De-Conversion?

[theAuthor]

I am wondering if it is possible to un-convert or de-convert from Catholicism?

We converted as a family to Catholicism, because I had had previous good experiences with Catholic friends and teaching. But we found that attending Mass as a family was impossible, and we are not prepared to split up for Mass.

My wife has started attending a nearby church (protestant), but not of our former denomination, and not because she is particularly fond of the theology, but because she can comfortably go there with the children and be treated with kindness. She knows people there already from attending a mothers’ group there.

For me, Catholicism was my last try at Christianity. I’d belonged formerly to a pentecostal denomination which I believe had lost the plot in terms of doctrine. When I joined the Catholic Church, I found that the doctrine was better, but that what had suited me as a single man (a solemn, deep, reverential Mass), was no way going to fit in with a family. So I still believe in Jesus generally, but have joined the ranks of those who “don’t like organised religion.” I still definitely believe in God and Jesus, but I’m not so sure of all the rest anymore.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, a Catholic friend of ours told my wife in no uncertain terms that because she is Catholic now, she cannot go to a protestant church. I told my wife about InterCommunion (ie not to do that one thing), but I don’t really think God would be angry at her for choosing to go somewhere where she can praise Him for a full Service, rather than being hugely uncomfortable being stared at and having to leave halfway through Mass.

So, is it possible to de-convert? I don’t really want to, but if I am honest, my wife is still protestant through and through, since she grew up as a preacher’s daughter, and perhaps traditional Catholicism isn’t what I thought. It sure isn’t the family-orientated, loving, cahritable institution I first knew and loved.

 

[Syele]

Have you tried a different parish? Talked to the priest or spiritual director about the problems your family is having/had?

I’m a protestant but I still find your problem to be odd. Why is it not compatible with family? Catholics have a strong believe in the family and even tend to have very large families. Why do you feel people are staring at you/your wife?

While the Catholic Mass tends not to be much on fellowship in my experiences, it definitely is family oriented. I suspect a problem with the particular parish you are affiliated with. Don’t throw the baby out with the bath water.

 

[theAuthor]

Yes, we’ve checked with the Parish Priest. The old crying room has stacked chairs stored in it now, which they won’t move. We were told to either ignore the stares, or sit up the back to the side (they’d have some chairs put aside for us). The staring thing is just that. A child fussing or playing up and people "tch"ing or turning around to give you a “Can’t you control your child?” look.

The different Parish idea is a good one, which to be honest we haven’t tried. When we converted, it was expected that we’d keep going to that Parish. It was explicitly said.

The incompatability with family is a practical one, not a theological one. Most prot churches nowdays have creches, etc, and are set up for children to be welcome from birth all the way through. This Parish really only welcomes children above 4 or 5 years. We’re told to go separately to Mass, so one of us could look after the children. We have three under 5.

There’s a huge gap between the belief in having children (very encouraged) and them actually being children ie moving or making a noise after they are born!!!

 

[Tietjen]

I am wondering if it is possible to un-convert or de-convert from Catholicism?

We converted as a family to Catholicism, because I had had previous good experiences with Catholic friends and teaching. But we found that attending Mass as a family was impossible, and we are not prepared to split up for Mass.

My wife has started attending a nearby church (protestant), but not of our former denomination, and not because she is particularly fond of the theology, but because she can comfortably go there with the children and be treated with kindness. She knows people there already from attending a mothers’ group there.

For me, Catholicism was my last try at Christianity. I’d belonged formerly to a pentecostal denomination which I believe had lost the plot in terms of doctrine. When I joined the Catholic Church, I found that the doctrine was better, but that what had suited me as a single man (a solemn, deep, reverential Mass), was no way going to fit in with a family. So I still believe in Jesus generally, but have joined the ranks of those who “don’t like organised religion.” I still definitely believe in God and Jesus, but I’m not so sure of all the rest anymore.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, a Catholic friend of ours told my wife in no uncertain terms that because she is Catholic now, she cannot go to a protestant church. I told my wife about InterCommunion (ie not to do that one thing), but I don’t really think God would be angry at her for choosing to go somewhere where she can praise Him for a full Service, rather than being hugely uncomfortable being stared at and having to leave halfway through Mass.

