Dating practicing Catholic women

Status
Not open for further replies.
L

LaughingBoy1503

Well-known member
This is just kind of a vent/rant. I have nobody to talk to about this until I see my spiritual director on Sunday, so I just wanted to let me feelings out on the internet anonymously.

No offence to all the great Practicing Catholic women on this site. My experience in my life has been that Practicing Catholic women can be so cold. Probably worse than secular women. I do not want to be the guy that a woman starts talking to, tells me that I am the kind of guy she wants, then later decides that she is not ready to date!!! Why didn’t you think hard enough to come to that conclusion before you joined a Catholic dating site? You do not know yourself enough to know what you want? I am OCD and scrupulous but I know if I want to date or not!

How is it not cruel to call a man everyday for 3 weeks, have hour long conversations, send him texts first thing in the morning everyday, one of which said “Good morning darling” agree to go on a date with him, on which you tell him that you “want to see him again and see how it goes” then about a week and a half later, after still calling him everyday, decide that you are “Not over your ex and not ready to move on and that you hope you could still be friends”?

Thanks a lot for choosing me to be the man you decide to test whether you are over your ex or not with 😦 The worst part is that you do not see how you did anything wrong. Then you have the audacity to say “I pray you have a good day” after you throw this news at me and know that I am hurt. What a jerk.

Single Catholics, please, do everyone a favor and figure out what you want before you lead someone on. Truly figure out if you are ready to move on from that ex before you get someone else’s hopes up that you might like them. Do not call someone everyday, tell them that you think they are handsome (or pretty if you are a guy) tell them how you think a relationship would work out between you two and then decide to figure out that you are not ready to date. It is not fair to the other person. Life is not fair, but I though we were supposed to care about other peoples feelings as Catholics. I cannot believe how cruel we can be toward each other sometimes.

This is not even a isolated incident with me. The first time I met a good practicing Catholic woman from a dating site, she gave me her phone number and asked me if I wanted to hang out and made me feel like I had a chance with her, only to later tell me she was moving out of state to go to college. Okay… if you know there is a chance you might be moving away soon, why let a guy think he has a chance to date you? I feel like sometimes some of these Catholic women think that they are in capable of doing any man wrong in any way so they cannot see how they can be cruel to us men. 😦

I will get over this but right now I just cannot believe my bad luck in dating so far. Seems secular women are nicer.
 
This is dating in general.

Women can have a change of heart. It happens. Don’t take it so hard.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
This is just kind of a vent/rant. I have nobody to talk to about this until I see my spiritual director on Sunday, so I just wanted to let me feelings out on the internet anonymously.

No offence to all the great Practicing Catholic women on this site. My experience in my life has been that Practicing Catholic women can be so cold. Probably worse than secular women. I do not want to be the guy that a woman starts talking to, tells me that I am the kind of guy she wants, then later decides that she is not ready to date!!! Why didn’t you think hard enough to come to that conclusion before you joined a Catholic dating site? You do not know yourself enough to know what you want? I am OCD and scrupulous but I know if I want to date or not! …
Click to expand...
You know, I REALLY sympathize with you. Like someone else said, it is all a part of dating. (I don’t see a difference between secular or Catholic dating, so that part of your post confuses me) But I do wish that if there ever were rules and roles that the sexes would play in order for less hurt to come about, then I say lets try and bring them back… however, I don’t think there is… I think in other eras they tried to make rules and social cues to alleviate or the extreme sensitivity of it all, but all this hurt you speak of about dating… … its just, well, its just life.

People can sometimes be cruel without intention… You never know… its the same for friendships or any relationship really. That potential to hurt someone is always just ‘there’. I doubt this young woman even knows or understood what she did to you. I’m’ sure that doesn’t make the hurt go away, but I at least I’m trying and save you from bitterness encroaching on your spirit. Perhaps you only think its with Catholic women because you expect more from them and less of secular? Maybe that is a false sense of security you are believing in?

I do totally get the thing about as Catholics caring about other people’s feelings to try and not hurt them. Honestly, I’ve tried 100%, and I don’t think its possible… I’m not sure there is ever a safe route… That’s the thing about a match- its not too this and not too that, but ‘just right’, and that doesn’t just happen with anyone- otherwise everyone would be a match. Unfortunately for you, (OR fortunate- you can see it both ways) you have not found that ‘just right’ yet.
Code: 
Speaking as a woman, I'm pretty sure that I'm guilty of not being able to see things from a man's perspective, just the same as I know that some men were not sensitive enough to see some things from a female's too!   Its just part of the 'dance'.
I"m curious though… why do you think a woman will instantly know that you are the one she will want to stick with? For women, we need time to get to know a man. For a lot of us, women tending to be very social creatures, we like to meet people- and its the same towards men- only we don’t realize our enthusiam might mean something else to a man. How should have this young lady acted around you? Disinterested? Would you have stuck around if she acted differently than what you describe here? Please think about that! Or at least give the ladies here an inkling of how you think this lady should have acted with you in which ***you ***would still realize she is interested but not leading you on as you say.

