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MaryT777
Guest
Also the problem with the medications such as Lithium is at the doses many people need it with bipolar disease the side effects are grave. Hand shaking that can become permanent etc. I know a friend with bipolar disease and I pray they come out with a better medication to control the mood swings that don’t have the side effects so people will be more inclined to take the meds.
Mary.
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SuperLuigi
Guest
First, let me just say that honesty like this is important.
Having bipolar is not in and of itself an impediment to marriage in the Church, but it is something that should come up in your engagement meetings with the priest.
It’s a personal choice as to whether or not you date someone, but I strongly suggest that this condition not be the reason to end a relationship.
In your situation, it’s quite important to know about bipolar and to educate yourself. The reason is that
Bipolar can be managed but it is important for both you and your partner to know the warming signs of when problems start.
It’s an illness and needs to be treated as such.
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SuperLuigi
Guest
I am sorry you had to go through that, but it’s not applicable in every situation. I have no doubt it was a nightmare and that you were mislead (maybe even accidentally). That’s a problem.
It seems to me that your husband was very stubborn. It can come with territory of mental illness, and if that is the case, its time to move on.
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Xantippe
Guest
MaryMary said:
“One of the first symptoms of the disease is not acceptance of the condition. They may know they have it bit they don’t accept it as the disease causes them to believe they have a special superiority over others and others don’t know what they are doing. That is why is so difficult to either get them to take medication or get them to take the right medication. They think doctors don’t know what they are doing.”
That’s a god point. If the OP pursues this relationship, it will have to be on the understanding that he will accept her judgment and the judgment of his psychiatrist or therapist if they thinks that the mental illness is giving him bad ideas. Having totally skewed judgment is typical of this mental illness. This is a problem if the OP desires a truly equal partnership with her future husband. Even if he were docile, it would be more like being his mom than his wife. And if he weren’t docile and was acting on his huge grandiose stupid ideas, it would be hell.
“They are very creative and smart that is true but their personal lifestyle are a disasters. That is why you are going to see there are many famous bipolar people when it comes to personal relations and emotionally speaking their lives are a disaster.”
See Mel Gibson.
“I spent two years dating my first husband, and I would have never guessed what was waiting for me. He was the most charming, well spoken, smart, creative man I met in the world, after I got married the next years would be bell for me. I am sorry but I think bipolar is a great reason to end a relationship.”
That’s interesting that two years wasn’t adequate to give an idea of what being married to him would be like.
“One of the first symptoms of the disease is not acceptance of the condition. They may know they have it bit they don’t accept it as the disease causes them to believe they have a special superiority over others and others don’t know what they are doing. That is why is so difficult to either get them to take medication or get them to take the right medication. They think doctors don’t know what they are doing.”
That’s a god point. If the OP pursues this relationship, it will have to be on the understanding that he will accept her judgment and the judgment of his psychiatrist or therapist if they thinks that the mental illness is giving him bad ideas. Having totally skewed judgment is typical of this mental illness. This is a problem if the OP desires a truly equal partnership with her future husband. Even if he were docile, it would be more like being his mom than his wife. And if he weren’t docile and was acting on his huge grandiose stupid ideas, it would be hell.
“They are very creative and smart that is true but their personal lifestyle are a disasters. That is why you are going to see there are many famous bipolar people when it comes to personal relations and emotionally speaking their lives are a disaster.”
See Mel Gibson.
“I spent two years dating my first husband, and I would have never guessed what was waiting for me. He was the most charming, well spoken, smart, creative man I met in the world, after I got married the next years would be bell for me. I am sorry but I think bipolar is a great reason to end a relationship.”
That’s interesting that two years wasn’t adequate to give an idea of what being married to him would be like.
