Dating practicing Catholic women

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LaughingBoy1503 said:
I always try to get a date asap. I do not think that is my problem. The problem is if it were not for bad luck in dating, I would have no luck at all 😛
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It’s not so much about luck as it is about skill and opportunity. It sounds like you are not wasting your time wading around in self-pity thinking she’ll change her mind.

I think you have a healthier attitude than many on this, but yeah, you’re going to be disappointed.

Also, no offense to the ladies out there, but being a practicing Catholic doesn’t mean they’ll be nice or even pure with you.

There’s really nothing terribly unusual about this flaky behaviour you describe, you just can’t let yourself be a part of someone else’s drama or let this get you down.
 
Perhaps, having been on a date, she actually didn’t want to see you again, but was trying to let you down gently…
Not easy for either of you…but that is what dating is all about…
 
It sounds like she decided she wasn’t into you after the first in-person date and tried to let you down gently. The inconsistency of tone from her is misleading, though, and I can see how the disconnect could seem both confusing and offensive after having been fed such flowery language. Calling someone you’ve never met in person “darling” after 3 weeks is overly familiar. Some women are socialized into ineffectual “niceness”, and it can lead to miscommunication in a failed effort to be gentle to others. She sounds like an inexperienced dater.

I agree with House Arrest that in-person dates should happen as soon in the process as possible. If a woman you contact is hesitant to meet in person after initial contact, I’d thank her and move on. Don’t waste your time and emotions getting caught up in “dating” behaviour with women who aren’t actually seeing you.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
Thank you. Seems others want to stone me for it 😃

God bless you.
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I believe you cast the first stone when you said secular women are nicer than Catholic women based on a few bad experiences with Catholic women. You said this in a Catholic forum. What do you expect?

I know you took pains earlier in your post to not generalize which is good. But it is your closing sentence which may be what people remember reading the most. Expressing negative feelings in a rant may engender negative feelings in others especially in a forum where posters remain anonymous and where some posters share the characteristics (sex, religion) of the people you are ranting against.
 
alphawoman said:
It sounds like she decided she wasn’t into you after the first in-person date and tried to let you down gently. The inconsistency of tone from her is misleading, though, and I can see how the disconnect could seem both confusing and offensive after having been fed such flowery language. Calling someone you’ve never met in person “darling” after 3 weeks is overly familiar. Some women are socialized into ineffectual “niceness”, and it can lead to miscommunication in a failed effort to be gentle to others. She sounds like an inexperienced dater.

I agree with House Arrest that in-person dates should happen as soon in the process as possible. If a woman you contact is hesitant to meet in person after initial contact, I’d thank her and move on. Don’t waste your time and emotions getting caught up in “dating” behaviour with women who aren’t actually seeing you.
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Unless it’s a non-native English speaker (or possibly a Southerner–but then it’s not a special mark of affection), you’re totally right that “Calling someone you’ve never met in person “darling” after 3 weeks is overly familiar.”

Being that “friendly” is kind of a red flag, in my opinion. I’m not surprised that somebody who was that friendly so fast to a person she’d never met would blow hot and cold.

That’s very true about “Don’t waste your time and emotions getting caught up in “dating” behavior with women who aren’t actually seeing you.”
 
Sarcelle said:
I believe you cast the first stone when you said secular women are nicer than Catholic women based on a few bad experiences with Catholic women. You said this in a Catholic forum. What do you expect?

I know you took pains earlier in your post to not generalize which is good. But it is your closing sentence which may be what people remember reading the most. Expressing negative feelings in a rant may engender negative feelings in others especially in a forum where posters remain anonymous and where some posters share the characteristics (sex, religion) of the people you are ranting against.
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Is that a big insult? “Secular women are nicer than Catholic women”? I am Catholic, not a woman, but I think Mormons are nicer than Catholics. So are Jehovas witnesses. Evangelicals are way more friendly and welcoming at their churches too. I am not insulting Catholics by saying that. Let me re phrase my last sentence in my original post though…

“It seems secular women are nicer to me than Catholic women when it comes to dating”
 
alphawoman said:
It sounds like she decided she wasn’t into you after the first in-person date and tried to let you down gently. The inconsistency of tone from her is misleading, though, and I can see how the disconnect could seem both confusing and offensive after having been fed such flowery language. Calling someone you’ve never met in person “darling” after 3 weeks is overly familiar. Some women are socialized into ineffectual “niceness”, and it can lead to miscommunication in a failed effort to be gentle to others. She sounds like an inexperienced dater.

