Deacons and Deacons to be

[Deacon_Ed_B]

Several of us have been meeting on line and have found it interesting to discuss our involvement, and or aspirations as deacons. Some of us have even communicated by private message. I am starting this thread for deacons, those in formation for the diaconate and for those thinking about the diaconate. Here you could ask questions, advise, discuss high points, joys ,sorrows, in effect anything that we would find unique to our lives as Deacons. I don’t know if I can ask this or not, I hope the moderator will jump in, but could we ask that posters only be those who are deacons, those in formation, those thinking about becoming a deacon, or anyone man or woman who has an honest question about the diaconate. Above all, I do not want this thread to be detoured into discussing problems with the Church, or how we practice liturgy.
OK y’all lets go
Prayers & blessings
Deacon Ed B

 

[NicPais83]

I appologize if this might be a question that might be inappropriate. I am 24 yrs old, engaged, and myself the son of a very religious and Catholic deacon (example: he gets yelled at by the pastor for mentioning Mary, abortion, and other things that are Catholic). Ever since I was little, I’ve wanted to be like my dad. Anyway, while I feel a calling to a vocation as a deacon, one fear that I have is trying to decide if I simply want to be a deacon, as it seems there are a lot of people that do it for egotistical reasons, or if I have an actual calling. In other words, I wouldn’t want to have the wrong reasons for entering formation.

 

[Brendan]

Hi Deacon Ed,

I’m in formation to the Diaconate in the Archdiocese of Detroit. I have completed 2 years of our 5 year program.

I am currently on ‘sabbatical’ for a year or two since we were gifted with a daughter last year, and the formation team and I decided that it would be best if I hung back for a bit.

I am still taking classes, but at a reduced rate ( 1 per semester instead of the normal 2), so it will be that much easier when I jump back in.

 

[FAB]

I appologize if this might be a question that might be inappropriate. I am 24 yrs old, engaged, and myself the son of a very religious and Catholic deacon (example: he gets yelled at by the pastor for mentioning Mary, abortion, and other things that are Catholic). Ever since I was little, I’ve wanted to be like my dad. Anyway, while I feel a calling to a vocation as a deacon, one fear that I have is trying to decide if I simply want to be a deacon, as it seems there are a lot of people that do it for egotistical reasons, or if I have an actual calling. In other words, I wouldn’t want to have the wrong reasons for entering formation.

You certainly have a good role model in your father. I would suggest that you get married first. As your father can explain, a single man, becoming a deacon cannot marry and an existing deacon who’s wife passes on, cannot remarry. My Diocese has a rule that a couple must be married 5 years before entgering into the program.

The men that I am in formation with are not in the program for any egotistical reasons. It was a question that I wresled with, but as my discernment contiuned I could see that my motives were to serve God, His church and His people. Once married, give yourself some time to get adjusted to that new life first. If you have a true call, it will not go away.

Peace,
FAB

 

[Deacon_Ed_B]

I appologize if this might be a question that might be inappropriate. I am 24 yrs old, engaged, and myself the son of a very religious and Catholic deacon (example: he gets yelled at by the pastor for mentioning Mary, abortion, and other things that are Catholic). Ever since I was little, I’ve wanted to be like my dad. Anyway, while I feel a calling to a vocation as a deacon, one fear that I have is trying to decide if I simply want to be a deacon, as it seems there are a lot of people that do it for egotistical reasons, or if I have an actual calling. In other words, I wouldn’t want to have the wrong reasons for entering formation.

Nic. All of us as deacons have had run ins with pastors at one time or another. I had one pastor who complained that I was speaking of political issues when I was speaking against abortion. Go Figure. Don’t worry about reasons entering the formation process. The formation process is for your superiors to determine whether you have the vocation. You do not know that ,until you actually get the request to write the bishop and hear his response. The minimum age to be ordained a deacon is 34 years. I will keep you in my prayers for your discernment process. Tell your father that I can identify with him and will keep him in my prayers and ask the same of him.

Prayers & blessings
Deacon Ed B

 

[Brendan]

Nic,

I would second Deacon Ed’s words.

