Daughter dating boy with "two dads"

[joandarc2008]

I appreciate all of the thoughtful responses. Just to give you some more information:

My daughter is 17, attends a Catholic high school, and takes her boyfriend to Mass with her every Sunday. I have nothing against the boy. He’s not the issue…although I’d prefer he were Catholic. But, since I married a non-Catholic who, before she converted, led me back to the Catholic Church, I don’t feel the particular need to be a stickler on that point.

I am simply uncomfortable going into a social setting with an openly gay couple. However, I see the wisdom in witnessing to them, not so much in words, but in actions. After just having watched The Miracle Maker with three of my other daughters, the point that hit home was that Christ kept company with sinners, and He did not judge them. If Christ could sit at table with sinners, why can’t a fellow sinner do likewise?

Who knows - it sounds as if the young man is on his way to adulthood and is open to your daughter’s faith. You can be an example of the Gospel to him. It is part of your cofirmation promise to be Priest, Prophet, and King, that does not mean that God makes it easy. He met you halfway by going to Mass with your daughter now help with him with his bags and help him to see his way through that narrow gatway to Heaven. This is not a choice it is duty you took with Confirmation when you were welcomed into the community and not to do to the best of your ability wth tolerance and love and prayer is a sin of omission.

 

[Julianna]

For dating this is fine. But for marriage, this is a disaster waiting to happen. Hypothetically if it did lead to a marriage how is the boyfriend going to become a father that reinforces that Catholic values against homosexual acts? The kids will ask why do I have 3 grandfathers? It will be hard for them to accept the church teachings in the long term when the norm for them in life is a whole half of their family being a homosexual union. When you get married, you do not simply marry the person but all the family. Unless you expect your spouse to detach completely from his/her family, they will play a big part in your marriage. If his family has problems there is a good chance that the person may also have some problems as a result. This isnt to say that such a marriage wont work but it is to say that it will be very difficult and possibly harmful when it comes to raising children. Even more so when the family is a homosexual union. You cant hold the sins of the parents against the son but you can evaluate the effects that the parents have had on the son. My idea of not holding the sins of the parents against the children is that if the child has learned and is trying to or has distanced themselves and reject the errors of their parents then I would not let the sins of the parents effect a marriage. However, if the son is ok with his parents sin and does not find them to be wrong or something to not be encouraged then you have to break away from the relationship. It will only make raising children more difficult. I ***personally think it should be a mortal sin to marry someone that accepts **any sin *****to be perfectly alright because you are risking the salvation of your children that are innocent bystanders. It is difficult enough for children to keep the faith in a family with strong faith, I can only imagine how difficult it is in a family where one parent believes birth control, abortion and homosexual acts to be ok and normal behavior. My extended family is testament to this with 19 losing the faith and 6 not losing the faith in families with one or both spouses that do not accept the teachings of the church. If the man agrees to raise the kids as Catholic than he would have to explain to them how his own parents are wrong to be married. This is something that is difficult to do because the homosexuality is a part of who his father is. That is why such a relationship should not last long term. Dating should be fine but it shouldnt go beyond that unless the man has rejected the lifestyle of his fathers. Judging by what you have said so far I do not think this is the case. Keep an open mind until you know what the guy feels about the lifestyle of his parents.

Well I sure am glad you aren’t the Pope. Any sin… Let’s see…if this boy tells a lie…I guess he should be thrown to the wolves.

I don’t recall the OP stating that the dads were “married”. Rejecting the lifestye of his father/s/ …rejects them as having anything to do with his life. So I guess they would not be allowed to see any grandchildren. Should this go further. At this time…it’s just a date.

What do you expect this boy to say??? He is still a boy…a child. These dad/s/ raised this child. Did they object and refuse to allow him to attend church with the OP’s daughter? No they did not. Did they tell their son that the Catholic Church would warp his mind? No they did not…as the OP stated…he attends Mass with his daughter. They were the ones that “invited” the parents to dinner. They set out the first “olive” branch.

Isn’t that ironic…dontcha think? Perhaps they want to “know” who their “son” is dating. Or maybe…just maybe…they think highly of the OP’s daughter showing the OP raised her in the real world…not a fishbowl.

OP…they are “dating”…your daughter will have many “dates”. You and your wife have made an impression on your daughter…“to teach as Jesus did”. Find out what they are making for dinner…and bring dessert.

Would Jesus go if invited?

 

[Rascalking]

Well I sure am glad you aren’t the Pope. Any sin… Let’s see…if this boy tells a lie…I guess he should be thrown to the wolves.

