Dating practicing Catholic women

[GreyWings]

That is helpful, thanks

Lol, I’m sorry. Here, let me try better…

Catholic women often share your feelings regarding Catholic guys. Discernment is crucial and it is discernment that leads Catholics in general to wonder about their vocation, if this person they’re dating is the one they’re meant to marry, etc.

I’m always discerning. I’ve been through an annulment and I would like a real Catholic marriage with the right guy.

So, discernment. In courtship, you’ll start wondering if this person is meant for you. For Catholics, discernment is a big deal and discernment can cause people to bolt. Yes, it’s hurtful. But you also want what God wants for you. That girl was not meant for you, and try to think of it in this light: better knowing now in discernment she is not meant for you, than marrying her and going through a divorce later in life. If marriage is your vocation, you’ll find your future wife at the right time - His time. Keep praying. I hope this helps…

 

[Graceful_Lamb]

Well, not to impugn the virtue of those secular women, but women that don’t care about chastity are often way friendlier than women that are concerned about protecting their chastity.

That difference goes with the territory.

So, you are saying that Catholic women are more interested in chastity than other women? I do not necessarily think that because a woman is Catholic that it means that she is chaste when dating.

I have known women who are Catholic that I would consider promiscuous. I also have known women from other denominations (or no denomination at all) who I would consider promiscuous. Same goes for women who are chaste when dating, both Catholic and not.

 

[E_7]

This is just kind of a vent/rant. I have nobody to talk to about this until I see my spiritual director on Sunday, so I just wanted to let me feelings out on the internet anonymously.

No offence to all the great Practicing Catholic women on this site. My experience in my life has been that Practicing Catholic women can be so cold. Probably worse than secular women. I do not want to be the guy that a woman starts talking to, tells me that I am the kind of guy she wants, then later decides that she is not ready to date!!! Why didn’t you think hard enough to come to that conclusion before you joined a Catholic dating site? You do not know yourself enough to know what you want? I am OCD and scrupulous but I know if I want to date or not!

How is it not cruel to call a man everyday for 3 weeks, have hour long conversations, send him texts first thing in the morning everyday, one of which said “Good morning darling” agree to go on a date with him, on which you tell him that you “want to see him again and see how it goes” then about a week and a half later, after still calling him everyday, decide that you are “Not over your ex and not ready to move on and that you hope you could still be friends”?

Thanks a lot for choosing me to be the man you decide to test whether you are over your ex or not with The worst part is that you do not see how you did anything wrong. Then you have the audacity to say “I pray you have a good day” after you throw this news at me and know that I am hurt. What a jerk.

Single Catholics, please, do everyone a favor and figure out what you want before you lead someone on. Truly figure out if you are ready to move on from that ex before you get someone else’s hopes up that you might like them. Do not call someone everyday, tell them that you think they are handsome (or pretty if you are a guy) tell them how you think a relationship would work out between you two and then decide to figure out that you are not ready to date. It is not fair to the other person. Life is not fair, but I though we were supposed to care about other peoples feelings as Catholics. I cannot believe how cruel we can be toward each other sometimes.

This is not even a isolated incident with me. The first time I met a good practicing Catholic woman from a dating site, she gave me her phone number and asked me if I wanted to hang out and made me feel like I had a chance with her, only to later tell me she was moving out of state to go to college. Okay… if you know there is a chance you might be moving away soon, why let a guy think he has a chance to date you? I feel like sometimes some of these Catholic women think that they are in capable of doing any man wrong in any way so they cannot see how they can be cruel to us men.

Don’t give up!

If I were you, I would write on the dating site profile “Do not contact me if you aren’t seriously considering marriage or courting, etc etc.”. But that’s just me and my personality.

It is beautiful and a wow experience like no other when you start courting having both in mind that you are having/leading a God-centered relationship. You will see yourself thinking and discussing about the morality of this or that. That’s how my hubby and I started and we met right here in CAF. O those days…we prayed together over the phone the St. Michael Chaplet, we talked for hours over the phone (no time for being touchy and kissing because it was mainly long-distance), we played monopoly together in pogo.com and we did a lot of things when we were together in person for more than a month, two times per year.

Personally, if I were single and in your situation or similar, I would never tell the opposite sex on a first, second, third or fourth date that he is handsome. I wouldn’t want him to think that I care a lot about looks or that I’m visual. I would rather wait until I feel comfortable and he gets to know my personality better and avoid wrong impressions.

Don’t give up!

 

[Xantippe]

So, you are saying that Catholic women are more interested in chastity than other women? I do not necessarily think that because a woman is Catholic that it means that she is chaste when dating.

I have known women who are Catholic that I would consider promiscuous. I also have known women from other denominations (or no denomination at all) who I would consider promiscuous. Same goes for women who are chaste when dating, both Catholic and not.

The OP said “practicing Catholic women.”

Also, my exact phrasing was “Well, not to impugn the virtue of those secular women, but women that don’t care about chastity are often way friendlier than women that are concerned about protecting their chastity.”

