Daughter's moral state

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johnknoesel

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I am so in distress regarding my daughters moral state.
Here is the history. First off she got pregnant with her then on again off again boyfriend and gave birth to her daugher in December of 2006. Now she is going to give birth to her second child by this guy and still they are not going to get married.
On Sunday’s we take our grand daughter with us to mass, however this past Sunday our daugher called and wanted to go with us to mass, now she walked away from the Church over 2 years ago. I was immediately happy and also concerned. They went with us to mass and all seemed fine. I found out that she took the Eucharist, even though I know she did not go to confession because that is the one thing she hates. After mass she told us that she has decided to get her tubes tied because they do not want anymore children. As you may guess I was very upset regarding this. I have rebuked her a gently and kindly as I can for her taking the Eucharist while in a state of mortal sin and also regarding the fact that they will not get married and she will now be commiting another grave sin with full knowledge of what she is doing. I am at my wits end with this whole situation. She seems to kind of want to come back to the Church but not all the way, she seems to think the church is like a cafeteria and that she can pick and choose what to believe and what not to believe, I have tried to explain to her that she cannot do that, it is either all or nothing. I am very concerned for her immortal soul and her children also whom she will not baptize because she feels that they should make that choice them selves. I do not know what else to do. My wife and pray however instead of things getting better it seems that things keep getting worse. Please pray for us all in this trying situation.
 
johnknoesel said:
I am so in distress regarding my daughters moral state.
Here is the history. First off she got pregnant with her then on again off again boyfriend and gave birth to her daugher in December of 2006. Now she is going to give birth to her second child by this guy and still they are not going to get married.
On Sunday’s we take our grand daughter with us to mass, however this past Sunday our daugher called and wanted to go with us to mass, now she walked away from the Church over 2 years ago. I was immediately happy and also concerned. They went with us to mass and all seemed fine. I found out that she took the Eucharist, even though I know she did not go to confession because that is the one thing she hates. After mass she told us that she has decided to get her tubes tied because they do not want anymore children. As you may guess I was very upset regarding this. I have rebuked her a gently and kindly as I can for her taking the Eucharist while in a state of mortal sin and also regarding the fact that they will not get married and she will now be commiting another grave sin with full knowledge of what she is doing. I am at my wits end with this whole situation. She seems to kind of want to come back to the Church but not all the way, she seems to think the church is like a cafeteria and that she can pick and choose what to believe and what not to believe, I have tried to explain to her that she cannot do that, it is either all or nothing. I am very concerned for her immortal soul and her children also whom she will not baptize because she feels that they should make that choice them selves. I do not know what else to do. My wife and pray however instead of things getting better it seems that things keep getting worse. Please pray for us all in this trying situation.
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Praying for you and your family.

Special prayers that your daughter returns to the church.:gopray2:
 
You have done all you can-- remember that she has free will. This is how God felt when Adam and Eve ate of the tree after ALL he had given them in the Garden of Eden. Unite yourself to the thought that God knows your pain.

Continue to pray for the prompting of the Holy Spirit and for God’s mercy. Continue to be an example ot her, and by all means take thoes grandchildren to Church.
 
Perhaps someone else can say what she will not hear from you?

“Honey, I am so trilled that you want to return to the Church. I’d be happy to make an appointment for you to speak with (insert name here, your Priest, a Deacon, your DRE, your RCIA leader) about the steps to take”.
 
I know that this distresses you very much, but your daughter is an adult and her behavior is no longer any of your business. Pray for her but do not discuss this with her unless she brings it up. Don’t tell her she is sinning, don’t tell her she shouldn’t receive eucharist. Let her work out her own salvation. None of us is sinless and the Messiah has told us repeatedly not to pass judgment on or condemn others.

Matthew
 
drafdog said:
I know that this distresses you very much, but your daughter is an adult and her behavior is no longer any of your business. Pray for her but do not discuss this with her unless she brings it up. Don’t tell her she is sinning, don’t tell her she shouldn’t receive eucharist. Let her work out her own salvation. None of us is sinless and the Messiah has told us repeatedly not to pass judgment on or condemn others.

