She’s very, very young. My kids are that age. That’s the idiot stage, in most cases, when people just parrot what sounds good.
How could her views and yours be compatible!?I’m a 27-year old man and who’s been dating a 23 year-old woman over the past month-and-a-half. We hit it off in the beginning and were going on dates multiple times a week. She really is a great gal and we get along great for the most part. There’s chemistry and unbroken gazes when speaking. But as stated, there are issues, even if the issues are a bit more nuanced than as stated in the thread title.
She seems to be an otherwise strongly-believing Christian woman (I make caveats for the non-Catholics because I have not met any truly devout Catholic women), but her stance on abortion is a weird one. She says she would never have an abortion and that she thinks that all abortions are absolutely terrible, but that even in light of that, she doesn’t feel like it’s anybody’s place to tell a woman what she can do with her body.
She also believes that this is a sticking point for equality and women’s liberation. But I just don’t know how you can hold to completely morally contradicting positions—“abortion is horrible, but women should be allowed to legally and freely choose.”
And then there’s the matter of sexuality. She says that she’s completely fine waiting for marriage if that’s what the other person wants, but that waiting is not something she’d stick to if the “time felt right” and her s/o initiated.
I know the kind of man that I am. I am very sexually-minded. And as much faith as I have in the power of God to lift me, I’m not confident I would wait if I knew my s/o was willing to have sex before marriage. To this extent I’ve more recently sought women who were very much about waiting for marriage because I feel like together, we can accomplish that if that’s both our conviction.
What do I do here? Do these things represent a spiritual incompatibility that can be fraught with danger and pain down the road? Do they represent an opportunity to bridge that spiritual gap? Is it possible God put her in my path to direct her toward him through our relationship (should we enter into one)? Or is it possible that He put her in my path to give me the opportunity to choose the incredibly difficult thing of nipping this in light of spiritual difference? Or is God leaving this to a negative and a positive direction for both instances?
I told her today that these things weighed on me and that while I wanted to see her again, it was something I needed to seriously think about. And she said she was fine with that and understood, but she was very obviously still hurt by this sudden change in direction. To see that hurt started crushing me. Now I feel like **** for bringing it up so soon and leaving her hurt and hanging in the balance. I feel like I could be making a rash and extreme reaction to something that may not be big in the grand scheme, but I feel like these are things that the spirit of the relationship can sometimes hinge on.
If you have thoughts or experience, please share.
I think you touch on the reality of what a future with her could look like. I had forgotten that she made an off-hand comment much earlier about not believing in “shoving her or her husband’s religion down her children’s throat”. I think that perhaps this indicates parenting incompatibility.
Yes, this is terribly misguided thinking and a major deal breaker for anyone who wants to live their faith as an integral part of their family life and raise faithful Catholic children.
Dump her.I’m a 27-year old man and who’s been dating a 23 year-old woman over the past month-and-a-half. We hit it off in the beginning and were going on dates multiple times a week. She really is a great gal and we get along great for the most part. There’s chemistry and unbroken gazes when speaking. But as stated, there are issues, even if the issues are a bit more nuanced than as stated in the thread title.
She seems to be an otherwise strongly-believing Christian woman (I make caveats for the non-Catholics because I have not met any truly devout Catholic women), but her stance on abortion is a weird one. She says she would never have an abortion and that she thinks that all abortions are absolutely terrible, but that even in light of that, she doesn’t feel like it’s anybody’s place to tell a woman what she can do with her body.
Really? We should have no laws against murder, theft, rape, assault, speed limits, wearing a seatbelt, smoking in a restaurant, restrictions in neighborhoods on the color you can paint your house… because who are we to tell someone what they can or cannot do.
Yeah, no. Your examples are arbitrary.I find it most amusing you bring up seat belts as one example, because seat belts save lives. Abortion in some situations, such as ectopic pregnancies…save lives. I don’t advocate for people going out and using abortion freely as a form of birth control or as a quick fix every time they mess up. You do not lord over the land, and do not own a woman like a slave and she can legally have an abortion if she so chooses. God gave us free will, and you need to respect that and let the woman suffer the consequences of her own actions if she so chooses that path after you kindly advise her against it. If you are going to try and talk people into not getting an abortion, you need to have some understanding, compassion, and common ground. You cannot tell people birth control is evil, while at the same time prevent them from having free will and choosing their own life path should they happen to get pregnant. Are you going to help a impoverished mother raise that child, feed it, clothe it, and offer it a stable home if you talk her out of an abortion and adoption isn’t an option for her? If that child suffers abuse at the hands of a mother who didn’t want it or was properly prepared to have it are you going to atone for that? Are you going to look a little child bride in the eye and tell her that it is her fault that her pedophile husband raped her, and impregnated her and her life is now ruined and at stake because her body is too little to birth without risk? Are you going to be the one to tell a helpless pregnant woman who is having internal bleeding and hemorrhaging that she has to suffer and die for an unviable fetus? No? Then you are not pro-life you are pro-birth.