I don’t recall the OP stating that the dads were “married”. Rejecting the lifestye of his father/s/ …rejects them as having anything to do with his life. So I guess they would not be allowed to see any grandchildren. Should this go further. At this time…it’s just a date.

What do you expect this boy to say??? He is still a boy…a child. These dad/s/ raised this child. Did they object and refuse to allow him to attend church with the OP’s daughter? No they did not. Did they tell their son that the Catholic Church would warp his mind? No they did not…as the OP stated…he attends Mass with his daughter. They were the ones that “invited” the parents to dinner. They set out the first “olive” branch.

Isn’t that ironic…dontcha think? Perhaps they want to “know” who their “son” is dating. Or maybe…just maybe…they think highly of the OP’s daughter showing the OP raised her in the real world…not a fishbowl.

OP…they are “dating”…your daughter will have many “dates”. You and your wife have made an impression on your daughter…“to teach as Jesus did”. Find out what they are making for dinner…and bring dessert.

Would Jesus go if invited?

You delivered a knock out blow to this.

I wish every person on this site who at least leans towards the “radical” side would read this. They won’t, and it wouldn’t change any minds, but I can always hope.

 

[joandarc2008]

Originally Posted by mjs1987
For dating this is fine. But for marriage, this is a disaster waiting to happen. Hypothetically if it did lead to a marriage how is the boyfriend going to become a father that reinforces that Catholic values against homosexual acts? The kids will ask why do I have 3 grandfathers? It will be hard for them to accept the church teachings in the long term when the norm for them in life is a whole half of their family being a homosexual union. When you get married, you do not simply marry the person but all the family. Unless you expect your spouse to detach completely from his/her family, they will play a big part in your marriage. If his family has problems there is a good chance that the person may also have some problems as a result. This isnt to say that such a marriage wont work but it is to say that it will be very difficult and possibly harmful when it comes to raising children. Even more so when the family is a homosexual union. You cant hold the sins of the parents against the son but you can evaluate the effects that the parents have had on the son. My idea of not holding the sins of the parents against the children is that if the child has learned and is trying to or has distanced themselves and reject the errors of their parents then I would not let the sins of the parents effect a marriage. However, if the son is ok with his parents sin and does not find them to be wrong or something to not be encouraged then you have to break away from the relationship. It will only make raising children more difficult. I personally think it should be a mortal sin to marry someone that accepts any sin to be perfectly alright because you are risking the salvation of your children that are innocent bystanders. It is difficult enough for children to keep the faith in a family with strong faith, I can only imagine how difficult it is in a family where one parent believes birth control, abortion and homosexual acts to be ok and normal behavior. My extended family is testament to this with 19 losing the faith and 6 not losing the faith in families with one or both spouses that do not accept the teachings of the church. If the man agrees to raise the kids as Catholic than he would have to explain to them how his own parents are wrong to be married. This is something that is difficult to do because the homosexuality is a part of who his father is. That is why such a relationship should not last long term. Dating should be fine but it shouldnt go beyond that unless the man has rejected the lifestyle of his fathers. Judging by what you have said so far I do not think this is the case. Keep an open mind until you know what the guy feels about the lifestyle of his parents.

BTW just wanted to point out that WHAT YOU PERSONALLY THINK is not what MOTHER CHURCH SAYS:

Chastity and homosexuality

2357 Homosexuality refers to relations between men or between women who experience an exclusive or predominant sexual attraction toward persons of the same sex. It has taken a great variety of forms through the centuries and in different cultures. Its psychological genesis remains largely unexplained. Basing itself on Sacred Scripture, which presents homosexual acts as acts of grave depravity,140 tradition has always declared that "homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered."141 They are contrary to the natural law. They close the sexual act to the gift of life. They do not proceed from a genuine affective and sexual complementarity. Under no circumstances can they be approved.

2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.

2359 Homosexual persons are called to chastity. By the virtues of self-mastery that teach them inner freedom, at times by the support of disinterested friendship, by prayer and sacramental grace, they can and should gradually and resolutely approach Christian perfection.

Granted they are not living chastely but you are also not discriminating against them but his son, who is attending Mass and learning about the Church. Instead of teaching of the Church and Christ instead you are considering doing the very thing the Catechism teaches against in black and white and in this case red as I have highlighted it for you. Thank you for throwing stones today - are we to say you are without sin?

 

[jwashu]

You wanted advice. Here’s some. Don’t go. Advise your daughter to find someone else. That household is a disaster. In our current cultural climate, it is not surprising that so many here see it as only a minor detail.

