daughters marriage

[missysmom]

HI,my daughter is a catholic her husband to be is not,he is a methodist. she goes to school in IN so they are getting married by a judge.now can they have another cermony in the catholic church.or any church? I have heard a lot the last few days where people get married by a judge and then later have a church wedding or more formal wedding.guess my question is can she still get married in a catholic church or can she still have the marriage blessed:shrug:

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

IF SHE WANTS TO DO IT THE RIGHT WAY, she should make an appointment at her parish, either at school or at home, and see one of the priests or the deacon in charge of marriage. Among the things that will be arranged is the paperwork for a dispensation to marry a non-Catholic. He will also set up the couple’s FOCCUS questionnaire and marriage preparation work.

If she prefers to get married at the courthouse or City Hall or what civil proceedings, well, she’s wrong. She can have her marriage later convalidated, but until she does, she is not to receive Holy Communion. For her soul’s sake, and the betterment of her marriage (after all, a wedding is one day, but a marriage is supposed to be for the rest of her life), she is MUCH better off slowing down a bit and follow the process.

 

[BamaRider]

If the problem is a big ceremony, tell her to see her priest and he can marry them just a few folks in a low key manner. But still gonna have to do the prep work, which takes about 6 months.

If the problem is in a hurry, tell her to stop it, and take a breath, unless she feels this guy is gonna change his mind in 6 months, and if thats it, ask why she’s marrying him in the first place.

 

[noclevername]

I grew up Methodist but I have to agree with OutinChgoburbs. Even us Methodist think it’s a really super bad idea to get married without going through premarital counseling with a pastor or a priest. In this day and age it’s even more important! Why is your daughter in such a hurry? There is no harm in waiting until in can be done properly.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I grew up Methodist but I have to agree with OutinChgoburbs. Even us Methodist think it’s a really super bad idea to get married without going through premarital counseling with a pastor or a priest. In this day and age it’s even more important! Why is your daughter in such a hurry? There is no harm in waiting until in can be done properly.

Why thank you! I have met many nice Methodists through my previous employment at GBOP.

Sadly, the only nasty Methodists I ever met were my eldest’s ex-in-laws, who seem to make a fetish out of being Methodist, and had no respect for Catholics, Italians, and Midwesterners, in that order.

 

[noclevername]

Sadly, the only nasty Methodists I ever met were my eldest’s ex-in-laws, who seem to make a fetish out of being Methodist, and had no respect for Catholics, Italians, and Midwesterners, in that order.

Yeah, there those Methodists who are like what you described above but please don’t judge all of us on those few folks. We ain’t all like that. I have no patience for anyone who can’t respect other religions no matter how much they differ from your own.

 

[1ke]

HI,my daughter is a catholic her husband to be is not,he is a methodist. she goes to school in IN so they are getting married by a judge.

I’m not really sure why her being in Indiana is relevant. They have Catholic priests there, too. Catholics are obligated to follow the marriage laws of the Church.

This involves going through Catholic marriage preparation, which typically takes about 6 months. She can do this wherever she is going to school. During the preparation process, which varies by diocese, she and her fiance will have meetings with a priest or deacon, they may have a retreat to attend, and they will have a premarital investigation to complete. The premarital investigation is paperwork regarding their freedom to marry, and since he is a non-Catholic it will also involve a dispensation to marry a non-Catholic.

Catholics may not be married outside the Catholic form of marriage unless they receive a dispensation to do so. So, she should get the idea of “going to the judge” out of her head. The priest/deacon who prepares them for marriage can also marry them. It does not have to be a large wedding, merely a priest/deacon and two witnesses.

now can they have another cermony in the catholic church.or any church?

No.

If your daughter marries invalidly (going to a JP w/o permission from the Church or the proper premarital preparation/paperwork) she may not then have a “church wedding” later.

She would have to go through a process called convalidation. That requires the same or similar premarital counseling/investigation/paperwork and then the exchange of vows before a priest in the Catholic form. This is not the same as a wedding, nor may it be a large occasion with the appearance of a wedding (i.e. gown, bridesmaids, etc).

Between the time of her invalid marriage and the convalidation, she would not be considered married by the Church. She would need to go to Confession for purposely breaking the marriage laws of the Church. She would then need guidance from her priest regarding refraining from intercourse (and thereby being able to receive the Sacraments) or refraining from the Eucharist until her marriage is convalidated.