So, is it possible to de-convert? I don’t really want to, but if I am honest, my wife is still protestant through and through, since she grew up as a preacher’s daughter, and perhaps traditional Catholicism isn’t what I thought. It sure isn’t the family-orientated, loving, cahritable institution I first knew and loved.

I am very sorry that you and your wife feel this way. As another poster has suggested, perhaps it may be that specific parish and simply changing parishes might make a difference. I would however, respectfully suggest to both you and your wife that you attempt to figure out what Church, God and religion are. Are they something that is supposed to fit perfectly (tailor made to each person) into our individual lives? Is it something that we can throw out after trying it on for a few months? Can a person pick and choose what is and is not true about God’s Church? I’m not trying to criticize you, but rather I hope that you might rethink your decision to so easily set aside Catholicism and instead go “church hopping.” I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers. God bless.

 

[theAuthor]

At one time we were very strong Christians, so we’ve given a lot of thought to that question. Like many things I don’t know that there is a simple answer. The Holy Catholic Church is the One True Church. But what does that mean?

To some Catholics it is a corollary that all other churches are false, and on a par with Buddhism or Islam. That is why I was a bit surprised when we “changed denomiations” of Christianity to become Catholic, we were told we were “converting” or “changing religion” as if we were heathen. I don’t believe that churches like the Presbytherians, or Anglicans or AOG’s have the whole truth as does the Catholic church, but that they share the **bulk **of it.

To other Catholics, they’ll read very the next bit of their Catechism that explains that other churches are to be looked on with love as brothers and sisters in Christ and have the right to be called Christian. So my wife is still attending a Christian church, which may not have the Fullness of Truth, but for mine, still shares the greater part of it. ie both have Christ in common.

So to me, I ask which is more important- the authority of the Pope, or Jesus words: “By this shall people know that ye are my disciples; from the love you bear one another”? My wife is being attracted to that prot church because she is finding more love there. So in real life, things like being showed love and kindness matter.

My own view of God, like the RCC’s, is growing away from exclusivity, and accepting for instance that many Muslims and Buddhists and Hindus will be saved. My previous belief was that a certain amount of faith in Jesus was necessary. God, being unknowable and mysterious has lead to this I found: People have different ideas of who God and Jesus are. To some Jesus came to show love, to others he brought the sword. The Bible says he brought both. There can be more than one true concept of God. He exists as a dichotomy: male and female, just and loving, jealous and a gentleman, despot and saviour. He has qualities which seem mutually exclusive. Simple but unknowable. etc.

 

[Tietjen]

At one time we were very strong Christians, so we’ve given a lot of thought to that question. Like many things I don’t know that there is a simple answer. The Holy Catholic Church is the One True Church. But what does that mean?

To some Catholics it is a corollary that all other churches are false, and on a par with Buddhism or Islam. That is why I was a bit surprised when we “changed denomiations” of Christianity to become Catholic, we were told we were “converting” or “changing religion” as if we were heathen. I don’t believe that churches like the Presbytherians, or Anglicans or AOG’s have the whole truth as does the Catholic church, but that they share the **bulk **of it.

To other Catholics, they’ll read very the next bit of their Catechism that explains that other churches are to be looked on with love as brothers and sisters in Christ and have the right to be called Christian. So my wife is still attending a Christian church, which may not have the Fullness of Truth, but for mine, still shares the greater part of it. ie both have Christ in common.

So to me, I ask which is more important- the authority of the Pope, or Jesus words: “By this shall people know that ye are my disciples; from the love you bear one another”? My wife is being attracted to that prot church because she is finding more love there. So in real life, things like being showed love and kindness matter.

My own view of God, like the RCC’s, is growing away from exclusivity, and accepting for instance that many Muslims and Buddhists and Hindus will be saved. My previous belief was that a certain amount of faith in Jesus was necessary. God, being unknowable and mysterious has lead to this I found: People have different ideas of who God and Jesus are. To some Jesus came to show love, to others he brought the sword. The Bible says he brought both. There can be more than one true concept of God. He exists as a dichotomy: male and female, just and loving, jealous and a gentleman, despot and saviour. He has qualities which seem mutually exclusive. Simple but unknowable. etc.

