Dating outside the Church

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sarahq

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What are your opinions on dating non-Catholics? Is it always better to wait for a Catholic to come into your life?
 
Let me tell you a quick story. A while ago I was an episcopalian, and quite happy being so. Later in life I started to consider the Catholic church and I happened to start dating a Catholic woman. After a little bit, I converted over to the Catholic faith and my (now) wife and I are extremely happy.

It could be a good thing to date a non-catholic, as this provides an opportunity for you to bring another to our wonderful faith.

God bless,
Taylor
 
I think it is a bad idea to date outside the church. It can get very lonely when your spouse does not pray with you and holds different beliefs. Sharing faith is a special connection and worth waiting for the right person to come along. Speaking from personal experience here.
 
I was “outside the church” when I started dating my late DH. Because of dating him, I converted. Now I teach in a Catholic School…😉

There is no “one size fits all”.
 
Contra_Mundum said:
I think it is a bad idea to date outside the church. It can get very lonely when your spouse does not pray with you and holds different beliefs. Sharing faith is a special connection and worth waiting for the right person to come along. Speaking from personal experience here.
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Some of the best marriages I know are with other faiths.If their is no “glue” or chemistry it doesn’t matter what the faith is it won’t work.I have some friends both Catholic and they have awful marriages because one holds it over the other that divorce is not an option and puts no effort into the marriage or takes it completely for granted.Not all Catholic couples pray and worship together
 
I think it’s always wrong. First, how are you going to raise good Catholic kids when one of their parents is an unbeliever? Second, even if your partner converts, I don’t think a romantic relationship is a good reason to convert. A person is supposed to convert out of free will.

Wait for a Catholic. It’ll be worth it. Even if you never meet the right Catholic partner, all that means is that God is not calling you to marriage, because God is not going to call you to marry an unbeliever. If you feel called to do so, then I have to wonder who might be calling you, because it is certainly not God.
 
How do you know who God is calling to do what? Do you have a special hot line ?
 
jannes said:
Some of the best marriages I know are with other faiths.If their is no “glue” or chemistry it doesn’t matter what the faith is it won’t work.I have some friends both Catholic and they have awful marriages because one holds it over the other that divorce is not an option and puts no effort into the marriage or takes it completely for granted.Not all Catholic couples pray and worship together
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Sadly it is true that not all catholic couples pray together. But faith shoud be the foundation for a Catholic marriage. We should always aim for the best and look for good examples to lead us. As for best marriages between people of other faiths, that is your experience and opinion, obviously. But I’m thinking of the way children will be raised and how certain issues are dealt with.

it is one thing when people return to their faith or convert, but completely something else to knowingly enter marriage with someone who holds different beliefs. That is not worth it in my opinion, because there will always be a compromise of some kind that will include faith, no doubt about it.
 
Thank you all for your responses! I think both points of view have valid points.

God bless
 
I personally would never marry a non-Catholic and my girlfriend is Catholic so it’s not a problem for me but I guess it could work for some people… I do agree with the person that said it’s hard to raise a child to be a good Catholic when one of their parents isn’t… It doesn’t really set a good example. :o
 
Contra_Mundum said:
I think it is a bad idea to date outside the church. It can get very lonely when your spouse does not pray with you and holds different beliefs. Sharing faith is a special connection and worth waiting for the right person to come along. Speaking from personal experience here.
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I think it kind of depends. You had a good point with things getting lonely praying alone. There are many saints whose spouses took a long time to convert, but they did. I’m not sure about your situation, but you never know. Everything happens for a reason, and God might put you with your noncatholic spouse for a reason. I think you have a really good point about sharing faith being a special connection.
God bless! You’re in my prayers!
Mary
 
I have been stuck in a tight spot lately:
I believe a relationship should be founded on God because in a marriage the fundamental rule is- God, first. Wife, second. So if you and your spouse are not mutually working together to further your relationship with God then there is a mismatch of fundamental goals. Dating within the catholic church is easily the best idea for finding the most compatible and holy match you can find.

That said, I have been having an extremely difficult time finding someone within the church that I am compatible with. It may or may not be because God is trying to pull my towards the priesthood, but I haven’t discerned that yet.

Up until last night I kept thinking “Geez, it is harder than hell to find a good catholic girl to date. I must be doing something terribly wrong here”… But then I realized that God has a plan for me. Dating isn’t up to me and I can’t just MAKE the right things happen. When God wants me to find the right person, he will present her to me. It may not even be marriage that he desires of me, maybe I am meant to take up Holy Orders. God will do his will so long as I follow the commandments day-in and day-out.

I don’t know if that helps. That is just some of my thoughts on the matter.

God’s blessings,
Joshua
 
joshvanrad said:
I have been stuck in a tight spot lately:
I believe a relationship should be founded on God because in a marriage the fundamental rule is- God, first. Wife, second. So if you and your spouse are not mutually working together to further your relationship with God then there is a mismatch of fundamental goals. Dating within the catholic church is easily the best idea for finding the most compatible and holy match you can find.

