are you looking at? I would imagine they come from a variety of environments and they don’t necessarily share this expectation. Don’t many of them want a stay at home wife and mother, first of all? Your work is somewhere close to that, isn’t it. Perhaps you’re looking at professional guys? Those may be looking for similarities. If you specifically want a professional guy, well, since you’re single you probably have some free time to take a course or two, make a certificate or a diploma or learn a new skill, no? Taking things in your own hands will bring you a lot of satisfaction too.

And don’t worry about people looking down on your for some self-perceived moral reasons. There’s no moral obligation to earn six digits. If someone looks down on you for moral reasons, he needs to get a better understanding of morality, for I fear he doesn’t get much of it.

I guess my problem is that I want a man with some manners who believes what the Church teaches on premarital sex. That is most important. But on the other hand I do not want a man who is ignorant of the world. The only men who seem to respect women are very conservative man ,as you say, and they seem by comparison to me, ignorant of the world. Maybe I am being unfair. I once belonged to a Catholic Singles site (I am still member although inactive) and I did not think the men on thier would be able to relate to me. Should I come to that conclusion just by reading thier profile? Is that fair? I dont know.

The last couple of men I have liked have been military men. Military men appeal to me becuase they are polite but I also figure that if they have been in the military for a long tme they are not ignorant of the world. They also scare me becuase I believe they have been promiscous. Why do I believe that? Becuase of someone at my work who says he slept with hundreds of women. I asked him if all his buddies in the Marines were like him. He said yes. He said in countries he was stationed, prostitutes were cheap. Right now, I am just confused. This morning, I just sat in church and prayed. I am so confused.

I have no plans to go back to school. With the hours I work it would be almost impossible. My main skill I want to learn is I am trying to learn to drive. If I had a driver’s licence it would make my life better .

And I look horrible in glasses.

 

[ack]

Hi chatterbox,

I guess my problem is that I want a man with some manners who believes what the Church teaches on premarital sex. That is most important. But on the other hand I do not want a man who is ignorant of the world. The only men who seem to respect women are very conservative man ,as you say, and they seem by comparison to me, ignorant of the world.

You know, I think you might enjoy living in the country. I grew in the country, in Ohio. People lived a “blue-collar” lifestyle, but many of them had very strong moral standards. This is the kind of person you’re looking for.

I eventually moved to a big city, and does feel sort of strange because everyone I know is white-collar. Sometimes it does feel awkward because it feels like everyone dresses nicer than I do, etc. When I lived in the country, it didn’t really matter what you wore.

The last couple of men I have liked have been military men. Military men appeal to me becuase they are polite but I also figure that if they have been in the military for a long tme they are not ignorant of the world. They also scare me becuase I believe they have been promiscous. Why do I believe that? Becuase of someone at my work who says he slept with hundreds of women. I asked him if all his buddies in the Marines were like him. He said yes. He said in countries he was stationed, prostitutes were cheap.

There are some military men who are very promiscous, but others have very strong morals. There are a bunch of women on this forum who are married to military men. Most of them have had good experiences, but some have not.

 

[BlestOne]

There are some military men who are very promiscous, but others have very strong morals. There are a bunch of women on this forum who are married to military men. Most of them have had good experiences, but some have not.

As a veteran… I can’t tell you how true this is!!! Even as a military woman it was the same way… and when I got sent to temporary assignments, guys always assumed the easy scenario. I hated that reputation of military women. I always made it clear that I wasn’t that way real quick.

 

[Hugo_Abreu]

My two cents about this issue:

I live in Portugal, a country which, in theory, has 90% of Catholics. That could mean that it’s easy to find a good Catholic girl to date. But that isn’t true, unfortunately. It’s hard to tell who are the girls who live in fact their religion. I believe not many of them do.

Although I only had a long term relationship, that was with a German atheist with lutheran roots. And it was an awful experience in terms of values. During seven months we spent more time in bed than talking. Mea culpa, mea culpa. I shouldn’t have resigned my principles. Now I regret it, but after the confession I felt a lot better,

We don’t have things like avemariasingles.com or catholicsingles.com because in theory everybody is catholic here. So, I guess the best way is simply too join real life catholic groups (in the local parish, Salesians, Opus Dei, whatever) and look for any potential girlfriend/boyfriend.