I’m not saying that friendly women are necessarily unchaste, but that it may be characteristic of chaste women to be more wary and careful (i.e., less friendly).

 

[SuperLuigi]

=Sarcelle;13364634]I believe you cast the first stone when you said secular women are nicer than Catholic women based on a few bad experiences with Catholic women. You said this in a Catholic forum. **What do you expect?
**

The expectation of this site is for everyone to be nice and reflect the Faith.

That doesn’t happen in the Family Life Forum all too often, I’m afraid. :nope:

I know you took pains earlier in your post to not generalize which is good. But it is your closing sentence which may be what people remember reading the most.

If people aren’t reading the entire post, that is not his problem, it’s their problem.

If you’re not even going to take the time to read a post, then please do not reply. It’s really just asking for trouble.

 

[SuperLuigi]

Others may feel insulted if I say Dogs are better than cats too.

I’ll shoot you a PM later.

 

[styrgwillidar]

OP,

You may see secular women as nicer to you because you in fact act differently with them. If you’re interested in, or have a much higher priority in trying to find/date Catholic women, you may in fact be giving off a much more relaxed vibe to secular women than to Catholic women. Just a thought-- sizing up and categorizing women as available/not available my result in you acting differently towards them. Women sensing they’re being sized up as a possible ‘target’ will probably respond differently (cool/reserved/detached) than women sized up as just another acquaintance/person you’re meeting (more open and being themselves).

Sorry, but what you’re going through is pretty typical. It also seems like you were making yourself too available too early in meeting someone. Calling and talking an hour or so a day for days on end right after meeting? Darling and handsome etc. thrown around before she’d really started knowing you? Give yourself a little space to live your life with people you’re dating an enrichment to it vice a major daily task.

May just be me, but I find that level of interaction that quickly a bit-- odd? – unusual? Save the talks for the dates where you can share an activity, and get the real-time visual feedback on facial expression and body language…

 

[Sarcelle]

The expectation of this site is for everyone to be nice and reflect the Faith.

That doesn’t happen in the Family Life Forum all too often, I’m afraid. :nope:

If people aren’t reading the entire post, that is not his problem, it’s their problem.

If you’re not even going to take the time to read a post, then please do not reply. It’s really just asking for trouble.

I have read his entire post. Did you read my entire post? I said that he took pains to say that he was not generalizing. I mentioned that what was going to stick in people’s mind will be the negative things he said. It’s like when one’s boss says “You are doing a good job but…”, guess what people remember the most and react to the most, human nature being what it is?

You are free to disagree with the statement above but I still believe that I had not said anything offensive.

As for not being nice in this thread, I have not seen anyone being deliberately offensive.

 

[styrgwillidar]

…
How is it not cruel to call a man everyday for 3 weeks, have hour long conversations, send him texts first thing in the morning everyday, one of which said “Good morning darling” agree to go on a date with him…

Because if you’ll look at how she was acting, it may have been more consistent with continuing the role/actions as she defined it in her previous relationship vice actually establishing a relationship with you.

These may have been the things she had been doing with her ex (daily calls/texts/habits of speech) which may have been appropriate based on the length and path of that previous relationship, which she came to realize were inconsistent/inappropriate with the actual time/familiarity of your/her relationship?

She may have come to that conclusion. She wasn’t over her ex because she was simply ‘play acting’ that relationship vice truly starting a new one from scratch with a new person. Actually, better for her to realize that and stop vice continuing a charade. She may have realized she had not fully come to grips with habits/things she did that were part of the reason her last relationship didn’t work out.

 

[Xantippe]

Because if you’ll look at how she was acting, it may have been more consistent with continuing the role/actions as she defined it in her previous relationship vice actually establishing a relationship with you.

These may have been the things she had been doing with her ex (daily calls/texts/habits of speech) which may have been appropriate based on the length and path of that previous relationship, which she came to realize were inconsistent/inappropriate with the actual time/familiarity of your/her relationship?

She may have come to that conclusion. She wasn’t over her ex because she was simply ‘play acting’ that relationship vice truly starting a new one from scratch with a new person. Actually, better for her to realize that and stop vice continuing a charade. She may have realized she had not fully come to grips with habits/things she did that were part of the reason her last relationship didn’t work out.

I think that’s very insightful. The story is consistent with her quickly slotting the OP into the “old boyfriend” slot with an old boyfriend level of intimacy and then cutting things off when she belatedly realized that he wasn’t a continuation of the old boyfriend.

 

[SuperLuigi]

=Sarcelle;13365066]I have read his entire post. Did you read my entire post? I said that he took pains to say that he was not generalizing. I mentioned that what was going to stick in people’s mind will be the negative things he said. It’s like when one’s boss says “You are doing a good job but…”, guess what people remember the most and react to the most, human nature being what it is?

You are free to disagree with the statement above but I still believe that I had not said anything offensive.

The statement was not directed specifically at you as a person but reflective of the comments. Sorry if that wasn’t clear.

