J
jheckle81
Guest
I have been a part of CAF forums since joining the faith in 2012. I’ve mainly lurked, but have posted in the past for advise on certain matters. And now, three years after my beautiful Saint Brooklyn met our Lord, I’ve been really struggling with this cross. On June 25, 2014, my adopted step son murdered my 2 month old daughter (born April 25, 2014). Our lives were obviously turned upside down. We had been seeking help for that child for the many issues he had been struggling with, including sexual and physical abuse in his childhood from his maternal grandmother. I put so much time, love, and sacrifice into him when Brooke was alive that he took even that from me. I have so few memories of her at all. I do forgive him since I have no choice. Nothing can bring her back and yes I take comfort that she is with our Lord (thank God we had her baptized on June 1st of that year), but his actions poisoned our family and it has only been this past year I (we) have really started to heal after hitting rock bottom, using alcohol as an escape (so, so bad, but I stopped drinking April 26, 2016). All it allowed me to do was to distract myself from my grief in the most destructive way possible. It almost broke our family as my poisonous hatred was drowned by a poisonous substance, leading to even worse (if that’s even possible) quality of life for my five remaining children in the house, including my other adopted step son, his younger brother, who had also suffered the same abuses. I had been unknowingly taking out my grief, anger, and hatred on him, but thankfully God showed up, put an end to my drinking, and on the current path of healing and it truly is amazing the 180 we are just one year later. Only now, I’m forced to actually grieve, instead of hiding from it. And I know God is carrying us, and in some ways my faith has never been stronger. But it has also caused us the loss of so many friends and family members. We had to move to a new state for a fresh start, and as great as that move has been for us, it’s also been all the more isolating on our lonely island, as we call it. I’m asking you prayer warriors for continued perseverance, healing, and strength for the many many days this cross is so heavy, all I can do is just stare at it. For continued sobriety, and most especially, prayers of peace and healing for my spouse and children (ages 15, 9, 6, 4, 2). Thank you in advance.