Sorry you were hurt though! Its not fun. I know. Trust me. I know.
 
LaughingBoy1503,

You’ve had a couple of bad experiences lately. That’s a shame and I feel for you. But, as other posters noted, that is the reality of dating. It is usually, by nature, a series of frustrating failures before you meet the right person for you.

I would suggest, however, that you need to tone down your expectations and resist the urge to generalise when things go poorly. You are now seemingly frustrated with practising Catholic women in general. I don’t think that attitude is conducive to success in the dating world. Try to be more patient, and put less pressure on yourself and on each girl you talk to.
 
AnneElizabeth said:
I"m curious though… why do you think a woman will instantly know that you are the one she will want to stick with? For women, we need time to get to know a man. For a lot of us, women tending to be very social creatures, we like to meet people- and its the same towards men- only we don’t realize our enthusiam might mean something else to a man. How should have this young lady acted around you? Disinterested? Would you have stuck around if she acted differently than what you describe here? Please think about that! Or at least give the ladies here an inkling of how you think this lady should have acted with you in which ***you ***would still realize she is interested but not leading you on as you say.

Sorry you were hurt though! Its not fun. I know. Trust me. I know.
Click to expand...
I never said I think a woman should instantly know that I am the one she will want to stick with. I wish she would have waited until she knew that she was ready to start dating again before she started telling me that she thinks we would be good together and got my hopes up. I even asked her on our first date if she wanted to see me again. That was a chance for her to escape if she wanted to. What she told me was “Yes I want to see you again. Lets see how this goes” I would not have gotten my hopes up so much if she did not call me everyday for weeks straight, text me “Good morning darling” and just make me think she liked me. And for all I know, she might have really liked me. But it all became moot when she came to the realization that she was not ready to move on from her ex.

Maybe part of how I feel is my fault. After all, I let myself get attached to her so quickly. A mistake I will try not to make again. But in the mean time, it still hurts.
 
underacloud said:
LaughingBoy1503,

You’ve had a couple of bad experiences lately. That’s a shame and I feel for you. But, as other posters noted, that is the reality of dating. It is usually, by nature, a series of frustrating failures before you meet the right person for you.

I would suggest, however, that you need to tone down your expectations and resist the urge to generalise when things go poorly. You are now seemingly frustrated with practising Catholic women in general. I don’t think that attitude is conducive to success in the dating world. Try to be more patient, and put less pressure on yourself and on each girl you talk to.
Click to expand...
I know the reality of dating. I know the potential heart break that comes with the territory. I accept it. I know there is a chance I will get my feelings hurt every time I ask a woman out or let myself be vulnerable to a woman. I guess I am frustrated with dating in general. I will get over this. I already feel better than I did when she broke the news to me 11 hours ago. Tomorrow I will wake up feeling even better. And I will continue to try to date with a new lesson learned about my expectations. You are right about that. As long as I am trying to find a Catholic woman, it will be Catholic women who things do not work out with until I find the woman who does want to be with me, and forever. My beef is really with the dating process I guess, not with single Catholic women in general. I see that now.
 
The problem with people who “take dating seriously” is that they date, but pretend they are not. Or they are dating, but call it something different.

If two people are having daily hour long conversations, they are dating. If two people are going out with groups of friends, are gravitating to each other every time, and are spending most of the evening together, they are dating.

People who “take dating seriously” will do these things, and then back out, just like you describe. They might think nothing of it because they’ve told themselves they weren’t dating. In reality, you were dating and then were broken up with.

It might seem like an unimportant distinction, but I think it is very important. If two people are dating, more consideration is expected throughout the relationship.

If I were you, I would ask the girl out on a “real date” sooner rather than later. That way you will not spend so much time on this nondescript, get to know you stage (because, why??) and you will find those who are truly interested.
 
HouseArrest said:
The problem with people who “take dating seriously” is that they date, but pretend they are not. Or they are dating, but call it something different.

If two people are having daily hour long conversations, they are dating. If two people are going out with groups of friends, are gravitating to each other every time, and are spending most of the evening together, they are dating.

