Dating someone older

[Crescentinus]

It seems like your issue is not necessarily one of age but rather an extremely specific set of interests. Does a woman have to be into anime, video games and cosplay to qualify as relationship material for you, or is there some other common ground that you can find?

I realize that it may be easier if she shares your interests - after all, relationships require that people are present to each other to work, and gaming/anime/cosplay can be very time-consuming and thus not a draw for people who are not interested in them. How much would you be willing to give on your hobbies for a woman who might not be as into them as you are but who otherwise is a great person, is interested in you, and (last but definitely not least) shares your faith?

Age has something to do with it as well. It has something to do with understanding my interests. A lot of younger women have this tendency of wanting their boyfriends go for the more popular things in life. Besides, if I dated someone below 18, I might be called a pedophile. D:
A lot of older women here in Manila have problems understanding my hobbies as well.
Now, if there are other common ground, then I’m open for it as long as she does not treat my interests as lowly or idiotic.

Cosplay is the most-time consuming, but very rewarding as a hobby.
I’m not sure on your question. If she doesn’t treat my interests as idiotic, then I might consider spending less time and money on my hobbies.

 

[Crescentinus]

I am suggesting that there is a lot more to relationships than playing video games together and should replace the mentality of of what you look for in a girlfriend

True, there is. I just do not want my interests being treated with condescension.
Oh, and what exactly are you suggesting with the whole “replace the mentality of of what you look for in a girlfriend”?

 

[JRKH]

Originally Posted by E_7
But you better be open about what God wants for you. We never know. He knows better who is the right one just for you

A good way to start would be to get your head out of the video games and spend some more time praying, evaluating your life and direction, cultivating “quiet time” so that you can learn to listen for God in your life.

Peace
James

 

[Crescentinus]

A good way to start would be to get your head out of the video games and spend some more time praying, evaluating your life and direction, cultivating “quiet time” so that you can learn to listen for God in your life.

Peace
James

Thanks.
I have been evaluating my life and direction.

 

[cmscms]

Oh, and what exactly are you suggesting with the whole “replace the mentality of of what you look for in a girlfriend”?

Well… I don’t want to turn this into an argument nor do I wish to lecture you. But since you asked, here it goes.

Although I have never been to Manila, I am sure there are a lot of very good women there. The way you make statements such as ‘Younger women like this kind of vidoe games and older women like a different game’ shows a very judgemental attitude. You make it sound as if the only concern in Manila is video games. And I seriously doubt that.

Women worth having would never degrade themselves as to letting a man judge them by their interest in video games and thus walk right by you without giving you a second look

Yes your hobbies are important. But I don’t think your video games are a hobby half as much as an unhealthy addiction. I have no desire to change your mind. However, if you disagree with me, then I think it is best you don’t ask me to further explain myself because we are on different wave lenghts.

 

[Crescentinus]

Well… I don’t want to turn this into an argument nor do I wish to lecture you. But since you asked, here it goes.

Although I have never been to Manila, I am sure there are a lot of very good women there. The way you make statements such as ‘Younger women like this kind of vidoe games and older women like a different game’ shows a very judgemental attitude. You make it sound as if the only concern in Manila is video games. And I seriously doubt that.

Women worth having would never degrade themselves as to letting a man judge them by their interest in video games and thus walk right by you without giving you a second look

Yes your hobbies are important. But I don’t think your video games are a hobby half as much as an unhealthy addiction. I have no desire to change your mind. However, if you disagree with me, then I think it is best you don’t ask me to further explain myself because we are on different wave lenghts.

I’m not being judgmental, it’s a fact. A lot of the younger women here in Manila go for famous games. Problem is, most of those games, I find rather dull.
It’s not just games, anime and cosplay. A lot of older women here have little to no appreciation for art unless they are some rich girl who loves going to art museums. Meanwhile, a lot of younger women here also have problems with appreciating various forms of art. For instance, I have seen a lot of younger women here in Manila tend to watch Korean dramas just because some character in it is good-looking. They hardly appreciate the plot or the story itself. They can’t even appreciate character development! D:
I’ve also seen a lot of younger women treat art as something idiotic unless if it’s art done on their idols. D: I’m an artist and an art critic as well. Hence, I tend to get testy when a woman doesn’t respect art.

As for politics, it’s a little different. Liberal-progressives and conservatives tend to abound within older women as well as my generation and younger.

I’m not addicted. I do agree with you on your points. It’s just that, finding a woman who tends to appreciate my hobbies rather than look down upon them is not very easy, and that’s regardless of age.