I agree with House Arrest that in-person dates should happen as soon in the process as possible. If a woman you contact is hesitant to meet in person after initial contact, I’d thank her and move on. Don’t waste your time and emotions getting caught up in “dating” behaviour with women who aren’t actually seeing you.
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If so, I wish she had not called me “Handsome” and said that she wanted to see me again, on our first date. That made me think she did like me. It is my normal experience that when I go on a first date with a woman and she does not like me, she cease’s calling me after that date. This woman continued to call me everyday for a week and a half after our first date.

I very much agree also in the “First date ASAP” rule. Mostly because there have been times in the past where I am having great conversation with a woman over the phone, we seem to connect on all levels and this goes on for weeks. Then we finally go on a date and there is no chemistry. It just leave us both disappointed. That is why I feel it is best to meet asap. To see how we take a liking to each other in person.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
Is that a big insult? “Secular women are nicer than Catholic women”? I am Catholic, not a woman, but I think Mormons are nicer than Catholics. So are Jehovas witnesses. Evangelicals are way more friendly and welcoming at their churches too. I am not insulting Catholics by saying that. Let me re phrase my last sentence in my original post though…

“It seems secular women are nicer to me than Catholic women when it comes to dating”
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Well, not to impugn the virtue of those secular women, but women that don’t care about chastity are often way friendlier than women that are concerned about protecting their chastity.

That difference goes with the territory.
 
SuperLuigi said:
It’s not so much about luck as it is about skill and opportunity. It sounds like you are not wasting your time wading around in self-pity thinking she’ll change her mind.

I think you have a healthier attitude than many on this, but yeah, you’re going to be disappointed.

Also, no offense to the ladies out there, but being a practicing Catholic doesn’t mean they’ll be nice or even pure with you.

There’s really nothing terribly unusual about this flaky behaviour you describe, you just can’t let yourself be a part of someone else’s drama or let this get you down.
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I do feel a bit bad for myself, but this rant is as far as I will take it. I wont be complaining to anyone about this situation in real life. No use doing that. I am not going to wait around for her to change her mind. There are too many other women out there. Second, though I forgive her, I am still a little angry at her.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
If so, I wish she had not called me “Handsome” and said that she wanted to see me again, on our first date. That made me think she did like me. It is my normal experience that when I go on a first date with a woman and she does not like me, she cease’s calling me after that date. This woman continued to call me everyday for a week and a half after our first date.
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Her making that kind of personal remark about your appearance on a first date is also a red flag (unless there’s some sort of cultural explanation–in which case it might just be a polite compliment).

But, for standard US culture, she sounds really flaky and over-familiar.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
This is just kind of a vent/rant. I have nobody to talk to about this until I see my spiritual director on Sunday, so I just wanted to let me feelings out on the internet anonymously.

No offence to all the great Practicing Catholic women on this site. My experience in my life has been that Practicing Catholic women can be so cold. Probably worse than secular women. I do not want to be the guy that a woman starts talking to, tells me that I am the kind of guy she wants, then later decides that she is not ready to date!!! Why didn’t you think hard enough to come to that conclusion before you joined a Catholic dating site? You do not know yourself enough to know what you want? I am OCD and scrupulous but I know if I want to date or not!

How is it not cruel to call a man everyday for 3 weeks, have hour long conversations, send him texts first thing in the morning everyday, one of which said “Good morning darling” agree to go on a date with him, on which you tell him that you “want to see him again and see how it goes” then about a week and a half later, after still calling him everyday, decide that you are “Not over your ex and not ready to move on and that you hope you could still be friends”?

Thanks a lot for choosing me to be the man you decide to test whether you are over your ex or not with 😦 The worst part is that you do not see how you did anything wrong. Then you have the audacity to say “I pray you have a good day” after you throw this news at me and know that I am hurt. What a jerk.

Single Catholics, please, do everyone a favor and figure out what you want before you lead someone on. Truly figure out if you are ready to move on from that ex before you get someone else’s hopes up that you might like them. Do not call someone everyday, tell them that you think they are handsome (or pretty if you are a guy) tell them how you think a relationship would work out between you two and then decide to figure out that you are not ready to date. It is not fair to the other person. Life is not fair, but I though we were supposed to care about other peoples feelings as Catholics. I cannot believe how cruel we can be toward each other sometimes.