People who “take dating seriously” will do these things, and then back out, just like you describe. They might think nothing of it because they’ve told themselves they weren’t dating. In reality, you were dating and then were broken up with.

It might seem like an unimportant distinction, but I think it is very important. If two people are dating, more consideration is expected throughout the relationship.

If I were you, I would ask the girl out on a “real date” sooner rather than later. That way you will not spend so much time on this nondescript, get to know you stage (because, why??) and you will find those who are truly interested.
Click to expand...
I am not asking her out again, she is not ready to start dating again. That is the point of my whole rant. She figured this out while making me think she was ready to start dating again. Last time I went out on a “date” with her, I asked her if she wanted to see me again and she said “Yes” but look where that got me now 😛
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
I am not asking her out again, she is not ready to start dating again. That is the point of my whole rant. She figured this out while making me think she was ready to start dating again.
Click to expand...
No, not her. The next girl you meet.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
I never said I think a woman should instantly know that I am the one she will want to stick with. I wish she would have waited until she knew that she was ready to start dating again before she started telling me that she thinks we would be good together and got my hopes up. I even asked her on our first date if she wanted to see me again. That was a chance for her to escape if she wanted to. What she told me was “Yes I want to see you again. Lets see how this goes” I would not have gotten my hopes up so much if she did not call me everyday for weeks straight, text me “Good morning darling” and just make me think she liked me. And for all I know, she might have really liked me. But it all became moot when she came to the realization that she was not ready to move on from her ex.

Maybe part of how I feel is my fault. After all, I let myself get attached to her so quickly. A mistake I will try not to make again. But in the mean time, it still hurts.
Click to expand...
How is a woman supposed to know that she isn’t ready to date yet?

This is not something that is easy or obvious to figure out. People of both sexes often struggle with that one.

Presumably she did like you, just not wash-his-underwear-for-50-years like you.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
This is just kind of a vent/rant. I have nobody to talk to about this until I see my spiritual director on Sunday, so I just wanted to let me feelings out on the internet anonymously.

No offence to all the great Practicing Catholic women on this site. My experience in my life has been that Practicing Catholic women can be so cold. Probably worse than secular women. I do not want to be the guy that a woman starts talking to, tells me that I am the kind of guy she wants, then later decides that she is not ready to date!!! Why didn’t you think hard enough to come to that conclusion before you joined a Catholic dating site? You do not know yourself enough to know what you want? I am OCD and scrupulous but I know if I want to date or not!

How is it not cruel to call a man everyday for 3 weeks, have hour long conversations, send him texts first thing in the morning everyday, one of which said “Good morning darling” agree to go on a date with him, on which you tell him that you “want to see him again and see how it goes” then about a week and a half later, after still calling him everyday, decide that you are “Not over your ex and not ready to move on and that you hope you could still be friends”?

Thanks a lot for choosing me to be the man you decide to test whether you are over your ex or not with 😦 The worst part is that you do not see how you did anything wrong. Then you have the audacity to say “I pray you have a good day” after you throw this news at me and know that I am hurt. What a jerk.

Single Catholics, please, do everyone a favor and figure out what you want before you lead someone on. Truly figure out if you are ready to move on from that ex before you get someone else’s hopes up that you might like them. Do not call someone everyday, tell them that you think they are handsome (or pretty if you are a guy) tell them how you think a relationship would work out between you two and then decide to figure out that you are not ready to date. It is not fair to the other person. Life is not fair, but I though we were supposed to care about other peoples feelings as Catholics. I cannot believe how cruel we can be toward each other sometimes.

This is not even a isolated incident with me. The first time I met a good practicing Catholic woman from a dating site, she gave me her phone number and asked me if I wanted to hang out and made me feel like I had a chance with her, only to later tell me she was moving out of state to go to college. Okay… if you know there is a chance you might be moving away soon, why let a guy think he has a chance to date you? I feel like sometimes some of these Catholic women think that they are in capable of doing any man wrong in any way so they cannot see how they can be cruel to us men. 😦

I will get over this but right now I just cannot believe my bad luck in dating so far. Seems secular women are nicer.
Click to expand...
Thank you, LaughingBoy. I always like reading the open honesty of your posts.
Let’s face it, relationships are tough. Starting a relationship is even tougher some times. I don’t think it matters if it is a Catholic, Protestant, or Jewish woman. When I was dating (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth) I found men to be aloof, callous, and uncaring. Then I met my husband and all that changed. I believe you have to go through several life experiences with various individuals before you gain an understanding of how others react in relationships. Even more important, how you react. It’s a process, I guess.
You will meet that someone that is different. I just know it. Hang in there.
God Bless You!
 