This is not something the Church takes lightly.

I have heard a lot the last few days where people get married by a judge and then later have a church wedding or more formal wedding.

Perhaps those people you’ve heard about are non-Catholics.

I
guess my question is can she still get married in a catholic church or can she still have the marriage blessed:shrug:

She should get married in the Catholic Church from the outset. It is a grave sin to do otherwise.

Again, the whole part about being in Indiana is irrelevant. She should approach the priest where she attends Mass and start the marriage preparation process to be validly married in the Catholic Church.

 

[puzzleannie]

HI,my daughter is a catholic her husband to be is not,he is a methodist. she goes to school in IN so they are getting married by a judge.now can they have another cermony in the catholic church.or any church? I have heard a lot the last few days where people get married by a judge and then later have a church wedding or more formal wedding.guess my question is can she still get married in a catholic church or can she still have the marriage blessed:shrug:

not without preparation and counselling, since she is deliberately and knowing flouting church law on marriage, and has chosen to separate herself from the sacraments, live without sanctifying grace, and contract an invalid marriage. The old fashioned and harsher term for this is living in sin.

In this country where the priest or deacon is accepted as a witness by civil law the proper procedure is to contact the pastor, either her home parish or where she lives now, start preparing for a Catholic marriage, including requesting a dispensation for marrying a non-Catholic.

Yes Catholics who marry without regard to canon law can at a later date ask to have the marriage convalidated, but there is never a good reason to go the route she is planning deliberately.

 

[missysmom]

thanks it makes me so sad and unhappy.breaks my heart.

 

[1ke]

thanks it makes me so sad and unhappy.breaks my heart.

Have you tried to talk to your daughter about meeting with a priest where she is living?

Is she actively Catholic or is she not practicing her faith at all?

Is it she who is inquiring about a Catholic wedding, or were you seeking info to try to talk to her about changing her mind on the JP marriage?

 

[puzzleannie]

just a further word, don’t beat yourself up about what your grown-up children decide to do, it is out of your hands. If they ask a direct question or advice, you can give a direct answer, and do tell the truth, don’t sugar coat it, but they are now in charge of their own lives. We are at the point where we have done our job, and all we can do materially is to pray for them.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

No.

If your daughter marries invalidly (going to a JP w/o permission from the Church or the proper premarital preparation/paperwork) she may not then have a “church wedding” later.

She would have to go through a process called convalidation. That requires the same or similar premarital counseling/investigation/paperwork and then the exchange of vows before a priest in the Catholic form. This is not the same as a wedding, nor may it be a large occasion with the appearance of a wedding (i.e. gown, bridesmaids, etc). I wish that were true. I have seen convalidations that make weddings where the couple have followed the rules look like quiet affairs. I believe puzzleannie has also described several convalidations that had more grandeur than a pop star.

just a further word, don’t beat yourself up about what your grown-up children decide to do, it is out of your hands. If they ask a direct question or advice, you can give a direct answer, and do tell the truth, don’t sugar coat it, but they are now in charge of their own lives. We are at the point where we have done our job, and all we can do materially is to pray for them.

All you will get is heartsick, OP, or else they will have you running all over the place and when things don’t work out, blame you.

 

[Phemie]

No.

If your daughter marries invalidly (going to a JP w/o permission from the Church or the proper premarital preparation/paperwork) she may not then have a “church wedding” later.

She would have to go through a process called convalidation. That requires the same or similar premarital counseling/investigation/paperwork and then the exchange of vows before a priest in the Catholic form. This is not the same as a wedding, nor may it be a large occasion with the appearance of a wedding (i.e. gown, bridesmaids, etc).

Where is that written?

 

[dans0622]

Dear missy(name removed by moderator),

As others have said, your daughter would not be married as far as the Catholic Church is concerned. I suppose she is an adult and can, ultimately, do as she pleases. So, pray for guidance and the opportunity to encourage her, as much as you can, to enter a true marriage.

As far as remedies if she does attempt marriage in front of a J of the P, there certainly are ways of making things right. Its a bit complicated for this discussion. Basically, since she would not actually be married, she would need to *get married* like anyone else. Its possible. All would not be lost. God bless you.

Dan