Dating Suggestions?

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Don’t set your hopes too high just because a country has a high rate of baptised Catholics. Poland has 90% or more, while church attendance is like 30%. Those are in agreement with the Church’s teaching on sexuality and follow it are a minority. And Poland is not a nation with a big temper or admiration for sexual conquests.

You’d still need to do a lot of filtering and asking. You don’t to hang out with random single men. And this in a country that has made a core value of chivalrous act toward women—I’d be much more disinclined from doing that in (areas of) countries in which male violence towards women is more socially accepted, coercive advances by hotblooded males considered less of a deal, male conquests are admired (at least by other males) etc.

Frankly, if I were to ask girl off the street in a Catholic country (and I’ve done that or close), I wouldn’t be counting on a large chance of running into a person opposed to premarital intercourse and contraception.
I think you are right Chevalier, but don’t worry - vodka will freeze over before I move to Poland.
 
To SeaShoreGirl

Thanks for the tip about the Summerville YA. They look good and I also found through them a Lexington Group. I used to be very interested in studying Theology and I think I’ll check out their Bible Study. It is always fun to meet other local young Catholics. 🙂

Thanks for the heads up about Ave Maria. There are only about 6 people in the NE area right now and I think I know the guy you are talking about with the beer and the gun rack. Yeah… . Not my type. 😉
 
It sounds like it wasn’t the person for you, but that is a really cute story. It’s like a real life romantic comedy. 😉 Who knew?
The old ‘meet cute’, eh?

I had one with romcom actress Judy Greer. It was surreal. She followed it up by sending me a letter with stickers and glitter and confetti. Awesome gal, but it wasn’t a match. She’s not particularly devout, she ended up marrying one of Bill Maher’s producers.
 
I met my husband on Catholic Match after several years of trying different dating sites (including Ave Maria). For me, what made the difference was finally realizing that I should look outside my “preferred location” and be open to meeting men all over the country. I had glanced at several of the profiles of men who lived far away, but never seriously considered a relationship with them because I didn’t want to leave my familiar surroundings (including family). I prayed about it a ton, and finally felt God calling me to be more open to meeting a man who lived far away and potentially moving to be with him. Well, once I got out of my own way, I met a wonderful man, we dated long distance for 6 months, were engaged for 6 months, married, and I moved over 1000 miles away to be with him. It was a difficult transition but totally worth it. We now have a beautiful little boy! I don’t know how attached you are to your present living situation/location but if you haven’t already… expand your search 🙂

I would also recommend attending the National Catholic Singles Conference. You just missed the one in Denver but there is usually 1-2 a year. Even if you don’t meet anyone in particular, for me (when I was single) it gave me hope that there were plenty of faithful Catholic men out there and in God’s time I woould meet the right one. Plus, the conference is awesome and the speakers are great!

One more side note… when I was single and dating, I received some great advice from a trusted spiritual director. She said that while I was in a dating relationship, to pray to God for an obvious sign whether or not this was the right man for me, and if he wasn’t, to somehow block the relationship. It felt kind of weird at first, but then once I did it, it really helped me to see clearly which path God wanted me to take and I didn’t feel like I was wasting any time being in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere.

Best wishes!
 
The old ‘meet cute’, eh?

I had one with romcom actress Judy Greer. It was surreal. She followed it up by sending me a letter with stickers and glitter and confetti. Awesome gal, but it wasn’t a match. She’s not particularly devout, she ended up marrying one of Bill Maher’s producers.
Hold the phone -

You dated Ester Blomenbergenrosensteinenthal from the Hebrew Hammer, one of the greatest films of all time?! What a mensch. 🙂

I didn’t know she was Catholic.
 
Hold the phone -

You dated Ester Blomenbergenrosensteinenthal from the Hebrew Hammer, one of the greatest films of all time?! What a mensch. 🙂

I didn’t know she was Catholic.
I wouldn’t say we dated. After our little meet cute, we wrote to each other a bit, but since we didn’t live in the same city, nothing really came of it.
 
