"Dating Without the Title"

[trackgirl]

My sister dated a guy her freshman year in college for about ten months and after they broke up, it seemed like nothing changed in their relationship. They still acted as if they were dating. It’s been about three years that they have had this relationship, and my whole family is concerned. The guy doesn’t seem to be interested in dating her, but doesn’t want to be apart from her either (though they live several hours apart from each other). She never opens up about how she is feeling about the situation; if she wants to date him, be friends, etc. I’m concerned that she will have her heart broken by him since he seems to have no intention of changing the status of their relationship and she sometimes hints to me (and no one else in the family) that she thinks of him as more than a friend. I want to understand what she is thinking and feeling, but she completely closes off the possibility of talking about it with me.

Does the title to the relationship mean anything? In the case of my sister, it seems that they have no title because they don’t agree on what it would be. He doesn’t want to date, but she does.

Sorry for such a long story–I’m just looking for a little insight, help, advice, or guidance about what to do, think, or say in the situation.

Thanks!

 

[Catholic90]

My BIL was like that with a girl he met in college. They dated for about a year and broke up. Yet they hung out together when they could. They lived about 5 hours apart for a while. About 6 years later they were married. They have 2 kids and have been married about…17 years I think.

 

[danfinocchio]

The first thing I would do is pray for her that she has the ability to see the reality of the situation.

As a young guy, I’ve seen this play out a lot: Guy uses girl for sex but doesn’t want the boyfriend title and responsibilities that come with it. The girl always ends up getting hurt. If they’re having sex or hooking up/etc when they’re together I would say to try and help her learn about the Theology of the Body. If you don’t know what I mean by that let me know. In short, it could be key to this situation.

However if thats not the situation and they’re not having sex or kissing when they see eachother (but maybe just flirting?) then maybe they’re confused about what to do with the distance.

Unfortunatley sometimes broken hearts are what help people out, which is what this will probably end up with. Be there for her when it does, let her know you’re on her side and help her figure out the kind of man, not “guy” she wants, someone who’s faith matters to him and will make a committment to her.

 

[trackgirl]

Thanks for your responses.

I’m not sure the extent of their relationship–whether it is physical or not. I really hope it isn’t. And it’s true that all I can really do is pray and be there for her if it does end in heartbreak.

I used to think that someday he would get his act together and make a decision one way or the other–either to date her or to move on, but he seems comfortable with what they have. So I guess it’s a test of patience for me.

Prayers would be very much appreciated.

 

[whatevergirl]

I’m sorry to hear this, trackgirl. That’s a tough spot…I will pray for her to be enlightened to his intentions, and move on if need be. Thing is–we get what we accept. As long as she accepts this type of “whatever” relationship it is, it will go on…there are guys AND girls who just keep hanging around in the picture with someone, sending mixed messages, keeping someone hanging on, with no intentions of a real relationship. I have seen it happen with friends, many times. I hope your sister doesn’t get hurt either–but she doesn’t have to accept it. Again, prayers.

 

[dulcissima]

My BIL was like that with a girl he met in college. They dated for about a year and broke up. Yet they hung out together when they could. They lived about 5 hours apart for a while. About 6 years later they were married. They have 2 kids and have been married about…17 years I think.

I have some family members who have done this long term dating but not really thing for years and years and have it lead to nowhere happy.