Dating is an Abomination

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I’m just glad that I am a grumpy old man, and I will never have to go out on a date again. (Or court anyone. I know, there is a difference.)

There are some benefits to growing old. You don’t have to attend high school, you’re not eligible for the draft, and you don’t have to go out on any dates. (p.s., I am 44 years old, but I classify myself as an old man. I have the mentality of someone who is in their 70’s, rather than their 40’s.)

I can imagine no circumstances under which I would ever go out on a date again. Even if my wife died, or if our marriage was annulled, I would just never do it. I would rather be waterboarded down in Camp Guantanamo…

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I hated dating, when I was still looking for a spouse. I hated the entire process, of having to attract a mate, and somehow convince them to marry me. In retrospect, it was so degrading and humiliating. I hated having to put up with the constant rejection, the mind games, the exploitation, etc. I was rejected more times than a door-to-door vaccum cleaner salesman. It was sickening.

Why would I subject myself to that again? To what purpose? To what end?

I have two children. I have successfully reproduced. Even if I were single, and eligible, searching for another spouse right now would be so pointless.

I will allow my children to date, now that they are 16 and 18. (I guess I will allow them to “court” - I will supervise what goes on.) They need to find mates, so I guess the they have to endure this as well.
 
Geremia said:
Not only is dating without the intention of marriage an abomination, but dating with the intention of marriage is also an abomination. Christian Marriage: A Guide for Young People says that “Wide experience in dating is still considered favorable to intelligent mate selection.” (Rev. Thomas E. Langer, M.A., p. 62). I see elsewhere, too, that Catholic single men and women are encouraged to date as a part of the discernment process, and if God calls them to marriage, they are encouraged to date so that they understand how to select a suitable spouse.

Why has dating seemingly replaced prayer

  1. *]as a part of the discernment process?
    *]that, if God calls you to marriage, your prospective spouse is indeed the one and only person God has willed for you to marry since the beginning of time?

    It seems that dating has become a form of prayer—a way of asking God what His unwavering will is for you. Selecting your life’s vocation should be rooted in prayer with God, the Trinity, Logos; not in all the transient emotions and feelings associated with dating.
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  1. Anyone who subscribes to this thinking had better hope that God intended them to marry the UPS a repairman, or the cable guy, because if you sit at home all day long praying for your spouse to be dropped into your lap you might miss them walking by on the street.

    I went to a college that tended to draw a lot of “born again” Christians, most of whom subscribed to this silly line of thought. Which I find rather interesting.

    There are so many huge problems with this logic but one of the most glaring is this:

    Many people do not find their perfect mate…because people aren’t perfect. There are things about my husband I would love to change, and I’m sure there are things about me he’d love to change too. Not to mention that there are many failed marriages in this world, both Catholic and Non Catholic.

    Also, if God intended us to only meet and marry one person from the beginning of time, then how does he handle the product (aka children) of people finding the wrong person. My parents are divorced and were very obviously NOT the right mates for each other. Does that mean there is no one for me? If so, then is my husband’s “real” mate just wandering around out there alone. Am I an abomination because my parents screwed up, what out my unborn little girl…is she a double abomination. Seriously this line of thinking can rapidly turn into something quite absurd.

    Dating done in the proper manner is essential for finding a compatible mate, how do you know what kind of person matches you if you don’t figure out what types of people don’t match you? How do you learn to communicate with the opposite sex if you never try and fail? How do you learn to be in a realtionship if you never practice?

    Yes millions of Catholics did not date for centuries prior to our more modern thinking and times, but they did not find their spouses through some mystic perfect prayer only process. Their marriages were often arranged by other imperfect humans, for the aquisition of wealth, power, land, titles etc. I certainly think that dating a few people to find through experience and prayer the best person to unite your life with and build a strong Christian family with is a much more noble and God intended plan then getting married to secure a better title or more land for your family.
 
Schnitz said:
%between%
Courtship: The Chaste Preparation for Holy Matrimony (this is the article I was referencing above)
Enjoy!
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I did. I agree with Brother, although as in most things I read, I’ve found parts I don’t find bulletproof.

And so if parties are ready to marry within a year or are not starting, wherefore the huge emphasis on parental role? If it’s an honour thing, you know, whatever makes you do what father says even though you’re long adult, that’s good. If not, I wonder.

