Daughter wants to participate in bikini competition

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So my 22 year old daughter who is very much into fitness, body building, healthy living, etc has expressed interest in entering bikini competitions. I’m obviously bothered by this. My initial reaction was one of listening, talking nicely (though inside I wanted to scream and forbid her to do it) and trying to figure out why she wants to do it. She swears her heart is in the right place and only wants to do it so she can prove to herself that she can. She thinks the event is about competing and has nothing to do with sexuality. I took several approaches during the conversation. First approach was that this could have a negative impact on future jobs. She’s currently a senior in college studying to be a math teacher. Second approach was that of a moral perspective. I told her the decision is hers, but someday she will have to face Jesus. I asked her to think about if she’d be able to look Jesus square in the eye today and ask Him if it’s ok. I fear that me yelling or forbidding her to do this will only push her closer. In previous years, the calm “talking” approach has usually worked, but I fear this time it won’t. Anybody have any ideas on what I can say or do to change her mind?
 
Engineer2000 said:
So my 22 year old daughter who is very much into fitness, body building, healthy living, etc has expressed interest in entering bikini competitions. I’m obviously bothered by this. My initial reaction was one of listening, talking nicely (though inside I wanted to scream and forbid her to do it) and trying to figure out why she wants to do it. She swears her heart is in the right place and only wants to do it so she can prove to herself that she can. She thinks the event is about competing and has nothing to do with sexuality. I took several approaches during the conversation. First approach was that this could have a negative impact on future jobs. ** She’s currently a senior in college studying to be a math teacher. **Second approach was that of a moral perspective. I told her the decision is hers, but someday she will have to face Jesus. I asked her to think about if she’d be able to look Jesus square in the eye today and ask Him if it’s ok. I fear that me yelling or forbidding her to do this will only push her closer. In previous years, the calm “talking” approach has usually worked, but I fear this time it won’t. Anybody have any ideas on what I can say or do to change her mind?
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She’s a grown woman and is going to do what she’s going to do–but man oh man, it’s a really bad idea for a future high school teacher to have any sort of internet trail showing her wearing less clothes than a Mrs. bin Laden. This is not even because of hiring issues, but in order to preserve quality of life as a teacher who has to deal with and win the respect of hundreds of distractible of hormonal teenage boys.

You might try googling “high school teacher fired for bikini photos” (like I just did) and showing your daughter the results.
 
I just googled this to make sure I had the right idea and it seems like an extreme amount of dieting and exercise are required to be remotely competitive. And it does seem sexualized to some extent. Obviously if you are competing to show off muscles, you need to show the muscles, but I don’t think a string bikini and what looks almost like a thong are necessary. I’d talk about modesty, health, and moderation. And definitely talk about the effects on her career. Does she want the parents of her future students googling her and finding pictures of her practically naked?

I’d be wary of outright forbidding it, though. She’s an adult. If you are paying for her school or housing, that does give you some leverage.
 
She and other women in fitness may not see her bikini as sexual.

Every man born after 01 AD would disagree, and many would encourage it for reasons other than striated delts.
 
Engineer2000 said:
So my 22 year old daughter who is very much into fitness, body building, healthy living, etc has expressed interest in entering bikini competitions. I’m obviously bothered by this. My initial reaction was one of listening, talking nicely (though inside I wanted to scream and forbid her to do it) and trying to figure out why she wants to do it. She swears her heart is in the right place and only wants to do it so she can prove to herself that she can. She thinks the event is about competing and has nothing to do with sexuality. I took several approaches during the conversation. First approach was that this could have a negative impact on future jobs. She’s currently a senior in college studying to be a math teacher. Second approach was that of a moral perspective. I told her the decision is hers, but someday she will have to face Jesus. I asked her to think about if she’d be able to look Jesus square in the eye today and ask Him if it’s ok. I fear that me yelling or forbidding her to do this will only push her closer. In previous years, the calm “talking” approach has usually worked, but I fear this time it won’t. Anybody have any ideas on what I can say or do to change her mind?
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Obviously, the law (in most jurisdictions) considers her an adult, so it’s up to her. Were it my daughter (which is unlikely, as I am in 20s, not for long), I would not be comfy with it. I mean just straight up tell her. I would ask if she thinks people should be judged solely on their appearance. Which is exactly what is happening when she participates in that lifestyle. You know, I think the same problem with pornography applies here: It’s not that they would be seeing too much of her (the folks judging the contest), but that they would be seeing too LITTLE of her. I am sure you have a beautiful daughter (she is, after all, created in the image and likeness of God). Tell her you trust her to make the right decision, don’t coerce her, tell her that you love her.
 
Tell her that others will look at her just for her body, that is not something she wants. She wants people to look at her whole person. Tell her she is beautiful inside(although physical beauty is nice), its what’s inside matters the most. Does she live under your roof?
 