One does not decide to be a Deacon, the best we personally can do is decide to explore the option.

After we decide to explore it, then comes the discernment. And it is a discernment of 3 parts, our, the Church’s and God’s.

Any one of those three can say ‘no’ and the discernment is in the negative.

 

[Charybdis]

Hi everyone…

I am currently deciding to explore diaconate formation much more in depth. I am 39 yrs. old, married with four children. My wife and I are very active in the church (well, we used to be, we moved late last year and are in transition right now made all the more difficult since we are going to be moving again in August!).

I have taken a 2 year Lay Minstry course offered through out old diocese which is a prerequisite for diaconate formation. I am going to apply to begin the process and see where it leads me.

I did want to ask one question of those who know more: since I will be moving to a new small parish in August, how should I approach the new priest with this for his support? Since he doesn’t even know me right now, will he write a supportive letter for me?

I can always ask my old priest to write something for me as well, but this might be a stumbling block right now…

THanks for any advice

Al

 

[Deacon_Ed_B]

Hi everyone…

I am currently deciding to explore diaconate formation much more in depth. I am 39 yrs. old, married with four children. My wife and I are very active in the church (well, we used to be, we moved late last year and are in transition right now made all the more difficult since we are going to be moving again in August!).

I have taken a 2 year Lay Minstry course offered through out old diocese which is a prerequisite for diaconate formation. I am going to apply to begin the process and see where it leads me.

I did want to ask one question of those who know more: since I will be moving to a new small parish in August, how should I approach the new priest with this for his support? Since he doesn’t even know me right now, will he write a supportive letter for me?

I can always ask my old priest to write something for me as well, but this might be a stumbling block right now…THanks for any adviceAl

By all means introduce yourself to your new pastor and let him know your aspirations. He would be able to guide you on that particular local level, as each diocese with its diaconate formations process, while following the required studies, etc. always have a small difference. Work with him as much as possible. There were several in my formation class who had to move because of jobs. I have never been able to determine whether they completed or not. By all means, let your new pastor know your background, studies and offer to become involved in parish life as much as he wants, and your obligations allow you. In all that you do, remember, your vocation as husband and father comes before anything that has to do with the diaconate. In formation we are taught that our order of priorities are in this order.

1. God 2. Wife 3. Children 4 Job 5. Diaconate. Anything we do must always follow this order of priorities.
   Prayers & blessings
   Deacon Ed B

 

[idrum677]

Deacon Ed, Thumbs up on the thread!

I have felt a calling to the diaconate for quite a while. I am married 7 years (this Monday) with 2 children and expecting our 3rd in August. In my diocese, men need to be married a minimum of 10 years but are very vague with info on the formation process.
I had to look at information on the Archdiocese of Boston’s website and other diocese’s sites to get the info I have. Any thoughs and insights you have on what to expect in formation, the discernment process, and life as a deacon would be appreciated.I really wish there were discernment retreats for the diaconate offered like there are for priests and other religious.

God Bless

 

[Deacon_Ed_B]

Deacon Ed, Thumbs up on the thread!

I have felt a calling to the diaconate for quite a while. I am married 7 years (this Monday) with 2 children and expecting our 3rd in August. In my diocese, men need to be married a minimum of 10 years but are very vague with info on the formation process.
I had to look at information on the Archdiocese of Boston’s website and other diocese’s sites to get the info I have. Any thoughs and insights you have on what to expect in formation, the discernment process, and life as a deacon would be appreciated.I really wish there were discernment retreats for the diaconate offered like there are for priests and other religious. God Bless

At this point the best advise I could give would be to follow what I said in the previous post. First and foremost, always talk to your pastor. Most, if not all diocese, will require that you have a history of involvement with the parish, or with the diocese in some capacity. It does not have to be anything grandiose. Just active participation and service. On each local level, the pastor could give a wealth more of information than I could ever hope to give, as he should be familiar with the formation process for that diocese/archdiocese. Try that step first and then let us know what developed or what kind of response you got. Sad to say, some priests, still do not know how to use deacons properly or even let them exercise their ministry to its full capacity. But, thats another topic altogether.
Prayers & blessings
Deacon Ed B

 

[vocatio]

This will hopefully be a productive thread. I am subscribing to it to follow and when ready will post.