It is not the same as dating a non-Catholic or someone that is/was divorced.

How do you know their household is a disaster? I know some very good moral, and some Christian, individuals who were raised by same sex parents. I also know some crazy drug sex addicts who were raised by faithful parents.

I say go, you will learn a lot about them and their son by meeting and talking with them! Then you can decide for yourself if their household is a wreck or not… it might be, it might not.

Joe

 

[Nec5]

Most of you seem to have a misconception about human psychology and evil. How do you think the world has become so corrupted so quickly? Because people like yourself downplayed these types of acts. Then they become “less evil” or a “fact of life”. Then they become less of a big deal. Then they become accepted and celebrated. It doesn’t happen all at once, but it inevitably happens as tolerance builds. Sin is never to be tolerated; it’s quite absurd to advise parents to allow their kid to freely mingle with a homosexual household. I wonder if you would feel the same if it was a polygamist household with 1 guy and 4 wives, or how about a brother/sister marriage?

No one is throwing stones at the boy. He supports his father’s gay lifestyle. He refuses to change his view. That’s his choice and his sin.

Dating and marriage are certainly not the arena to change a man/woman’s heart. The legions of failed marriages are testament to this naive view of “I will change my beloved’s heart”.

There is a great deal in the Bible about shunning unrepentant sinners. Why? Because these folks seek to twist your view of God match their own worldly view. Satan delights in this inability to recognize and defeat evil.

At the same time, we are to offer forgiveness if they ask for it.

I should point out that this naive (don’t judge) view of evil prevalent in Christianity these days has been tried over the last several decades. Judge the results for yourself. Europe is gone, and America has one foot in the grave of immorality. Stand for what is right. Remember that Christ called the unrepentant evildoers (Pharisees,Sadducees) of his day hypocrites and turned away from them.

And again, the comparison of homosexuality with things like minor lies or divorce isn’t even close. It is, in effect, a twisted (the bible uses abomination) double violation of moral law. You have a grossly unnatural act coupled with an instance of fornication, and in this case an indoctrination of a child. There was a time when such actions would have been shunned; now look at all of society. Look at yourselves. We are to accept everything.

Please stop using the “don’t judge or throw stones” routine when you are ignorant of evil. With all the tolerance these days, it’s practically a smorgasbord for tempters and deceivers.

 

[joandarc2008]

Most of you seem to have a misconception about human psychology and evil. How do you think the world has become so corrupted so quickly? Because people like yourself downplayed these types of acts. Then they become “less evil” or a “fact of life”. Then they become less of a big deal. Then they become accepted and celebrated. It doesn’t happen all at once, but it inevitably happens as tolerance builds. Sin is never to be tolerated; it’s quite absurd to advise parents to allow their kid to freely mingle with a homosexual household. I wonder if you would feel the same if it was a polygamist household with 1 guy and 4 wives, or how about a brother/sister marriage?

No one is throwing stones at the boy. He supports his father’s gay lifestyle. He refuses to change his view. That’s his choice and his sin.

Dating and marriage are certainly not the arena to change a man/woman’s heart. The legions of failed marriages are testament to this naive view of “I will change my beloved’s heart”.

There is a great deal in the Bible about shunning unrepentant sinners. Why? Because these folks seek to twist your view of God match their own worldly view. Satan delights in this inability to recognize and defeat evil.

At the same time, we are to offer forgiveness if they ask for it.

I should point out that this naive (don’t judge) view of evil prevalent in Christianity these days has been tried over the last several decades. Judge the results for yourself. Europe is gone, and America has one foot in the grave of immorality. Stand for what is right. Remember that Christ called the unrepentant evildoers (Pharisees,Sadducees) of his day hypocrites and turned away from them.

And again, the comparison of homosexuality with things like minor lies or divorce isn’t even close. It is, in effect, a twisted (the bible uses abomination) double violation of moral law. You have a grossly unnatural act coupled with an instance of fornication, and in this case an indoctrination of a child. There was a time when such actions would have been shunned; now look at all of society. Look at yourselves. We are to accept everything.

Please stop using the “don’t judge or throw stones” routine when you are ignorant of evil. With all the tolerance these days, it’s practically a smorgasbord for tempters and deceivers.

I am far from ignorant of evil. I have seen true evil to the point were I no longer need to look for it in other peoples homes. Evil also comes in the form of pride.I notice you ignored the quote from the CCC - so if you are not interested in Catholic teaching why are you on a Catholic forum NEC5?