I like Xantippe’s response to show her the Google results of High School teachers fired for entering bikini contests. But other than that, she’s an adult and is entitled to make her own mistakes.

She may dismiss any criticism of her goal as some old person being judgmental and jealous. At risk of shocking the other posters, I actually made mistakes as a young adult. I actually learned from one them.😃 But anything other than well stated advice would have been ignored on my part.
 
I’m not sure as my oldest is 11 and just getting started on this kind of thing, but I guess I’d tell her that once you do the little stuff then the big stuff doesn’t seem so big anymore.

I’ll give an example, I know a girl, beautiful, very into fitness, into her looks that started doing modeling, the modeling involved of course bikini and swimsuit pics. Okay not a big deal, then it invloved shower pics, nothing nude but pretty close. After a little while of doing that then she got involved in the stripping online while guys tell you what to do kind of thing. After she did that a while she started actually working at a strip club.

Now days, she is involved with a married man, 30 years older than her who has her come visit him, 7 states away from where she lives, at his whims, while he pays for her condo and car note. I don’t pretend to assume what is going on, but I am no idiot either.

This is all from a girl who 10 years ago I would have sworn could never have done something like this, one who was shy, and really didn’t wear any exposing clothes, had a good job and things just seemed to go down hill, it was that one modeling job that started the whole thing.

It’s like marijuana, or any other small thing, once you break that first little, no big deal “thing” then the next step isn’t really that far away, until your laying there twitching with a needle in your arm.

No this isn’t the fate of everyone who does a bikini contest, but it is a step down a dangerous path.
 
Engineer2000 said:
So my 22 year old daughter who is very much into fitness, body building, healthy living, etc has expressed interest in entering bikini competitions. I’m obviously bothered by this. My initial reaction was one of listening, talking nicely (though inside I wanted to scream and forbid her to do it) and trying to figure out why she wants to do it. She swears her heart is in the right place and only wants to do it so she can prove to herself that she can. She thinks the event is about competing and has nothing to do with sexuality. I took several approaches during the conversation. First approach was that this could have a negative impact on future jobs. She’s currently a senior in college studying to be a math teacher. Second approach was that of a moral perspective. I told her the decision is hers, but someday she will have to face Jesus. I asked her to think about if she’d be able to look Jesus square in the eye today and ask Him if it’s ok. I fear that me yelling or forbidding her to do this will only push her closer. In previous years, the calm “talking” approach has usually worked, but I fear this time it won’t. Anybody have any ideas on what I can say or do to change her mind?
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As one beautiful young lady who competed in beauty contests but only in one piece bathing suits, told me, “Bikinis look like underwear. I don’t want anyone seeing me in my underwear.” She was a non-Catholic Christian.

Modesty is very important, even though decades have been spent trying to convince young women that it doesn’t matter. Guys will be guys. There’s no changing that. And yes, there are guys left who will consider this a negative, wrong decision, not just for her but for anybody else who thinks modesty is totally flexible. Showing off most of her body is morally wrong.

And pray. That always helps. Even if she decides not to listen to sound teaching.

Ed
 
youth like to be counter-cultural so maybe explain how being modest is a way to go against the grain of modern society.
 
Xantippe said:
She’s a grown woman and is going to do what she’s going to do–but man oh man, it’s a really bad idea for a future high school teacher to have any sort of internet trail showing her wearing less clothes than a Mrs. bin Laden. This is not even because of hiring issues, but in order to preserve quality of life as a teacher who has to deal with and win the respect of hundreds of distractible of hormonal teenage boys.

You might try googling “high school teacher fired for bikini photos” (like I just did) and showing your daughter the results.
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Well stated.
 
Just to clarify,is it a
1.bodybuilding bikini competition or is it just a
2.“bikini competition” like what Hooters might hold or like the Miss Bondi show.

If the second one,then that’s a really bad idea as it’s usually just pure sexual objectifying.

If it’s the bodybuilding one and she’s confident that the organisers/promoters are truly not sleazy ( and she’s not just in denial) then I would support her and suggest for her to consider wearing a more modest bikini -ie: bums and boobs covered and not partially “poking” out and no sexualised posing- so that the focus is on the muscle instead of being sexualised.

A female building contest should be based off muscle definition and not beauty.The results shouldn’t matter if the contestants face was not “classically attractive” or whether she had large/fake boobs or was tall or not.

She’s 22 so she makes her own decisions and you can’t forbid her and as you mentioned yelling would only make her more determined.
So instead,have an open,calm,rational discussion and help her to come to her own conclusions/wise decisions.
Ask her to consider such questions like is the contest she wants to enter still predominantly about muscle and dedication or has it become more about beauty and sex appeal,which percentage of females make up the judging panel,what sort of mindset does the audition who watches the competition have etc…

If your daughter still decides to enter and is able to fight the temptation to follow the crowd by wearing a bit more coverage bikini,then maybe she could be a good “example” to the bodybuilding industry.
I had a look and apparently one of the worlds oldest female body builders,Ernestine Shepard,is a Christian.
 
