Dating

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PeteZaHut

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Is there anything wrong with asking a girl on a date because she is attractive. At that point, you wouldn’t know her to know anything beyond appearance (like personality, etc.).

The relationship would be intended to be completely chaste.
 
I wouldn’t say that it’s wrong, persay.
I would however, say that it may indicate a less than holy interest in her.
I’ve always thought that the idea of a man having to seek God in order to initiate a relationship with a women is the best way of going about things.
 
No. But don’t let lust enter your style.

There’s nothing wrong men mixing wishing physical attractiveness and spiritual growth in a partner.

I dated for two months a girl who was perfect for me spiritually. However, I had no desire to kiss her or hug her. End of relationship.

So if you think a girl is pretty, seek to find out more info about her, and if her faith is strong, go for it!
 
Haha, I think my fiance approached me because he thought I was attractive, but he asked me on a date because we had a great conversation (oh, right, and he thought I was attractive …). As long as the relationship builds some substance, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with approaching (or in my case, being approached) because of appearance. Stereotypes aside, a woman always loves a compliment.

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PeteZaHut said:
Is there anything wrong with asking a girl on a date because she is attractive. At that point, you wouldn’t know her to know anything beyond appearance (like personality, etc.).

The relationship would be intended to be completely chaste.
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Of course. There must be some sort of attraction to cause two unknowns, in this case people, to want to get to know each other. As you get to know one another, likes, dislikes etc. you will find out whether the attraction is beyond the physical or not. Hopefully it will be and the relationship can grow into one that is deeper. Physical attraction isn’t something I would base the choice of a lifelong partener on, but it could be the beginning of a wonderful friendship. I don’t think most people look for someone to date who is thoroughly unattractive to them.
 
I think physical attraction in and of itself is good. It is one trait that draws us to eachother. Our physical bodies, along with our souls, are wholly integrated in making us complete persons. We shouldn’t dismiss attraction from the physical side of things. We should welcome it. However, it has the potential of masking the deeper more substantial things that truly bind people together in authentic love. Therefore, when we start a relationship based on a high level of physical attraction, we have to be that much more thorough in tending to those parts of the relationship that truly matter. We have to look a lot closer at who that other person really is deep down, so we can cut through the blindness that attraction can cause. Love is not blind, but lust can blind us to love.

LT
 
PeteZaHut said:
Is there anything wrong with asking a girl on a date because she is attractive. At that point, you wouldn’t know her to know anything beyond appearance (like personality, etc.).

The relationship would be intended to be completely chaste.
Click to expand...
Unless one is blind, physical appearance is the first thing about another person one has to work with. So approaching someone who is attractive is normal. I would think that you would have to have a conversation with the person before asking her out. You might find she’s pretty on the outside but not so much on the inside.

Now let’s be candid, if you’re looking at her and thinking “I want me some of that,” then do yourself and her a favor and don’t ask her out. At that point you’re simply letting your lust make your decisions for you which never ends well.
 
StCsDavid said:
Unless one is blind, physical appearance is the first thing about another person one has to work with. So approaching someone who is attractive is normal. I would think that you would have to have a conversation with the person before asking her out. You might find she’s pretty on the outside but not so much on the inside.

Now let’s be candid, if you’re looking at her and thinking “I want me some of that,” then do yourself and her a favor and don’t ask her out. At that point you’re simply letting your lust make your decisions for you which never ends well.
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How does that never end well? I assume you are saying if that ends in some kind of sexual play. Let’s back up – if the average man does get “some of that” then all the power to him; in most cases the average man gets rejected.
 
gmags2003 said:
How does that never end well? I assume you are saying if that ends in some kind of sexual play. Let’s back up – if the average man does get “some of that” then all the power to him; in most cases the average man gets rejected.
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Ah, but we are not called to be average.

You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. Matthew 5:48

Most average men get rejected? Good. Women should be seeking the extraordinary. How does the extraordinary man manage his passions. With resentment that he has to repress them, or with joy in allowing Christ to redeem them?
 
gmags2003 said:
How does that never end well? I assume you are saying if that ends in some kind of sexual play. Let’s back up – if the average man does get “some of that” then all the power to him; in most cases the average man gets rejected.
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Are you stating this as a result of personal experience? Had bad experiences? If so, maybe you are looking in the wrong area for satisfaction.🤷
 
StCsDavid said:
Unless one is blind, physical appearance is the first thing about another person one has to work with. So approaching someone who is attractive is normal. I would think that you would have to have a conversation with the person before asking her out. You might find she’s pretty on the outside but not so much on the inside.

Now let’s be candid, if you’re looking at her and thinking “I want me some of that,” then do yourself and her a favor and don’t ask her out. At that point you’re simply letting your lust make your decisions for you which never ends well.
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Well I let my lust do the decision making when I went up to a hot blonde girl in a pub a few years back.

Now we are married with two kids. So it doesn’t always turn out bad. You can lust after a woman, then find out that you also love her. Perfect combinatinon for a happy marriage I’d say.
 
thomfra said:
Well I let my lust do the decision making when I went up to a hot blonde girl in a pub a few years back.

