Daycare difficulties

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brbgrl

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I’m struggling to find good childcare and I don’t know what to do. A little background: my husband and I have a 2 year old and a 3 (almost 4) year old. We both used to work full-time. After having the second child I felt I really needed to be home more. We moved where we could find jobs that allowed me to go part-time about 1.5 years ago. The only problem is we have been unable to find good quality childcare. We live in a small, remote area with no daycare center. All the in home daycares are full. I’ve had to move my kids from place to place 5 times since we moved which has been very hard on them. Currently, a woman is watching them in her home. She stays home with her 3 kids. We definitely have different parenting styles I guess you could say. Every time I drop them off her 5 year old is playing violent video games. They eat a lot of junk. I told her my kids can have water and milk, juice for rare treat. My daughter came home saying she got pop the other day. The husband smokes (outside, but still not good). The TV is always on, often with adult shows. She is very short with her kids. My daughter told me they don’t have books (which isn’t true, but my daughter has never seen them or been read to while there).

I strive to gives my kids a loving, Christian environment. We rarely watch tv, if we do it’s pbs kids. We read, do crafts, cook healthy meals. My husband and I are both healthcare providers and we try to set a good example for our kids. We do not smoke, exercise as much as we can, and eat healthy. I’m not saying I don’t ever lose my cool or throw in the occasional pre-packaged meal, but I try.

Since going to this new place my oldest has been more interested in electronics, playing games that involved hitting other people, and she had been pushing her brother without even thinking it seems.

I really don’t know what to do. I have nobody else to watch them. Due to a contractual agreement I cannot leave my job for at least another year (penalty up to 100,000 fine).

How much are my children being harmed? I know they will eventually be exposed to the real world, but they are so young. I want to have more kids but feel like I can’t until staying home is a real possibility. Please pray that we find a safe and loving childcare solution soon!
 
Have you specifically addressed any of these issues with your babysitter? If you haven’t, I would at least try and see what she says, and in the meantime start researching other options if they cannot be resolved to your satisfaction. (The food stuff would be what really drives me up the wall. I work as an in-home babysitter and would never even think to give children soft drinks or watch TV meant for adults while they are awake.)

Websites like care.com and sittercity.com are very good for finding babysitters. There might be more available than you think. You can also ask other moms you know, maybe a stay-at-home mom neighbor or someone you know from church, if they would be interested, even if they don’t do it now.

You might also consult with a lawyer to see exactly what your obligations are as far as continuing your job. That seems excessive to me for part-time work, which in my experience does not usually come with the contractual obligations you might see with full-time positions. Or you could consult with HR and see if there is a way to arrange your schedule so your children are in childcare fewer hours.
 
Have you specifically addressed any of these issues with your babysitter? If you haven’t, I would at least try and see what she says, and in the meantime start researching other options if they cannot be resolved to your satisfaction. (The food stuff would be what really drives me up the wall. I work as an in-home babysitter and would never even think to give children soft drinks or watch TV meant for adults while they are awake.)
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The babysitter is not an in-home daycare. She is a SAHM who is taking my kids part-time. I would have no problem addressing these issues with an in-home daycare, but in this situation I would be criticizing her parenting and lifestyle choices. I can’t say much because I can’t make her mad, because we have nobody else. I did suggest that the violent video games scared my daughter and I asked if she could look at some books during quiet time.
Websites like care.com and sittercity.com are very good for finding babysitters. There might be more available than you think. You can also ask other moms you know, maybe a stay-at-home mom neighbor or someone you know from church, if they would be interested, even if they don’t do it now.
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Yes, I have checked all the websites, talked to all the moms, neighbors, church members. This is the only person I could find that was interested. People have helped me out (hence the reason they have been moved around so much), but nobody wants to do it all the time, except for one, but my kids didn’t do well there AT ALL. Childcare is a MAJOR problem in this area. I was even taking 2 boys on my days off for awhile to help someone else out. I’m on the wait list for daycares, but it’s all about who you know, and most of them save spots for family members. I did have a girl coming to my house for awhile, which was wonderful, but she went to work full-time for one of the in-home daycares. I’m hoping she will open her own soon!
You might also consult with a lawyer to see exactly what your obligations are as far as continuing your job. That seems excessive to me for part-time work, which in my experience does not usually come with the contractual obligations you might see with full-time positions. Or you could consult with HR and see if there is a way to arrange your schedule so your children are in childcare fewer hours.
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I could probably get out of my contract with my employer. It is a part-time job, but it’s unique, I do have benefits and a 2 year contract, which is typical in my field. The contract I’m referring to is with the government for student loan repayment for providing service to an underserved area. I know people who have broken the contract who were forced to pay a $100,000 fine within 1 month. It may sound crazy to sign up for something like this, but it was the only way we could get out of MAJOR student loan debt so that I could stay home more.
 