Thanks everyone for the responses. They certainly helped me. I will see her in a few days and discuss it. Also, to clarify it is a bodybuilding bikini competition.
 
1, and I’m sure you know this. She is 22. But I also think the concern, or disapproval of a parent is powerful.
2. I have an old friend who recently got involved in these contests after a traumatic event. They are sexual. She was/is a married woman with 6 blended kids, her husband was i a horrible motorcycle accident. She now has a lesbian training partner who is her “partner” as well.
The pictures she showed me on her phone could not be considered modest or holy in any context in any time in history, ever.
3. There may be some issues that bring this out. I have no idea how, but perhaps guiding her to a good therapist is a good idea.
  1. Or take your parish priest to the competition, that ought to drive the point home…😉
 
I think the best point to bring up is the one about how it might make things difficult for her career. I don’t think she cares for any conversation about modesty if she wants to participate in the first place
 
Lea101 said:
I think the best point to bring up is the one about how it might make things difficult for her career. I don’t think she cares for any conversation about modesty if she wants to participate in the first place
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I agree.
 
Lea101 said:
I think the best point to bring up is the one about how it might make things difficult for her career. I don’t think she cares for any conversation about modesty if she wants to participate in the first place
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I think, has f she has already begun training, that won’t even factor into her decision in the slightest.

It’s a whole lifestyle, and it’s all consuming and addicting.
 
I actually dated a woman who won a bikini contest (before I knew her). Just thought I’d throw that in. I don’t get many opportunities to mention it anymore.

And I knew a woman who competed as a bodybuilder. Frankly, she was scary.
 
Engineer2000 said:
So my 22 year old daughter who is very much into fitness, body building, healthy living, etc has expressed interest in entering bikini competitions. I’m obviously bothered by this. My initial reaction was one of listening, talking nicely (though inside I wanted to scream and forbid her to do it) and trying to figure out why she wants to do it. She swears her heart is in the right place and only wants to do it so she can prove to herself that she can. She thinks the event is about competing and has nothing to do with sexuality. I took several approaches during the conversation. First approach was that this could have a negative impact on future jobs. She’s currently a senior in college studying to be a math teacher. Second approach was that of a moral perspective. I told her the decision is hers, but someday she will have to face Jesus. I asked her to think about if she’d be able to look Jesus square in the eye today and ask Him if it’s ok. I fear that me yelling or forbidding her to do this will only push her closer. In previous years, the calm “talking” approach has usually worked, but I fear this time it won’t. Anybody have any ideas on what I can say or do to change her mind?
Click to expand...
Just to prove to herself that she “can”…what?

She is competing with others not based on a skill, but on appearance. Period. She’s training her body in order to show it off. Not to act with it or run with it or climb or to push herself against someone else to achieve anything except to win approval for appearance, and appearance of an exceptionally fleeting kind.

Why, pray tell, does she want to excel at that? If you run against someone, you both run faster. If you play basketball as a game, it is more challenging than if you just shoot baskets by yourself. Even if you compete to see who can lift the most weight or do the most repetitions, it is about what you can do. If you get into a contest about looks, though, you are opponents of a different kind.

I don’t know if she’s mature, but she’s reached the age of majority. She can do what she wants. I suppose I’d just say that it is nitpicking to suppose that there is some kind of beauty contest that is more virtuous than another. If she wants to go from doing things for a good reason and over to just trying to give an impressive appearance, she’ll not get any encouragement from me. I’d encourage her to consider pursuing competitions in which her main competition is herself. A “personal best” in a bikini contest doesn’t quite have that same ring to it.
 
EasterJoy said:
Just to prove to herself that she “can”…what?

She is competing with others not based on a skill, but on appearance. Period. She’s training her body in order to show it off. Not to act with it or run with it or climb or to push herself against someone else to achieve anything except to win approval for appearance, and appearance of an exceptionally fleeting kind.

Why, pray tell, does she want to excel at that? If you run against someone, you both run faster. If you play basketball as a game, it is more challenging than if you just shoot baskets by yourself. Even if you compete to see who can lift the most weight or do the most repetitions, it is about what you can do. If you get into a contest about looks, though, you are opponents of a different kind.

I don’t know if she’s mature, but she’s reached the age of majority. She can do what she wants. I suppose I’d just say that it is nitpicking to suppose that there is some kind of beauty contest that is more virtuous than another. If she wants to go from doing things for a good reason and over to just trying to give an impressive appearance, she’ll not get any encouragement from me. I’d encourage her to consider pursuing competitions in which her main competition is herself. A “personal best” in a bikini contest doesn’t quite have that same ring to it.
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Wonderfully said.
 
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