I met my husband on Catholic Match after several years of trying different dating sites (including Ave Maria). For me, what made the difference was finally realizing that I should look outside my “preferred location” and be open to meeting men all over the country. I had glanced at several of the profiles of men who lived far away, but never seriously considered a relationship with them because I didn’t want to leave my familiar surroundings (including family). I prayed about it a ton, and finally felt God calling me to be more open to meeting a man who lived far away and potentially moving to be with him. Well, once I got out of my own way, I met a wonderful man, we dated long distance for 6 months, were engaged for 6 months, married, and I moved over 1000 miles away to be with him. It was a difficult transition but totally worth it. We now have a beautiful little boy! I don’t know how attached you are to your present living situation/location but if you haven’t already… expand your search 🙂

I would also recommend attending the National Catholic Singles Conference. You just missed the one in Denver but there is usually 1-2 a year. Even if you don’t meet anyone in particular, for me (when I was single) it gave me hope that there were plenty of faithful Catholic men out there and in God’s time I woould meet the right one. Plus, the conference is awesome and the speakers are great!

One more side note… when I was single and dating, I received some great advice from a trusted spiritual director. She said that while I was in a dating relationship, to pray to God for an obvious sign whether or not this was the right man for me, and if he wasn’t, to somehow block the relationship. It felt kind of weird at first, but then once I did it, it really helped me to see clearly which path God wanted me to take and I didn’t feel like I was wasting any time being in a relationship that wasn’t going anywhere.

Best wishes!
Thank you for sharing your story. I know what you mean about long distance and I have done a bit of that, but I find it doesn’t work out if they are really far away. It’s just hard to get to know each other and it gets expensive to fly a lot. But I am very open to the Eastern Seaboard.
 
Any advice from those living in Ireland, preferably North of Ireland
 
Well you know… Wink I’m a young Catholic male, who also happens to be single…

LOL anyways, enough of the creepiness. I wish you luck. It’s really hard to find good people nowadays. I’m not saying that there aren’t any. I actually think that there are alot, but they can be really hard to find…And then when you find them, you may not even be compatible… The important thing is to not give up the search! I bet he will find you soon enough!

Good Luck
 
Well you know… Wink I’m a young Catholic male, who also happens to be single…

LOL anyways, enough of the creepiness. I wish you luck. It’s really hard to find good people nowadays. I’m not saying that there aren’t any. I actually think that there are alot, but they can be really hard to find…And then when you find them, you may not even be compatible… The important thing is to not give up the search! I bet he will find you soon enough!

Good Luck
👍 A little young for me, but I like your style.

Thanks for the encouragement. We should all pray for each other. And maybe I should just hang around here more. Seems there are a lot of cool people.
 
Any advice from those living in Ireland, preferably North of Ireland
I took a look on Catholic Match for you, and there weren’t that many girls in Ireland signed up in your age group (I saw that you were 22, so I put 18 - 24). 10 total - 5 in Dublin, 1 in Cork, 2 in Killarney, and 1 in Tralee. I’m not sure if that is enough to make it worth getting CM.

Some of them were pretty cute though! 😉
 
👍 A little young for me, but I like your style.

Thanks for the encouragement. We should all pray for each other. And maybe I should just hang around here more. Seems there are a lot of cool people.
Sounds like a plan! You pray for me and I’ll pray for you! I will try to remember everyday. This arrangement is fail proof. In no time we will both meet “the one” 😃

And yeah, there are alot of cool people on here. Ive learned alot on CAF.
 
New idea: Find an HIGH QUALITY man. Don’t worry about whether he is a Catholic or not. Just be sure he respects that you are Catholic and that your children WILL be raised 100% as CATHOLICS.

Why do I recommend this?