Not arbitrary, all things either illegal or regulated. All examples of not having autonomy over everything.
Abortion takes lives.
Red herring. Abortion is never permissible. Including ectopic pregnancies. One may treat the diseased tube, one may not give chemicals to attack the child.
This is, unofrtunately, a true statement.
And now we are out in propaganda land,
Not sure if this will help, but having been in sort of a similar situation, it might be worthwhile to think about your issue within the larger context of your relationship. Yes, she is hurt now, but having this conversation now is MUCH better than later. I would also echo what someone else has said about really slowing things down. Keep emotions on the side (so difficult, i know). There may be (or not) other things you won’t be compatible with, and while you are not willing to make compromises with respect to your faith, she may feel pressured to do things just to please you. Do you *know *who she is? I would hear more about her perspective, particularly note the ones which are most consistent and make decision from there.And she said she was fine with that and understood, but she was very obviously still hurt by this sudden change in direction. To see that hurt started crushing me. Now I feel like **** for bringing it up so soon and leaving her hurt and hanging in the balance. I feel like I could be making a rash and extreme reaction to something that may not be big in the grand scheme, but I feel like these are things that the spirit of the relationship can sometimes hinge on.
If you have thoughts or experience, please share.
Not propaganda, you just don’t want to face the truth that there are situations in this world that are not black and white. Also ectopic pregnancies cannot be treated with chemicals, so not sure why that was even brought up and its not “a diseased tube” or anything of the sort. Its a very rare occurrence but it still happens and the only way to save the mothers life is to remove the child, sometimes the tube has to go with it and if that surgery is not done she will surely die from internal bleeding due to a ruptured organ. In an ideal world, abortions wouldn’t happen. They are a terrible thing for both mother and child. But there are some rare instances where it is medically necessary. But we will have to agree to disagree, you’re entitled to your stance and I understand your sentiment.
Perhaps it may be helpful to distinguish between abortion and legitimate medical intervention.
I have some experience of dating a woman who was a Cafeteria Catholic. She didn’t really have any strong opinions on important issues and tended toward thinking that people should be allowed to do what they like regarding things like SSM. When it came to the pro-life issue she wasn’t really interested in going to any events or helping out with that cause. It wasn’t a big deal for her to miss mass and she sort of thought confession was unnecessary because “God forgives you anyway”.I told her today that these things weighed on me and that while I wanted to see her again, it was something I needed to seriously think about. And she said she was fine with that and understood, but she was very obviously still hurt by this sudden change in direction. To see that hurt started crushing me. Now I feel like **** for bringing it up so soon and leaving her hurt and hanging in the balance. I feel like I could be making a rash and extreme reaction to something that may not be big in the grand scheme, but I feel like these are things that the spirit of the relationship can sometimes hinge on.
If you have thoughts or experience, please share.
I agree, and that makes more sense. I am against abortion and consider myself pro-life in all forms, but I am supportive of medical intervention where necesessary and feel people shouldn’t suffer when it can be helped. The thought of that happening is very frightening. I think telling women outright that its O.K to have an abortion is wrong and it’s our job as catholics to inform them of the truth but to also show charity and mercy when they go agaisnt god’s will, god forgives as should we and sadly in this secular world people have taken abortion too far and it’s far too easy to access. There needs to be A LOT more services put in place to teach women about adoption, and if more women were willing to give for adoption, there would be less abortions and less IVF. I have always disagreed with abortion and have known plenty young mothers who opted for adoption rather than abortion and felt a lot better going through life knowing their child was placed in a loving home rather than being killed. I used to have a friend who was adopted from Taiwan, she was a lovely person and didn’t know her real mother or father but she had a lovely upbringing. I think we should show these women who are lied to by abortionist’s compassion, and educate them more on this stuff. Make sure they realize that orphanages are not like they were in the 1800’s, that kids actually go to wonderful homes.
If a man wanted to use his body to rape a woman, would she say she doesn’t feel like it’s anybody’s place to tell him what he can do with his body? Similarily, if he wanted to strangle someone with his hands, would she say she doesn’t feel like it’s anybody’s place to tell him what he can do with his body?
And maybe that works sometimes, but personally, I think I’d really rather not hold someone’s hand through faith. I want to be with someone who is arm-in arm with me to the letter-of-the law. And maybe this gal could be her down the road, but is it worth waiting to find out? I don’t think so, but that’s why I ask because I could be wrong in my mentality.