Dating Objectives for Single Catholics

[Magickman]

Some Catholic singles are actively dating. Others of us are, well, just… single.

This is a free country. We can do what we like best.

My question is for those singles who do engage, at least a little, in the dating process.

If you date, then what is your objective? That is, are you dating for recreation, for companionship, for the purpose of establishing a romantic relationship, or even dating for marriage?

What is your primary reason for dating? And are you having any success in achieving your goal?

Are you finding dating to be a rewarding experience, in personal, spiritual, and romantic dimensions?

 

[Jay82]

Some Catholic singles are actively dating. Others of us are, well, just… single.

This is a free country. We can do what we like best.

My question is for those singles who do engage, at least a little, in the dating process.

If you date, then what is your objective? That is, are you dating for recreation, for companionship, for the purpose of establishing a romantic relationship, or even dating for marriage?

What is your primary reason for dating? And are you having any success in achieving your goal?

Are you finding dating to be a rewarding experience, in personal, spiritual, and romantic dimensions?

I engage in the dating process with the goal being a longterm relationship that will lead to marriage, so if it isn’t going to progress towards that end, I won’t continue seeing the girl. I’ve never been one to date just ‘for fun’ or to simply be in a relationship. I’m pretty happy with my single life and would prefer that over dating errantly.

I do find dating to be rewarding regardless if it works out or not. I don’t go on ‘dates’ a lot, but I’ve asked girls out and I’ve been set up with some girls by friends of mine, none of it led to a relationship, but I have become friends with a couple of the girls I met that way and we get together occasionally (in a group setting). Good experience or not, I think it helps you in the long run.

I guess if you define success as being in a serious relationship, then no I haven’t, but I don’t think the fact that I am single still means I haven’t had ‘success’ per se. I’m some what proactive in finding a girlfriend and optimistic I’ll eventually get into a relationship with a great girl that will lead to marriage. Whether that happens in the near future, 5 years, 10 years from now I don’t know, but what I do know is that I’ll find someone who is right for me. It would have been great to get married in my 20s, but given my current age and relationship status, that won’t happen.

It is difficult to find a girl that I am compatible with and wants to remain abstinent until marriage.

 

[CountrySinger]

"Mission Impossible theme plays*

“CountrySinger, your mission, if you choose to accept it, is the return the jade monkey before the second full moon. This message will self-destruct in 10 seconds. Boom” Grabs multiple guns

Oh wait, we are talking about dating? Theme music stops I’m still grabbing my gun and pepper spray, there are too many scary guys in Seattle.

My main objective is to get married. And to fill my lonley parts of my life. I’ve recently started seeing someone whose objective is also to get married as quickly as possible. I’ve had some success you could say, I have been engaged before (but he was killed before the wedding), and had several serious relationships.
Dating is hard, but being in a serious relationship is the best. I feel different. I’m no longer cyncial and bitter (my friends hate it when I’m happy I guess). I sing to cheesy love songs, and I feel like I am the best version of myself. That is how I know my vocation is marriage, when I’m single, I am angry with God and depressed, and when I’m with someone I want to thank God and live in glory for Him. That’s weird I guess.

 

[Sierrah]

Basically I don’t date anymore. I’m asked out occassionally but it’s always by someone who doesn’t share my values. I prefer not to waste their time and mine. Getting back to the subject if my some miracle a guy who did share my values who I felt chemisty with asked me out my first goal would be friendship and getting to know them…marriage isn’t something I believe should be rushed into or addressed right away…puts too much pressure on the relationship. I kind of take the opinion that if it’s meant to be it will be. Casual dating I guess would be the term until you both have an agreement that there’s something more there.

 

[Bataar]

I really don’t have a viable way to meet people so I pretty much don’t date.

 

[chevalier]

Some Catholic singles are actively dating. Others of us are, well, just… single.

This is a free country. We can do what we like best.

My question is for those singles who do engage, at least a little, in the dating process.

Let’s say I remain open and I’ve been heard to flirt since the break-up in Feb 2007.

If you date, then what is your objective? That is, are you dating for recreation, for companionship, for the purpose of establishing a romantic relationship, or even dating for marriage?

