Dating someone with Bipolar?

[EasterJoy]

… True. And a big dose of love. Same goes for anyone working through challenges, be it special needs, illness, addiction, sin… We all fall short, but given the grace to give Glory to God. It could be rough, no doubt, but blessed no less.

It isn’t for everyone, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t for anyone. It does take a person who is willing to lose some social life and suffer some financial set-backs over things that their spouse is inevitably going to do. Still, though, you are right: They are worth it, of course, if they are willing to do their part, when they find the right fit.

Most people don’t have what it takes to be married to someone who is going to have a difficult life, but for those who have what it takes, it can be done and it can be rewarding.

Never ever marry someone who doesn’t think their special difficulty is their problem to work on or that they won’t have to do extra to make their marriage work–that this is their spouse’s burden, not theirs. That goes whether that special difficulty is a special need or a very difficult vocation.

 

[Samson01]

It isn’t for everyone, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t for anyone. It does take a person who is willing to lose some social life and suffer some financial set-backs over things that their spouse is inevitably going to do. Still, though, you are right: They are worth it, of course, if they are willing to do their part, when they find the right fit.

Most people don’t have what it takes to be married to someone who is going to have a difficult life, but for those who have what it takes, it can be done and it can be rewarding.

Never ever marry someone who doesn’t think their special difficulty is their problem to work on or that they won’t have to do extra to make their marriage work–that this is their spouse’s burden, not theirs. That goes whether that special difficulty is a special need or a very difficult vocation.

Indeed. Even in perceived failure is an opportunity for greater sanctification. Though heavier the cross may seem, grace is afforded. May The Lord help us to cooperate in that grace.

 

[Allegra]

Is it possible? Yes. Is it easy? No. Does it have a high rate of failure? Yes.

I have two siblings with bipolar disorder and I suspect that neither of them are going to be called to marriage, unfortunately. They never seem to have difficulty drumming up people who are willing to give a relationship a try though. I really think that a person who is discerning a relationship with bipolar disorder should learn alot about the disorder and the person they are dating before they get too serious. I also recommend extra pre-marital counseling and preparation before getting married.

 

[Xantippe]

“They never seem to have difficulty drumming up people who are willing to give a relationship a try though.”

Bipolar people can be a lot of fun.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Is it possible? Yes. Is it easy? No. Does it have a high rate of failure? Yes.

I have two siblings with bipolar disorder and I suspect that neither of them are going to be called to marriage, unfortunately. They never seem to have difficulty drumming up people who are willing to give a relationship a try though. I really think that a person who is discerning a relationship with bipolar disorder should learn alot about the disorder and the person they are dating before they get too serious. I also recommend extra pre-marital counseling and preparation before getting married.

Just for the record we’ve only been on 4 dates so any marriage would be a far future thing. I know I did ask the marriage validity question but that was just because I didn’t know about the disorder.

 

[Luvz2travel]

“They never seem to have difficulty drumming up people who are willing to give a relationship a try though.”

Bipolar people can be a lot of fun.

So can ADD people…we’re never boring it’s work to keep up with us…lol

 

[Luvz2travel]

I am currently going through a divorce with a woman i met on a catholic dating web site 8 years ago. The relationship dissolved just as I was expecting the happiest moment of my life, the birth of my first child. she has been on and off medication for years and will always be in psychotherapy. Bipolar runs in her family, as well as Borderline, Narcissistic, and histrionic personality disorders.
I thought that if I simply tried hard enough, and was committed enough to marriage and family, everything would be OK. WRONG. This is not about you, it’s about THEM.

PLEASE DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE I DID.

Sooner or later, this person will destroy your relationship, marriage, or sanity, or all the above.

Choose wisely who you choose to share your life and time with.

And yes, turn around, and RUN. Don’t walk. Do not be weak, and read the Psalms.
I believe that God desires peace in our lives, but these people will only bring endless strife, and just when you think you can’t be committed more deeply to your marriage, they will desecrate it in the vilest manner.

I know of someone who has it as well and has two children and is happily married. I 'm sorry you’re experience was so rough. Prayers and thanks for your response.

 

[Luvz2travel]

Thanks to everyone who responded both positive and negative. I 've gotten a lot of experiences from people and need to speak with him and find out more about his struggle before I make more of a judgement. For the record he’s always been nice to me but
I respect him great for being honest about it though and telling me right off. Keep me in your prayers thanks again.

 

[EasterJoy]

“They never seem to have difficulty drumming up people who are willing to give a relationship a try though.”

Bipolar people can be a lot of fun.

High highs and low lows and a lot of head-scratching…it takes endurance, but also the sense that you’re not the only one who thinks it is important to be the adult. You have to have someone who is willing to let the rest of the world be there for them, to trust the slow-pokes to smooth things out into something that is still exciting but not so harrowing.

The divorce rate for people with bipolar disorder is very high, I don’t blame those who shy away, but when you meet the actual person…well, consider how Jason and Odysseus were able to sail past the Sirens. You have to have an imagination and a leader willing to admit that he needs help to get past those bewitching temptations. If the bipolar person is willing to submit to some limits when they are flying, then that seems to be how the successful couples do it. I’d certainly do a lot of research into how the successful couples did it before I decided whether to try it.