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marymary1975
Guest
Actually my ex husband was not stubborn, he was just a typical case (and this was confirmed by several psychiatrist. My ex was not a severe case he was more the common case and it was not stubborness it was symptoms of the disease. I am not sure if you realize that bipolar is an illness and as a regular illness has specific symptoms that every person who suffers it is going to have those symptoms. On the same way that every single person that gets chicken pox is going to have itchy blisters because the blisters are a symptom.of the disease, bipolar have symptoms which are the same on every person. I highly doubt that I was mislead because that means that then at least 25 different psychiatrist mislead me which is highly unlikely (and yes that was the number of psychiatrists that treated him between all the times he was baker acted, moved between states, changed psychiatrists, changed hospitals etc…). As I mentioned I did quite an extensive research and consulted many trained professionals so believe me I am speaking out knowing the disease very closely.
Again, it is not true that bipolar can be managed. You wouldn’t say that if you had lived with a bipolar. Now they do get periods of mental sanity, and in fact they can remain sane for a good period of time but when least expected they suddenly change in quite a drastic way. Bipolar medication makes the mood less intense, it doesn’t “manage” it. Bipolar treated can be less bad, lessens the symptoms but saying that it can be managed is.terribly misleading. Ask any psychiatrist.
Also just like Mary pointed out, the traditional medication to treat it is lithium which is an awful medication, its side effects are awful. now a days as a result of the grave side effects of lithium meds like depakote or trileptal are used again with the disadvantage of not being as effective as lithium and still having bad side effects. Another medication commonly used to treat it are benzodiazepines which have a massive potential to create severe addiction (usually these medication causes the person to behave similarly to alcoholics) so pretty much OS the kind of disease where the solution creates new problems.
I insist, if she doesn’t know what she is getting into and she is not effectively trained to deal with this disease as a spouse, she needs to run away from this man.
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marymary1975
Guest
Exactly as you stated, screwed up judgment is a symptom present in all cases of bipolar. The only exception to this may be cyclothomia which a very very mild version of it. Besides cyclothomia you are going to have to deal with being both his mother, his wife, his cop (yes when I say screwed up judgment believe me it is very screwed) his doctor and his victim.
The reason why it was so difficult for me to grab a good idea of how it was going to be is because again, they have sane periods. Add to this they tend to be very intelligent and can simulate quite well. If you don’t live with someone day to day it is going to be very difficult to grasp anything as usually they don’t socially interact when they are having an episode. They do give some signs but to an untrained person they may passed as imperceptible. Again unless you have Li ed with someone.suffering this is very difficult to have a full understanding of their.behavior.
Another point for the OP, this disease runs in the family. If he is bipolar you probably will have to deal not only with him but maybe with parent or.siblings with the same.problem.
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marymary1975
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MaryT777
Guest
Yes,
Years ago I met a man on a Catholic dating site and he told me he had bipolar disease.
The problem was he was fine when I met him but he told me that he was not well
often. He has been ostracized by his peers albeit he was an engineer for he was hospitalized nearly every 3 years for like 20 days at a time. His dad was bipolar and on social security disability (Had lost a fortune during a manic episode)
for the illness at an older age and had been an engineer as well; and his brother had taken his life.
Yes it’s genetic in nature and the suicide rate and substance abuse rate is high.
Mary.
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marymary1975
Guest
Very truth, substance abuse is extremely common.between them and suicide rates are very high. I was told by many psychiatrist that my ex didn’t have a “severe” case based on the fact that he never did illegal drugs and he never thought or attempted suicide. He was also capable to sustain a job. That made doctors think he didn’t have a severe case, and still it was a living nightmare and still he died as a result of the medication. I don’t even want to imagine what would be dealing with a severe case.
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Luvz2travel
Guest
I’m inclined to do that.
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Luvz2travel
Guest
Sounds like it’s a complicated disorder to say the least. Thanks for the information and your thoughtful response. I sorry to hear your husband issue was so bad.
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Jon_S_1
Guest
I could have written this about my ex wife of 7 years. Refused any treatment for her bpd. Even refused the diagnosis. Argued with doctors, counselors friends.
It destroyed our marriage, finally became unsafe physically and had to leave.
If you want to take the risk of a future with cops at your house all the time, an emotional vacuum cleaner, master manipulator, and someone incapable of saying sorry or accepting responsibility than carry on, otherwise as I wrote earlier…RUN
My experience was with a borderline. Truly horrific. Bi polar is a few notches lower, and more functional, so just tread with great caution if you choose to try it out.