It depends how we define dating. Or, rather what the thing is which we call dating (because “define it!” is often a silly counterproductive semantic game, whereas it does actually matter what we do, not just what we call it–and this sentence is a plenty good example of why I’m still single). So, if it is just meeting up, walking, talking, possibly even flirting, then it’s a fine activity as long the person at least isn’t ruled out as a potential candidate.

Now for heavier flirting, kissing and the like, I wouldn’t see that as a recreational activity. Those things are not party games.

What is your primary reason for dating?

Not just mine but everyone’s purpose for dating should be discerning. Our sexuality–in the broad sense, so also including the spiritual and emotional aspects–is ordered towards marriage. So while roaming around the city and sipping coffee, laughing at jokes and whatnot is fine, recreational kissing is not. Dating anyone one already knows one wouldn’t agree to marrying is wrong.

And are you having any success in achieving your goal?

Generally yes. I’m not unhappily married, I don’t have a heartbroken ex-girlfriend, I generally succeed at avoiding pointless endeavours.

Are you finding dating to be a rewarding experience, in personal, spiritual, and romantic dimensions?

Dating is not a spiritual retreat and the primary purpose of a discernment process isn’t rewardingness, so that’s about it for spiritually rewarding. The romantic dimension is not meant to bring me rewarding experience but to unite me to an eventual wife with a feeling (among other things), and in a personal sense, again, it’s not meant for providing me with rewards, but I derive a measure of satisfaction from sticking by my principles.

This isn’t to say I haven’t experienced pleasurable moments or something that could serve as a nice memory, but my view is that pleasurable moments aren’t the goal of it and nice memories of past romantic experiences aren’t all that helpful in fulfilling one’s vocation, whichever it is. Matter of fact, exes and could have beens marry other people, so being married to others, they are off-limits, so thinking about them in terms of nice memories is questionable on this ground, not to mention pointless because, well, it won’t lead to anything constructive. This isn’t to say I won’t at times smile at a pleasant memory of a nice event from the past that involved a girl in a romantic setting, but to collect or record such memories would serve no good purpose (and a couple of bad ones), while, as I said, experiences aren’t the goal of the process. As a result, they shouldn’t preoccupy my mind.

 

[chevalier]

Dating is hard, but being in a serious relationship is the best. I feel different. I’m no longer cyncial and bitter (my friends hate it when I’m happy I guess). I sing to cheesy love songs, and I feel like I am the best version of myself. That is how I know my vocation is marriage, when I’m single, I am angry with God and depressed, and when I’m with someone I want to thank God and live in glory for Him. That’s weird I guess.

I can say my past relationships tended to weigh me down, as did almost all unfulfilled prospects of relationships. Means it must have been the wrong choices. Oh, obviously, at some stages, at least wih the last one, it felt like she was “the one”, but I still was weighed down by the balance of the relationship.

EDIT: Believe me or not, but just after posting, I logged into my mailbox and spotted a Facebook friend request from an unfamiliar name. I opened it and wo-ah, what a congenial smile. I don’t recall the name, or face (as inviting as its expression is), or any of her friends, nor can I think of any logical link. Whatever this means…

 

[dakotagirl]

Oh I haven’t dated in a while, but I handle singlehood reeeeaally well.
Currently* I am thinking of embracing it and becoming a consecrated.
ADVANTAGES: 1: no need to do the pregnancy/labor thing
2: no need to put out
3: no need to “submit” and all that rot bwahahahahahaha errr…ahem

Oh but of course the real reason that I meant to say was there are intense spiritual advantages.
My kid sister tells me I am selfish, but what does she know? The child is only in her twenties.

*subject to change upon whim

 

[beckers]

Some Catholic singles are actively dating. Others of us are, well, just… single.

This is a free country. We can do what we like best.

My question is for those singles who do engage, at least a little, in the dating process.

If you date, then what is your objective? That is, are you dating for recreation, for companionship, for the purpose of establishing a romantic relationship, or even dating for marriage?

What is your primary reason for dating? And are you having any success in achieving your goal?

Are you finding dating to be a rewarding experience, in personal, spiritual, and romantic dimensions?

Well I am not married so i feel as if i can answer some what

When i started dating the purpose was for a relationship that would lead to marriage. I have enough guy friends that i don’t need another person in my life just to hang out with and do stuff with. I want someone i can share my life with and talk to and enjoy spending time with.