 

[cmscms]

I’m not being judgmental, it’s a fact. A lot of the younger women here in Manila go for famous games. Problem is, most of those games, I find rather dull.
It’s not just games, anime and cosplay. A lot of older women here have little to no appreciation for art unless they are some rich girl who loves going to art museums. Meanwhile, a lot of younger women here also have problems with appreciating various forms of art. For instance, I have seen a lot of younger women here in Manila tend to watch Korean dramas just because some character in it is good-looking. They hardly appreciate the plot or the story itself. They can’t even appreciate character development! D:
I’ve also seen a lot of younger women treat art as something idiotic unless if it’s art done on their idols. D: I’m an artist and an art critic as well. Hence, I tend to get testy when a woman doesn’t respect art.

I’m not addicted. I do agree with you on your points. It’s just that, finding a woman who tends to appreciate my hobbies rather than look down upon them is not very easy, and that’s regardless of age.

Welcome to Canada ! A lot of women here goe to movies for the good looking man and a lot of men go to the movies for the good looking topless woman ! What makes you think it only happens in Manila?

And most people have different hobbies than there spouse, it is called ‘healthy time away’. Marriage is based on issues totally unrelated to video games.

 

[Crescentinus]

Welcome to Canada ! A lot of women here goe to movies for the good looking man and a lot of men go to the movies for the good looking topless woman ! What makes you think it only happens in Manila?

And most people have different hobbies than there spouse, it is called ‘healthy time away’. Marriage is based on issues totally unrelated to video games.

It’s not just a problem here in Manila or in Canada. I’ve seen the same problem in other parts of the world. I’ve seen this problem among younger women in South Korea. And that is probably the reason why Korean dramas generally have good-looking actors. Of course, there are exceptions such as “Wild Romance”.
Odd thing is, I haven’t been to South Korea.

Really? I never really knew that spouses can have different interests. /sweatdrop
True, marriage is based on issues totally unrelated to video games.

 

[JRKH]

Crescentinus,
If you don’t mind sharing - What DO you look for in a potential mate…

If you do not wish to share - that’s OK…

Peace
James

 

[Crescentinus]

Crescentinus,
If you don’t mind sharing - What DO you look for in a potential mate…

If you do not wish to share - that’s OK…

Peace
James

I’m not sure if I should share that again. Apparently, I got a major infraction from the moderators when I said that and a lot of people became very offended (including but not limited to Debora). So, I had become understandably shy. o:
But, I’ll see what I can do in the future. I might tell this thread what I’m looking for in a woman in the future. o:

 

[JRKH]

I’m not sure if I should share that again. Apparently, I got a major infraction from the moderators when I said that and a lot of people became very offended (including but not limited to Debora). So, I had become understandably shy. o:
But, I’ll see what I can do in the future. I might tell this thread what I’m looking for in a woman in the future. o:

Fair enough…Forget I asked

Peace
James

 

[Crescentinus]

Fair enough…Forget I asked

Peace
James

Sorry about that.
I will do this in parts, since it will be discussed in parts.

As far as the girl’s age is concerned, I am thinking of lifting the age restriction as long as she does not look down on me based on my interests.

 

[mellowcalico]

Going back to the original question, age differences matter less and less the older a person gets IMO.

For example, the difference between an 18 year old and a 21 year old are worlds apart when people are young.

Go in the future just a few years and when they are 25 and 27 they are pretty much at the same stage in life.

Go in the future a little more when that 18 year old is 38 and that 21 year old is 41, the age difference is irrelevant.

Even further in the future, it seems almost ludicrous to think that there is much generational difference between a 75 year old and a 77 year old.

If you like, think of it in terms of level… at lower levels, the difference in characters is more apparent than at higher levels… well, unless of course someone is a raider or whatever and they have raid gear… but I don’t think there is dating raid gear .

 

[AllSeasons]

Thank you for the replies so far. I have a related question. In terms of child bearing and rearing, does age difference make any difference? If a woman is in her early to mid thirties, how many children can she realistically have and raise in practice with her husband? Thank you.

 

[JRKH]

Thank you for the replies so far. I have a related question. In terms of child bearing and rearing, does age difference make any difference? If a woman is in her early to mid thirties, how many children can she realistically have and raise in practice with her husband? Thank you.

Well I cannot answer for “how many she can have…” for there are many factors involved in this. Theoretically - a woman of thirty could give birth to as many as 8 or more children before she is 40…But when we ask “realistically” how many…well things get much more complex.

If one considers the possibility of adoption…the number of children that can be raised with her husband could be quite different…

Peace
James

 

[AllSeasons]

Well I cannot answer for “how many she can have…” for there are many factors involved in this. Theoretically - a woman of thirty could give birth to as many as 8 or more children before she is 40…But when we ask “realistically” how many…well things get much more complex.

