Dating Life as a young outcast

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ykme20

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I kinda put the title like that, because that’s how I feel nowadays. I’m a Catholic and I’m a conservative, and also I happen to be 22 years old, but living in New Jersey, I feel like I’m always stepping through a minefield. I have very few people that I consider true friends because I’m honest with them, my other ‘Friends’ are people that I can’t really open up anything about my political views.

So my situation is that I want to find a relationship, but I’m not sure if I can find that in New Jersey, and considering my political view, I won’t really have a stroll through the park. I’m not in a dire need for a relationship, because I’m already gonna start working, but I know that I will have to go to Cali. Which I know is basically gonna make my life harder, but I’m forced to go there in order to pursue my field. So my question is “Where do you find a Catholic woman?” Also, my churches don’t really have any actual parishes, also I can’t really find anyone my age as well.
 
If you’re headed to southern California, then you’re in luck – lots and LOTS of Catholic women there. :+1:t4:

And definitely pray for your future wife now, even before you’ve met her. The archangel Raphael is the patron Saint of singles, matchmakers, and happy meetings. Ask Our Lord for Raphael to guide you and your future wife to one another.
 
Two things, politics and faith are different things. Just because someone is Catholic does not mean they will be part of the same political party or ideology. If you want to date someone who is Catholic and in political lockstep with you, google the name of your party + Catholic and find out if there is a club or something. This will narrow your pool of potential dates.

The idea of " I’ve got to get a girlfriend now because I’m moving" is odd. Are you expecting to date, engage, and marry before you move? Or planning to get emotionally involved, move and try “long distance?”

How about simply making friends now.

Links to Young Adult ministry (and check out the Diocese website, you do have parishes in NJ!)

A simple google of “Catholic Young Adult Diocese New Jersey” returned many many more links than these. You can do the same thing for the Diocese where you will be living.



https://insidethewalls.org/young-adults-1
 
Basically most of my friends in college are very liberal and not too font of religion. However, my actual friends know both my political beliefs and my faith. In my college years I didn’t have a lot of friends, but I’d rather have quality over quantity any day.
 
Basically the one’s that are local to my town doesn’t really have them. Other then the ones mentioned bellow, I just recently joined the Parish, but I missed the BBQ and just recently mass today (I have insomnia, and I have been trying to sleep early).
 
Yeah I wouldn’t definitely get into a relationship right now, but I’ve been wondering of where to find these parishes. I already know about inside the walls, and from what I’ve seen a week ago, it was really good. However, I just missed a couple of their events last week, cause I haven’t been able to fix my sleep due to my insomnia. Though I’m not gonna seek anyone date wise if I don’t have a solid foundation ie: Have a solid job, an apartment etc.

But I am severely lacking in catholic friends, and just thinking about it, I noticed that I don’t have a single friend like that.
 
Sorry about that, didn’t use the correct reply option, but basically, my local parish doesn’t have a young adult group or something that is similar to that. The closest one is the one that I just recently found inside the walls.
 
Well, it isn’t really as easy, I’m known as the friendly polite person (though I don’t really think that) that’s just my reputation with them. However, every time they talk about politics they would be anti-conservative, and I always feel odd cause I just make that face (well I’m not gonna say anything then) basically most of my friends from college don’t even know about my personal opinions. The best that I can do is take the neutral stance and state it, by also being vague about it. However, I do have 2 friends from college that accept me and my beliefs, and I have my best friend since high school, who used to be an atheist until like 2 years ago.

I guess it’s not about making friends, but it’s more of wanting friends that I can state my opinions with, and it wouldn’t make a whole debate or anger about it.
 
Yeah, that’s how my me and my best friend always had that kind of relationship. Also my other 2 friends, don’t share the exact same opinions, because there is a respect between us, but my average friend in college, quickly stigmatizes the person that dares to show another opinion. I’ve seen this happen in one of my classes, and it wasn’t pretty.
 
I grew up in southern California. Been awhile since I left, but I still have connections there. Conservative people are very definitely in the minority in southern California just as they are in New Jersey. College environments in all of California are really liberal as well so keep that in mind as you decide what to do. When I visit, I just keep my mouth shut about politics and religion, I don’t need the drama.
 
That’s what I mostly do, and I’m kinda forced to go to Cali, cause that’s the only place that will let me continue working in what I graduated in. If I were to go to Cali, where do you recommend for me to find like minded people?
I just need to let loose, and be comfortable around people, who at least can be tolerable around my beliefs.
 
When we realize that something in our life (politics, entertainment, success, etc.) has become more important than other people, it is time to work on the virtue of humility because we are close to making that thing our god.

Try praying the Litany of Humility every day. Each morning as you rise, have those words taped to your mirror or read them as you drink your coffee.

https://www.ewtn.com/devotionals/prayers/humility.htm

Litany of Humility

Rafael Cardinal Merry del Val (1865-1930),
Secretary of State for Pope Saint Pius X

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved…Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being honored …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being praised …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others…Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being approved …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being despised…Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected …Deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I …Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease …Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside …Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed …Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything…Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
 
Nothing that unique about only being able to open up to a few close friends, and being guarded among second tier friends. That’s just life for most people.

Aren’t there any conservative groups (even online) that you can join and use to network?

Don’t give up hope, signs are your generation is shifting away from liberal to be more conservative. You are just at the forefront.

www.njyrf.com/
 
A good bit of advice I got from these very forums is to not actively pursue dating until you’ve been in your career for about three years. This gives you time to settle in and mature and develop a stable income to support your future wife and family.

Incidentally, I’ve been on a dating website, and about half the Catholic women it matches me with are from New Jersey, so don’t loose hope!

Politically speaking, I’m from Connecticut (which makes New Jersey look conservative), and we have a series small but thriving 20-30 groups sprouting up across the state. There is a real need for fellowship, and the Lord is working to fill that need.

Some possible places to meet young Catholics include: Catholic Underground NYC (https://www.catholicunderground.net/), or Frassati Fellowship USA (How to Start a Frassati Group in the U.S. | FrassatiUSA, Inc. | Nashville, TN). You might have to make a special trip out to the city for some of these events, but once there, you might be able to learn about communities closer to where you live.
 
Thanks, I’m currently working as of now, so I might put the whole California thing on hold. Though, the whole idea about dating sites, doesn’t generally work for me. I’ve tried it a lot, until I realized that I just suck at dating online. I had a better chance at dating in person, for some odd reason (the women that I dated weren’t catholic).

Also thank you for the places, but I’m always iffy about NY though, because it’s a terrible commute, but I just recently went to Saint Paul Inside the walls. Though it’s really crowded, and I manged to make one or two friends, but I enjoyed it, we managed to talk about everything without holding back. I’m unsure about my prospects with dating are, but I’ll just wait and see.
 
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