I am having sucess. I am about to celebrate my 10 month anniversity with a wonderful man. He far exceeds anything i have wanted in a man.

I am finding dating a wonderful experience. I was so worried about how was i going to be able to meld my crazy scheudue with someone else. Would i be able to truly give my all or would i be pulled in to many directions and it would be unfair to both him and me? Well my BF is so supportive of me while i am in Law school. We helps me study and understands that i need certain amount of time to study but he goes out of his way to meet me for lunch and dinner. And then there is the spiritual side. He has helped me grow so much. We talk about faith all the time and he has supports me in helping me out on church retreats and praying the daily office. I feel completely opening with him.

Romantically-I couldn’t ask for anything more. He plans dates. Just on thrusday he meet me for lunch and brought me flowers for no reason. We are not a ‘physical’ couple as we only hold hands and small pecks for kisses. It is so nice to meet a man who understands what chaste dating is all about. Being on the same page for excpetation in the relationship is key!

My suggestions is don’t fear the waiting game. Its a time to truly grow in your relationship with God and to know yourself. You can’t be truly in a relationship until you know yourself. Also don’t compromise on your values.

 

[TedDC]

Some Catholic singles are actively dating. Others of us are, well, just… single.

This is a free country. We can do what we like best.

My question is for those singles who do engage, at least a little, in the dating process.

If you date, then what is your objective? That is, are you dating for recreation, for companionship, for the purpose of establishing a romantic relationship, or even dating for marriage?

What is your primary reason for dating? And are you having any success in achieving your goal?

Are you finding dating to be a rewarding experience, in personal, spiritual, and romantic dimensions?

I’m unable to date due to age (early 50s) and very unattractive physical appearance, but if I could, my reasons would be “all of the above”, and in the order you gave them.

In other words, I wouldn’t be dating with the explicit purpose of finding a wife, but I would certainly be open to that if the right person came along. In the meantime, I would just enjoy the wonderful companionship that a personable, attractive and intelligent woman can offer and, I would hope, develop some lasting friendships along the way.

 

[Magickman]

I am a bit dismayed that some of the single people at this site are downbeat about dating. It is also troubling that others consider dating as such a serious and humorless business.

My thought is that we could be better served by easing up on the negative and solemn view of dating activities.

We humans are social creatures, with a need for interaction with others.

When one has not yet discerned a future spouse, I think it is a good idea to mix with different people of the opposite sex. Even if this interaction is simply recreational in nature, it still contributes to our abilities to become better people.

There is nothing wrong, I am sure, with dating many people, until you find your one and only.

If you are desirous of securing a suitable spouse, you should expend the effort to meet and evaluate many possible matches. Dating is a great way to do this.

 

[TedDC]

I am a bit dismayed that some of the single people at this site are downbeat about dating. It is also troubling that others consider dating as such a serious and humorless business.

My thought is that we could be better served by easing up on the negative and solemn view of dating activities.

We humans are social creatures, with a need for interaction with others.

When one has not yet discerned a future spouse, I think it is a good idea to mix with different people of the opposite sex. Even if this interaction is simply recreational in nature, it still contributes to our abilities to become better people.

There is nothing wrong, I am sure, with dating many people, until you find your one and only.

If you are desirous of securing a suitable spouse, you should expend the effort to meet and evaluate many possible matches. Dating is a great way to do this.

I agree; the prevailing attitude when this topic comes up is that dating is a grim duty whose only non-mortally-sinful objective is “discerning” a future mate, so that the equally grim duty of high-volume procreation can begin forthwith (for the purpose of producing more vocations, out-reproducing the Moslem horde, etc.).

 

[chevalier]

I agree wih you in general, Magickman, but I don’t believe in recreational kissing. Somewhere the border has to lie and it doesn’t stop at merely not playing spin the bottle games at parties. It does require a bit more seriousness and indeed some solemnity, although I believe in naturalcy.

Oh, and despite how I sound in these kind of threads, I do know how to have fun and flirt. I’m the master of cheese.