brbgrl said:
I could probably get out of my contract with my employer. It is a part-time job, but it’s unique, I do have benefits and a 2 year contract, which is typical in my field. The contract I’m referring to is with the government for student loan repayment for providing service to an underserved area. I know people who have broken the contract who were forced to pay a $100,000 fine within 1 month. It may sound crazy to sign up for something like this, but it was the only way we could get out of MAJOR student loan debt so that I could stay home more.
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Oh dear!

Is there some young adult cousin or niece or empty nester auntie that you could import for the summer and have watch the kids in the hope that something better would appear by the fall? A lot could happen in 3-5 months. By the fall, a lot of kids that are currently occupying slots will be headed to school.

Also, adjusting your husband’s schedule might be part of the solution. I know there’s another poster really suffering with second shift, but if you and your husband could coordinate your schedules so as not to need childcare, you could probably make it work for a year. And then, your oldest is almost school age.

Do you have public pre-k in your area, by the way?

Also, would an au pair work for you? I wouldn’t use an au pair for an infant or small toddler, but it might work well for kids as big as yours.

I have a lot of faith that time and money will fix your situation.

And you are not being unreasonable or over-finicky about the kids’ current childcare.

Good luck!
 
brbgrl said:
The babysitter is not an in-home daycare. She is a SAHM who is taking my kids part-time. I would have no problem addressing these issues with an in-home daycare, but in this situation I would be criticizing her parenting and lifestyle choices. I can’t say much because I can’t make her mad, because we have nobody else. I did suggest that the violent video games scared my daughter and I asked if she could look at some books during quiet time.
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That’s basically what I do (SAHM watching kids part-time). I think you may be overthinking how she will respond. You are still paying her to watch your children, and if you have concerns you’re allowed to bring them up. I have had parents ask me about all sorts of things during the interview process. One parent only wanted her children to eat organic food. I told her that was fine, but that wasn’t in my budget so if she wanted them to eat it she had to bring it herself, which she did. I had another parent who didn’t want “too much Christian stuff” (refraining from saying grace before meals and covering up religious images was not going to happen.)

It’s not weird to say, “I’d rather you not give my children pop.” You can even be apologetic about it: “I’m sorry, but Child gets so hyper after drinking pop and won’t sleep/has nightmares/whatever. I understand it was a special treat, but it’s really not good for her. Thank you for being understanding.” You can try a similar approach with the TV. Make her an ally instead of an adversary.

I understand you’re in a stuck place, but really, if you’re that stuck, I don’t know what you’re asking Internet strangers about it for, except to commiserate. 🤷 Maybe like Xantippe said you can luck out with a college student coming home for summer, and in the fall spots are likely to open up in daycares if you are already on a list.
 
brbgrl said:
I’m struggling to find good childcare and I don’t know what to do. A little background: my husband and I have a 2 year old and a 3 (almost 4) year old. We both used to work full-time. After having the second child I felt I really needed to be home more. We moved where we could find jobs that allowed me to go part-time about 1.5 years ago. The only problem is we have been unable to find good quality childcare. We live in a small, remote area with no daycare center. All the in home daycares are full. I’ve had to move my kids from place to place 5 times since we moved which has been very hard on them. Currently, a woman is watching them in her home. She stays home with her 3 kids. We definitely have different parenting styles I guess you could say. Every time I drop them off her 5 year old is playing violent video games. They eat a lot of junk. I told her my kids can have water and milk, juice for rare treat. My daughter came home saying she got pop the other day. The husband smokes (outside, but still not good). The TV is always on, often with adult shows. She is very short with her kids. My daughter told me they don’t have books (which isn’t true, but my daughter has never seen them or been read to while there).