There’s also the aspect of how much time alone is good or allowable or whatever. This brings the question of enforcement. Enforcement brings the question of authority. Authority brings the question of legitimacy. Legitimacy is lacking for such micromanagement with regard to an adult person. So here’s the weak point of that proposition.

I also dislike the theatrical formalism. While I appreciate courtesy, even formal courtesy, I do not appreciate the theatrical parts. Things had better not be artificial when it comes to romantic relationships. Let’s not get lost in a game when it’s real life at stake.
 
But I’m curious:

After high school many students go away to college. (This is where I met my wonderful husband 🙂 How would courting work in this situation?
 
I also dislike the theatrical formalism
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That’s EXACTLY the phrase to describe it! It lacks authenticity.

There’s another poster out there who shall remain nameless caught in this trap. There seems to be a whole lot of artificiality and games going on.

Just the term “courtship” seems to imply theatrical formalism. Call it what it is and deal with it: Weeding out unsuitable people in search of a spouse. I do find involving a whole family and parents in this is helpful if YOUR family is also allowed to chime in and observe what blind love may be concealing from the suitor or pursued damsel.
 
I think most of the expressions in the area are awkward, in fact. “Dating”… What kind of verb is that, anyway? “Boyfriend,” “girlfriend,”… sounds artificial because it’s childish. “Romantic partner” sounds like “equity partner”. “Significant other?” Unpretentious, admittedly, but certainly not very natural. All in all, I can’t think if anything as good as “fiance” and “fiancee” are at their stage.

Another notion is the huge restrictions on liberty. They verge on slavery.
 
The world is well populated with abominations,

but dating is not one of them.

What nonsense!
 
Dating is whatever you make it about. If it’s the liberalized world of the flesh you’re looking for well that’s not hard to find. If you’re intent on keeping to the christian path you can find that too. It’s up to you. You are in control and no one can force you to date them. You have to judge on what kind of dating and relationships you want then date the people to go along with that or who are looking for the same thing. If you don’t like dating then don’t date. I gave it up because it wasn’t for me. I never could find what I wanted and when I did it didn’t want me so I decided to let the whole thing go.
 
Alix1912 said:
Anyone who subscribes to this thinking had better hope that God intended them to marry the UPS a repairman, or the cable guy, because if you sit at home all day long praying for your spouse to be dropped into your lap you might miss them walking by on the street.

I went to a college that tended to draw a lot of “born again” Christians, most of whom subscribed to this silly line of thought. Which I find rather interesting.

There are so many huge problems with this logic but one of the most glaring is this:

Many people do not find their perfect mate…because people aren’t perfect. There are things about my husband I would love to change, and I’m sure there are things about me he’d love to change too. Not to mention that there are many failed marriages in this world, both Catholic and Non Catholic.

Also, if God intended us to only meet and marry one person from the beginning of time, then how does he handle the product (aka children) of people finding the wrong person. My parents are divorced and were very obviously NOT the right mates for each other. Does that mean there is no one for me? If so, then is my husband’s “real” mate just wandering around out there alone. Am I an abomination because my parents screwed up, what out my unborn little girl…is she a double abomination. Seriously this line of thinking can rapidly turn into something quite absurd.

Dating done in the proper manner is essential for finding a compatible mate, how do you know what kind of person matches you if you don’t figure out what types of people don’t match you? How do you learn to communicate with the opposite sex if you never try and fail? How do you learn to be in a realtionship if you never practice?

Yes millions of Catholics did not date for centuries prior to our more modern thinking and times, but they did not find their spouses through some mystic perfect prayer only process. Their marriages were often arranged by other imperfect humans, for the aquisition of wealth, power, land, titles etc. I certainly think that dating a few people to find through experience and prayer the best person to unite your life with and build a strong Christian family with is a much more noble and God intended plan then getting married to secure a better title or more land for your family.
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👍 👍

It’s like expecting to win the lottery without buying a lottery ticket. 😉
 
ComputerGeek25 said:
👍 👍

It’s like expecting to win the lottery without buying a lottery ticket. 😉
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I like that. It’s true if you want something you do have to be proactive about it. It’s not going to fall in your lap. Of course for some they seek what they want and still never find it but at least they have the consolation of having tried. 👍
 
Yeah, you’ve got to be proactive. Every cat knows there’s no sandwich meat for you if you don’t act quickly when the humans don’t see you.
 
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