Daughter issues again-a crisis approaches

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madelynn

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Hello Friends,
I’ll try to explain this carefully as possible, but I am so upset. I would be so grateful for your prayers right now.

Last June, I lost my job. However, since I was a student, I relied on financial assistance for tuition and living expenses. I did land temporary employment until October, and then I drew unemployment. I have been sharing a large, 4 BR place with my daughter. Although she was also a student, and worked every other weekend, I paid most of the rent. My daughter, who had a 2 year old child, agreed to pay 25% of the rent.

This past April, we sat down and made plans to relocate to a larger city where we could both find good-paying jobs, and I could help with childcare. That way, I could remain close to my grandchild, spend time with her several times a week, and my daughter wouldn’t have to worry about childcare expenses. After we both finished school in May, my daughter did a complete 180 and said that she would find work locally, and she didn’t need me. I have been struggling to find work nearby since I want to be near my grandchild.

Now my unemployment has run out. Although I’ve been looking for employment since March, nothing has materialized. I’ve had a total of four interviews. The first 2 interviews were for full time positions, but I have not heard back from them (one was a month ago, the other was 10 days ago). The other 2 interviews (which were held this week) are for part time positions, and each pays a fraction of what I was earning before. Both are less than what I’d gotten on unemployment. In the meantime, my daughter started working full time. She currently earns MORE than what I did at my former job. The benefits also sound really great, and I am happy for her.

I’ve been dreading this discussion, but today I told my daughter that my savings were running out, and I asked if she could cover the rent next month. She has not yet paid me her share of this month’s rent, which she promised to do next weekend. She got upset, saying that she already had plans for her paycheck next month. Then I asked if she could pay half, to which she agreed. Unfortunately, I’m not sure at this time how I will come up with the other half. I figured that since she was working, we would be OK until I found full time employment.

A while later, she approached me and said that after next month, she was moving out. I said that I can’t afford this place on my own with my present income (which is ZERO). Even with either of the 2 jobs I’d just mentioned, I still couldn’t afford it. Rent is $960 per month. My daughter could afford it, however, but she said, “I don’t want to be here any more.” I do understand that she wants her own place, and I have supported that. But I didn’t think she would just leave me with no means of providing shelter for myself. In addition, she and my grandchild each have their own rooms, and their portion of the house is large (over 800 square feet). The place she wants to move to (and pay more rent) is smaller, and the neighborhood is not as nice as this one.

If I relocate, I would miss my grandchild terribly, as she’s lived with me since she was an infant. I feel that my daughter is being malicious, and trying to keep her child from me.
I have a son, and he is not like my daughter. He’s still in college himself, so he can’t help. At least he has been open about his future plans. My kids have always been close, but now my daughter has even distanced herself emotionally from my son. It hurts to see it. We all used to be so close-knit. Or so I thought.

There’s more to this situation, but I will stop here. Any feedback would be wonderful, but I do need your prayers right now. I am feeling hurt and betrayed, and I don’t know where I’m going to live soon. I don’t even have the money to move.

Thank you for reading.

-madelynn
 
Dear Madelynn I am so sorry for all your worries. (((Hugs))) for you.
I shall keep you and your daughter and grandchild in my prayers.
May God bless you and guide you and bring you to the help you need.

Eternal God , in whom mercy is endless,
and the treasury of compassion inexhastible ,
look kindly upon us and increase Your mercy in us ,
that in difficult moments we might not despair
nor become despondent , but with great confidence ,
submit ourselves to Your Holy Will ,
which is love and mercy itself . Amen

Memorare (Prayer to Our Lady)
Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known that anyone who fled to your protection, implored your help, or sought your intercession, was left unaided.
Inspired by this confidence, I fly unto you, O Virgin of virgins, my Mother. To you do I come, before you I stand, sinful and sorrowful. O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions, but in your mercy, hear and answer me. Amen
 
I’m sorry about your crisis. I imagine the hurt and anxiety seem unbearable at times for you.

All I can think of at the moment is to prepare for the worst.

Call Catholic Charities to see if it has any rental assistance programs. Call the nearby homeless shelters to get as much information as you can. Write down all the information. Calmly let your daughter know that you have no money, and you wish she could help you out in this crisis.

Organize all your belongings now – just in case. Don’t put that off.

If you have any other relatives or friends who might give you a hand, either with an extra bed or money, now isn’t the time to be ashamed. You need what you need.

