Daughter's friend's instagram

[St_Pancake]

I’d be careful with this approach – you are an adult implying that you saw pictures of a minor in her undergarments.

You’re not “protecting” your child by pretending they weren’t involved. The parent is either going to know that it was your child who reported to you. Or they’re going to call the police on you for viewing photos of their child.

Seriously. Just state the facts simply and move on.

Would seeing a picture of one in their underwear be illegal? I wouldn’t think so.

 

[exnihilo]

Okay, switching to realistic mode here. You can’t block everything, unless you simply block the internet and texting. You can block enough that it will be harder for your kid to see something accidentally, but no matter how smart you think you are, your kid or your kid’s buddy knows how to get past you. The best you can really do is raise your kids to do the right thing (which it sounds like the OP is doing.) and deal with whatever ends up getting past your firewall as it happens. (which it also sounds like the OP is doing.) Or try the smoke signal thing. That works too.

As someone who is knows the technology side I’m increasingly thinking blocking the internet and texting is realistic. Blocking is so easy to get around for a motivated person. I think not having internet, texting and TV is very reasonable. The amount of evil out there is tremendous. You simply can’t stop it from being accessible if you allow it at all. Your children’s friends are just as dangerous as the wider society. Eventually children will become adults and have to be able to deal with the world. But maintaining their innocence until they are more formed and capable of resisting evil is a good thing.

I’d be careful with this approach – you are an adult implying that you saw pictures of a minor in her undergarments.

It is probably not an issue here but given the nature of our modern world even when reporting something bad you must consider the possible risks to yourself. There are a lot of mean, vindictive people and a lot of parents who will protect their children’s misdeeds even to the point of blaming you.

 

[JanetF]

I would say it, plainly. “My daughter was really upset when she saw some of your daughter’s recent posts on Instagram where she didn’t have many clothes on.”

Stick to the facts. Don’t make comments about whether or not mom is or should be monitoring.

This!. As a mom, I would want to know!

 

[Midwest88]

Just be blunt and stick to the facts.

“Hey, can we talk about your daughter’s instagram? [mention lack of clothes on]. Just thought you should know.”

Now, an interesting thing about this is that my mom watches Madam Secretary. One episode lightly dealt with social media and one of the staff member’s daughter’s leaked nude pics. When asked about this by a non-family member the father said it’s non of your business and went on a slight rant about being sanctimonious. Of course, the underlying message was that “it’s what kids do - no dignity was lost; it’s totally normal and natural”, sorta like pre-marital sex. No shame.

 

[AdamP88]

I was wanting to get opinions on whether I should let the mother know that her fifteen-year-old daughter is posing in her underwear… I’m not exactly sure how to break it to her mom. We are not close, but do talk occasionally about our daughters and school. My daughter was the one who let me know. She was upset about it.

Hell YES, tell her without delay!! Those pictures are now eternally on the internet. There’s little doubt the parents would want to know this.

 

[mommy_k]

Wow. Very bad choice…I would think about the fallout your dd may experience before I intervene on behalf of another person’s child to the possible detriment of my own.

I would also be having a conversation with your daughter about being friends with a person with such faulty choices. And also prepare your dd too, if this girl starts a campaign against her because you told her mom.there are alot of variables I would measure…also, if the result if you saying something…causes stress and drama or your dd…will she continue to share things with you?

Of course saying something is the right thing to do…but it’s not so cut and dry.

 

[faithsmind]

Thanks everyone, again. Just an update. We got it all worked out by the grace of God! I have to admit, I was proud of my daughter in this situation. She followed up my text to the mom and sent a text to the mother which explained everything in detail, stating she was worried about her friend, but then ironed everything out with her friend as well. How did she do that? Lol! I think she blamed it all on me, which is totally fine. I don’t encourage that friendship. There was drama of course that she was upset with me for telling her friend’s mom and blowing it out of proportion ( it was a lacy sports bra. She wasn’t NUDE Mom! And "I’m never telling you ANYTHING EVER AGAIN, mom!) She will. She’s chatty and forgetful like that lol.

 

[JanetF]

Parental controls were a must in my house when the phone and computer because keys to the universe for my daughter.

With respect to things my daughter would tell me. I made it very clear to her that if she ever told me anything that I thought put another child’s safety at risk, I, as an adult would contact the parent and she would have to live with that. She could blame me all she wanted, but kid’s safety comes first. Can’t recall anything coming up during the tween or early teen years when I had to intervene (thank God). I have to admit I’m relieved to be past that stage of raising a kiddo. Now I just have a, “I know everything” college sophomore.