 

[Luvz2travel]

High highs and low lows and a lot of head-scratching…it takes endurance, but also the sense that you’re not the only one who thinks it is important to be the adult. You have to have someone who is willing to let the rest of the world be there for them, to trust the slow-pokes to smooth things out into something that is still exciting but not so harrowing.

The divorce rate for people with bipolar disorder is very high, I don’t blame those who shy away, but when you meet the actual person…well, consider how Jason and Odysseus were able to sail past the Sirens. You have to have an imagination and a leader willing to admit that he needs help to get past those bewitching temptations. If the bipolar person is willing to submit to some limits when they are flying, then that seems to be how the successful couples do it. I’d certainly do a lot of research into how the successful couples did it before I decided whether to try it.

Thanks you for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

 

[erine]

Guys people are people first and not their disorders. I would be more concerned about if the person is serious about Christ and the church and holiness. Cause if they are then they might obey doctors, get treatment, not blame others for episodes, etc. people w psych issues arent suddenly souless animals without minds or free will, the way some people talk. Many love God and know how to cope in daily life just like any other treated disease.

Your question is too broad. It is like asking if you should date an alcoholic. Well, an active alcoholic who steals to get liquor? Or a recovering one who doesn’t drink and prays and goes to church. Maybe the second kind or a bipolar person who loves God is even more humble bc of their weakness and more respectful of Christ. My good friend who struggles with bipolar is really more humble and close to Christ than a lot of “normal” people I know. The key is she accepts she has it and needs help.

I understand your concern but people with psych. issues are people too. Plenty have fine marriages. All marriages are a cross and a sanctifying vocation. All humans have “issues.” sometimes it seems like thanks to Oprah and whatever else in pop culture, people treat other humans they like romantically as a car they are buying that can be switched out for another model or a computer that they are upset has bugs. People refuse to fall in love unless the person doesn’t have issues. Good luck with that…

I think when you really like someone, it is for who they are with all their weaknesses and you prefer them that way to some cookie cutter, even as you love them too much to ever let them stay stuck in their sins.

I am just ranting, no offense meant to OP, I just think the attitude in general many have on this is all wrong. The real question would be to ask God if you have a vocation to marriage with a specific person, flaws and all. And if so, ask the Lord to give the graces needed. He always does, if you are called. But if you aren’t, you can not date them based on the fact that you aren’t called to marriage, not bc of a disorder.

I would look more for virtue or character, than deciding what their character is based on their issues.

Why do so many Catholics suddenly drop the lense of viewing reality from a God-centered perspective and make psychiatry an idol the minute mental illness is brought up?

 

[EasterJoy]

…The key is she accepts she has it and needs help…

Bingo. When assessing the inevitable faults in a potential mate or when assessing oneself for marriage, the degree to which the person (whether self or other) maintains an attitude that will make the faults something that can be overcome is key. If you’re going to live by the sea, you can’t just see all the fish you can have but have no plan for the constant corrosiveness of the salt. If you’re going to live in Arizona, you have to ask if you’re willing to submit to the reality of living in a desert, because you are not going to make it other than what it is. Some lands are harder than others to live on, there is no getting around it, but that doesn’t make the hard lands unlivable. It does mean that one must count the cost and really come through in hardship in order to make it. You have to apply great effort in the right ways and at the right times in order to realize the unique rewards of having chosen a hard environment. Luck and good will alone won’t do it. Still, just as the desert has people who would not want to live anywhere else, just so every difficult kind of temperament in people. If it is for you, you may ask yourself during the hard times what you were thinking, but in the end you won’t want to be anywhere else.

 

[EasterJoy]

Thanks to everyone who responded both positive and negative. I 've gotten a lot of experiences from people and need to speak with him and find out more about his struggle before I make more of a judgement. For the record he’s always been nice to me but
I respect him great for being honest about it though and telling me right off. Keep me in your prayers thanks again.

“Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs, even though checkered by failure… than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.”

“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”

Theodore Roosevelt (both quotes)

If this fellow is being honest and knows that he has struggles ahead, he is way ahead of the game. If you want an easy life, he’s not your man, but you may find that there are more important things in life than finding the easiest course. Denial would make success impossible, but this fellow’s willingness to admit the difficulties ahead indicate that he has some chance of navigating his challenges well and making the most of his ability to know every extreme of human experience. You may find in him a man like no other. If you have the courage, consider him.

 

[Allegra]

Just for the record we’ve only been on 4 dates so any marriage would be a far future thing. I know I did ask the marriage validity question but that was just because I didn’t know about the disorder.

One piece of useful advice my mother always says is to never waste time dating someone you would never be willing to marry.

 

[EasterJoy]

One piece of useful advice my mother always says is to never waste time dating someone you would never be willing to marry.

It is more kind to everyone involved, if you’re really sure that the marriage would be a mistake for you. Let them free to find someone who is willing to be a serious prospect, too.

