SulEagan:
Thanks again, I will try the apology.
We don’t have a crisis with our daughter. She has to this point been very careful.
My wife did say she is planning to get far away after high school and thinks I should cool the “steering”. It’s not that I sit on a throne or something, it is more the case of “we’re Catholic, the Church says we must do this”, that riles them.
I am disturbed by the secular media influence and the feeling of my wife that curbing that is not a battle worth fighting. My daughter is annoyed that I would think she needs cautioning about pitfalls, because “I’m not dumb”.
Thanks again.
I certainly understand your concern. My two have attended public school the entire time (except my son had a short stint at Catholic school for 1st & 2nd grade) and maybe one or two of their friends practice any religion at all. They’re great kids though, just the same.
All along their development we have used the secular media as teaching tools for Catholicism. We’d watch the shows, the movies and listen to the music - and discuss why they’re good and where they go against God. We can appreciate Green Day and Eminem for their music and their lyrics. While they certainly would be better not using foul language to get their message across, in context, the foul language is warranted - for the musicians. Never for us, however, and that’s where they’ve learned how to be different under peer pressure.
My teens are up on pop-culture, but they don’t swear, they don’t drink, don’t smoke. Their friends don’t drink or smoke. My daughter’s friends don’t swear but most of my son’s friends do and he has at times asked them to tone it down around him.
They appreciate Emo and Goth for what it means to those who follow it, but don’t have a need to go there themselves. I remember when my daughter wanted Tarot cards and a mini-book of potions at 13. The answer was no, plain and simple. She asked why not and I explained it is part of a different ‘religion’, and actually is a cult thing more than anything else, and even just a little dabbling is dangerous. I asked her what would happen if she found herself enjoying tarot reading, would she want to experiment with crystals, and then potions? She said that, yeah, she probably would. So then I asked where her curiosity would end and if she could see where the time she invested in tarot reading, crystology, and potions would be time away from her prayers - and whether she could see how Satan would be pleased with that? She put the cards down and hasn’t asked again.
When puberty hit, hubby and I did preach more than we used to about being Catholic and chaste, etc. They both pretty much told us to relax…that they understand Church teaching, they agree with it and respect it. They promised to keep their guard up and asked us to trust them more, reminding us that they’ve never given us any reason not to. So we backed off on the preaching but keep the talking going.
We find that as they share the stories about what their friends are going thru they are able to point out to us where the mistakes are being made by their friends, and they ask us how they can help them do better, so they really are on the right track.
I didn’t mean to suggest you have a crisis with your daughter, but if she’s starting to buck a basic guideline like Keeping Holy the Sabbath, what will be next? Your addressing the issue with your wife is more geared toward prevention not intervention. Open communication with your daughter in which she can share with you where he spiritual compass lies will establish mutual trust and respect. You can get the message of “We are Catholic” without coming across as demanding. Teens are old enough to form their own opinions and they really want to, so it’s our job to make sure they have access to all the information they need to come to their conclusions. When we offer them the resources they view it as an indication that we are seeing them as the young adults they are instead of the little children they were. That makes a big difference at their age.