If all you can find is a part-time job, take it for now. If your daughter doesn’t change her mind, you might have to sleep in shelters or your car, but at least you can meet your most important needs.

If you qualify for SNAP (commonly called “food stamps”) apply for that now. Or at least get the information and the forms you’ll need to apply.

Pray for your daughter and yourself incessantly.

You’re in my prayers.
 
Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

†

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

†
 
Please realize that you have to get busy and make arrangements to provide for your own welfare and housing. While your have expressed some very positive wishes and desires with regard to providing love and support for your family, they are just that= your wishes and desires. Don’t waste time and energy trying to enlist support for your wishes, just deal with your own reality. Stop projecting into the future with regard to your grandchild, rely on God in your sorrow of the moment, but take action. Someone a few posts ago gave you excellent advice. Meanwhile, I will pray for you and for your family. You could certainly find some type of employment, perhaps not in line with your degree, but surely enough to provide some small housing and basic needs for yourself think outside the box, rely on the Lord’s providence but get busy! and God bless you.
 
I can make no better suggestions than have been given. I am sorry your own children have given you such grief. By her actions, your daughter is setting up herself for the same kind of treatment, but she probably doesn’t see it. I have prayed for you and you family.:crossrc::hug1:
 
I am very sorry for how your relationship with your daughter is progressing. I am sure it is very upsetting, and my prayers are with you.

I agree with the other posters who said you need to focus on finding other living arrangements. As hard as it is, it will be best if you try not to focus on the emotional aspect of what is going on with your daughter until you are situated elsewhere and can better deal with it. Right now, your priority is finding somewhere to live. Find somewhere smaller and more affordable in a location where there is the best opportunity for you to find a job. Seek whatever assistance you can be provided, whether that is through social services or the church.

When does your lease expire? Are you both on the lease? Have you discussed the situation with your landlord?

Since you have recently graduated, are there any career assistance services you could utilize at your school? Have you posted your resume online? Can you talk to former professors, and let them know you are looking and ask them to keep you in mind?
 
Sorry for the difficulties. To resolve the immediate problem I’d rent the other bedrooms to boarders for $400 each. It would solve the rent problem.

Longer term I’d look at why this situation occurred. While difficult, there are things you shared that caused “life to happen” which if not discovered you will repeat again.

Good luck. I will pray for you today and tomorrow in church.
 
Oh, dear, it is really a shame that all this is happening like this.

If you cannot move because you are tied into a lease, rent out the other rooms ASAP. Make sure you do it by the book and get deposits which also cover utilities if possible. There may be someone at your school who can help, or a landlord/tenat place in your town. Look into how much shared housing generally costs before you set your rents! If you take the smallest room, you can charge more for the bigger rooms.
 
quiet52 said:
Call Catholic Charities to see if it has any rental assistance programs. Call the nearby homeless shelters to get as much information as you can. Write down all the information. Calmly let your daughter know that you have no money, and you wish she could help you out in this crisis.

Organize all your belongings now – just in case. Don’t put that off.

If you have any other relatives or friends who might give you a hand, either with an extra bed or money, now isn’t the time to be ashamed. You need what you need.

If all you can find is a part-time job, take it for now. If your daughter doesn’t change her mind, you might have to sleep in shelters or your car, but at least you can meet your most important needs.

If you qualify for SNAP (commonly called “food stamps”) apply for that now. Or at least get the information and the forms you’ll need to apply.

Pray for your daughter and yourself incessantly.

You’re in my prayers.
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This is helpful; thank you, quiet52.

I have already gotten the application for SNAP, and I’m going to turn it in this Mon.

Since it was a good size house, I have lots of stuff. I’m thinking that, unless I can afford storage, I may look to ebay.
 
Lorelei12 said:
When does your lease expire? Are you both on the lease? Have you discussed the situation with your landlord?

Since you have recently graduated, are there any career assistance services you could utilize at your school? Have you posted your resume online? Can you talk to former professors, and let them know you are looking and ask them to keep you in mind?
Click to expand...
Thanks, Lorelei. I’m getting some good suggestions here!

To respond to your questions, the lease is currently month-to-month, it’s in both our names, and I have not contacted the landlord yet.

I have consulted the career center at my school, but I plan to contact them again, for resume feedback. I did post my resume online.
 
Hello everyone,

I appreciate all prayers, feedback, and suggestions. I am working on a plan of action. I feel that I can get through this, with God’s help.

Yours in faith,
madelynn
 
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