 

[sanctamaria17]

OK, obviously, the boy’s open to Mass and obviously, his family’s OK with it…

Seriously people, if your kid wants to date someone whose parents were divorced and remarried (and most likely not having an annulment), would you say no, there’s evil in the house?

Look, I get that mortal sin is mortal sin. However, murder, rape, adultery, and serious slander are very different from sins like premarital sex or homosexual behavior. The former are condemned by most people (regardless of what the media would have you believe) of every or no religious background. The latter…those are unique to Catholic teaching. Yeah, I get the whole Natural Law thing…but natural does not mean instinctual. Just ask any nursing mother about that one! Kids have to be taught how to eat solid foods, does that make eating less natural?

I’m frankly surprised at those who expect non-Catholics to behave just like Catholics do. Jesus didn’t expect people to stop sinning before He came over for dinner, only after they came to know Him.

Really, you might be the only Christ they ever see. You never know. Maybe they’ll see a family who may not approve of their lifestyle, but who is so kind, so generous, and so willing to learn about them as people that they are curious. Maybe you’ll plant a seed.

As for the non-Catholic aspect…if no one in my mom’s family married Catholics, my mom’s family wouldn’t have slowly been turning more Catholic. You know, now my entire family is baptized and I’m seeing signs of opening in my dad’s heart (baptized but non-practicing Catholic)?

Not to quote U2 too much, but He moves in mysterious ways. You may be part of it.

 

[sanctamaria17]

For dating this is fine. But for marriage, this is a disaster waiting to happen. Hypothetically if it did lead to a marriage how is the boyfriend going to become a father that reinforces that Catholic values against homosexual acts? The kids will ask why do I have 3 grandfathers? It will be hard for them to accept the church teachings in the long term when the norm for them in life is a whole half of their family being a homosexual union. When you get married, you do not simply marry the person but all the family. Unless you expect your spouse to detach completely from his/her family, they will play a big part in your marriage. If his family has problems there is a good chance that the person may also have some problems as a result. This isnt to say that such a marriage wont work but it is to say that it will be very difficult and possibly harmful when it comes to raising children. Even more so when the family is a homosexual union. You cant hold the sins of the parents against the son but you can evaluate the effects that the parents have had on the son. My idea of not holding the sins of the parents against the children is that if the child has learned and is trying to or has distanced themselves and reject the errors of their parents then I would not let the sins of the parents effect a marriage. However, if the son is ok with his parents sin and does not find them to be wrong or something to not be encouraged then you have to break away from the relationship. It will only make raising children more difficult. I personally think it should be a mortal sin to marry someone that accepts any sin to be perfectly alright because you are risking the salvation of your children that are innocent bystanders. It is difficult enough for children to keep the faith in a family with strong faith, I can only imagine how difficult it is in a family where one parent believes birth control, abortion and homosexual acts to be ok and normal behavior. My extended family is testament to this with 19 losing the faith and 6 not losing the faith in families with one or both spouses that do not accept the teachings of the church. If the man agrees to raise the kids as Catholic than he would have to explain to them how his own parents are wrong to be married. This is something that is difficult to do because the homosexuality is a part of who his father is. That is why such a relationship should not last long term. Dating should be fine but it shouldnt go beyond that unless the man has rejected the lifestyle of his fathers. Judging by what you have said so far I do not think this is the case. Keep an open mind until you know what the guy feels about the lifestyle of his parents.

Well, I have three of each grandparent… My dad’s side would actually apply, as my grandfather on that side, by all accounts, was a violent and cruel man…imagine having to explain THAT to your daughter…that her Nonno (Italian for Grandpa) did things so horrible, that her grandparents had to live on two separate continents.

You know, I’d rather the, “your grandfathers are good men, but this is not a lifestyle we should live,” than the, “Your grandfather was a cruel man and this is why you knew nothing of him when you were younger,” spiel. I think two men believing that this is real love is much better than a heterosexual couple where a man abused his family and they had to fly across the ocean to get away from him. Is it still sin? I’m not denying that it is. But there are very different measures of sin.

 

[jesuspsr]

I appreciate all of the thoughtful responses. Just to give you some more information:

My daughter is 17, attends a Catholic high school, and takes her boyfriend to Mass with her every Sunday. I have nothing against the boy. He’s not the issue…although I’d prefer he were Catholic. But, since I married a non-Catholic who, before she converted, led me back to the Catholic Church, I don’t feel the particular need to be a stickler on that point.