(If I sound jaded, it’s probably the fact I don’t seem to click really well with anyone, plus statistical odds of finding someone who won’t take the pill and will cooperate in bringing children up Catholic. I sure as heck know a couple of girls I like, but there’s always something on the point of sexual ethics or related and I’m not willing to compromise there. As beautiful and darling as some of them are.)

 

[CountrySinger]

Oh, and despite how I sound in these kind of threads, I do know how to have fun and flirt. I’m the master of cheese.

Lol. What flavor of cheese? I had a guy come up to me with the pickup line “I’m so cheesy, fat mice follow me”. I was engaged to him until he died.

 

[chevalier]

Lol. What flavor of cheese? I had a guy come up to me with the pickup line “I’m so cheesy, fat mice follow me”. I was engaged to him until he died.

I :tiphat: to him.

I remember saying, “I realise the compliment was lame but pursuant to (legislation omitted), in the absence of a contrary stipulation debtor is obliged to furnish goods of only average quality,” to a female boss.

 

[LotusCarsLtd]

Some Catholic singles are actively dating. Others of us are, well, just… single.

This is a free country. We can do what we like best.

My question is for those singles who do engage, at least a little, in the dating process.

If you date, then what is your objective? That is, are you dating for recreation, for companionship, for the purpose of establishing a romantic relationship, or even dating for marriage?

I have had little success in dating but I would have to say that when I (hopefully) start to successfully date it will be for marriage, nothing else.

What is your primary reason for dating? And are you having any success in achieving your goal?

Marriage. And no, I am not having success but I am meeting new women who could be potential spouses.

Are you finding dating to be a rewarding experience, in personal, spiritual, and romantic dimensions?

I haven’t had any opportunity to date seriously so I can’t say. But I do feel that it would make me a better man spiritually, personally, and romantically. I just need an opportunity to actually date.

 

[dakotagirl]

I agree; the prevailing attitude when this topic comes up is that dating is a grim duty whose only non-mortally-sinful objective is “discerning” a future mate, so that the equally grim duty of high-volume procreation can begin forthwith (for the purpose of producing more vocations, out-reproducing the Moslem horde, etc.).

Bwahaha! Laughed out loud at your sarcasm, old chap. Actually, I support the Church’s position, but definitely see how being too “grim” about it can kill the enjoyment or rather “joy”. (It seems like I heard that term somewhere). Flirting is supposed to be fun, if one is being ethical about it! I also don’t get the zeroed-in focus on reproduction. Again, I support the Church’s stance, but last I checked, there were plenty of penniless orphans in Haiti.

 

[Bataar]

Bwahaha! Laughed out loud at your sarcasm, old chap. Actually, I support the Church’s position, but definitely see how being too “grim” about it can kill the enjoyment or rather “joy”. (It seems like I heard that term somewhere). Flirting is supposed to be fun, if one is being ethical about it! I also don’t get the zeroed-in focus on reproduction. Again, I support the Church’s stance, but last I checked, there were plenty of penniless orphans in Haiti.

I don’t recognize flirting. People always have to tell me after the fact that someone was flirting with me.

 

[chevalier]

I don’t recognize flirting. People always have to tell me after the fact that someone was flirting with me.

As a rule, if it somehow hints at your being an awesome specimen or at your and your interlocutor’s supposedly ever, just hypothetically, entering into a just hypothetical romantic relationship, then that’s flirting. Doesn’t apply to disinterested candid hypotheticals, e.g. by female relatives.

 

[Bataar]

As a rule, if it somehow hints at your being an awesome specimen or at your and your interlocutor’s supposedly ever, just hypothetically, entering into a just hypothetical romantic relationship, then that’s flirting. Doesn’t apply to disinterested candid hypotheticals, e.g. by female relatives.

Yeah, that’s what happened the last time. A couple of friends and I were at a bar and I had left our table to get another drink at the bar. While I was waiting there, a girl there asked me how tall I am. Because I am so tall (6’6") it’s not an uncommon question I get by people of all ages and both genders. I answered and she asked me something else about it (I don’t remember what now), I made a couple of jokes about how being tall isn’t as cool as people think and she laughed. I got my drink and went back to my table. My friends wanted to know if I got her number and I just said no. They told me she was flirting with me and I had no idea. I thought she just wanted to know how tall I was.