Daughter converted to LDS

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daniden

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I haven’t been on here in a while, but some of you may recall that my daughter (she’s 24) had a friend that is LDS and she was considering converting, off and on, for quite some time. Well, she actually did, this past April. I know that her LDS friend(s) had a hand in convincing her to, but she had her own reasons as well. Our daughter has aspergers and most likely has a mood disorder (bi-polar II) too, which, I know also played a part. I know most of the reasons why she converted is rooted in needing a lot of friends, and a lot of fun activities (and a need for “busyness”). Another reason she converted was that she has this need for “perfection” and the ‘beauty’ she sees in the LDS faith (she is also makes many of her decisions based on emotion). She also wanted so badly to get her temple recommend (which she just got–her temporary one) because she truly believes that it is such a holy, beautiful place (she only sees the external stuff–chandeliers, all white décor, etc and it makes her feel ‘peaceful’) and she wants so badly to do all the temple work and be involved in the ceremonies (she’s especially excited for the endowment one when she gets her full temple recommend----ughh). She firmly believes all their ceremonies are based on scripture.

I get a knot in my stomach every time she goes to these things(I try not to show it though), but the temple, especially (she’s doing ‘baptisms for the dead’ now too). Our daughter lives at home because she can’t hold down a job, at this point, due to her psych issues and stuff, so we have to live with this day in and day out…all the friends coming over, all the activities…just everything, and it’s just really getting to me. 😦 We told her from the get-go that she can not use our cars for LDS activities (because we can’t support her in her conversion) or speak to her younger siblings about anything she’s learning about. For the most part, she’s been obedient about this, but there have been times she’s called us, “unspiritual” and things of that nature when she doesn’t get to use the cars for what she wants.

Although she has all these new friends now, she tells me that most of them have psych issues too and when she goes to all these activities with them (she goes to the singles ward), there is so much gossip and back stabbing. How is this supposed to be uplifting and holy? One of her good friends told me after she converted that it would be such a blessing to her and our family and she’d be well taken care of…ummmm…hardly. :confused: She even admitted to me that she’s never seen this kind of behavior from people before, but she still wants to be their friends. :eek:

We’ve tried so hard to teach her what we (as well as former Mormon friends) know about LDS (and believe me, we’ve done plenty of research and I’m learning more all the time), but while she kind of listens, we know she’s not really taking it to heart. We are trying our very best to support her in other ways and told her we’ll always be here for her, but this has become such a huge part of her life that there’s hardly room for anything else. She even passed up a camping trip this weekend with us because it would mean she would miss her LDS service. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Some friends recommended I put a green scapular under her mattress (which I did) and ask St. Monica for her intercession, which I have. I’ve also been saying the St. Michael prayer when she leaves for the temple. I’m trying hard to trust God’s plan in this, but it’s so hard. 😦 Please pray that her eyes be opened someday…
 
Given her circumstances, I would not fear for her soul. Continue to do the best for her in the practical matters of this life. To the extent possible, how can a capacity to care for herself be developed? A job would seem to be an important step.
 
I know what you’re saying and I know she’s not fully culpable for her actions. I had to calm her the other night because she thought she was going to Hell for converting. I never told her this, but she said she read in the catechism that she would go to Hell. I told her that God is merciful and He knows that she is not fully culpable.

As far as work, I signed her up for Vocational Rehab, but it’s a rather long-ish process. Hopefully it’ll help find a more suitable job for her and help in retainment.
 
daniden said:
I know what you’re saying and I know she’s not fully culpable for her actions. I had to calm her the other night because she thought she was going to Hell for converting. I never told her this, but she said she read in the catechism that she would go to Hell. I told her that God is merciful and He knows that she is not fully culpable.

As far as work, I signed her up for Vocational Rehab, but it’s a rather long-ish process. Hopefully it’ll help find a more suitable job for her and help in retainment.
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I am guessing perhaps that this is the section of the Catechism that you are referring to?
846 Basing itself on Scripture and Tradition, the Council teaches that the Church, a pilgrim now on earth, is necessary for salvation: the one Christ is the mediator and the way of salvation; he is present to us in his body which is the Church. He himself explicitly asserted the necessity of faith and Baptism, and thereby affirmed at the same time the necessity of the Church which men enter through Baptism as through a door. Hence they could not be saved who, knowing that the Catholic Church was founded as necessary by God through Christ, would refuse either to enter it or to remain in it.
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That is something for her to seriously consider and should not be brushed aside. It is very interesting that she would be worried about going to hell for leaving her Catholic faith and entering the Mormon religion. If she believes that the Mormon religion is the true one, why would she worry about going to hell for entering it? Clearly, at least a part of her still believes in her old Catholic faith.