I am simply uncomfortable going into a social setting with an openly gay couple. However, I see the wisdom in witnessing to them, not so much in words, but in actions. After just having watched The Miracle Maker with three of my other daughters, the point that hit home was that Christ kept company with sinners, and He did not judge them. If Christ could sit at table with sinners, why can’t a fellow sinner do likewise?

hello everyone.
I would go:thumbsup:

 

[kage_ar]

Both you and your daughter would benefit from joining EnCourage.

www.couragerc.net

 

[Nec5]

I am far from ignorant of evil. I have seen true evil to the point were I no longer need to look for it in other peoples homes. Evil also comes in the form of pride.I notice you ignored the quote from the CCC - so if you are not interested in Catholic teaching why are you on a Catholic forum NEC5?

Why are you? And you ignored all my examples, which is not surprising. Allowing your daughter to date this kid, who is unabashedly celebrating sin, demonstrates your inability to connect upbringing, psychology, and evil. Since you mentioned the CCC,

2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. This inclination, which is objectively disordered, constitutes for most of them a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.

Refusing to allow your kid to date someone openly embracing sin is not unjust discrimination.

In fact, it would be unjust to allow it. Unjust for the daughter because you are putting her in a position where she will inevitably view homosexuality as “not a big deal”. And unjust to the boy because the very action of dating him will endorse and justify his view of his “parents” as an okay lifestyle.

And since you want to pick and choose parts of the catechism just as you pick and choose “don’t judge” or “cast stones” from the Bible, try these on:

1865 Sin creates a proclivity to sin; it engenders vice by repetition of the same acts. This results in perverse inclinations which cloud conscience and corrupt the concrete judgment of good and evil. Thus sin tends to reproduce itself and reinforce itself, but it cannot destroy the moral sense at its root.

1867 The catechetical tradition also recalls that there are “sins that cry to heaven”: the blood of Abel,139 the sin of the Sodomites,140 the cry of the people oppressed in Egypt,141 the cry of the foreigner, the widow, and the orphan,142 injustice to the wage earner.143

**1868 Sin is a personal act. Moreover, we have a responsibility for the sins committed by others when we cooperate in them:

• by participating directly and voluntarily in them;
• by ordering, advising, praising, or approving them;
• by not disclosing or not hindering them when we have an obligation to do so;
• by protecting evil-doers**.

1869 Thus sin makes men accomplices of one another and causes concupiscence, violence, and injustice to reign among them. Sins give rise to social situations and institutions that are contrary to the divine goodness. “Structures of sin” are the expression and effect of personal sins. They lead their victims to do evil in their turn. In an analogous sense, they constitute a "social sin."144

Note the last paragraph and the connections between personal sin(mentioned beforehand) and “social situations”. Your unwillingness to look into the household for the source of evil in contemporary times is emblematic of the social evils decaying the West.

 

[joandarc2008]

NEC5 you would be right if you were speaking of the two men. You are not. you are speaking of the minor child who does not have a choice but to obey the parent that he has been placed in the legal custody of. Maybe you should again go back and look at the situation.

 

[joandarc2008]

Why are you? And you ignored all my examples, which is not surprising. Allowing your daughter to date this kid, who is unabashedly celebrating sin, demonstrates your inability to connect upbringing, psychology, and evil. Since you mentioned the CCC,
Refusing to allow your kid to date someone openly embracing sin is not unjust discrimination.

In fact, it would be unjust to allow it. Unjust for the daughter because you are putting her in a position where she will inevitably view homosexuality as “not a big deal”. And unjust to the boy because the very action of dating him will endorse and justify his view of his “parents” as an okay lifestyle.

And since you want to pick and choose parts of the catechism just as you pick and choose “don’t judge” or “cast stones” from the Bible, try these on:

Note the last paragraph and the connections between personal sin(mentioned beforehand) and “social situations”. Your unwillingness to look into the household for the source of evil in contemporary times is emblematic of the social evils decaying the West.

Oh and by the way the fact that you keep referring to her as my daughter seems to underline your whole misunderstanding of the situation even further.

 

[Nec5]

Please respond to my points about sin spreading. The usage of “you” is impersonal in that it applies to you and everyone in this situation. The kid is celebrating sin; has he renounced his gay “parent’s” lifestyle? It applies. Try to respond to the CCC. That is, if you would follow the teaching of the Catholic Church.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

I too, think it is a bit much to have dinner together with the boyfriends’ parents, whoever they are. I also would be uncomfortable with the situation, but since you have allowed your dd to date him, and since you have been invited, you might wish to go. The trick will be if any of those issues come up in conversation, being able to keep from pretending you agree with something you believe to be immoral, and also not being rude to your hosts. Tricky. Maybe you should come up with a line ahead of time, that you can use if the topic comes up.