That said, I have been having an extremely difficult time finding someone within the church that I am compatible with. It may or may not be because God is trying to pull my towards the priesthood, but I haven’t discerned that yet.

Up until last night I kept thinking “Geez, it is harder than hell to find a good catholic girl to date. I must be doing something terribly wrong here”… But then I realized that God has a plan for me. Dating isn’t up to me and I can’t just MAKE the right things happen. When God wants me to find the right person, he will present her to me. It may not even be marriage that he desires of me, maybe I am meant to take up Holy Orders. God will do his will so long as I follow the commandments day-in and day-out.

I don’t know if that helps. That is just some of my thoughts on the matter.

God’s blessings,
Joshua
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I think you’re right. I’ve since broken it off with the guy. We only went on a couple of dates so hopefully nobody got hurt. Dating, even outside the church, has made me realize that a religious vocation may be for me. We’ll see.

Thanks for your response.
God bless
Sarah
 
sarahq said:
I think you’re right. I’ve since broken it off with the guy. We only went on a couple of dates so hopefully nobody got hurt. Dating, even outside the church, has made me realize that a religious vocation may be for me. We’ll see.

Thanks for your response.
God bless
Sarah
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I say just leave the hard stuff up to God and just do your part in following his commandments… he will take care of the rest.

I hope your discernment of vocations goes well and that God’s journey goes well for you.

Joshua
 
I came into the Church in my 20’s and met my hubby after that. One thing that I really appreciate are the gifts that the sacraments bring. I really appreciate and benefit from going to confession/reconciliation and I think, when you grow up with them, you’re like a fish in water, not understanding what “wet” is. I hope every Catholic would grow in the appreciation of being washed in the Blood of Christ in confession, being freed from the bondage of bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. Why wouldn’t you want your spouse to frequent the sacraments too, and willing, joyfully, bring children to the sacraments? Lord knows, many marriages fall apart when bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness find a foothold and grow like a cancer. These sacraments help us to be heroic in loving others and we sure need that in the daily grind of life.
 
joshvanrad said:
I say just leave the hard stuff up to God and just do your part in following his commandments… he will take care of the rest.

I hope your discernment of vocations goes well and that God’s journey goes well for you.

Joshua
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Thank you very much!!! God bless.

Sarah
 
PennyinCanada said:
I came into the Church in my 20’s and met my hubby after that. One thing that I really appreciate are the gifts that the sacraments bring. I really appreciate and benefit from going to confession/reconciliation and I think, when you grow up with them, you’re like a fish in water, not understanding what “wet” is. I hope every Catholic would grow in the appreciation of being washed in the Blood of Christ in confession, being freed from the bondage of bitterness, resentment and unforgiveness. Why wouldn’t you want your spouse to frequent the sacraments too, and willing, joyfully, bring children to the sacraments? Lord knows, many marriages fall apart when bitterness, resentment, and unforgiveness find a foothold and grow like a cancer. These sacraments help us to be heroic in loving others and we sure need that in the daily grind of life.
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Thank you very much for sharing your story. I agree – for the relationship to work, we would have to both have Christ as our first love, rather thatn being each other’s only love.

If you don’t mind my asking – whereabouts in Canada do you live? I’m also Canadian.

(Feel free to PM me.)

God bless!!!
 
sarahq said:
Thank you very much!!! God bless.

Sarah
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No problem. I, myself, am taking a little “sabbatical” this weekend to discern within myself whether or not I am called to the dating world right now or if I should begin the process of priesthood discernment. I think it’s good to just escape from the situations that surround us once in a while and just have a good solid weekend of prayer and meditation. I will be traveling 4 hours away to a basilica to go through this process. It will give me a chance to leave the situations of my home life behind to enter into “pure” discernment.

Just a bit more of my own personal babbling and advice.

Joshua
 
joshvanrad said:
No problem. I, myself, am taking a little “sabbatical” this weekend to discern within myself whether or not I am called to the dating world right now or if I should begin the process of priesthood discernment. I think it’s good to just escape from the situations that surround us once in a while and just have a good solid weekend of prayer and meditation. I will be traveling 4 hours away to a basilica to go through this process. It will give me a chance to leave the situations of my home life behind to enter into “pure” discernment.

Just a bit more of my own personal babbling and advice.

Joshua
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That sounds really nice! May God be with you.
Take care!
Sarah
 
sarahq said:
What are your opinions on dating non-Catholics? Is it always better to wait for a Catholic to come into your life?
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The most well known apologists will advise you against dating outside (sorry courting ) the catholic church . I for one live in the South and this state (SC ) is only 5 % catholic.I tend to agree any way with the apologists . I believe that if you marry outside you may tend to fall away from the church or perhaps convert out to whatever your spouse is. My brother is with a girl who is Baptist and her family does not like the fact that he is Catholic and there was a big blow up over it .Things will never be ok with them and the fact my brother is Catholic .
 
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