Daughter cut off in confession

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etmom

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My 8 yr old daughter went to confession with us on Divine Mercy Sunday. It was only her second confession (she will receive 1st Communion in 2 weeks).

She was in there literally just a few minutes, shorter than anyone else. She told me the priest, after she confessed only 1 sin, asked for her act of contrition, but she had a few more things to confess. She went ahead and gave the act of contrition, as she was told.
While there were MANY people there for confession, she was only 2nd in line, and confession went on for 1.5 hrs, so I don’t think it was a time constrainst. I’m thinking it was a miscommunication between her and the priest.

I told her her sins are forgiven, but she asked if she should go again before her first communion, to confess the ones she didn’t get to say. I know she shouldn’t HAVE to, but don’t know if it’s a good idea, since she is so new to the sacrament. So that she gets a better idea of how it is supposed to go. But I also don’t want to give her the impression that her sins weren’t forgiven, since the unconfessed ones were through no fault of her own.

Any thoughts?
 
Let her go again, but next week or before her First Communion. Eight year olds are confessing venial sins (hopefully!) so she’s probably not in a state of mortal danger.

My daughter is also very pious and tends towards being scrupulous (not seriously so). We usually go to confession once a month and that seems to be a good schedule for all of us. She knows we are going and so doesn’t stress about incidents that for her appear worse than they are. Those of us (me!) who really need to confess, have a regular schedule as well.

You did the right thing to tell her that her sins were forgiven. Don’t play down the importance of confession, but remind her that communion also washes away venial sin. Also coach her to start her confession with her most serious sins - so “I hit my brother in anger” before “I ate a cookie before dinner”. 🙂

As she gets more used to going to confession, the whole process will go more smoothly for her.
 
etmom said:
I told her her sins are forgiven, but she asked if she should go again before her first communion, to confess the ones she didn’t get to say. I know she shouldn’t HAVE to, but don’t know if it’s a good idea, since she is so new to the sacrament. So that she gets a better idea of how it is supposed to go. But I also don’t want to give her the impression that her sins weren’t forgiven, since the unconfessed ones were through no fault of her own.

Any thoughts?
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This is great moment of catechesis for you and for your daughter. While one can frequent to confess venial sins (assuming that your daughter doesn’t have mortal sins), venial sins can also be forgiven in other ways outside of reconcilation.

Perhaps you could consider how often your family goes to reconciliation? If you go once a week, then it will be no problem to go next week. If you go once a month, then you can tell her that she go with the family next month. Reconciliation is, in a phrase from Gerard Manley Hopkins, part of the habit of perfection.
 
I’m sure the priest was a little stressed when he had all those Confessions to hear. It was nice practice for your daughter to go though. I think though the requirements for the Divine Mercy include not only Confession but Communion.

Since your daughter hasn’t made her First Communion yet, I would encourage her to go to Confession with the rest of her class. Priests usually take a little more time with them and are more gentle with them.

As an aside, we went before Mass to Confession, and there were so many the priest couldn’t hear them all, but gave an absolution to the last two he couldn’t hear. He explained that the Mass at 2 (was Latin) and he had to be finished with that by 3 so the Divine Liturgy could begin. It was nice of you to take her to this—she will get used to this then and will make a big impact on her life. I only wish more parishes in our dioceses had this as the Pope proclaimed this Feast, and I think if all possible all parishes should participate in this.

Next year I’m definitely going to go a week or so before if I can, or at least the day before (Saturday).
 
When I was your daughter’s age, the very same thing happened to me. I was excited to go to confession, and disappointed when the priest cut me off after one or two sins. When I got out, I told my mom what had happened and how disappointed I was!

What she did for me I will always remember. The next Saturday, we woke up early to go all the way to the big Cathedral for Saturday Morning confession. I was so excited to go to the big beautiful Church. When I went in for confession, I was apparently in there for a pretty long time. My mom started to wonder what I could possibly have done to take so long! 🙂

The point to my story is that my mom heard my concerns and gave me a special treat by taking me to the Cathedral for my confession. I still think back to the excitement I had for the sacrament. That experience with my mom facilitating my yearning for the sacrament branded my heart with a constant reminder of my love of the rite of penance. :heaven:
 
etmom said:
My 8 yr old daughter went to confession with us on Divine Mercy Sunday. It was only her second confession (she will receive 1st Communion in 2 weeks).