Something I would be concerned with in particular is what does the boyfriend believe about sexual morality. Obviously, his parents are teaching him at least one wrong thing about it. The question is, have they taught him that premarital sex is wrong? What about sex in high school? What is the criteria for being ready to have a physical relationship with a significant other? Honestly, I’d worry about this whether or not the parents were gay, straight, protestant, non-Christian, and even Catholic (unless I know they are orthodox in their faith - but that is a minority of Catholics)… The gay thing only makes it more likely that he might have wrong beliefs about sex, and I’d be less trustful of them being alone because of that. Not that I’d be all that trustful of even the most religious boy - teens are teens, hormones are hormones, and that’s why I wouldn’t be wanting my daughter to date anyone unless she was discerning marriage, but that’s another matter.

ETA: I would not bring young children to this dinner. Don’t know if you have younger kids, but I’d find an excuse to keep them home that night. They don’t need to have immoral behavior/lifestyle normalized any more than the culture is already doing.

 

[joandarc2008]

Please respond to my points about sin spreading. The usage of “you” is impersonal in that it applies to you and everyone in this situation. The kid is celebrating sin; has he renounced his gay “parent’s” lifestyle? It applies. Try to respond to the CCC. That is, if you would follow the teaching of the Catholic Church.

I already have - it says exactly how we should treat these people in order to evangelize. Evangelization with hate and judgement hasn’t worked for 2000 years. Evangelize with love and acceptance of people without love and acceptance of acts and you get a lot further.

You can never stop sin from spreading we are all sinnners- you can stop evil from spreading by showing people that God is love and He is the one truth. You do this through action not by getting up on your soap box. You have not responded to my points either.

Furthermore, we do not know that the son has not renounced his father’s (notice one) sexual identity. He goes to Mass with the OP’s daughter. He is open to the teachings. How do you know what they have talked about or not talked about in the four walls of their own home. Would you not say that he was not honoring his father and showing fillial piety by and causing scandal by renouncing his father for everyone to here. Remember according to the CCC- the relationship a child has with their father who gave them life will mirror the relationship they have with their Father Heaven who gives them Eternal Life.

 

[joandarc2008]

I too, think it is a bit much to have dinner together with the boyfriends’ parents, whoever they are. I also would be uncomfortable with the situation, but since you have allowed your dd to date him, and since you have been invited, you might wish to go. The trick will be if any of those issues come up in conversation, being able to keep from pretending you agree with something you believe to be immoral, and also not being rude to your hosts. Tricky. Maybe you should come up with a line ahead of time, that you can use if the topic comes up.

Something I would be concerned with in particular is what does the boyfriend believe about sexual morality. Obviously, his parents are teaching him at least one wrong thing about it. The question is, have they taught him that premarital sex is wrong? What about sex in high school? What is the criteria for being ready to have a physical relationship with a significant other? Honestly, I’d worry about this whether or not the parents were gay, straight, protestant, non-Christian, and even Catholic (unless I know they are orthodox in their faith - but that is a minority of Catholics)… The gay thing only makes it more likely that he might have wrong beliefs about sex, and I’d be less trustful of them being alone because of that. Not that I’d be all that trustful of even the most religious boy - teens are teens, hormones are hormones, and that’s why I wouldn’t be wanting my daughter to date anyone unless she was discerning marriage, but that’s another matter.

ETA: I would not bring young children to this dinner. Don’t know if you have younger kids, but I’d find an excuse to keep them home that night. They don’t need to have immoral behavior/lifestyle normalized any more than the culture is already doing.

I like what you had to say here.

 

[sanctamaria17]

I think St. Francis de Sales said something like “Cook the truth in charity so it tastes sweet.”

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Can I add one more thought?

If this boy is not a threat to your most precious child, then how could his dining room table be a threat? On the other hand, if simply spending a couple of hours with his parents is of moral concern for you an adult, then how could you hand your impressionable minor daughter over to the someone whose greatest influences are these two men? It would be consistent to either have a friendly relationship with his parents, or to have your daughter step back from her boyfriend out of protection for her. I’m not saying one of those choices is the better one (especially now that the horse has already left the barn), but either you’re worrying too much about dinner, OR your discomfort with dinner is signaling you that the relationship with your daughter might not be right.