Daughter wants to leave the church

[matthewww]

my 15 year old daughter despises most christian churches, including Catholicism She believes in God but she basically wants to be a liberal christian…you know those people that do whatever they want and call themselves a christian, they focus on the relationship and not “religion” and rules…

I asked her why and she told me she doesn’t like the Church’s stance on SSA, sex and that she feels religion is for “guys”. i always thought the church is too feminine…

she hates the complementarian idea, how women apparently in the church are valued because they can give birth, not because of who they are…she doesn’t like how christians are hateful people…

We still make her follow us for Mass, but there’ll be a time when we cannot do so.

please pray for her and advice will be good!

 

[phil_at_dayboro]

Your Daughter is only 15 , she has much to learn , the best way to learn about religion personal experience , you need to be extremly patient , you need to communicate at her level , explain what makes YOU. Believe ,why YOU. Believe , and explain how religion makes you feel without lecturing or nagging , spend time with her,go to the movies - Shopping etc , that is if she will, my step daughter wouldn’t do anything with her mother,
Keeping the communication lines open are most important,
Good luck,

 

[AussieTrish]

You could work out some kind of agreement that she come with you for a couple more years, or while she’s under your roof (but the latter might drive her to leave home sooner).
Forcing a person to go to Mass, something which she will find extremely boring and therefore a torment, could alienate her further.
Faith s a gift from God, and so certainly prayer, faithful prayer is very important. Prayer for enlightenment and faith.
Your daughter has a closed mind it seems, even that she thinks Christians are hateful people (perhaps she has been hurt, and hurt is personal and can skew a person’s perceptions). She isn’t enormously well-informed, regardless of what she may have been taught, but she’s convinced she’s right.

Have you asked your priest’s advice?
The advice can vary.
It can be like Phil’s or it can be like the priest’s (now a bishop) who said in answer to my worried question about my 15 year old who came to dread ‘the boredom’ and the ever-recurring requirement to go to Sunday Mass.
His reply was, “you can’t force someone his age to go to Mass”.
If the heart and soul isn’t in Mass, then it is painfully long and boring which doesn’t nurture love of faith or of the Church in the person forced to go. It can deepen the resentment.
This is why you need your priest’s advice. It may be helpful, it may be less so, priests’ opinions or advice aren’t all the same, but for your own sake you need pastoral guidance.

Our children often break our hearts and inundate us with worry.
We can only do so much, and for the remainder, must trust in God that He will lead them aright and give them the necessary graces, however long it takes.

 

[mommy_k]

Your daughter may benefit from spending time with friends who are Catholic. At this age friends have a big influence, and I am guessing this is where the misinformation is coming from.

She needs to experience the beauty of the church, and needs to know the reasons behind the beliefs we hold true.

Does she belong to a teen group at your church? Perhaps some hands on volunteer work would be helpful to dispel her negative attitude toward the church.

I also find that having beautiful pictures of the Virgin Mary in the home helps young teen girls.

 

[pianistclare]

Is she in your parish’s Youth Group or Catechism classes?
If not, why not?

 

[tawny]

It appears your daughter is in need of some sound Catechisis.

 

[punisherthunder]

This type of behavior doesn’t just “spring up”, she has something influencing her and you need to find out what it is. Friends? Websites?

You also mention Christian churches, do you mean Protestant ones? If her friends go there and all these issues that you mentioned above are watered down there, then that could be a reason why she is acting out.

 

[mommy_k]

I would also meet ger where shes at…ie young girls like designer handbags.

Ask your daughter what the difference between a genuine designer bag is or if a copy is just as good…

They skip alot of important things in a knockoff, and yes alot more time and effort is put into the real thing.

Jesus established the Catholic Church 2000 years ago…it is the original.

 

[LiamQ]

It always amazes me the lengths that teens will go to to fit in with the surrounding culture.

Whatever happened to being a rebel these days?

 

[GEddie]

It always amazes me the lengths that teens will go to to fit in with the surrounding culture.

Whatever happened to being a rebel these days?

Rebellion is often only against the **older **generation and its institutions. They cling in a life-grip to their own age-group. You can’t get away from the herd instinct.

Even my DBS once opined that I didn’t understand life because ten years older!

ICXC NIKA

 

[Rosebud77]

This type of behavior doesn’t just “spring up”, she has something influencing her and you need to find out what it is. Friends? Websites?