 

[gwenred]

I agree, dating is very hard when you want to remain chaste, and you want to use friendship-first while deciding if courtship is where you want to go. I met my husband on straphael.net, which is now catholicmatch.com. One of the things I liked about it over avemaria is that there are forums, much like these, and you can interact with other catholic singles much like here, without the expectations that come with initial contacts, meetings, etc. The best advice, though, is keep praying - God will make sure you meet the man who is perfect for you!

 

[chatterbox]

Hi chatterbox,

You know, I think you might enjoy living in the country. I grew in the country, in Ohio. People lived a “blue-collar” lifestyle, but many of them had very strong moral standards. This is the kind of person you’re looking for.

I eventually moved to a big city, and does feel sort of strange because everyone I know is white-collar. Sometimes it does feel awkward because it feels like everyone dresses nicer than I do, etc. When I lived in the country, it didn’t really matter what you wore.

There are some military men who are very promiscous, but others have very strong morals. There are a bunch of women on this forum who are married to military men. Most of them have had good experiences, but some have not.

Oh my goodness, you really think I would like living in a rural area. I cannot imagine. I am a city girl and don’t think I would like the suburbs, much less a rural area. I cannot live out there where there is no public transportation unless I actually get a driver’s license. Driving scares me and I have never had a license and I know a lot of my frustration stems from that. Where I live I am within walking distance of six different parishes, easy walking distance of three. I can’t imagine any Catholic giving that up to move to the country. And yes, they are declining parishes where there is not much social but they are there for the sacraments. Somehow I think of living out in the country as removing yourself from the world, like the Amish. I would actually do the opposite if I ever left St. Louis go to New York City where I can get around on the subway and with so many people I must fit in somewhere.

I saw my military man that I like tonight. We talked. I know he is awfully old for me-he is 56. I am 30. He is still in Naval Reserves. I am not really ready to meet someone until I get things within myself settled.

 

[BlestOne]

Oh my goodness, you really think I would like living in a rural area. I cannot imagine. I am a city girl and don’t think I would like the suburbs, much less a rural area. I cannot live out there where there is no public transportation unless I actually get a driver’s license. Driving scares me and I have never had a license and I know a lot of my frustration stems from that. Where I live I am within walking distance of six different parishes, easy walking distance of three. I can’t imagine any Catholic giving that up to move to the country. And yes, they are declining parishes where there is not much social but they are there for the sacraments. Somehow I think of living out in the country as removing yourself from the world, like the Amish. I would actually do the opposite if I ever left St. Louis go to New York City where I can get around on the subway and with so many people I must fit in somewhere.

Chatterbox… if you are in StL… you could go an hour in just about any direction and be in a rural area. I live about 4.5 hours east of you out in the country… It truly is a great way of life! If you lived out here you wouldn’t he half as scared to drive… it’s wide open here, not alot of traffic. We have a city 20 minutes away (Champaign) or Chicago 2 hours away, they both have public transportation… so there are plenty of things to do for a city girl… but to hang out with friends in the country… that is the bomb!!! I live 7 blocks from my parish and true…if you want to go to other churches you would need to drive or make friends… which is not a bad thing either.

The 2 closest are 5 and 8 miles away. But the absolute difference in the people is amazing! Last night I went to mass 5 miles away instead of at my parish, as I entered the greeter recognized me as the person that told her about that parish, a couple that went to bible study at my parish were there too and greeted me, and then before mass, Father, who used to be our pastor, came and individually greeted everyone by name…including us, he teased my dd’s about smiling(told them it was ok to smile, they were in God’s house). After mass the few people I didn’t know welcomed me and my family. The experience was very warm, it was the first time we had gone as a family to that church.

We have trains that go to Chicago or Champaign… so really if you had a great job in the city, you could take the express to Chicago to work, and live in our small rural town… It is so much cheaper to live out here than it is to live in a city anyway. You can get apartments at $400-$1200 a month, buy a house for $50,000- million dollar homes, I bought my house for $30,000 15 yrs ago. Not to mention gas, groceries, electric are all cheaper here than in cities. We did have a woman working for us that took the train everyday because she didn’t drive. My boss even paid for driving school and when she completed it, he gave her a company car to drive.

There are alot of choices here. I have friends that don’t drive. They call me for rides to the grocery store, church and work. We all help each other out around here. When my car died, friends gave me rides until the boss gave me a company car. Those same friends also made sure my kids got to school too. Out in the country there is much more of the help your neighbor mindset. Our churches are small but very warm and friendly.

