Dating the oldest and the youngest

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Only sons often get special treatment… they may as well be only children. Only daughters often become “The Princess.” And so no matter how many brothers, they have traits of the Only child.

Read the book. It does the subject way more justice than I could.
 
Monicad, the God who created us and sanctified the family as an institution also knows the importance of birth order and how that subtly shapes us our whole lives. Where we fit in a family and how we do that has a lot to do with how we fit into the world and how we relate to others. Reading a book like that is not like astrology. It’s an attempt to understand the things that affect us as we grow up.

Look to your bible and see the stories of people who were profoundly affected by their birth order… Jacob and Esau, Joseph (whose brothers didn’t like his role as the baby, obviously)…

I’ve heard of twins separated only by minutes and it still affects them, one being “older” than the other.

And birth order affects parents. No two children really have the “same” parent. There are patterns in families. Count how many pictures are in the album of a first-born or only. Then ask someone three or four down the line how many photos there are of them without “everyone else in the picture too.” A firstborn or only has a time where their identity is formed as a singleton. Everyone else grows up as part of a group. That has profound effects.

Stereotypes exist for a reason.

Ask any teacher if they notice the difference birth order makes in their students.

Your role as the oldest was God’s plan for you. As a parent myself I found that book a useful reminder to not fall into certain patterns that might be less than helpful to my children. And it helped me to understand the dynamics and the normalness of the role siblings play in each other’s lives.
 
Dacinom said:
This may seem a little nutty but I think reading a birth-order book is just a “few shades” shy of astrology although it’s not sinful of course!

Okay, I know it’s not the same thing and I am not implying that it is sinful but why? You can take any group of people and try and pick them apart…who is responsible, who is a go-getter, who is lazy and chalk it up to hair color if you want to!

I think a person’s personality and temperment have more to do with God’s plan then anything. I am the oldest child and I am the first-born for a reason. People are born male or female for a reason. It is all part of the wonderful plan.

So many things factor into life. If people want to read it for fun I guess they’res no harm in that but I think there would be a danger in stereotyping people so I wouldn’t read it.

Maybe I’m way off but just my two cents.
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I don’t pay any attention to astrology, UFOs, Bermuda Triagle etc either. But in general terms, birth order does affect certain character traits.
 
surf(name removed by moderator)ure said:
I don’t know if one can make any real generalizations about birth order, but the two older brothers I dated (firstborn) were responsible and hardworking (I married the second one ;)). The two younger brothers (one baby, one middle-child) were lots of fun, but didn’t care much for responsibility. AND both of the latter were big-time Mama’s boys.

But I’m sure that’s not the case in every situation. For example, I have a 2-year-old who has taken up the mantle as the older sibling, because his 5-year-old sister is developmentally delayed. When the new baby comes, he’ll be the middle child, but he’s our “leader” and probably always will be.
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This has happened in our family too! 🙂 Our eldest is 7yrs old, but due to his disablities, he’s our “baby” in many ways and always will be. Middle son, 4.5yrs old, has assumed postion as the leader of the family and is quite serious and responsible, now that he has gained some maturity. Our youngest son is definately the happy-go-lucky clown. I once would have scoffed at birth order influencing personality type but I can see some truth to it in my own family.
 
Birth order can affect behaviour and self concept because of how others respond to us and how we percieve ourselves in relation to others, so it is not supernatural or related to spiritualism at all.
I am the eldest of two girls, all of my previous BFs and my DH are youngest brothers. Our son is an only and his girlfriend is a middle child - very hardworking and content to let him take centre stage and shine. Birth order is interesting.
Jesus was an only child too - does that make a difference?
Karen
 
I would say I fit the stereotype of the youngest child, though I’m getting my act together now finally.

But then I do have recently-diagnosed ADD which doesn’t help. It’s related to another medical condition I have, sufferers of which have a much higher incidence of ADD than the rest of the population.

Out of the five of us children (all girls), though, the eldest and the middle are also more like younger children than elder - and there’s a six-year gap between the oldest two and the middle girl. Although they’re less extreme than myself.

The second and fourth (especially the fourth) are by far the most responsible, ‘take charge’, ‘got it all together’ types among us.
 
I strongly recommend understanding birth order. A synopsis of the book has already been well presented so I don’t need to elaborate.

I used to fight dating based on birth order. As a youngest I would often date a youngest too (more fun I thought.) Let me tell you, THAT was a train wreck waiting to happen! Because of my upbringing I am a little more financially responsible than some youngests are, but other than that…Oh yeah, spoiled baby all the way here.

We have a whole lot to give, but we usually need to receive first to have something to give away. Once we are filled up we are the life of the party making everyone laugh and giving all sorts of hugs and love. My mom calls me “the room barometer.” If I am having fun, everyone else is too. When I am sick, the room is quieter, she says.

When I prayed for my husband I actually specified an oldest. I knew based on my life experience that was who God wanted for me. That is who I got…DH, oldest of 3, me, youngest of 3. It seems to be a good complementary match.
 
How do you folks find you relate to your children in regards to your own birth order? It has only struck me now that I relate the most easily to our youngest…and I’m a youngest too. Coincidence?