I strive to gives my kids a loving, Christian environment. We rarely watch tv, if we do it’s pbs kids. We read, do crafts, cook healthy meals. My husband and I are both healthcare providers and we try to set a good example for our kids. We do not smoke, exercise as much as we can, and eat healthy. I’m not saying I don’t ever lose my cool or throw in the occasional pre-packaged meal, but I try.

Since going to this new place my oldest has been more interested in electronics, playing games that involved hitting other people, and she had been pushing her brother without even thinking it seems.

I really don’t know what to do. I have nobody else to watch them. Due to a contractual agreement I cannot leave my job for at least another year (penalty up to 100,000 fine).

How much are my children being harmed? I know they will eventually be exposed to the real world, but they are so young. I want to have more kids but feel like I can’t until staying home is a real possibility. Please pray that we find a safe and loving childcare solution soon!
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I think you should look into what your contract really says. Not only would a 3 year and 100,000 penalty be much larger than most corporations would require there are escape clauses out of them if not flat out forgiveness. Companies do not generally want an employee that does not want to be there or that is unhappy. Now, if part of that 100,000 is schooling, then that is a different matter. Many companies will pay for a degree or certification but require a longer time of employment to honor that.
However, even with schooling there may be a way to defer it to loans in your name.
I also know that greencard sponsorship can be linked to longer contracts as well.

My wife, took a job 2 years ago. She had a 1 year contract because the company moved us out here. If we had left before a year we would have had to pay back some of the moving expenses which were quite high because they bought us out of our home.

It does not sound like you are living in a good situation for your family. regardless of the daycare debate. Feeling trapped into a situation where you feel as if your family is being damaged is not good. I would do what I could to see if I could not get out. I know we are doing everything we can to get out of this horrid place!😉
 
I understand you’re in a stuck place, but really, if you’re that stuck, I don’t know what you’re asking Internet strangers about it for, except to commiserate. Maybe like Xantippe said you can luck out with a college student coming home for summer, and in the fall spots are likely to open up in daycares if you are already on a list.
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I’m mainly just asking for prayers, I guess maybe I posted on the wrong forum. I have tried to get a college or high school student, but with a daycare recently closing in town they are booked up. I also need to find a long-term solution because changing providers every few months is hard on my kids. There is a slight change they will get into daycare in the fall, but I’ve been on that list for over 1.5 years and she just took a baby from her family so I’m not holding my breath.
That’s basically what I do (SAHM watching kids part-time). I think you may be overthinking how she will respond. You are still paying her to watch your children, and if you have concerns you’re allowed to bring them up. I have had parents ask me about all sorts of things during the interview process. One parent only wanted her children to eat organic food. I told her that was fine, but that wasn’t in my budget so if she wanted them to eat it she had to bring it herself, which she did. I had another parent who didn’t want “too much Christian stuff” (refraining from saying grace before meals and covering up religious images was not going to happen.)
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It’s not weird to say, “I’d rather you not give my children pop.” You can even be apologetic about it: “I’m sorry, but Child gets so hyper after drinking pop and won’t sleep/has nightmares/whatever. I understand it was a special treat, but it’s really not good for her. Thank you for being understanding.” You can try a similar approach with the TV. Make her an ally instead of an adversary.
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Thanks for these tips on how you talk to her. I just don’t want her to take it the wrong way.
 
brbgrl said:
I’m mainly just asking for prayers, I guess maybe I posted on the wrong forum. I have tried to get a college or high school student, but with a daycare recently closing in town they are booked up. I also need to find a long-term solution because changing providers every few months is hard on my kids. There is a slight change they will get into daycare in the fall, but I’ve been on that list for over 1.5 years and she just took a baby from her family so I’m not holding my breath.

