Daughter hates new Catholic school

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My daughter is a junior in high school and just transferred to a Catholic high school from her public school. Her public school is considered to be one of the better ones in the state but is still has plenty of problems. I think that the public school is morally and potentially physically dangerous.
I love the new school. I’m working as much overtime as I can, to send her to her to the new school. However, she’s decided that she hates it. She misses her friends & is having trouble making new friends. She wants to go back to the old school. I want her to give it a chance at least until Christmas but she doesn’t think she can stand it that long. Has anyone else had this experience? Any suggestions?
 
Changing during high school is difficult. For our family, we choose a serious career change before we would make our son change high schools.

Talk to her, listen to her. Was there some problem that led you to pulling her in high school?

Is she in a good Catholic Youth Group?
 
The public school has a lot of drug & alcohol issues… A lot of disrespectful behavior towards the teachers. There are lots of physical fights between the students. A teacher was arrested for having a sexual relationship with a student last year. Some students identify as wizards. One identified as a wolf & threatened to shoot up the school, granted that one is gone now.

Her involvement with the youth group is intermittent. Between her job & sports she doesn’t have a lot of time.
 
Sadly some Catholic schools can also have problems with drugs, so remain diligent in monitoring your daughter’s activities.
 
Is she having problems other than struggling to make friends? I’m not downplaying how she must be feeling, but I’m wondering if there are any other factors at play. For her to say she doesn’t think she can last until Christmas is really serious. What’s the teaching like at her new school? How is she coping with the religious element in school, when before there wasn’t one? Are the pupils cliquey? Can the teachers/counselors at the school find a way to integrate her into some friendship groups?
 
Was she involved in drugs or alcohol? Because these things happen at Catholic schools.

Disrespect, sadly Catholic schools are becoming know as cliquey places where bullying and disrespect are part of the culture.

Sex scandals take place everywhere, so do fights.

Wizards? Catholic schools permit people of every religious or non-religion to enroll.

You will not get away from human problems in a Catholic school, and, a teen who has lost her friends may be more at risk.
 
Not that I know of. She says that the teachers are better, the schedule is better and her favorite class is her religion class. It’s just seems like the friends thing. I would imagine that there are cliques but she hasn’t complained about that specifically.
 
She’s a junior in high school. That is WAY too late to change schools unless it’s some emergency, like the girl is in imminent physical danger, which doesn’t sound like it’s the case.

Send her back to the old school and let her graduate with her friends.
 
TheLittleLady said:
You will not get away from human problems in a Catholic school, and, a teen who has lost her friends may be more at risk
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No, you will not. But the chances of them affecting your child are typically way lower. If, for no other reason, once the problem occurs the offending kids will get kicked out and so you have that few less problem kids as children advance through the school.

@Kamj
What extracurricular activities has she gotten involved in? That would seem to me to be the key to her making new friends. As my kids went through high school, almost all of their friendships originated in activities that they were involved in.
 
Absolutely, I’ve prayed about this decision since December. She’s not getting bullied at all. She’s been aquatinted with many of the other students for years, but not any close friendships there. She just feels like she doesn’t fit in and is missing her friends. She hates feeling out of place but there are a lot of things about the school that she does like.
Unfortunately, high school soccer doesn’t start until spring here. Maybe there’s some other club she could get involved with. Thanks
 
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Whole heartedly agree with this statement. Pretty much took the words out of my mouth.

Junior year of HS is Wayyy to late to switch schools, especially if it was “forced”. Personally I’d let her graduate with her friends.

@Kamj Like others have said, the Catholic schools “can” have the same issues. I used to coach at a Catholic school and played on Co-Op’d teams in my teens. The kids weren’t oblivious to the issue, I can still quote an old teammate from a discussion we had on the way home from a game. “We have the same problems too, they just don’t get publicized as much”
 
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She had 3 options, to stay at the public school, this high school or a different Catholic high school. She chose where she is at.
 
So she had the option to stay at the public school, no pressure?

Personally I’d say she gave it a try and if by Christmas she really can’t take it and wants to be back with her friends (and teammates) at the public school, that’s the way I’d lean.
 
She definitely had the option, after she shadowed the new school she was begging to transfer.
 
She really needs to give it a real try.

And maybe I’m a mean Mom, but I wouldn’t tell her that it was a try. I would tell her that she better get used to it. That she was staying at the school.
 
Maybe she either A) misses her friends way more than she thought B ) something is happening that she isn’t telling you or C) she thought you’d be let down if she didn’t transfer.

Either way - if being at that school is bugging her as much as you make it sound, I’d let her switch back especially as a junior.
 
I’d give a 16 year old one “get out of the decision free” card.
 
Reading the thread back, OP, I’m wondering if she just didn’t realise how big of a change everything would be. Not only is she away from her friends and struggling to make new ones, but I’m assuming her home life must have changed if you’re working overtime as much as you can. I wonder if her loneliness is being exacerbated because she’s missing you as well?

Honestly, I think I would try and encourage her to stick it out for a while. Perhaps make an agreement that if she hasn’t settled by Christmas you can look at sending her back? And in the meantime, help her find some time to spend with her friends? I would speak to her teachers and perhaps the school counselor/pastor at her new school too, if you haven’t already, to see how they could help her.
 
Kamj said:
She definitely had the option, after she shadowed the new school she was begging to transfer.
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I would want to see legitimate reasons to pull her out of this year. In three months, she may be glad she stayed.

Girls can be moody. I have one.
 
This sounds like a precursor to when she goes away to college (assuming she goes away). Most experts tell you to encourage struggling college freshman to at least stay for the semester and a majority of the time, by the time they get to Christmas break, they have settled in, made new friends, gotten used to being away from home, etc.

I’m not sure I would let her switch back to public school if she actually likes the school where she is now. If the only thing is the friends, then she may just need more time.

As far as Junior year being way to late…what if you had moved across country for a job, there wouldn’t have been a choice. People do this all the time and it’s okay.

I vote for more time to get acclimated. If she’s miserable at Christmas, then MAYBE, but she would need a really good argument for me consider going backwards.
 
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