Daughter wants to marry JW/RCIA candidate

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rosadelima13

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Just asking for prayers and advice :

Pious Catholic daughter age 24 informed us of her interest to marry a JW age 45(!) and insists he’s desiring to convert to Catholicism.

Oh the pain…

Haven’t met yet - soon. Any converts from the JW religion out there? Any tips?

We referred them to a very good priest who will definitely give his evaluation of the prospect of marriage. First priest gave them 4-6 consultations and was supportive; however, after a few weeks out of the country, he returned to say that he changed his mind and feels the couple should break up, for “lack of sincerity.” That’s all he said, very scanty explanation.

Sigh.

I appreciate prayers.
 
Trust the priest. He can’t really tell you anything that happened in private counseling.
I’m praying your DAUGHTER listens to the priest.
 
Oops - my posting was unclear!

The couple did meet with a priest for 4-6 sessions, and after being supportive, suddenly had a change of mind and discouraged them from pursuing marriage.

But we ( the parents) have now advised them to meet with another priest, a very holy priest whom we have known for decades. (The first priest is a newcomer to our town. Only has been here 2-3 months.)
 
rosadelima13 said:
Oops - my posting was unclear!

The couple did meet with a priest for 4-6 sessions, and after being supportive, suddenly had a change of mind and discouraged them from pursuing marriage.

But we ( the parents) have now advised them to meet with another priest, a very holy priest whom we have known for decades. (The first priest is a newcomer to our town. Only has been here 2-3 months.)
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Wait. You think the first priest wasn’t holy???
You want her to marry a 45 yr old JW?
 
Clarification here: you have not met the young man, correct? How long have the two of them been dating? Did you express any concerns before this engagement?
 
Jane Doe: We are meeting the “young man” (age 45) today. Just found out they have been dating for close to a year - it was kept a secret.

Pianistclare: I do not know how “holy” the first priest is or is not; however, I do know that he did not provide much explanation for his sudden change of opinion, so the couple is not convinced at all to follow his advice. Since I personally know the second priest, I advised them to get another opinion.
 
rosadelima13 said:
Jane Doe: We are meeting the “young man” (age 45) today. Just found out they have been dating for close to a year - it was kept a secret.
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I would say their difference in faith is only one of the red flags here. The age difference and the secrecy are HUGE red flags.
 
rosadelima13 said:
Jane Doe: We are meeting the “young man” (age 45) today. Just found out they have been dating for close to a year - it was kept a secret.

Pianistclare: I do not know how “holy” the first priest is or is not; however, I do know that he did not provide much explanation for his sudden change of opinion, so the couple is not convinced at all to follow his advice. Since I personally know the second priest, I advised them to get another opinion.
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You might remind them that a priest who tells you to slow it down and back off from the whole idea of marriage might not have that same attitude in a year or two, when the prospective groom can report he is happily ensconced in the Catholic faith and the prospective bride is not barely along into her adult life.

A 24 year old who wants to marry a 45 year old is not a 26 year old who wants to marry a 47 year old. The greater the age gap, the more slowly things need to go.

Certainly, I would encourage this couple to hold off on all idea of marriage until the fellow has gone through with joining the Church (or not). He should not feel in any way as if he’s “joining for her” or anything like that. There needs to be no cross-pressure, either for him to join the Church in order to marry her or for them to marry each other simply because he joined the Church. One decision at a time: either the decision to marry or not or the decision to join the Church or not, but not both at once.
 
jane_doe said:
I would say their difference in faith is only one of the red flags here. The age difference and the secrecy are HUGE red flags.
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Yes…

Three strikes…

Maybe the first priest did not ask their ages…and then changed his mind when he found out… Does the gentleman have children and ex wife?
 
Yeah. He’s too old, he;s of a WAY different faith ( not anywhere near compatible with Catholicism) he said he might be willing to convert , I’m skeptical, and you really want to see if they shoudl get married???
You should be putting the brakes on this. It’s a recipe for disaster.
No wonder the first priest said no.
Their deception probably came out in spades during their sessions.

LISTEN to him. Heed his advice.
 
I think that the decision is really up to the two individuals, no matter how much the OP may not want them to (or does want them to) get married. Yes, he is older than her, but I don’t think that is a deal breaker. As for him not being Catholic and wanting to convert, I agree that he needs to convert because he wants to deep in his heart and not just for her.
 
The whole thing is odd.
The daughter clearly wants to get married at any price. I’d find out why if I were her mother.
 
rosadelima13 said:
Jane Doe: We are meeting the “young man” (age 45) today. Just found out they have been dating for close to a year -** it was kept a secret. **

Pianistclare: I do not know how “holy” the first priest is or is not; however, I do know that he did not provide much explanation for his sudden change of opinion, so the couple is not convinced at all to follow his advice. Since I personally know the second priest, I advised them to get another opinion.
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Apart from the 21 year age gap, and the fact that the guy is JW, the fact that it was kept secret would be a massive alarm bell for me.
 
AdamPeter said:
Apart from the 21 year age gap, and the fact that the guy is JW, the fact that it was kept secret would be a massive alarm bell for me.
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Exactly.
Which is also probably why the first priest was so abrupt.
 
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