Thanks for these tips on how you talk to her. I just don’t want her to take it the wrong way.
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No, you posted in the right place.

I am sending prayers your way right now. I am sure others will as well. Sometimes they come with advice 😉 You don;t always have to follow it…:o
 
I think you should look into what your contract really says. Not only would a 3 year and 100,000 penalty be much larger than most corporations would require there are escape clauses out of them if not flat out forgiveness. Companies do not generally want an employee that does not want to be there or that is unhappy. Now, if part of that 100,000 is schooling, then that is a different matter. Many companies will pay for a degree or certification but require a longer time of employment to honor that.
However, even with schooling there may be a way to defer it to loans in your name.
I also know that greencard sponsorship can be linked to longer contracts as well.
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My wife, took a job 2 years ago. She had a 1 year contract because the company moved us out here. If we had left before a year we would have had to pay back some of the moving expenses which were quite high because they bought us out of our home.
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It does not sound like you are living in a good situation for your family. regardless of the daycare debate. Feeling trapped into a situation where you feel as if your family is being damaged is not good. I would do what I could to see if I could not get out. I know we are doing everything we can to get out of this horrid place!
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The contract is not with a company or corporation. It is with the federal government to provide health care services in areas that are in great need in exchange for student loan repayment. There is a shortage of primary care providers in many areas. The fine is no joke. I actually love my job and we are very happy here with the exception of the daycare situation. As much as I would love to be home with my kids all the time, I also went to school a long time and hate to completely leave the workforce because I feel I can do a lot of good….but not at my children’s expense.

I hope your situation gets better soon!
 
It’s not weird to say, “I’d rather you not give my children pop.” You can even be apologetic about it: “I’m sorry, but Child gets so hyper after drinking pop and won’t sleep/has nightmares/whatever. I understand it was a special treat, but it’s really not good for her. Thank you for being understanding.” You can try a similar approach with the TV. Make her an ally instead of an adversary.
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I guess maybe I need to talk to her more. My husband always got mad if I asked our old sitter to do anything differently, however, because he was worried if we were too picky she would leave (which she did and sometimes I won’t if maybe it’s because I asked her to stay off Facebook while the kids were awake).

Even if she doesn’t give my kids pop though, she and her husband are constantly drinking it in front of them as well as her kids. Today she was giving her 5 months old baby a bottle of juice when I picked up my kids.

I have offered to let her borrow my double stroller to take the kids to the park (only a block away). She doesn’t take them outside at all and the weather has been nice. It’s so sad.

I personally think she likes to sit in front of the TV and drink pop all day and I don’t think I can change that.
 
Well, you’re right that you can’t change how she parents her kids or chooses to spend her free time. But you do have some say in how she spends her time when she is with your children. She may realize she has the upper hand, too (my personal belief for why so much childcare stinks - providers know they can get away with it).

I’d see what you can rustle up as far as schedule flexibility for both you and your husband to minimize time with this person, and make sure you are on as many lists as possible for facilities and in-home providers you trust, and don’t think you have to sit there and just take whatever it is you can get. You need to interview potential providers thoroughly and make sure you’re OK with the environment.

I’d recommend at least interviewing to find a backup babysitter for the moment anyhow. I have had appointments that were impossible to reschedule, my own kids get sick, etc. Do you and your husband have flexible sick days? If this ends up getting so bad that you need to pull your kids, can your husband use vacation time if your job situation really is such that you can’t take any time off?
 
If you know any homeschoolers, a great option would be to advertise within their network for a nanny or mother’s helper. Especially for the summer.

My heart breaks for you in your situation, but paying off loans is such a good idea. I regret not being home with my older two, but it was better to be working when they were young so that I could afford to be home with them when they were older.

Praying you find the right care giver!
 