While we shouldn’t assume that a person is culpable (God alone knows), it seems to me that we do their soul no favors by making the opposite assumption that they are not culpable–especially in a case like this, where her own words indicate that her conscience troubles her over her decision.
 
Oh, I know for a fact that she still believes many things the Catholic Church teaches, but she’s very conflicted and she often says that she just goes with things that she feels is right at any given time (she’s told us before that she would still like to receive the Eucharist, but still go to the Mormon church and doesn’t get why that would be wrong). I forgot to mention that she also has an evangelical Christian friend who influences a lot of her thinking too (prosperity gospel-type), so she’s very confused.

I wasn’t trying to brush anything aside, but when she comes to me in the middle of the night, having a panic attack, I wasn’t going to tell her that she’s right about her going to Hell either. And as I said, I firmly believe (in my mind, knowing her as I do) she is not completely culpable for her actions because of all the psych issues/aspergers. I mean, no, I can’t say for sure if God deems her culpable or not, but I’m sure he knows her heart…even better than I do. I just can’t imagine that he would condemn her. Anyway, I told her that she wasn’t FULLY culpable.There may be things she is responsible for, but that is between her and God. She knows that if she ever decides to come back to the church that she will need to go to confession too.

I know she has her doubts about Mormonism (she said she didn’t have a full testimony of Joseph Smith either…although they gave her the temporary temple recommend anyway), but she keeps telling me that she just has to learn more about all the teachings and she has to do it on her own.
 
EnglishTeacher said:
It is very interesting that she would be worried about going to hell for leaving her Catholic faith and entering the Mormon religion. If she believes that the Mormon religion is the true one, why would she worry about going to hell for entering it? Clearly, at least a part of her still believes in her old Catholic faith.
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A lifetime of even halfhearted Catholic instruction, particularly instruction given at an early age, is a hard thing to overcome on a base emotional level even if you intellectually are certain of your decision to leave.
 
Padres1969 said:
A lifetime of even halfhearted Catholic instruction, particularly instruction given at an early age, is a hard thing to overcome on a base emotional level even if you intellectually are certain of your decision to leave.
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The circumstances of the young lady make a soundly based “intellectual certainty” a remote possibility.
 
Rau said:
The circumstances of the young lady make a soundly based “intellectual certainty” a remote possibility.
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Making it even more understandable that she’s questioning her decision.
 
As a former Special Ed teacher, I’m wondering if she has had trouble maintaining friendships in the past and finds this experience to be fulfilling her need for friendships. It’s hard to be young and single in the first place - I had problems with the Lutheran churches I was a member of that did not have many young single people to do things with.

I’m not sure what your parish has for including young people in activities but perhaps the Diocese has information about single activities for young Catholics.

Just some thoughts that I was chewing on. I’ll keep your daughter in my prayers.

God bless!

Rita
 
What if there was a young women in your parish whom after completing RCIA and being baptized, lived in a house where her LDS parents were openly hostile to her Catholic faith. If they said she converted to Catholicism only did it for shallow social reasons and shallow appearances of buildings. They believed that she wasn’t thinking straight, and it was irrational and emotional for their daughter to be Catholic, and she was only interested because of her phyc issues. They forbid her from talking to her siblings about her faith. Whose parents gave her a hard time for wanting to go to Mass and fulfilling her obligation. Who told her that she was going to Hell for being Catholic.

What would you say to such a girl, and/or her parents?
 
Well, jane doe, if a Mormon kid converted to Catholicism and sounded like this troubled girl, I would like to think I would have much the same reaction I do to reading this.

And I would really hope that the RCIA director would not recommend to baptize her, if, as her parent says, she does not even believe in big parts of the faith to which she is supposed to be converting.

And the parent explicitly said that he or she told the daughter that she was not going to Hell. Your last sentence is the opposite of analogous.

Maybe it is just hard asses of the world uniting, but I kinda feel for Tevya in Fiddler on the Roof when his daughter becomes a Christian. And I would kinda get a Mormon mom and dad asking an older child not to proselytize their younger siblings.
 
Yeah, I figured it was a misread because you seem sane and reasonable from when we have talked before.

