Dating

[seanom]

Hey there so I’m 16, and I need your guys advice please.
So I saw this girl in my school whom I have never talked to before in school whom I like. I get the impression she like me too, cos the way she looks at me. She is not in the same year/grade as me, one below actually. What do u think I should do? I lack confidence alot and could you guys please give me some advice? Thanks and God Bless everyone!!

 

[runningdude]

Option A: Do Nothing. You don’t have to date a girl just because she might like you. There is no risk, but no reward.

Option B: Talk to her. You might click and want to hang out. Or you might have nothing in common and never talk to each other again.

My advice though would be to work on your confidence before worrying about dating. Join clubs, sports teams, theater, etc, make some male friends. Having friends who will back you up will increase your confidence and make dating seem less daunting.

Also, know your faith and your limits. You want to live a virtuous life as a Catholic. This means no sex! It also means no drugs or destructive behavior. Knowing and being committed to these limits will also help increase your confidence. It is not something to apologize or be ashamed of!

 

[johnsheppard]

I would talk to her. I would just go up to her at lunch or in the hall or wherever you see her and ask her if she would want to hang out sometime.

 

[Irishmom2]

Hey there so I’m 16, and I need your guys advice please.
So I saw this girl in my school whom I have never talked to before in school whom I like. I get the impression she like me too, cos the way she looks at me. She is not in the same year/grade as me, one below actually. What do u think I should do? I lack confidence alot and could you guys please give me some advice? Thanks and God Bless everyone!!

I am not really sure what it is you “like” about a girl you don’t even know, but…
Next time she looks at you, however it is that gives you the impression she likes you too, smile and say hello, my name is seanom, what’s yours?

Do not jump the gun making comments about hanging out just yet, you don’t even know her. If she smiles and tells you her name, then you can say that you have seen her in the hall (or where ever) but didn’t know who she was. And that now that you know, you will say hello. And that is what you do every time you see her.

If she is interested in getting to know you, she will let you know.

By the way, I believe that hanging out is for after you know someone for a while. Have a plan with something to do before than, if only going for a walk or to the movies or out for an ice cream or soda. It does not have to involve a lot of money.

Good luck.

 

[Actaeon]

Hey there so I’m 16, and I need your guys advice please.
So I saw this girl in my school whom I have never talked to before in school whom I like. I get the impression she like me too, cos the way she looks at me. She is not in the same year/grade as me, one below actually. What do u think I should do? I lack confidence alot and could you guys please give me some advice? Thanks and God Bless everyone!!

I’m with runningdude, you really have two options, which are to do nothing (and nothing comes of it) or to take a chance and do something (and maybe something comes of it).

But let’s talk about confidence here, because it’s worrying that you say you lack confidence. Understand and take to heart a simple fact: you’re no less “worthy” than this girl is… in fact, you’re no less worthy than anyone. God created you with equal dignity as a human being. There’s two take aways from this: you shouldn’t approach her as a supplicant looking to be blessed by her descending from on high to date you, just approach her as an equal. Second, you shouldn’t get too hung up on the possibility of her saying no to a date. If she does, so what? You’re still going to be you, you’ll still be equal in dignity before God, and it’s not going to take away from who you are.

The only reason to be scared is if you think that a rejection is somehow going to harm you, and if that is the case, you’re having a problem with deriving your self worth from external locuses (such as whether or not she would approve of dating you) and if that is the case, I would suggest that perhaps you take some time working on your approach to yourself until you are ready to date (and by ready, I mean that you can be happy with yourself whether or not a girl says yes, and whether or not you are single or in a relationship).

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

This may sound surprising, but I recommend you do not seek to date this girl. The purpose of dating is to decide if you should marry, and I’m assuming you are not thinking about getting married at this point in your life. It’s not about rejection or not - just that giving your heart to someone when you are not ready (or nearly ready) for the closeness that comes with marriage is just playing with fire.

That said, I think you should approach this girl and talk to her in a friendly way. Get used to being friendly with girls, so that you don’t feel constrained by your shyness. You don’t have to worry about being rejected by her, because you’re not asking her to reciprocate deep feelings. This is a good time in life to have friendships, not girlfriends. I know it’s difficult - I’m sure there is a lot of pressure to date. But maybe choosing not to date will take some pressure off you, and you can just work on your confidence in general. This way, you can grow into a better friend, better boyfriend, and better Catholic. In the long run, you’ll be glad you did.