Dating Question

[faithwithworks]

I know this question has come up on the site before, however I haven’t found much beyond contradictory statements about it unfortunately.

I am in a serious relationship that has come to involve some physically sexual actions, but not sexual intercourse itself. I have become increasingly worried that my girlfriend and I may be going too far with each other physically. At one point very recently I even brought this up and suggested we stop much of what we do, which unfortunately resulted in a long and painful conversation with a girl who was quite confused and upset.

I tried to find information in the CCC and also look through past discussions on the CAF website. But the CCC was not explicit on the matter and the CAF threads were filled with back and forth arguing.

The CCC very clearly condemned fornication and acts like masturbation, but said nothing (unless I missed it) on things like fellatio or cunnilingus. Are these actions as gravely sinful as fornication? If done outside of marriage are they mortally sinful?

This may seem obvious, but all I’ve seen on the CAF forums is people asserting their own opinions on the matter. While this is helpful, I would like the Church’s stance. I’d appreciate it if someone could give me anything actually produced by the Church on this matter. Thank you.

 

[faithwithworks]

I just found an article published by the Catholic magazine “Busted Halo” that deals with this topic. I’m not sure if the magazine can be seen as legitimately speaking on behalf of the Church here or not, but I figured I’d share the link so that anyone who might have a similar dilemma as me might gain some insight: bustedhalo.com/features/what-does-the-church-teach-about-oral-sex

 

[Allegra]

I don’t really know what fellatio and cunninlingus are and something tells me that I probably don’t want to look them up. However, I think it is a sin to intentionally sexually stimulate each other. (I’m assuming those things are examples of that.) The good news is that it probably isn’t a mortal sin since you didn’t know it was a sin at the time. The bad news (which is really good news in disguise) is that now that you know you kinda have to stop doing it. Part of love is respecting each other sexually and helping each other to remain chaste. I recommend the books by Christopher West and the “Holy Sex” book. The author’s escapes me at the moment but with a title like that, I’m sure you’ll find it quickly at the library. Both of these books explain the teachings of the Church really well and explain why they are not just annoying things you have to put up with but actually really good ideas. The “Holy Sex” book left me really excited about a whole new understanding of what a Christian marriage is.

 

[CaptainPicard]

I know this question has come up on the site before, however I haven’t found much beyond contradictory statements about it unfortunately.

I am in a serious relationship that has come to involve some physically sexual actions, but not sexual intercourse itself. I have become increasingly worried that my girlfriend and I may be going too far with each other physically. At one point very recently I even brought this up and suggested we stop much of what we do, which unfortunately resulted in a long and painful conversation with a girl who was quite confused and upset.

I tried to find information in the CCC and also look through past discussions on the CAF website. But the CCC was not explicit on the matter and the CAF threads were filled with back and forth arguing.

The CCC very clearly condemned fornication and acts like masturbation, but said nothing (unless I missed it) on things like fellatio or cunnilingus. Are these actions as gravely sinful as fornication? If done outside of marriage are they mortally sinful?

This may seem obvious, but all I’ve seen on the CAF forums is people asserting their own opinions on the matter. While this is helpful, I would like the Church’s stance. I’d appreciate it if someone could give me anything actually produced by the Church on this matter. Thank you.

chastity.com/chastity-qa/how-far-too-far/how-far-too-far

This website is faithful to Church teaching and a very respected source in dealing with questions like yours. Your specific question is on the list.

 

[JNdoum]

I’m sort of concerned that she was upset by the idea of stopping. That sort of shows that she believes that your relationship is sort of dependent on sex. I know what it’s like to be a teenager in the modern day, and it sometimes seems like everything is about sex. But it really is not all that important an act - we can live without it. So I guess something good for you personally would be to examine why you are engaging in relations. Do you really improve your relationship in any way with these acts? Are you planning on having children (clearly not)? Are you just doing it basically because popular culture says you should (probably so)? Besides this, you should try to improve your relationship outside of sex. There’s a lot more to being with someone you love than what goes on under the sheets after all.

 

[Pfaffenhoffen]

I know this question has come up on the site before, however I haven’t found much beyond contradictory statements about it unfortunately.

I am in a serious relationship that has come to involve some physically sexual actions, but not sexual intercourse itself. I have become increasingly worried that my girlfriend and I may be going too far with each other physically. At one point very recently I even brought this up and suggested we stop much of what we do, which unfortunately resulted in a long and painful conversation with a girl who was quite confused and upset.

I tried to find information in the CCC and also look through past discussions on the CAF website. But the CCC was not explicit on the matter and the CAF threads were filled with back and forth arguing.

The CCC very clearly condemned fornication and acts like masturbation, but said nothing (unless I missed it) on things like fellatio or cunnilingus. Are these actions as gravely sinful as fornication? If done outside of marriage are they mortally sinful?

This may seem obvious, but all I’ve seen on the CAF forums is people asserting their own opinions on the matter. While this is helpful, I would like the Church’s stance. I’d appreciate it if someone could give me anything actually produced by the Church on this matter. Thank you.

Perhaps you should define what if THE CHURCH for you. I suppose that I belong to the Church, but maybe if I give my opinion, you think that it is not the Church’s opinion. I think you should define whose authority you want so that I may answer.