A high quality man WILL make a great husband, period. It doesn’t matter if he worships God at Mass or not. There ARE high quality men who are not Catholic–that is just a FACT.

By being open to high quality men outside the pool of Catholics, your job of finding a good man to marry gets much easier.

I’d rather see you marry a high quality Jewish man, Mormon man, agnostic man, Lutheran man, Muslim man, than marry a so-so Catholic man, or no man at all.

There’s some great men out there, but they are not all Catholic! That is a FACT!

Catholics are allowed to marry non-Catholics! It is in Canon Law!

And maybe your qualities will win him over to the Catholic Faith! So, you’d be doing a good, good thing!

Good luck!

P.S. My cute, smart niece found a high quality man on eHarmony and married him 2 years ago.
P.P.S. I don’t think events and organizations in the Catholic world are going to be of any help to you.
P.P.P.S. Get a consultation with Toni Coleman of Consu-mate. You are 29. Time is running out. You need EXPERT help! This is not a casual matter. You have about 1 year left. When you turn 31, the whole situation will change for you. 31 year old guys don’t date 31 year old women. They date younger. All men 31 and older date women younger than themselves. Just don’t be casual about all this. Don’t expect good advice from well-meaning people on Catholic forums–sorry!
 
I think you should check out the Opus Dei meetings in your area for women. As far as I know, all the Opus Dei meetings for lay people are segregated by gender.

I now think you need this NOT to help you find a man to marry.

I now think you need this so that you can find a community of Catholics who want to live out their Catholic Faith in the way that I think you do: A way that is IN THE WORLD, that is for LAY PEOPLE, yet is VERY devout and fully, fully God-centric 24 hours a day.

Let’s be honest: This is NOT the way most Catholics today life their lives, even the ones who attend Mass every Sunday.

The Opus Dei are, in my view, similar to what the observant, pious Orthodox Jews are in the Jewish world. I really respect observant, pious Orthodox Jews. They have a real sense of community, and real dedication to personal holiness and to “Hashem” (Hebrew for “The Name” a way of talking about the LORD God).

The only thing similar in the Catholic world, for lay people (of all ages), that I know of, is Opus Dei. Yes, they have a bit of an element of “separatist” feeling about them, in my humble opinion. But they are fully approved by the Catholic Church, the popes, the Cardinals, etc. They have their critics, but so what?

Best wishes.
 
Well, I’m your age, and I haven’t had any more luck in dating than you have.

However, in my experience, many balanced and high-quality Catholic young adults are only found in mixed company. In other words, many of them avoid the “young adult” crowd and can be found working, volunteering, socializing, studying and worshiping with Catholics of different ages, married and single.

This is a problem for us, because the only way to meet these young Catholics is to meet as many Catholics as possible, period. Have you ever heard a relationship columnist describe dating as “numbers game”? I hate game-playing in dating, but there’s some truth to this saying. To meet the right Catholic man, you need to meet a lot of Catholics in general. A new goal of mine is to acquaint myself with as many Catholic social circles as possible.

You mention that there are barely any young adult Catholics in Boston. This doesn’t sound right to me. Boston is a magnet for young professionals, and in big cities, young adult Catholics have a way of finding each other, when present in sufficient numbers. The Boston metro area is huge, and chances are, there are single Catholics congregating in places you haven’t explored yet.

In the end, though, all you can really do is meet as many Catholics as possible – of every age. Make a resolution to meet new people while doing activities that you genuinely enjoy. Don’t go to confession or go to grad school or join a spiritual group just to meet a man – if you do these things, do them because they genuinely benefit you. If you decide to try the “young adult group” route again, you could call someone at the diocese and ask which parishes have a lot of young adults – it might sound strange but it actually worked for me. (I don’t quite understand your original message – you mention that you’ve found parishes with young adult groups, so how do you always end up being the only person your age in church?)
 