David,

I think that perhaps you are misunderstanding a great many things concerning the Church and I simply cannot understand why, if you know that the Church has the fullness of Truth, you would choose something less than that. Catholics do not believe that Protestant Churches are evil or that there is no Truth in them. We know that Protestants took some Truths with them when they separated. However, I do not understand why you would take your family to McDonalds when you have a buffet with every delicious food you can imagine being offered to you. Then in your message, you pit Papal authority against the words of Christ?! Why? Are you suggesting that if one loves his/her brother or sister they cannot adhere to the Pope? It is not an either/or situation. Maybe I am simply not seeing what you are trying to say. Finally, toward the later part of your post you insert that God is opposite things to different individuals - IE. “Male & Female”, “jealous and a gentleman”, “Simple but unknowable”. This is simply relativism and untrue. Please reconsider your decision and actually learn what the Church teaches before accepting a relativistic view of Truth and God.

 

[Rawb]

“By this shall people know that ye are my disciples; from the love you bear one another”

Christ also said “Let them be one, as You and I are one” in prayer to God the Father. So which quote holds more importance? Which is ‘more’ divinely inspired?

Or are they both equally important and inspired, and not mutually exclusive?

I’ll pray for you.

 

[scylla]

Some parishes are better left than held on to. Since the Catholic faith is the same everywhere, I would suggest you go to another parish if they are not meeting your needs.

Catholics are welcome with families and with babies in my parish, it is unthinkable for me to see any parish that doesn’t welcome babies. Don’t Catholics have babies? It is a pretty common thing. That seems so weird that the crying room is closed up, and that would be very uncomfortable for me too to have to try and keep my baby quiet without a crying room.

I encourage you to stay, not because I am Catholic, but because Catholicism is true, it is the imitation of Christ. It might be more difficult at times, but the truth is that way.

I used to travel 45 miles each Sunday to my old parish when I first came to the Church as it was the one where the priest taught Catholicism and this united my wife and I in the faith.

We could have gone to the Church 2 miles away but my family was first and the Church close by has many problems. Seek the way to unite your family and do what is right, I will pray for you and your family.

God Bless
Scylla

 

[Syele]

Yes, we’ve checked with the Parish Priest. The old crying room has stacked chairs stored in it now, which they won’t move. We were told to either ignore the stares, or sit up the back to the side (they’d have some chairs put aside for us). The staring thing is just that. A child fussing or playing up and people "tch"ing or turning around to give you a “Can’t you control your child?” look.

The different Parish idea is a good one, which to be honest we haven’t tried. When we converted, it was expected that we’d keep going to that Parish. It was explicitly said.

The incompatability with family is a practical one, not a theological one. Most prot churches nowdays have creches, etc, and are set up for children to be welcome from birth all the way through. This Parish really only welcomes children above 4 or 5 years. We’re told to go separately to Mass, so one of us could look after the children. We have three under 5.

There’s a huge gap between the belief in having children (very encouraged) and them actually being children ie moving or making a noise after they are born!!!

Ok, I understand the staring thing, I once had to leave a church because of that (not over children but something else that made me concentrate on the other people rather than worship) but I did not change my Theology over it, only the building! It is very important that you teach your children what you truly believe to be fully right, not what the friendliest people say is right. Choosing a type of Church over a cry room is jsut a very bad idea. I encourage you to visit a few parishes in your area, try different times of services too, Many parishes have one Mass that tends to have more families at them than the others. By being there you will see which are friendliest to families. You CAN’T be the only catholic family around there with little kids! Those other families have to be attending somewhere… find it.

 

[Inman]

Anyway, to cut a long story short, a Catholic friend of ours told my wife in no uncertain terms that because she is Catholic now, she cannot go to a protestant church. I told my wife about InterCommunion (ie not to do that one thing), but I don’t really think God would be angry at her for choosing to go somewhere where she can praise Him for a full Service, rather than being hugely uncomfortable being stared at and having to leave halfway through Mass.

I agree with the suggestion of trying a different parish. I go to mass at two parishes. One is an old church with no cry room. The other was built in the 70’s has a nice cry room.

First, I am making the assuption from your post your wife has been confirmed. My understanding of the rule is that your wife, as a catholic, can attend a protestant service as along as she doesn’t take communion. However, attending a protestant service doesn’t excuse her from the obligation to attend a Catholic mass on Sunday (or the Saturday vigil mass).