Sometimes it’s hard to keep a straight face when I’m supposed to be disciplining him because I actually think what he’s done is fun (but naughty fun KWIM?) I have to remind myself that I am no longer the child but the adult who is supposed to be the sensible one. :rolleyes: sigh
 
I would have to say that is not always the case. I am the youngest of two. I have a masters degree, have always held a steady job, am self-employed, consider myself successful, and have been married for almost 13 years. I consider myself to be very responsible. My brother is the same way. I graduated valedictorian from high school and with honors from my masters. (Had a little too much fun in undergrad 😃 so I missed the honors). I think it relates often to how one is brought up.

I was raised on a farm and have numerous responsibilites early. Starting in 4th grade, I was responsible for the calves, and had to get up every morning at 4:30 am, regardless of the weather, to feed them. I was responsible for administering medication when they were ill. My brother and I also assisted in milking the cows every day after school and in the mornings on the weekends. Responsibility was a given. During the summer months, when hay was being cut and stored, our work load doubled. I haven’t even mentioned wheat, cotton, and other commodities that were grown. Running a family farm took everyone of us. We knew that. I would not change my childhood for anything. It taught me valuable lessons and brought my family closer together at the end of the day. I make it sound horrible, but trust me, I loved every minute of it.

So, is irresponsibilty related to the order of birth? I don’t think so. I think it is related to lessons learned in childhood.
 
Not so fast, Tamarp! You had a brother. The book’s premise is that when a family has two children, one boy and one girl, each is basically treated like an oldest or only. Now, if you had had a younger sister or brother, you might have seen a BIG difference. (Second sons are always the wild cards!)
 
tamarnp said:
So, is irresponsibilty related to the order of birth? I don’t think so. I think it is related to lessons learned in childhood.
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I don’t agree that it is necessarily about irresponsibility. More of “priorities and expectations.” As a youngest, I had no trails that needed to be blazed, no battles to be won. My older sister and brother did all that for me. The family routine was pretty set by the time I came along. I think youngests tend to be more “clownish and fun” to break up the routine.

I would say that the phrase mentioned here sums it up well, “Each child gets different parents based on their birth order.”
 
Youngest children also don’t have the endless chorus of “Set a good example” being drummed at them. In some ways, because they’re the “last” their babyhood is extended. They also learn all the tricks sooner. They don’t have to invent the wheel when it comes to learning the ropes (or misbehaving.)

That comes down to a pretty wild ride, sometimes, with the older kids all saying (join in, y’all! 😉 “They get away with murder! I never could do that!”
 
I’m the oldest and I have always seemed to be more attracted to the youngest. I even married the youngest as well as the only boy in the family. The guys I dated who were too much like me (usually the oldest or the older ones), made me feel like I couldn’t spread my wings, if that makes any sense.

My husband is responsible in the important issues and tasks, but he also knows how to be easy-going and fun. Well, he can act like a kid sometimes, and I think that’s why he and my sister (also the youngest and one of my closest friends) get along so well. haha! They are like perpetual kids sometims. I was always soooo responsible, serious and “heavy” and I think it had to do with having so many responsibilities placed on me when I was very young and also helping to take care of my younger siblings, among other events in my life.

My husband was able to loosen me up and help me be more light-hearted and loving, whereas I helped him in areas that I was stronger. I thank him with all my heart for that as I am a much happier and fulfilled person because of him. 🙂
 
LittleDeb said:
I think youngests tend to be more “clownish and fun” to break up the routine.

I would say that the phrase mentioned here sums it up well, “Each child gets different parents based on their birth order.”
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So true. My husband and sister are both the ones who make the families laugh. Also true about the quote. My sister got away with so much more than me.
 
aboverubies said:
How do you folks find you relate to your children in regards to your own birth order? It has only struck me now that I relate the most easily to our youngest…and I’m a youngest too. Coincidence?
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I find this to be true as well, my son being an only and I the oldest. My mom (a middle) gets along best with my middle sister, and my dad (a youngest) gets along better with my younger sister.
 
I’m the second of four, and the oldest girl. I tended to act like an older child - responsible, hard-working (although I avoided some tasks like the plague!) and always supervising my siblings.

My boyfriend is fourth of eight, but the oldest boy. There’s also a fair amount of space between him and his younger siblings, so he’s kind of the oldest, kind of the youngest. He’s fun-loving in a way that delights me, but he also takes his family responsibilities seriously.

My first boyfriend was the oldest of three, and tried to get too serious too quickly. He was also used to getting his way. My second boyfriend was a younger son, and was terribly irresponsible. He couldn’t keep a job or a budget to save his life. Birth order didn’t play a role in either of those breakups as far as I know, but they do seem to fit the pattern.
 
Liberanosamalo said:
Youngest children also don’t have the endless chorus of “Set a good example” being drummed at them.
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No, but they do get an endless chorus of ‘why can’t you be like (insert names of best-behaved most-responsible brothers/sisters)’ And having more sisters, there were more of them for me to be compared unfavourably to. 😦
 
I’m the youngest and married a youngest. This is great fun, until one of us gets sick… we are both so used to being babied and cared for, and not used to doing too much of the care taking.
 
I can really see birth order played out in my brother’s marriage. He’s the oldest. She’s the youngest.

She really acts the spoiled princess, but he is happy to do the spoiling. He is responsible holding down the steady job while she flits from one thing to another.

On one hand, I think they are a bad match because they tend to indulge the bad traits of the other. But, they seem very happy.

so…:ehh:

But, they also seem to live rather shallow lives. No faith life, no kids, no service to the community. But, they are both very charming, kind people.
 
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