Dating the oldest and the youngest

[HannahLisa]

I’m the oldest of 9, so I definitely have some of that responsibility thing going…it comes from being told your entire life that you have to be a good example! I’m currently hoping to marry a youngest child…who sees the glass as half-full and is much more optimistic and impetuous than I am. It’s a really nice balance, actually - we each learn from the other.

 

[The_Sojourner]

My situation is a bit unique–I’m the younger of two, but my older sister has disabilities so I have a lot of the responsibility of the oldest…but at the same time my parents never micromanaged me too much so I have a lot of “youngest” traits as well.

Of my four best girl friends, one is the oldest of three, two are the oldest of four, and one is the second (oldest girl) of eight. So it seems I’m drawn to the “oldest” type. As far as dating, my boyfriend (first and hopefully only ) is the third (of seven) but his older brothers are 9 and 12 years older than he is, so he’s in the “oldest” role a lot. He is very responsible and takes life seriously (kind of 19-going-on-40). But for all that we’re both very serious and opinionated we get along fine. Maybe I have enough youngest traits or he has enough middle-child traits to blunt our oldest tendencies. Or maybe God’s just given us the grace to get along in spite of occasionally butting heads.

 

[chevalier]

I think I have a pattern of going for eldest sisters. That’d be looking for similarites, I guess (while I have an elder half-brother, I have seen him less than 10 times in my life, most of which in my early to mid twenties). Not sure I’d attach too much significance too this, though.

And I don’t think the only children are eldest children to the power of N. Ever heard of a spoiled only child? That’d be like the youngest, not the eldest.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

Chevalier, the only child dynamic isn’t just about being spoiled…

It’s about a child whose role models growing up, like a first-born, consist primarily of interaction with adults. But onlies, unlike first-borns, never have to “share” mommy and daddy’s attention. And they are the sole repository for all mommy and daddy’s hopes and dreams. That can be a blessing and burden. Though they get all mommy and daddy’s financial attention, they also have no one to share the blame, or share the attention in a good way.

While youngest may be “spoiled” financially, often having more of their parent’s disposable income at their service than older siblings, at least after the initial flood of hand-me-downs, they also don’t get the same kind of attention from their parents. Nothing they do is new (unless they are especially creative. How many first tooths can mommy wax poetic over?) and their “leadership” often comes from the older siblings detailed to babysit them. And being the tail end, everyone has left the nest by the time they graduate and do anything. They went to everyone’s games and no one goes to theirs. Oldest and onlies don’t have that trouble.

So it’s a very different set of circumstances that form the youngest. Everything an only does is wonderful, new and exciting. And they often expect that to be EVERYONE’S reaction to them in life. Plus, they’re usually raised by very uptight parents. I tell people my first child taught me pride. Wow! She’s great. I did that! I’m a great mom! The others taught me humility, as it dawned on me that no matter what I did, I couldn’t make them be just like the first one. And I slowly realized maybe I didn’t have as much to do with the firstborn’s outcome as I had once thought.

So yes, all children in a multi-child family have different parents.
I don’t treat my kids different based on birth order, I treat them different based on needs, personalities, and attitudes. One size does NOT fit all.