Get a consultation with Toni Coleman of Consu-mate. You are 29. Time is running out. You need EXPERT help! This is not a casual matter. You have about 1 year left. When you turn 31, the whole situation will change for you. 31 year old guys don’t date 31 year old women. They date younger. All men 31 and older date women younger than themselves. Just don’t be casual about all this.
This is getting ridiculous. There are plenty of men in their 30s who are looking for women of their own age. One of my friends is even thinking about marrying a woman who is several years older.

Marriages where the man is significantly younger than the woman are rare, and I think there are some good reasons for this (the chance for unhealthy relationship dynamics that don’t occur in the opposite scenario). However, it’s a gross exaggeration to say that a 31-year-old woman will no longer be able to find a worthwhile partner.
Don’t expect good advice from well-meaning people on Catholic forums–sorry!
I always find it strange when members of this forum urge other members to ignore internet advice immediately after giving it…
 
Any advice from those living in Ireland, preferably North of Ireland
Do you go to Youth 2000, Pro-Life events, Legion of Mary, Pure in Heart, etc Paddy? I am from Alba, not Erin, but have been in Dublin for a while I always found that there were plenty of young women - and men (I almost assumed that Paddy was definitely a man’s name there) - at these types of things. The Pro-Life Rally in Dublin last summer was really well attended with young people, and the next one this summer is in Belfast. Youth 2000 events in the North are incredible as well, and also in the South. Éirinn go Brách!
 
New idea: Find an HIGH QUALITY man. Don’t worry about whether he is a Catholic or not. Just be sure he respects that you are Catholic and that your children WILL be raised 100% as CATHOLICS.

Why do I recommend this?

A high quality man WILL make a great husband, period. It doesn’t matter if he worships God at Mass or not. There ARE high quality men who are not Catholic–that is just a FACT.

By being open to high quality men outside the pool of Catholics, your job of finding a good man to marry gets much easier.

I’d rather see you marry a high quality Jewish man, Mormon man, agnostic man, Lutheran man, Muslim man, than marry a so-so Catholic man, or no man at all.

There’s some great men out there, but they are not all Catholic! That is a FACT!

Catholics are allowed to marry non-Catholics! It is in Canon Law!

And maybe your qualities will win him over to the Catholic Faith! So, you’d be doing a good, good thing!

Good luck!

P.S. My cute, smart niece found a high quality man on eHarmony and married him 2 years ago.
P.P.S. I don’t think events and organizations in the Catholic world are going to be of any help to you.
P.P.P.S. Get a consultation with Toni Coleman of Consu-mate. You are 29. Time is running out. You need EXPERT help! This is not a casual matter. You have about 1 year left. When you turn 31, the whole situation will change for you. 31 year old guys don’t date 31 year old women. They date younger. All men 31 and older date women younger than themselves. Just don’t be casual about all this. Don’t expect good advice from well-meaning people on Catholic forums–sorry!
The OP, as I understand it, is NOT in a state of desperation, but wants to marry a faithful Catholic man. If this truly is such an impossible task to marry a faithful Catholic man, then the problem is with ourselves, and we must all work very hard to solve this problem. As evidenced by some of these extreme suggestions:

1.) Moving thousands of miles away.
2.) Getting a Masters degree as a ruse for getting your “Mrs”. Or
3.) Giving up and marrying a so called “high quality” Muslim or Mormon man- whatever that means!

For many young faithful Catholic men and women, high quality IS marrying someone who is at very least a devout Christian. This is a noble and holy goal, and frankly I think it is unconscionable advice to dissuade anyone from that goal. Furthermore, your comments that time is running out for a lovely, young woman of 30 strikes me as a bit sexist. And even worse, it’s mean, and you should have thought of that.
 
Sounds like a plan! You pray for me and I’ll pray for you! I will try to remember everyday. This arrangement is fail proof. In no time we will both meet “the one” 😃

And yeah, there are alot of cool people on here. Ive learned alot on CAF.
👍 I agree. Great plan. We can’t go wrong!
 
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