You also mention Christian churches, do you mean Protestant ones? If her friends go there and all these issues that you mentioned above are watered down there, then that could be a reason why she is acting out.

It can and does. I have seen this with teens here and with some who are sent to mass and spend the time there at the back playing games on their phones.

Just often a phase between childhood and adulthood, between accepting what parenst say and so and striking out on your own.

You can do a lot by listening, letting her vent and rant if she wants. Providing the sound reasons behind all we are and do. But calmly

And of course pray for her deeply… That above all,

 

[GEddie]

OP:

Sadly, temporary religious deconversion is often a part of maturation, if not in adolescence, then if they should go away to school. It was part of mine.

If she does deconvert, continue to pray and do penance. Remember that Saint Augustine once went into a spell in another faith, but went on to become a great Saint.

ICXC NIKA

 

[pianistclare]

Nothing…not good intentions, not anything replaces good catechesis.

Places with no catechism classes should expect this.
That’s how these things “sprout up”.
Because they are left unattended for years, and people think their children will fall right into line, somehow, magically, because “we said so”.
Never works.

Get her into classes ASAP. Let her see and learn that Catholics have a basis for what we believe, it’s not just popular opinion.

 

[saellis]

It appears your daughter is in need of some sound Catechisis.

Yes. That and a whole lot of love and prayer are the best way to counter the anti-Catholic indoctrination she is getting.

 

[GEddie]

Nothing…not good intentions, not anything replaces good catechesis.

Places with no catechism classes should expect this.
That’s how these things “sprout up”.
Because they are left unattended for years, and people think their children will fall right into line, somehow, magically, because “we said so”.
Never works.

Get her into classes ASAP. Let her see and learn that Catholics have a basis for what we believe, it’s not just popular opinion.

If she’s already having faith issues and is 15, good luck forcing her to go to CCD!!!

ICXC NIKA

 

[pianistclare]

If she’s already having faith issues and is 15, good luck forcing her to go to CCD!!!

ICXC NIKA

I object to the use of the term “force”.
Parents are to raise their children in the faith. That’s the Baptismal promise.
Do we force our children to shower? To study? To attend school?
Force is negative. Desiring what is best fro them an dour JOB is quite another.

(ps…we don’t call it CCD anymore either. )

 

[GEddie]

I object to the use of the term “force”.
Parents are to raise their children in the faith. That’s the Baptismal promise.
Do we force our children to shower? To study? To attend school?
Force is negative. Desiring what is best fro them an dour JOB is quite another.

(ps…we don’t call it CCD anymore either. )

Point taken, I should have said “make” rather than force.

And I didn’t say you shouldn’t, just good luck!

ICXC NIKA

 

[pianistclare]

Point taken, I should have said “make” rather than force.

And I didn’t say you shouldn’t, just good luck!

ICXC NIKA

It’s all up to the local catechists.
Every year we confirm about 40 teens. Each year we have about half of them RETURN even though they are released from obligation, because they love it. They love their faith, they want to serve in liturgical ministries, and they want to help and be an example for the younger ones. It CAN BE DONE.
Parishes have to hire the right leaders, and parishes have to step up and provide the right volunteers.
We can’t really expect kids to care, if the people in the pews don’t particularly care. Until they do something wrong, and then it’s WHOA!!! Where are their parents and teachers?
I’ll tell you where they are: sitting in the pew or sitting in the parking lot letting others do the heavy lifting.
Nothing worthwhile come with no effort.

 

[persevere71]

Your daughter may benefit from spending time with friends who are Catholic. At this age friends have a big influence, and I am guessing this is where the misinformation is coming from.

She needs to experience the beauty of the church, and needs to know the reasons behind the beliefs we hold true.

Does she belong to a teen group at your church? Perhaps some hands on volunteer work would be helpful to dispel her negative attitude toward the church.

I also find that having beautiful pictures of the Virgin Mary in the home helps young teen girls.

You are so right! I have a teenage son and I bought him Teen St’s books. I have a teenage son and have done all that you have recommended! I just need to be more consistent but thank you for posting that !

 

[Rau]

…I asked her why and she told me she doesn’t like the Church’s stance on SSA, sex and that she feels religion is for “guys”.

If these are the issues she points to, have you spoken with her about them? What are her ideas?