I mean, we don’t know this parent, and I give him or her benefit of the doubt. The daughter sounds troubled and the case sounds hard to say the least.

I would recommend we all pray for the family.
 
claymcdermott said:
Yeah, I figured it was a misread because you seem sane and reasonable from when we have talked before.

I mean, we don’t know this parent, and I give him or her benefit of the doubt. The daughter sounds troubled and the case sounds hard to say the least.

I would recommend we all pray for the family.
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Prayers all around are a great thing :thumbs:

Full transparency: I am also diagnosed with Aspergers, and have a strained relationship with my mother, who seems to doubt my abilities/maturity due to this diagnosis… it is most demoralizing, and feels like she does not believe in ME. We had a mighty row years back when I took a break from the faith I had been raised in.
 
That must be tough. It sounds, based on what the parent here is saying, and he or she would have to be making up several specific details were it not true, that the daughter really does have some very difficult problems that are more difficult to overcome, or, have not yet been overcome.

Your family is in our prayers as well, of course, and while I have a lot of secondhand exposure, I cannot imagine how difficult that label must be, especially in a strained mother daughter thing.

God bless you
 
spedteacherita said:
As a former Special Ed teacher, I’m wondering if she has had trouble maintaining friendships in the past and finds this experience to be fulfilling her need for friendships. It’s hard to be young and single in the first place - I had problems with the Lutheran churches I was a member of that did not have many young single people to do things with.

I’m not sure what your parish has for including young people in activities but perhaps the Diocese has information about single activities for young Catholics.

Just some thoughts that I was chewing on. I’ll keep your daughter in my prayers.

God bless!

Rita
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She tried one or two young adult activities, but never went back. She still has a couple Catholic friends that have stood by her, but they are very busy with work/school so she doesn’t get to see them very often. Other Catholic friends have brushed her off quite often, which is very unfortunate. I think they had a hard time dealing with her issues.

I know for a fact that the LDS church is fulfilling that friendship part and sense of belonging for her…no doubt. And the fact that most of her new friends have psych/intellectual issues makes her feel that she can relate and bond with them, for sure. Most of them don’t have jobs either, so they can attend many of the activities too. Those friends are very “accessible.”

Thank you for the prayers. It’s such a conundrum. I’m at a loss. 🤷
 
Does she have any hobbies or interests?

I think it is really healthy to have a hobby that is not church related. And she could meet others through that. They have clubs for everything these days if church based ones get one or two tries but she doesn’t go back.

Even PokémonGo is bringing a lotta kids outta the house and into teams. Never done it myself, but I know of good stories
 
She does have some interests, but because all her LDS activities take up so much of her time, she really doesn’t pursue them or if she does, it’s within the LDS church with her friends. It’s her whole life right now. Another thing I should have mentioned is that she has tried many different things before, trying so hard to find herself and figure out who she is and what she wants. I think, she feels the LDS church fulfills this for her…at least for now.
 
Well, maybe it isn’t all entirely negative then, although you mention she doesn’t really get along with the others.

We will all be raying for you.
 
jane_doe said:
What if there was a young women in your parish whom after completing RCIA and being baptized, lived in a house where her LDS parents were openly hostile to her Catholic faith. If they said she converted to Catholicism only did it for shallow social reasons and shallow appearances of buildings. They believed that she wasn’t thinking straight, and it was irrational and emotional for their daughter to be Catholic, and she was only interested because of her phyc issues. They forbid her from talking to her siblings about her faith. Whose parents gave her a hard time for wanting to go to Mass and fulfilling her obligation. Who told her that she was going to Hell for being Catholic.

What would you say to such a girl, and/or her parents?
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We have NOT been hostile towards our daughter (I’m her mom by the way), but when she converted, we told her that there were certain rules she needed to abide by since she still lived in our home. She said it was fair and agreed to it.

We’ve also not TOLD her that she converted for shallow reasons. I simply asked her why she converted and she confessed that she needed moral friends who followed church rules, (although most of them don’t) and that she loves the “fanciness” of the temple and that it made her feel peaceful.

And seriously? Why should we let her talk about LDS teachings to our younger children? What kind of message would that send to them? We are devoutly Catholic and that just wouldn’t be right to let her do that and confuse our younger children too. That just doesn’t make sense. :confused:

We know our daughter very well and what goes through her mind. The bottom line is, we know she did not make a completely rational decision, especially since she has so many doubts and anxieties.
 
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