A month ago we got a new pastor, after mass we went to Walmart and a woman who worked there came up and asked me what I thought of him. The next day at work the DHL delivery guy asked the same. Everybody knows or knows of everybody else here.

 

[chevalier]

I guess my problem is that I want a man with some manners who believes what the Church teaches on premarital sex. That is most important. But on the other hand I do not want a man who is ignorant of the world. The only men who seem to respect women are very conservative man ,as you say, and they seem by comparison to me, ignorant of the world. Maybe I am being unfair. I once belonged to a Catholic Singles site (I am still member although inactive) and I did not think the men on thier would be able to relate to me. Should I come to that conclusion just by reading thier profile? Is that fair? I dont know.

Neither do I. But maybe instead of trying to make the most fair judgement on the balance of probabilities, try giving them the benefit of doubt? For the time being, I mean, just to find out if they are anything like you.

The last couple of men I have liked have been military men. Military men appeal to me becuase they are polite but I also figure that if they have been in the military for a long tme they are not ignorant of the world.

Hmm… depends. They’re surely steadast and fast on their feet, but what if they spend half each year deployed somewhere in the end of the world? They will know life, quite a lot of it, but they won’t necessarily be too well-versed in current affairs and the like.

They also scare me becuase I believe they have been promiscous. Why do I believe that? Becuase of someone at my work who says he slept with hundreds of women. I asked him if all his buddies in the Marines were like him. He said yes. He said in countries he was stationed, prostitutes were cheap. Right now, I am just confused. This morning, I just sat in church and prayed. I am so confused.

Well, it’s certainly not like only a soldier can be your man and certainly not every soldier has been promiscuous. Most men these days have had illicit relationships if not one night stands or paid sex. I don’t think a sincerely Catholic soldier is any more likely than a typical single man to be promiscuous. In fact, I’d say he’s more likely to have the values and the discipline to stay away from it.

And I look horrible in glasses.

Go for contacts if you think you’ll look better. But don’t throw away some glasses you like just because you think you look bad in them - especially to other people. You never really know. Maybe they actually like glasses. Doesn’t really make much point guessing.

 

[ack]

Well, it’s true that there are many advantages to living in a city. I used to live in the country, but I moved to the city and I don’t want to go back.

But, it seems like you really want to meet a particular type of person, and I think these people are much easier to find in a small town. This is why I thought that living in a small town has some advantages in your particular situation.

Oh my goodness, you really think I would like living in a rural area. I cannot imagine. I am a city girl and don’t think I would like the suburbs, much less a rural area. I cannot live out there where there is no public transportation unless I actually get a driver’s license. Driving scares me and I have never had a license and I know a lot of my frustration stems from that. Where I live I am within walking distance of six different parishes, easy walking distance of three. I can’t imagine any Catholic giving that up to move to the country. And yes, they are declining parishes where there is not much social but they are there for the sacraments. Somehow I think of living out in the country as removing yourself from the world, like the Amish. I would actually do the opposite if I ever left St. Louis go to New York City where I can get around on the subway and with so many people I must fit in somewhere.

I saw my military man that I like tonight. We talked. I know he is awfully old for me-he is 56. I am 30. He is still in Naval Reserves. I am not really ready to meet someone until I get things within myself settled.

 

[GreyRabbit]

Since this thread has gone a long ways, it might have gotten to a different topic by now, or not…

…but I’d just like to suggest to Az to try the avemaria as many people’ve said. I was on CatholicMatch too for a long time, and it just didn’t seem to work cuz the guys weren’t really interested or, I dunno. Maybe cuz I was a year younger then (I’m 20 now). I haven’t tried ave, as I’m dealing with my own…er…situation Xp but I’d say try that if you’d like, it seems to’ve gotten good reviews!

But most of all! Dont give up heart!! God is first and foremost your one true love! And whatever you ask of Him, He’ll give (“ask and you shall recieve”). So keep praying, and never give up or compromise what’s important! Take care!

 

[McKevin]

I loved reading this thread. I’m single and in my 30’s and a member of a couple of local Catholic singles groups as well as AveMaria online.

AZGirl - do AveMaria, they offer trip and retreats as well and many people participate from all across the country. I had the opportunity to sit down with Mr. Anthony Buono who runs this site and it is the place to be, I have all the confidence that I will meet my future wife there if it’s in God’s will.

Go for it

Peace,

Kevin