This is not even a isolated incident with me. The first time I met a good practicing Catholic woman from a dating site, she gave me her phone number and asked me if I wanted to hang out and made me feel like I had a chance with her, only to later tell me she was moving out of state to go to college. Okay… if you know there is a chance you might be moving away soon, why let a guy think he has a chance to date you? I feel like sometimes some of these Catholic women think that they are in capable of doing any man wrong in any way so they cannot see how they can be cruel to us men. 😦

I will get over this but right now I just cannot believe my bad luck in dating so far. Seems secular women are nicer.
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As a Catholic man I’ve had the seem experiences as you when it comes to Catholic women. I too find that secular/atheist women tend to be much nicer, have more realistic standards and are better at being girlfriends. I wonder if it is the devil keeping good Catholic women out of reach too tempt me. Either way I’m not going to settle for a non-Catholic.

I think a good chuck of our Catholic dating problems comes from that fact that an entire gender isn’t really told anything about dating. Guys are told we need to be the “purser”, to “lead”, “initiate” and all that. Catholic girls are really taught anything and end up being so passive and dependent on the guy for any progress in the relationship.

I think it is worse with online dating. Problems people have with relationships seems to be magnified with the human element removed.
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
Is that a big insult? “Secular women are nicer than Catholic women”? I am Catholic, not a woman, but I think Mormons are nicer than Catholics. So are Jehovas witnesses. Evangelicals are way more friendly and welcoming at their churches too. I am not insulting Catholics by saying that. Let me re phrase my last sentence in my original post though…

“It seems secular women are nicer to me than Catholic women when it comes to dating”
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You may not think what you said was an insult but others may. People have different ways of viewing things. This is the thing you want to take into consideration when posting views online.

This is why you will have people reacting differently.
 
Sarcelle said:
You may not think what you said was an insult but others may. People have different ways of viewing things. This is the thing you want to take into consideration when posting views online.

This is why you will have people reacting differently.
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Others may feel insulted if I say Dogs are better than cats too. 🤷
 
Naskor said:
As a Catholic man I’ve had the seem experiences as you when it comes to Catholic women. I too find that secular/atheist women tend to be much nicer, have more realistic standards and are better at being girlfriends. I wonder if it is the devil keeping good Catholic women out of reach too tempt me. Either way I’m not going to settle for a non-Catholic.

I think a good chuck of our Catholic dating problems comes from that fact that an entire gender isn’t really told anything about dating. Guys are told we need to be the “purser”, to “lead”, “initiate” and all that. Catholic girls are really taught anything and end up being so passive and dependent on the guy for any progress in the relationship.

I think it is worse with online dating. Problems people have with relationships seems to be magnified with the human element removed.
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Well, it has already been pointed out to me that I can offend people her by saying secular women are nicer than Catholic women. So I wont say that anymore. But I will say it SEEMS they are nicer to me when it comes to dating
 
LaughingBoy1503 said:
Well, it has already been pointed out to me that I can offend people her by saying secular women are nicer than Catholic women. So I wont say that anymore. But I will say it SEEMS they are nicer to me when it comes to dating
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Here’s a contradiction in your OP.
  1. You said that practicing Catholic women aren’t as friendly as non-Catholic women.
  2. To illustrate this, you told the story of a Catholic woman who was way too friendly way too fast.
Can you see the problem?
 
I have spent a lot of time in the Evangelical world and I have now spent a number of years in the South. So, I have some opinions on Protestant and Southern “nice” (which do have a lot of overlap).

I think it is genuinely more pleasant, day-to-day, to live with Southern nice. However, it does make it more difficult to figure out what people’s actual feelings are–it requires a certain amount of social skill and experience to decode that. At some point, I started to realize that a couple of “nice” ladies probably couldn’t stand me. But, as they were constrained by the Southern cultural imperative of nice-even-if-it-kills-you, they were not able to express that–but it did sort of leak through at times. Also, there are difficulties, even when people like you a lot. It practically kills them to express any criticism, and any criticism tends to be rolled in so much sugar that a non-Southerner might completely fail to notice the criticism. As you can imagine, this communication issue poses some problems for married life.

So, it’s not all roses and sunshine in Protestant World.
 
Xantippe said:
Here’s a contradiction in your OP.
  1. You said that practicing Catholic women aren’t as friendly as non-Catholic women.
  2. To illustrate this, you told the story of a Catholic woman who was way too friendly way too fast.
Can you see the problem?
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It is quite obvious from OP’s post that she wasn’t genuinely friendly but deceitful.
 
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