 

[Deacon_Ed_B]

This will hopefully be a productive thread. I am subscribing to it to follow and when ready will post.

Welcome Hopefully more inspiring and instructive than provocative
Prayers & blessings.
Deacon Ed B

 

[FAB]

Deacon Ed, Thumbs up on the thread!

I have felt a calling to the diaconate for quite a while. I am married 7 years (this Monday) with 2 children and expecting our 3rd in August. In my diocese, men need to be married a minimum of 10 years but are very vague with info on the formation process.
I had to look at information on the Archdiocese of Boston’s website and other diocese’s sites to get the info I have. Any thoughs and insights you have on what to expect in formation, the discernment process, and life as a deacon would be appreciated.I really wish there were discernment retreats for the diaconate offered like there are for priests and other religious.

God Bless

To get some idea of the formation process, you can go to USCCB website under The Diaconate and look for a document call "National Directory for the Formation, Ministry and Life of Permanent Deacons in the United States" at one time it could be downloaded. Each Diocese will follow the formation as outlined in this document. In my own dioceces the process ends up being about six years. There are two years of genaral Catholic formation courses required which are usually once a week for three hours and then the four years of formation and decernment, in my case through our semianary and Catholic University. These are college level courses with all the reading and writing and testing which that involves. My wife, although not required, is taking all the courses with me, which I would strongly recomend for any couple. In additon there is spiritual formation once a month and a yearly retreat. Even though this sound like a long time and a lot of work, which it is, the rewards of personal spirituallity and growth in my faith far exceed the work and time required by the process.

 

[Brendan]

Deacon Ed, Thumbs up on the thread!

I have felt a calling to the diaconate for quite a while. I am married 7 years (this Monday) with 2 children and expecting our 3rd in August. In my diocese, men need to be married a minimum of 10 years but are very vague with info on the formation process.

The Vatican produced common requirements a few years ago, so that programs world wide would work to the same, common goals.

In the US, those common requirements are enacted in the National Directory for Deacons

usccb.org/deacon/DeaconDirectory.pdf

So programs will be similar, but will have logisitical differences.

In our Archdiocese, we have a Seminary, and we take classes alongside the seminarians. Other diocese do not, but might have a similar arrangement with a Catholic College. Still others will conduct their classwork as part of monthly weekend retreats.

I can tell you what we do in Detroit

It is a 5 year program, the 1st year is the Application year. you attend classes and work on your application. That will involve gathering sacramental information ( your Baptism records etc…) letters from your pastor and other character referencese. A large essay style applicaiton. Plus criminal background checks and a psychological exam.

If those go well, you are accepted into the program.

Here is our academic work

aodonline.org/SHMS/Academic+Programs+13375/Permanent+Diaconate+6001/Permanent+Diaconate+Program.htm

In addition, we also have monthly formation days (one Saturday each month) where we meet with our formation team.

During the summer, we have service ministries. In each of the summers, you will work in service to the poor, the elderly, the hospitalized and either berievement ministry or work with the imprisioned. This is to give you a ‘taste’ of the various service work a Deacon may be called to do.

I found them to be very worthwhile

In my case, I was given visii

 

[Deacon_Ed_B]

This is exactly what I had in mind. Everyone jumping in with answers, questions, solutions, etc. This promises to be good for all of us.
Prayers & blessings
Deacon Ed B

 

[hilde_the_dog]

Charybdis I understand to some degree about asking your pasters support. I have the support of two priests but need my pasters support. In the last year and a half the Bishop reassigned one the next lasted four months before he went to rehab, the temp pastor lasted six months before needing surgery, nobody for a month, and now our paster is back from rehab. Maybe its time to start to work on it again. I figured God wanted me to work on being patient.

I’m 42 married with no children (probably never will). I never liked children. I grew up dutch calvinist about eight years ago I joined the RCC. Now I love, absolutely enjoy teaching CCD to my 6th grade boys. As I tell my wife they are my kids.