My heart breaks for my ex and all people with these disorders. All they want is happiness and security but are incapable of finding it.
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Agne
Guest
The relationship will be viable as your love will be viable.
I didn’t read all the posts, but I read enough that I would remember one sentence that was said by a psychiatrist on internet. He said, people with mental illnesses are like machines. They need medicine to keep their moods etc. What makes me a bit angry.
As a person with schizophrenia, I feel… well, I don’t even know what I feel after reading all this. But I sure know, that if then, when long time I was feeling really bad, and I said to my friend that I can not think, I feel that my mind stopped and I feel so dumb and she wouldn’t have said to me " I don’t talk to dumb people" and still stayed my friend, but would have left me with blamings instead, that would have been really selfish from her.
I think, in every kind of friendship, romantic, or not, the most important factor, is love factor. That is what should bind people. Not a factor if other person has normal functions. Because that would make “normal” people attitude to robotic attitude. People fall, then rise again. And not just mental patients.
So, I think the question would be, not is he able to be your husband because of his illness, but are you able to love him knowing the fact what he has.
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artistmodel
Guest
I am currently going through a divorce with a woman i met on a catholic dating web site 8 years ago. The relationship dissolved just as I was expecting the happiest moment of my life, the birth of my first child. she has been on and off medication for years and will always be in psychotherapy. Bipolar runs in her family, as well as Borderline, Narcissistic, and histrionic personality disorders.
I thought that if I simply tried hard enough, and was committed enough to marriage and family, everything would be OK. WRONG. This is not about you, it’s about THEM.
PLEASE DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID.
Sooner or later, this person will destroy your relationship, marriage, or sanity, or all the above.
Choose wisely who you choose to share your life and time with.
And yes, turn around, and RUN. Don’t walk. Do not be weak, and read the Psalms.
I believe that God desires peace in our lives, but these people will only bring endless strife, and just when you think you can’t be committed more deeply to your marriage, they will desecrate it in the vilest manner.
I thought that if I simply tried hard enough, and was committed enough to marriage and family, everything would be OK. WRONG. This is not about you, it’s about THEM.
PLEASE DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID.
Sooner or later, this person will destroy your relationship, marriage, or sanity, or all the above.
Choose wisely who you choose to share your life and time with.
And yes, turn around, and RUN. Don’t walk. Do not be weak, and read the Psalms.
I believe that God desires peace in our lives, but these people will only bring endless strife, and just when you think you can’t be committed more deeply to your marriage, they will desecrate it in the vilest manner.
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Samson01
Guest
at the responses.
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chevalier
Guest
Not touching on the viable relationship angle, but regarding validity:
It’s only invalid if the disorder incapacitates the person from either understanding or undertaking the core duties of marriage, basically openness to offspring, faithfulness/exclusivity/permanence. Or deprived of use of reason when exchanging vows. Convalidation of defects of consent can sometimes subsequently take place without really knowing, by the way.
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Samson01
Guest
… True. And a big dose of love. Same goes for anyone working through challenges, be it special needs, illness, addiction, sin… We all fall short, but given the grace to give Glory to God. It could be rough, no doubt, but blessed no less.
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DaisymaeD
Guest
My girlfriend married a bipolar man. He was upfront about his diagnosis. She did not fantasize that she could change him–she was very clearheaded.
But just the same… He’s gone through tons of jobs (it’s NEVER his fault). Their friends have been dropping out of the picture steadily over time due to the erratic behavior. They are becoming increasingly isolated with their kids because of it. And she has to keep him shored up–he’s had to go home to his mother to clear his head on more than one occasion, leaving her to manage every thing all by herself.
My advice is…don’t.
But just the same… He’s gone through tons of jobs (it’s NEVER his fault). Their friends have been dropping out of the picture steadily over time due to the erratic behavior. They are becoming increasingly isolated with their kids because of it. And she has to keep him shored up–he’s had to go home to his mother to clear his head on more than one occasion, leaving her to manage every thing all by herself.
My advice is…don’t.
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Samson01
Guest
Isolation, fear, regret, hidden, … Sounds familiar. Don’t.
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