Matthew
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You are right in that we are not to pass judgement, however I have a responsiblility as a Christian to admonish her in what she is doing. Remember the Spiritual Works of Mercy
  1. To admonish the sinner.
  2. To instruct the ignorant.
  3. To counsel the doubtful.
  4. To comfort the sorrowful.
  5. To bear wrongs patiently.
  6. To forgive all injuries.
  7. To pray for the living and the dead.
Matthew 18:
15 But if thy brother shall offend against thee, go, and rebuke him between thee and him alone. If he shall hear thee, thou shalt gain thy brother. 16 And if he will not hear thee, take with thee one or two more: that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may stand. 17 And if he will not hear them: tell the church. And if he will not hear the church, let him be to thee as the heathen and publican. 18 Amen I say to you, whatsoever you shall bind upon earth, shall be bound also in heaven; and whatsoever you shall loose upon earth, shall be loosed also in heaven.

And do not use the "judge ye not, lest ye be judged.
This is not judgement but our responsibility to others.
 
Ditto to what Kage_ar said. Also, and maybe you already do this, but how closely do you listen to her side of it? Obviously, this is not just a matter of perspective, but from her perspective, she must have some justification for her actions/beliefs. Is it possible that the things you’re telling her are not addressing her concerns? It can be very hard to listen to another person’s wrong opinions without correcting them. But if you haven’t already, maybe it would be helpful to sit down with her sometime (or more than once) and listen to all of her objections to the requirements and teachings of her faith. Ask further questions so you can really clarify where she’s coming from, but don’t use that time to correct her or give her your opinion. Sometimes, rather than saying “you’re wrong, actually the truth is…” it is more useful in the long run to say, “tell me more why you feel that way?” Doing this sets you up for either being able to “admonish the sinner” in a way that will be more effective, or even to point her in the direction of the right people or resources who can do it. It also shows her than you respect her and her opinions, which makes you more trustworthy to her…which in turn makes it more likely that someday she might actually turn to you for advice.
 
ThyKingdomCome said:
Ditto to what Kage_ar said. Also, and maybe you already do this, but how closely do you listen to her side of it? Obviously, this is not just a matter of perspective, but from her perspective, she must have some justification for her actions/beliefs. Is it possible that the things you’re telling her are not addressing her concerns? It can be very hard to listen to another person’s wrong opinions without correcting them. But if you haven’t already, maybe it would be helpful to sit down with her sometime (or more than once) and listen to all of her objections to the requirements and teachings of her faith. Ask further questions so you can really clarify where she’s coming from, but don’t use that time to correct her or give her your opinion. Sometimes, rather than saying “you’re wrong, actually the truth is…” it is more useful in the long run to say, “tell me more why you feel that way?” Doing this sets you up for either being able to “admonish the sinner” in a way that will be more effective, or even to point her in the direction of the right people or resources who can do it. It also shows her than you respect her and her opinions, which makes you more trustworthy to her…which in turn makes it more likely that someday she might actually turn to you for advice.
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My wife and I have both tried to get her to talk to one of our priests, deacons etc… but she will not have any of that, ever since she got involved with this boyfriend of hers that was when her rebellion against the church really got legs, prior to that she had a problem with confession but she would go, it was more of a comfor thing there. But this is just out and out " I don’t have to believe everything the church teaches I can make up my own mind and believe what I want. I explained to her that that is not an option, you either believe all and abide what the church teaches or not. If you do not believe and abide all that the church teaches then you are nothing more than a catholic in name only and that is apostasy. We have tried to get her to go speak with the someone but she will just go and talk to her friends who are either, non-catholic, non-christian or more of the like. I guess this is just something that is out of my hands or control, I am going to try and speak with our priest Sunday morning and bring the whole thing to light so that he can at lease withhold the eucharist since she is in such a state of mortal sin.
 
I think you’re right about it being out of your hands. Seems like a wait and pray time for you. You’ve probably said all that can be said for now, and the thing is, she’s not objecting with her brain but with her emotions. So more reasoning won’t get to the heart of her problem. I hate feeling helpless, I feel for you. I have heard alot of stories like yours where the waiting and praying did result eventually in the child returning to the faith, so know that there is hope.
 
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