Here are a few practical factors that I’m considering. For instance, if I wanted to space out the children so that only 1 or 2 kids are in college at the same time (for financial considerations), that would stretch out the child bearing years. Also, if I were to have kids too late, would I (and my future wife) still have the energy to raise them by the time they reach their teens?

Here’s also a biological/medical consideration. I remember hearing somewhere that the quality of eggs tend to decrease over time, so there’s a greater possibility of medical complications in children born to older mothers. Further, older mothers tend to have more complications during birth and may require Caesarians more often than younger mothers.

Maybe I’m over-thinking this, but I’m still thinking about it.

 

[JRKH]

Here are a few practical factors that I’m considering. For instance, if I wanted to space out the children so that only 1 or 2 kids are in college at the same time (for financial considerations), that would stretch out the child bearing years. Also, if I were to have kids too late, would I (and my future wife) still have the energy to raise them by the time they reach their teens?

Here’s also a biological/medical consideration. I remember hearing somewhere that the quality of eggs tend to decrease over time, so there’s a greater possibility of medical complications in children born to older mothers. Further, older mothers tend to have more complications during birth and may require Caesarians more often than younger mothers.

Maybe I’m over-thinking this, but I’m still thinking about it.

My thinking is that, when you find yourself in this situation for real (are discerning marriage a specific older woman) that you sit down with her and hash these things out. As I said earlier - each case is going to be unique…and the biological issues can easily be overcome through adoption…

Peace
James

 

[AllSeasons]

My thinking is that, when you find yourself in this situation for real (are discerning marriage a specific older woman) that you sit down with her and hash these things out. As I said earlier - each case is going to be unique…and the biological issues can easily be overcome through adoption…

Peace
James

I think adoption is a wonderful thing, and that people who adopt are saintly people; however, it’s also not for everyone. Honestly, I do not see this as an option for myself.

I agree with you that if it gets that far, it is certainly a conversation that needs to be had. I know it’s not at that stage yet, because I’m not yet ready to have that discussion.

 

[CesarAugustus]

Where I live, people who are older than I am generally have little idea on why people of my generation like video games, anime and cosplay.
The whole “cosplay as a ladder to fame” thing is a little tricky, but I’ll explain. Ever since Alodia Gosengfiao’s fame in cosplay became mainstream thanks to the media, a lot of cosplayers have this notion that if they want to be famous, they have to act like Alodia. Problem is, cosplay is not for fame but a hobby.

I know that. Hence, I do not want a woman who would not love me because I am playing video games or online games that are not famous. Sadly, there are many young women in Manila who think that if one plays famous games, watches famous anime or watches famous Korean dramas, that person is perfect boyfriend material. Here’s the weird part. They are younger than I am. Here’s the annoying part. A lot of them have this notion that they must break up with their boyfriends so that they can date celebrities.

What are you suggesting? Should I replace the rule or do away with it?

Whoa, whoa, I knew some people in the anime fandom where weird, but this, of wow. Picking boyfriends because the watch trendy stuff? cosplayers taking their hobbies way too seriously?

Hmmm. I suggest you to drop these requierements and focus more in things like morals, faith and philosophy.

For example, I know that finding a woman that likes anime, games, art, design, reading, AND also be a faithful Catholic is difficult. So, I put faith as a priority, and then, if she likes the other things, fine. If not, at least that she doesn’t see me as a crazy or weird (in the bad sense) for my hobbies and tastes, or she likes some culture, it would be fine.

Blessings!



P.S. You didn’t explain to cmscms what is anime and cosplay.

 

[Crescentinus]

Whoa, whoa, I knew some people in the anime fandom where weird, but this, of wow. Picking boyfriends because the watch trendy stuff? cosplayers taking their hobbies way too seriously?

Hmmm. I suggest you to drop these requierements and focus more in things like morals, faith and philosophy.

For example, I know that finding a woman that likes anime, games, art, design, reading, AND also be a faithful Catholic is difficult. So, I put faith as a priority, and then, if she likes the other things, fine. If not, at least that she doesn’t see me as a crazy or weird (in the bad sense) for my hobbies and tastes, or she likes some culture, it would be fine.

Blessings!



P.S. You didn’t explain to cmscms what is anime and cosplay.

Sadly, there are people who do that. D: This is especially the case with mainstream Korean dramas here in Manila.

Hmmmm, good point. I never thought of it that way. o:

I forgot to tell cmcms. /sweatdrop