 

[honeysuckle]

I really had to get used to the Catholic family Mass when I converted. It’s very different than the Protestant organization. In a large Protestant church, it is expected there will be a fully staffed nursery, and a full range of preschool and children’s programs. There is usually even an digital sign somewhere in the sanctuary that will flash your baby’s number when they cry and need their mother. Children don’t start going to the adult services with their parents until they are middle school age or even older, which is in line with the Protestant philosophy of keeping the sacraments from young children so that they can “choose” Christianity as teenagers or adults.

It’s tough to teach your very young children to sit through Mass, and the church absolutely should make accommodations with a cry room that you can get up and go to if needed. You should not be forced to look for another parish, though I agree this is probably the best solution to the problem.

I personally think it is so imperative that your parish be welcoming to young families I would consider this is an issue to raise with the bishop if the priest will not make the cry room available to you.

 

[LaMar]

I am wondering if it is possible to un-convert or de-convert from Catholicism?

Is a religious affiliation necessary in Australia for government forms and things like this?

I’m wondering why you don’t just wander away and do your own thing, but it might be some problem I don’t have to deal with, living in godless America.

Around here, most of my friends who call themselves Catholics haven’t been inside a church since they were kids, and they just do what they like. Catholics are nice in that they don’t seem to pester people who want to be left alone (like Mormons, some protestants, etc. do).

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

In addition to checking out a different parish, you might check out different Masses within your parish. Each Mass seems to have a slightly different feel and some may have more families than others. If one of the Masses has a Children’s Liturgy of the Word you can expect more families with children there and probably more tolerance and understanding of children’s noise and movements.

 

[wmscott]

Yes, we’ve checked with the Parish Priest. The old crying room has stacked chairs stored in it now, which they won’t move. We were told to either ignore the stares, or sit up the back to the side (they’d have some chairs put aside for us). The staring thing is just that. A child fussing or playing up and people "tch"ing or turning around to give you a “Can’t you control your child?” look.

The different Parish idea is a good one, which to be honest we haven’t tried. When we converted, it was expected that we’d keep going to that Parish. It was explicitly said.

The incompatability with family is a practical one, not a theological one. Most prot churches nowdays have creches, etc, and are set up for children to be welcome from birth all the way through. This Parish really only welcomes children above 4 or 5 years. We’re told to go separately to Mass, so one of us could look after the children. We have three under 5.

There’s a huge gap between the belief in having children (very encouraged) and them actually being children ie moving or making a noise after they are born!!!

Sorry to hear that you are experiencing this in your life. As a parent of older children (13, 18, & 23), I tend to forget what it was like trying to manage young children in church. I am sure I received my share of stares also, but fortunately, I missed them. Today, unless a child is totally out of control and disruptive, I remind myself of when I had young children and refocus on the Mass. As the priest of our parish said “the sounds of young children are the voices of angels”.

Besides children are the youngest of the community, but have the same needs and rights to be at Mass just the same as everyone else.

 

[theistgal]

I’m so sorry you’ve had these experiences. But before you leave Catholicism, may I suggest you check to see if there are any Eastern Catholic churches in your area*? My experience is that they tend to be smaller and more family-oriented.

At our small but thriving Byzantine parish of St. Mary’s in Sherman Oaks, CA, there’s always a baby or two wailing throughout the liturgy. And yes, sometimes we stare, but always with a smile on our faces - every baby is the future of our church, right there!

(And though it may provoke some disagreement, I’ll even say, check out some Eastern Orthodox churches, for the same reasons.)

 

[Claire_from_DE]

What works for some of the families in my parish is to sit up front. If the younger children can see they are more likely to behave. Our church is small and there is no cry room. If a baby or toddler is too loud for the congregation to hear the priest, the parent carries him to the small vestibule or outside to settle him down and later comes back in. We are used to it. The hard of hearing try to go to a mass with fewer children.

Are there no other Catholic parishes nearby you could try? What do the other families do? Could you get a Sunday morning sitter for your youngest? Could you enlist some of your friends to sit with you to help with the children? Maybe some of the older people who look at you would be willing to help. After all, one way to make someone a friend is to ask them to help you, sounds radical but might work. Sound to me like your wife is understandably missing the loving support she experienced before but this isn’t a lost cause if the two of you can work through it. Pray about it and ask God to help you find loving friends in the Catholic church. It will be worth it.

