DD's Boyfriend

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Hello. My DD and her boyfriend are both juniors in high school and they are both homeschooled. They have been together for one and half years. He is Protestant. He has an older sister that converted to Catholicism a couple of years ago. That hurt the family very much and they still haven’t forgiven her for becoming catholic. Also the mother grew up catholic, but become a born again Christian in her 20’s. The boyfriend’s mother has in the past let him come to Mass with us. There is a new youth group at church, Life Teen. The mother has put a complete stop to letting him attend Mass with us. She also won’t let him attend the Life Teen youth group either. She has said he will receive mixed messages going to Catholic Mass and youth group. Also the family is born again Christian, but don’t attend church.
The mother is mean and verbally abuses her son. It makes me sick to my stomach the way she belittles and demeans him. I’m so at a loss. My DD wants him to come to Mass and Life Teen with her. It seems lately one of us (DD or myself) is always crying about the way her boyfriend is being treated by his mother. He’s so used to the abuse and takes it with little thought on how mean his mother is.
I just don’t know what to do. I tried talking with his mother, but she wants very little to do with me. She also doesn’t care for my DD very much. The mother has at a few times acted as if she cared for my DD, but those are few and far between. Any advice would be most appreciated.
 
Unless you have reason to believe criminal abuse is occuring, I would not insinuate myself between this boy and his mother. It really isn’t your place. The only thing you can do is be kind to him and repect his mother’s wishes regarding the religious activity. (Which is her right as his mother)
 
What are you asking advice about? It looks like three things to me: your daughter’s boyfriend’s mother’s treatment of her son; her refusal to allow him to attend Mass or Teen Life; of her attitude towards your daughter?

The boyfriend is still a minor and under the authority of his parents. I would be upset if someone came around and tried to evangelize my under-age daughter, so she may be feeling that he is too drawn towards the Catholic Church which she left. There is nothing you can do about that.

As to her attitude towards her son, probably nothing you can do about that either, esp since he seems untroubled by the situation. If he were troubled, you could counsel him, but other than that, the only thing you and/or your daughter can do is pray for them both.

And as to her attitude towards your daughter, it sounds like at first she didn’t expect the relationship to last, but is now becoming concerned. I could be wrong, obviously, but it would fit the facts you have mentioned. And she is his parent and he is still under her authority, so it seems like it would be wrong for you or your daughter to interfere.
 
Don’t assume that it is your or your daughter’s mission to save this boy. Pray for the family. I think that your daughter is probably too young to have a steady boyfriend and should, in any case, not have one from an unstable, unhappy family.
 
St_Francis said:
What are you asking advice about? It looks like three things to me: your daughter’s boyfriend’s mother’s treatment of her son; her refusal to allow him to attend Mass or Teen Life; of her attitude towards your daughter?

The boyfriend is still a minor and under the authority of his parents. I would be upset if someone came around and tried to evangelize my under-age daughter, so she may be feeling that he is too drawn towards the Catholic Church which she left. There is nothing you can do about that.

As to her attitude towards her son, probably nothing you can do about that either, esp since he seems untroubled by the situation. If he were troubled, you could counsel him, but other than that, the only thing you and/or your daughter can do is pray for them both.

And as to her attitude towards your daughter, it sounds like at first she didn’t expect the relationship to last, but is now becoming concerned. I could be wrong, obviously, but it would fit the facts you have mentioned. And she is his parent and he is still under her authority, so it seems like it would be wrong for you or your daughter to interfere.
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👍

Not to mention a young man who is belittled my his mother and the family has dealt with a conversion against the will of the family recently might be trying to “win” his mother over even subconsciously by attempting to convert a Catholic to Protestantism.

Just a thought.
 
Why are you encouraging serious dating (boyfriend/girlfriend) at this age?

If they have been “together” for one and a half years, as you say, then they have been dating steady since they were Freshmen. That is some serious level of emotion to deal with at that age.

I don’t understand encouraging your young teen daughter to become so involved with one person.
 
Allegra said:
Unless you have reason to believe criminal abuse is occuring, I would not insinuate myself between this boy and his mother. It really isn’t your place. The only thing you can do is be kind to him and repect his mother’s wishes regarding the religious activity. (Which is her right as his mother)
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This. 👍
 
Can your daughter attend both catholic mass with you and attend a service with him at a born again Christian Church?
 
jazzy0710 said:
Can your daughter attend both catholic mass with you and attend a service with him at a born again Christian Church?
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I wouldn’t be ok with that. She may become confused. They don’t teach the same things.
 
jazzy0710 said:
Can your daughter attend both catholic mass with you and attend a service with him at a born again Christian Church?
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Personally, I would be very uncomfortable with that; remember, we are talking about, perhaps, 16 year olds who have been together since they were 14. It is a mistake to pretend this is some kind of period of engagement as opposed to just high school boyfriend/girlfriend. If they were reasonably ready to marry, my response would be different. But, at this point, I would encourage the OP to raise her daughter and let the young man’s mother raise him.
 
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