If you know any homeschoolers, a great option would be to advertise within their network for a nanny or mother’s helper. Especially for the summer.
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Like for an older homeschooled child? That might work for the summer. I do know one girl that would be good, but last summer we needed someone that could drive. I will look into that.
My heart breaks for you in your situation, but paying off loans is such a good idea. I regret not being home with my older two, but it was better to be working when they were young so that I could afford to be home with them when they were older.
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Praying you find the right care giver!
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Thanks for this. We really are in a better situation now than before when I was working full-time and I don’t regret what we are doing. Our loan burden was so great I would have had to continue to work full-time forever and there was no guarantee of good childcare then either, we had just been lucky up till that point. At least I am home with them half the time and working towards more. I never ever thought I would want to be a stay at home mom after all my years of school. I never even thought much about having kids though either. My faith has really grown and I’m confident that God will show me the road, bumps and all.
 
I did go ahead and talk to her about some of my concerns after my little girl came home tonight wanting to play a game that consisted of pretending to shoot and kill people. (I’m used to her playing Mommy and Baby, so this was hard for me to see). She said she won’t let her son play violent video games when my kids are there and offered to put away the toy guns. I know I can’t change everything, but it’s a start. Thanks for the encouragement to talk to her.
 
brbgrl, I’m glad you were able to have a conversation with your childcare provider and that it went well.

A previous poster mentioned it but I didn’t notice your response: Have you considered hiring an international au pair? They are usually young adults who want to learn English better, learn about the culture, visit the US, attend classes, etc, in exchange for offering childcare and light housework. It would be more expensive than your current situation, probably, but you would have more flexibility and with the kids at home you could better restrict TV, games, and drink options.
 
A previous poster mentioned it but I didn’t notice your response: Have you considered hiring an international au pair? They are usually young adults who want to learn English better, learn about the culture, visit the US, attend classes, etc, in exchange for offering childcare and light housework. It would be more expensive than your current situation, probably, but you would have more flexibility and with the kids at home you could better restrict TV, games, and drink options.
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We have considered this in the past, but at the time could not afford it. I would consider it, I guess I just don’t know much about it. Where do you even start to look for one? It makes me a little nervous. Do they live with you? If so, what if your personalties clash? If not, I doubt we could find housing here for one, because in addition to daycare shortage there is a housing shortage. What kind of contract is there? What if it doesn’t work out?

The other thing is I only need part-time. I did have a girl coming to my house for almost a year. The idea was for her to watch the kids and do light housekeeping during nap time. The housekeeping didn’t really every happen, but the kids were happy so we were too. It was also nice not to have to get them up early and get them ready to go to daycare since we work pretty long hours. And they didn’t get sick near as often. I think one of the main reasons she left is I could only offer her part-time. I guess this might work if they were also taking classes?

Anyone know of any reputable placement companies?
 
brbgrl said:
We have considered this in the past, but at the time could not afford it. I would consider it, I guess I just don’t know much about it. Where do you even start to look for one? It makes me a little nervous. Do they live with you? If so, what if your personalties clash? If not, I doubt we could find housing here for one, because in addition to daycare shortage there is a housing shortage. What kind of contract is there? What if it doesn’t work out?

The other thing is I only need part-time. I did have a girl coming to my house for almost a year. The idea was for her to watch the kids and do light housekeeping during nap time. The housekeeping didn’t really every happen, but the kids were happy so we were too. It was also nice not to have to get them up early and get them ready to go to daycare since we work pretty long hours. And they didn’t get sick near as often. I think one of the main reasons she left is I could only offer her part-time. I guess this might work if they were also taking classes?

Anyone know of any reputable placement companies?
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Au pairs are like exchange students that do a moderate amount of work for you, so part-time work is actually exactly what you’re supposed to have them do.

I don’t actually know if the au pair system applies outside big cities, as I’ve only heard about it in major US cities. When we lived in DC, a number of the families that my daughter went to preschool and pre-K with had au pairs. It seems to work pretty well for preschool age and up, although I did know of one big double career family that seemed to be overloading their au pair.

It may be that you won’t be able to go that route for whatever reason, but if you do wind up in a major metropolitan area at some point and wish to continue in health care, it might be a very good fit for your family.
 
Ok yes, we are definitely not in or near a big city. I will still look into it though. I would be a good solution! Thanks!
 
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