 

[lukewarm]

I agree with David, the Catholic Church is not at all welcoming to children actually being at Mass. My 6 year old has been going to Mass since he was a baby, he was always well behaved my daughter is a different breed and tough to control she’s only 15 months old. We all stopped going because of the unfriendliness of the Parish towards children. Then on getting to our new Parish we tried to register and never received a call back, we were told we couldn’t meet with the busy Pastor when I finnally got the secretary (why are Catholic Parish secretaries the nastiest people in the world?), and who knows if our registration card was ever even entered into the books, I have no idea if we’re even members of the Parish. I sure wasn’t going to belong to a Parish that treated us like a paycheck and little else. Frankly I don’t know how a Church can run like the Catholic Church. It has to be the most unwelcoming Church in the world (aside from an Irish Catholic in a Greek Orthodox Church).

 

[justinthemartyr]

I am wondering if it is possible to un-convert or de-convert from Catholicism?

We converted as a family to Catholicism, because I had had previous good experiences with Catholic friends and teaching. But we found that attending Mass as a family was impossible, and we are not prepared to split up for Mass.

My wife has started attending a nearby church (protestant), but not of our former denomination, and not because she is particularly fond of the theology, but because she can comfortably go there with the children and be treated with kindness. She knows people there already from attending a mothers’ group there.

For me, Catholicism was my last try at Christianity. I’d belonged formerly to a pentecostal denomination which I believe had lost the plot in terms of doctrine. When I joined the Catholic Church, I found that the doctrine was better, but that what had suited me as a single man (a solemn, deep, reverential Mass), was no way going to fit in with a family. So I still believe in Jesus generally, but have joined the ranks of those who “don’t like organised religion.” I still definitely believe in God and Jesus, but I’m not so sure of all the rest anymore.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, a Catholic friend of ours told my wife in no uncertain terms that because she is Catholic now, she cannot go to a protestant church. I told my wife about InterCommunion (ie not to do that one thing), but I don’t really think God would be angry at her for choosing to go somewhere where she can praise Him for a full Service, rather than being hugely uncomfortable being stared at and having to leave halfway through Mass.

So, is it possible to de-convert? I don’t really want to, but if I am honest, my wife is still protestant through and through, since she grew up as a preacher’s daughter, and perhaps traditional Catholicism isn’t what I thought. It sure isn’t the family-orientated, loving, cahritable institution I first knew and loved.

Evidently, your wife does not believe what the Church teaches, for if she truly did, she would never convert to a protestant church. there is nothing wrong with going to a protestant church along with mass on Sunday, but to exchange one for the other shows that she did not know what the church taught to begin with.

She would make a way, and sacrifice everything for the Body and Blood of jesus christ and the fullness of Truth if she truly knew what the Church taught and believed it.

 

[Claire_from_DE]

How can you leave the Eucharist? I think all the protestants converting to the Catholic church are a great gift to the church. Maybe God wants you both to persevere and eventually be a blessing to the parish. I feel so badly for you but try to stick with it. Find those other parents in the parish.

 

[Syele]

Children don’t start going to the adult services with their parents until they are middle school age or even older, which is in line with the Protestant philosophy of keeping the sacraments from young children so that they can “choose” Christianity as teenagers or adults.

This is incorrect, all the Protestant churches I have ever attended (except Catholic) have the children with parents for all but the sermon. During the sermon, they go and hear a lesson they can actually understand for their age.

Baptist: Children with parents during singing, followed by a short “Children’s sermon” by Pastor before dismissal to Sunday school.

Episcopal: Children with parents for beginning of service, With pastor at front for Children’s sermon, then Children go to “Godly Play” and then return for Holy Communion. Another Episcopal church I went to skipped the children’s Sermon but still left only for the sermon, they also used the name Sunday School.

Assembly of God and my Non-Denominational Church: Children with Parents till after singing and Holy Communion and then dismissal to Sunday School.

Sunday School and Godly Play are NOT an attempt to deprive children of sacraments.

No matter where children are during church, if they know parents are compromising their beliefs over where they are, the kids will not respect God as a result. You may think they are too young to understand… but kids pick up on attitudes and emotions… They know if you are sincere in your beliefs. If the OP believes the Catholic Church is correct but attends a protestant church anyhow, the kids will not respect Christianity as they grow up.