As for not being nice in this thread, I have not seen anyone being deliberately offensive.

And yet people are obviously offended… If it’s that easy to be offended, my suggestion to those folks is not to post on here.

 

[Maximilan_Kolbe]

Others may feel insulted if I say Dogs are better than cats too.

Before I lay into you, is the dog Catholic?

Personally, if I were single and in your situation or similar, I would never tell the opposite sex on a first, second, third or fourth date that he is handsome. I wouldn’t want him to think that I care a lot about looks or that I’m visual. I would rather wait until I feel comfortable and he gets to know my personality better and avoid wrong impressions.

Don’t give up!

Besides, we already know it.

runs

 

[Graceful_Lamb]

Before I lay into you, is the dog Catholic?

Does the dog go to Mass every Sunday?

 

[Graceful_Lamb]

OP, honestly, I think someone should have some sense of whether or not they are ready for another relationship or not. Not by leading someone on for weeks. Granted, I have been out of the dating scene for years (married 18 years); however, I still think that it is a little early for someone to be texting you everyday, calling you every night. I know that some relationships start off like that, but I don’t think it is the norm. My point of reference is my youngest stepdaughter who is in the dating scene.

Perhaps the best thing to do is to not read too much into the daily texts, phone calls, until maybe a month or two has passed. I would hope by then that someone would know whether or not they are ready for a relationship. Maybe one of the questions you can work into on a date is if they have been without a boyfriend for a while and that sort of thing. Hopefully, the girl will be honest, but you can still say that you asked.

 

[Naskor]

So, you are saying that Catholic women are more interested in chastity than other women? I do not necessarily think that because a woman is Catholic that it means that she is chaste when dating.

I have known women who are Catholic that I would consider promiscuous. I also have known women from other denominations (or no denomination at all) who I would consider promiscuous. Same goes for women who are chaste when dating, both Catholic and not.

Exactly. And besides, just because someone is guarding their chasity doesn’t mean they have to stop being courteous and become cold and jaded.

 

[alphawoman]

If so, I wish she had not called me “Handsome” and said that she wanted to see me again, on our first date. That made me think she did like me. It is my normal experience that when I go on a first date with a woman and she does not like me, she cease’s calling me after that date. This woman continued to call me everyday for a week and a half after our first date.

I very much agree also in the “First date ASAP” rule. Mostly because there have been times in the past where I am having great conversation with a woman over the phone, we seem to connect on all levels and this goes on for weeks. Then we finally go on a date and there is no chemistry. It just leave us both disappointed. That is why I feel it is best to meet asap. To see how we take a liking to each other in person.

Yeah, that mixed messaging is bizarre. She has some unusual social behaviours. I wouldn’t dwell on it; not worth it. Move on.

As to being called handsome, just be aware that flattery may not mean anything about actual interest, and you should be cautious about letting how someone makes you feel (valued, attractive, etc.) cloud your judgment. I have a treasure trove of truly bizarre pick-up attempts that guys have tried that were flattery enriched that I can share if you ever want a laugh. Some people have no sense and no social intelligence.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

Sure.

Just be prepared for the response.

I always am. It goes both ways. I expect people to not like everything I say on this site. So, I normally resort to having a little fun with them

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

Well, not to impugn the virtue of those secular women, but women that don’t care about chastity are often way friendlier than women that are concerned about protecting their chastity.

That difference goes with the territory.

Um, yeah, not all Catholic women are about chastity.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

Here’s a contradiction in your OP.

1. You said that practicing Catholic women aren’t as friendly as non-Catholic women.
2. To illustrate this, you told the story of a Catholic woman who was way too friendly way too fast.

Can you see the problem?

Which woman is nicer? Lets say I like a woman and she completely ignores me hoping I will go away because she does not like me in that way and she does not want to lead me on. Or a woman who strings me along, makes me feel like I have a chance, calls me pet names, makes me feel all warm a fuzzy toward her then tells me she is not ready for a relationship?

Though the first one seems mean, and second one nice, the first one is actually nicer. What else is wrong with my posting’s on this topic? Keep em com’in

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

I have spent a lot of time in the Evangelical world and I have now spent a number of years in the South. So, I have some opinions on Protestant and Southern “nice” (which do have a lot of overlap).

I think it is genuinely more pleasant, day-to-day, to live with Southern nice. However, it does make it more difficult to figure out what people’s actual feelings are–it requires a certain amount of social skill and experience to decode that. At some point, I started to realize that a couple of “nice” ladies probably couldn’t stand me. But, as they were constrained by the Southern cultural imperative of nice-even-if-it-kills-you, they were not able to express that–but it did sort of leak through at times. Also, there are difficulties, even when people like you a lot. It practically kills them to express any criticism, and any criticism tends to be rolled in so much sugar that a non-Southerner might completely fail to notice the criticism. As you can imagine, this communication issue poses some problems for married life.

So, it’s not all roses and sunshine in Protestant World.

You are preaching to the choir. I am a protestant convert. Never lived in the south though.