Xantippe said:
How is a woman supposed to know that she isn’t ready to date yet?

This is not something that is easy or obvious to figure out. People of both sexes often struggle with that one.

Presumably she did like you, just not wash-his-underwear-for-50-years like you.
Click to expand...
How is a woman supposed to know she is not ready to date yet???

You are right, that is expecting too much. I am way out of line. How dare I get my feelings hurt by being led on. Imagine me… expecting a woman to figure out if she is ready to date or not BEFORE she starts dating :rolleyes:

The support has been great on these boards. Keep throwing salt in the wound. Its okay, I can take it.
 
Convert1 said:
Thank you, LaughingBoy. I always like reading the open honesty of your posts.
Let’s face it, relationships are tough. Starting a relationship is even tougher some times. I don’t think it matters if it is a Catholic, Protestant, or Jewish woman. When I was dating (back when dinosaurs roamed the earth) I found men to be aloof, callous, and uncaring. Then I met my husband and all that changed. I believe you have to go through several life experiences with various individuals before you gain an understanding of how others react in relationships. Even more important, how you react. It’s a process, I guess.
You will meet that someone that is different. I just know it. Hang in there.
God Bless You!
Click to expand...
Thank you. That is all I wanted… a few kind words of encouragement. :o

God bless you.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
How is a woman supposed to know she is not ready to date yet???

You are right, that is expecting too much. I am way out of line. How dare I get my feelings hurt by being led on. Imagine me… expecting a woman to figure out if she is ready to date or not BEFORE she starts dating :rolleyes:

The support has been great on these boards. Keep throwing salt in the wound. Its okay, I can take it.
Click to expand...
So, how is a woman (or a man) supposed to figure that out without making any mistakes?

There’s really no way to find out without trying to date–there are no gauges or dials to check.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
How is a woman supposed to know she is not ready to date yet???

You are right, that is expecting too much. I am way out of line. How dare I get my feelings hurt by being led on. Imagine me… expecting a woman to figure out if she is ready to date or not BEFORE she starts dating :rolleyes:

The support has been great on these boards. Keep throwing salt in the wound. Its okay, I can take it.
Click to expand...
Well, I can see three main possibilities:

a) she thought she was ready to date, but it turns out she wasn’t and was honest about that with you once she realised.
b) she is ready to date, but just determined that she didn’t want to go further with you and this was her excuse to break it off (ie “it’s not you, it’s me”).
c) she wasn’t ready to date and knew it, but likes to torture poor young men like yourself.

It’s hard to know which of these may be correct, but there is no reason to assume c) rather than a) or b). I’d suggest a) or b) are far more likely and there is no reason to have hard feelings because of it. It’s natural to feel hurt at a breakup, but I believe you will be happier and ultimately more datable if you choose to have a possitive outlook on it and wish the other person the best for the future.
 
Xantippe said:
So, how is a woman (or a man) supposed to figure that out without making any mistakes?

There’s really no way to find out without trying to date–there are no gauges or dials to check.
Click to expand...
So now it is “How is a woman supposed to figure out if she is ready to date or not without making mistakes”?

Whatever it is, I would hope a priority in figuring it out would be not to lead other’s on in the process.
 
underacloud said:
Well, I can see three main possibilities:

a) she thought she was ready to date, but it turns out she wasn’t and was honest about that with you once she realised.
b) she is ready to date, but just determined that she didn’t want to go further with you and this was her excuse to break it off (ie “it’s not you, it’s me”).
c) she wasn’t ready to date and knew it, but likes to torture poor young men like yourself.

It’s hard to know which of these may be correct, but there is no reason to assume c) rather than a) or b). I’d suggest a) or b) are far more likely and there is no reason to have hard feelings because of it. It’s natural to feel hurt at a breakup, but I believe you will be happier and ultimately more datable if you choose to have a possitive outlook on it and wish the other person the best for the future.
Click to expand...
I think It was A. I have a lot of reason to believe she did like me. It still hurts though. That is all. That is the point of this rant. To express those feelings. I wish her no wrong doing.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
I think It was A. I have a lot of reason to believe she did like me. It still hurts though. That is all. That is the point of this rant. To express those feelings. I wish her no wrong doing.
Click to expand...
That’s fair enough. We all need a bit of a rant somethimes.

I hope and pray you have better experiences in the future and - God willing - find what you are looking for.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top