 

[Luvz2travel]

It is more kind to everyone involved, if you’re really sure that the marriage would be a mistake for you. Let them free to find someone who is willing to be a serious prospect, too.

I do feel called to marriage but I only met this guy less than a month ago and have only been out with him 4xs so it’s way too early for me to know if marriage was in the future even if no issues were evident. I been through some rough relationships. My ex was a drama king who who I later found out was still in love with his exfiance and he was also a control freak. My ex before him dumped me just as I fell in love with him. He was a commitment phobic who never commited to the girl he dated after me either. So I’m a bit wary of saying yes this or that person is the person for me until I know them for awhile.

 

[marymary1975]

If this fellow is being honest and knows that he has struggles ahead, he is way ahead of the game. If you want an easy life, he’s not your man, but you may find that there are more important things in life than finding the easiest course. Denial would make success impossible, but this fellow’s willingness to admit the difficulties ahead indicate that he has some chance of navigating his challenges well and making the most of his ability to know every extreme of human experience. You may find in him a man like no other. If you have the courage, consider him.

The problem with this is that this fellow.may be honest and recognize his struggles today in public when he is in his sanity phase, but five days later when he is in his house and not under the outside view and the sanity switch goes off and he is going to abruptly chaNge radically and he is going to kiss all the honesty good bye. This is not about wanting an easy life. This is about choosing between living a normal life with normal.struggles or making a conscious decision of living a nightmare for the rest of your life. if she knows exactly what the disease entails, if she knows with details what every mood swing is about, if she knows with detail all the side effects (that are going to have effect on her) that the medications cause, if she is willing to live in a constant financial struggle, of she is willing to live fighting with him over his medications, doctors and treatments, if she is willing to accept that he is going to disappear from her frequently, if she is willing to have to.deal with baker acting, if she is going to.deal with him mistreating her, then she should.consider him. Otherwise, she needs to.stop.seeing this man.

 

[EasterJoy]

The problem with this is that this fellow.may be honest and recognize his struggles today in public when he is in his sanity phase, but five days later when he is in his house and not under the outside view and the sanity switch goes off and he is going to abruptly chaNge radically and he is going to kiss all the honesty good bye. This is not about wanting an easy life. This is about choosing between living a normal life with normal.struggles or making a conscious decision of living a nightmare for the rest of your life. if she knows exactly what the disease entails, if she knows with details what every mood swing is about, if she knows with detail all the side effects (that are going to have effect on her) that the medications cause, if she is willing to live in a constant financial struggle, of she is willing to live fighting with him over his medications, doctors and treatments, if she is willing to accept that he is going to disappear from her frequently, if she is willing to have to.deal with baker acting, if she is going to.deal with him mistreating her, then she should.consider him. Otherwise, she needs to.stop.seeing this man.

Someone who is bipolar might decide the want to get married over the course of a weekend, but no one else in their right mind would take them up on it! Even more than with most people, it takes time to map someone with this particularly psychological make-up sufficiently to know if their strengths and weaknesses match up well or poorly with one’s own.

I would not tell someone to automatically run fast the other way upon finding someone they are dating has a past with difficult consequences that will carry into the future, a difficult psychological make-up, difficult relatives near or far, or a line of work that a reasonable assessment says will promise some difficulties. I think that goes too far. At the same time, I would also caution them to count the cost, and count it up twice, and then again at least once more, when the plain cards already on the table promise a tough hand to play. You aren’t doing anyone any favors if you jump in when it could be foreseen that you will not be able to stay the course.

 

[Allegra]

Someone who is bipolar might decide the want to get married over the course of a weekend, but no one else in their right mind would take them up on it! Even more than with most people, it takes time to map someone with this particularly psychological make-up sufficiently to know if their strengths and weaknesses match up well or poorly with one’s own.

I would not tell someone to automatically run fast the other way upon finding someone they are dating has a past with difficult consequences that will carry into the future, a difficult psychological make-up, difficult relatives near or far, or a line of work that a reasonable assessment says will promise some difficulties. I think that goes too far. At the same time, I would also caution them to count the cost, and count it up twice, and then again at least once more, when the plain cards already on the table promise a tough hand to play. You aren’t doing anyone any favors if you jump in when it could be foreseen that you will not be able to stay the course.

I have to agree. There are frequent struggles with someone with bipolar disorder, but there is alot of joy as well when you love someone. You figure out how to cope with their problems, and you cope. On the other hand, growing up in the same household as two people who have it, I was never given any option BUT coping. THe Church has yet to come up with a tribunal that annulls siblings.

 

[EasterJoy]

I have to agree. There are frequent struggles with someone with bipolar disorder, but there is alot of joy as well when you love someone. You figure out how to cope with their problems, and you cope. On the other hand, growing up in the same household as two people who have it, I was never given any option BUT coping. THe Church has yet to come up with a tribunal that annulls siblings.

Or children…some relationships are ordained by Heaven, and to that extent, we are “stuck”. Still, the Heaven that protected Joseph from his envious siblings is also the Heaven that can recognize the merit of the one who copes with a situation she didn’t ask for with glory that no one else can give.