She was in there literally just a few minutes, shorter than anyone else. She told me the priest, after she confessed only 1 sin, asked for her act of contrition, but she had a few more things to confess. She went ahead and gave the act of contrition, as she was told.
While there were MANY people there for confession, she was only 2nd in line, and confession went on for 1.5 hrs, so I don’t think it was a time constrainst. I’m thinking it was a miscommunication between her and the priest.

I told her her sins are forgiven, but she asked if she should go again before her first communion, to confess the ones she didn’t get to say. I know she shouldn’t HAVE to, but don’t know if it’s a good idea, since she is so new to the sacrament. So that she gets a better idea of how it is supposed to go. But I also don’t want to give her the impression that her sins weren’t forgiven, since the unconfessed ones were through no fault of her own.

Any thoughts?
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take her again if it will make her feel better!
 
What does SHE desire. She has already fulfilled her obligation. You shouldn’t tell her to go again. However, if she really wants to go, then don’t stop her. Otherwise, go again in a month and make a habit of monthly confession.
 
Mrs_Sally said:
Let her go again, but next week or before her First Communion. Eight year olds are confessing venial sins (hopefully!) so she’s probably not in a state of mortal danger.

My daughter is also very pious and tends towards being scrupulous (not seriously so). We usually go to confession once a month and that seems to be a good schedule for all of us. She knows we are going and so doesn’t stress about incidents that for her appear worse than they are. Those of us (me!) who really need to confess, have a regular schedule as well.

You did the right thing to tell her that her sins were forgiven. Don’t play down the importance of confession, but remind her that communion also washes away venial sin. Also coach her to start her confession with her most serious sins - so “I hit my brother in anger” before "I ate a cookie before dinner". 🙂

As she gets more used to going to confession, the whole process will go more smoothly for her.
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I sure hope this isn’t really a sin or I have a few thousand sins to confess.
 
CuriousInIL said:
I sure hope this isn’t really a sin or I have a few thousand sins to confess.
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:rotfl::rotfl: Me too! 😃

It’s not a sin, even a venial sin (the real sin is disobeying the parent who told you not to eat before dinner!) However, it is the kind of thing that a sensitive 8yo might confess and if that’s the first thing the priest hears, he’s very likely to move the confession along so to speak. 😛
 
Thanks for the replies. She has already had her first reconcilliation with her class a few weeks ago, so this was actually her second confession.

I know that since she couldn’t receive communion (yet), that she really didn’t NEED to confess at the Divine Mercy celebration, however, our entire family was going to confession including her siblings, so it seems not quite right to not have her go when she said that she wanted to go to confession. There were 9 priests at the church hearing confessions, and it was one we really don’t know, so I don’t think he even knew that she hasn’t made her first communion yet - not thinking that was a factor. I think it was awesome that she saw a Cathedral full of people eager to go to confession, enough to keep 9 priests occupied for 1.5 hrs!!

She has a very positive view of confession (after her first one, when she came out she said “Daddy, that was AWESOME!”), so I just want to keep it positive for her.

I’ll probably go to confession myself in 2 weeks, the day before her first communion, so I’ll ask her then if she wants to go at that time.
 
The problem with kids is that they sometimes take L-O-N-G pauses between saying things and its hard to know if they’re done. Sometimes they say they’re thinking and it feels like its taking forever for them to get to the words out. Other times they just nod or shake their head not realizing I can’t see them behind the screen, lol.

So my guess is that it was just a misunderstanding.
 
CuriousInIL said:
I sure hope [eating a cookie before dinner] isn’t really a sin or I have a few thousand sins to confess.
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LOL, I agree, as Jerry Seinfeld once said, being able to eat a cookie before dinner is one of the best things about being an adult! 😃
 
Perhaps you could arrange the priest concerned to have a little chat with your daughter to explain his motive in a friendly way so your daughter wont feel hurt etc if it ever happens again to her. By the sounds of it, it could well do. Pity it wasn’t explained in ‘class’
 
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