Now we are married with two kids. So it doesn’t always turn out bad. You can lust after a woman, then find out that you also love her. Perfect combinatinon for a happy marriage I’d say.
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That’s great. The Lord has indeed blessed you.

I have heard of people who smoke all of their lives, live to be 100, and never get cancer. Should we suggest that everyone smoke based on the success of these lucky few?

I would also submit that if a man looks lustfully upon his wife, then he has committed adultery with her. Many I know will strongly disagree; however, scripture seems to indicate this very thing.
 
StCsDavid said:
That’s great. The Lord has indeed blessed you.

I have heard of people who smoke all of their lives, live to be 100, and never get cancer. Should we suggest that everyone smoke based on the success of these lucky few?

I would also submit that if a man looks lustfully upon his wife, then he has committed adultery with her. Many I know will strongly disagree; however, scripture seems to indicate this very thing.
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I wouldn’t say I’m one of the lucky few. Most happily married people thought their partners were very sexually attractive (when they first met), got together and grew to love them.

RE: Lust and wife: I guess I am one of those people who strongly disagrees with you then. I would even suggest those wives who are looked upon with lust in addition to love from their husbands are happier about themselves.
 
thomfra said:
I wouldn’t say I’m one of the lucky few. Most happily married people thought their partners were very sexually attractive (when they first met), got together and grew to love them.

RE: Lust and wife: I guess I am one of those people who strongly disagrees with you then. I would even suggest those wives who are looked upon with lust in addition to love from their husbands are happier about themselves.
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There is a vast difference between finding someone attractive and lusting after them. I can certainly desire my wife without objectifying her.

I’ll let the women chime in if they prefer to be lusted after. I suspect they prefer the more excellent way.
 
StCsDavid said:
There is a vast difference between finding someone attractive and lusting after them. I can certainly desire my wife without objectifying her.

I’ll let the women chime in if they prefer to be lusted after. I suspect they prefer the more excellent way.
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Ha! They’ll never admit it… (not on this forum anyway! :))

What about you StCsDavid? Do you feel “objectified” if your loving wife looks at you with “lusty eyes”. Not likely I should imagine. You’d probably feel pretty darn good about yourself.
 
thomfra said:
Ha! They’ll never admit it… (not on this forum anyway! :))

What about you StCsDavid? Do you feel “objectified” if your loving wife looks at you with “lusty eyes”. Not likely I should imagine. You’d probably feel pretty darn good about yourself.
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I honestly just think you don’t understand lust. Sure, as a young woman, I want to be desired by the man I one day marry. But I don’t think these “lusty eyes” of which you speak are of the same make of the lust considered sinful. A lustful look does not see the object (man or woman) of that look for what it is (a beautiful son or daughter of God). It sees the object for what it can do for the one with the look. I can tell you I’m dead certain I would never want that look to lay upon me, and fear of that look encourages me to modesty. Ugh. Just thinking about that look makes me feel dirty.
 
bugz2007 said:
I honestly just think you don’t understand lust. Sure, as a young woman, I want to be desired by the man I one day marry. But I don’t think these “lusty eyes” of which you speak are of the same make of the lust considered sinful. A lustful look does not see the object (man or woman) of that look for what it is (a beautiful son or daughter of God). It sees the object for what it can do for the one with the look. I can tell you I’m dead certain I would never want that look to lay upon me, and fear of that look encourages me to modesty. Ugh. Just thinking about that look makes me feel dirty.
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Well. Of the two of us. I am the only one who is married. So I can perhaps speak from experience no?

If having somebody lust (i.e. desire you sexually) after you make you feel dirty, then you should see a psychologist. This is not a normal healthy relationship to sex. There is NO difference between lust and sexual desire. None at all. Objectification is of course something else. The rest is just semantics.
 
thomfra said:
Well. Of the two of us. I am the only one who is married. So I can perhaps speak from experience no?

If having somebody lust (i.e. desire you sexually) after you make you feel dirty, then you should see a psychologist. This is not a normal healthy relationship to sex. There is NO difference between lust and sexual desire. None at all. Objectification is of course something else. The rest is just semantics.
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Wow. Way to be charitable. If you would have read my post, you would realize that I am distinguishing between being desired sexually and lust. We simply disagree. In fact, the Catechism seems to disagree as well, and gives us a very good definition of lust.

2351: Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.

Therefore. Lust is NOT equivalent to mere sexual desire, and is a sin.

God bless! 🙂
 
thomfra said:
Ha! They’ll never admit it… (not on this forum anyway! :))

What about you StCsDavid? Do you feel “objectified” if your loving wife looks at you with “lusty eyes”. Not likely I should imagine. You’d probably feel pretty darn good about yourself.
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I’ve been married 20 years, and I can in all honesty tell you that I would take my wife looking at me with respect, regard, and admiration a hundred times over her looking at me with lust. Sure, it’s flattering that she still finds me attractive, but the real core of our relationship hinges on something far deeper.
 
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