 

[vocatio]

Welcome Hopefully more inspiring and instructive than provocative
Prayers & blessings.
Deacon Ed B

Thanks for the welcome. I’m a bit concern sometimes because my wife has leaned on father heavily over the past year since her conversion. She suffers from anxiety manifested from growing up in a very active “clerical” family of preachers, deacons and elders. Her dad was an elder, which they believe to be a bishop or overseer. The abuse was rather huge there and I experience the same while with them. I’ve been praying for her conversion for a very long time. She’s finally found peace with God. But anti-Catholic family are another topic so most do not know of our conversion. They’ve always referred to my being Catholic. I’ve felt the tug for quite some time…at least since High School. But I passed up the priesthood and now the tugging has never stopped. After studying the diaconate more closely I’ve come to beleive that God has always been calling me and this time he showing me the other option that may be for us.

Father told me to sit tight unitl my wife settles down a bit. Only he didn’t say it that way. I assumed that is what he meant. Initially, upon talking with me he and other priests have said that I ought to consider the diaconate formation. He had good things to say about it. But our deacon went to a different parish last year. We’re wondering if it is because he didn’t want a deacon. I just don’t know. Some deacons have their own agenda that overstates their purpose. Even is that is so, I believe firmly that they, hopefully we one day, should first and formost remain obedient to the Bishop.

As far as being a deacon, I only worry about the demmands from the chidlren, since they are my most important vocation along with my wife. My children’s vocations are very important to us. But if we both switch to teaching in school we should be able to spend lots of time with them as well.

 

[Deacon_Ed_B]

I definitely will keep you in my prayers during your formation process and for a successful diaconate ministry. I don’t think my Archdiocese ever has had a class of over 24 to be ordained. Mine was a class of 12, down from 96 applicants, 16 accepted and 12 finished. It was truly a privilege to be associated with men of that caliber and the friendships and bond that is between you is an awesome experience. The down side is that after ordination you will not have the opportunity to be with them as you were before ordination But thats OK because as they say in formation, the rewards are out of this world.
Prayers & Blessings
deacon Ed B

 

[Deacon_Ed_B]

Thanks for the welcome. I’m a bit concern sometimes because my wife has leaned on father heavily over the past year since her conversion. She suffers from anxiety manifested from growing up in a very active “clerical” family of preachers, deacons and elders. Her dad was an elder, which they believe to be a bishop or overseer. The abuse was rather huge there and I experience the same while with them. I’ve been praying for her conversion for a very long time. She’s finally found peace with God. But anti-Catholic family are another topic so most do not know of our conversion. They’ve always referred to my being Catholic. I’ve felt the tug for quite some time…at least since High School. But I passed up the priesthood and now the tugging has never stopped. After studying the diaconate more closely I’ve come to believe that God has always been calling me and this time he showing me the other option that may be for us.

Father told me to sit tight until my wife settles down a bit. Only he didn’t say it that way. I assumed that is what he meant. Initially, upon talking with me he and other priests have said that I ought to consider the diaconate formation. He had good things to say about it. But our deacon went to a different parish last year. We’re wondering if it is because he didn’t want a deacon. I just don’t know. Some deacons have their own agenda that overstates their purpose. Even is that is so, I believe firmly that they, hopefully we one day, should first and foremost remain obedient to the Bishop.

As far as being a deacon, I only worry about the demmands from the children, since they are my most important vocation along with my wife. My children’s vocations are very important to us. But if we both switch to teaching in school we should be able to spend lots of time with them as well.

Thank you for this post. Do not worry about your wife’s family. Let them know above all you are Catholic and proud to be Catholic. I don’t know the circumstances with her family, nor do I need to know. but sooner or later, your wife will have to let then know that she is Catholic. Never hide that fact, either of you. I assume your pastor is aware of these family tugs, (for lack of a better word or description) and if not perhaps he could be of help to you. As a deacon, the needs of your family always come before anything you do as a deacon. Do not ever worry about this issue. Your paster should also be well aware of this. As a deacon, don’t worry about having your own agenda. To use an old cliche but one that is so true, “Man proposes, but God disposes.” I have many talents that I feel are unused in my own parish, but I serve at the will of my Archbishop and recognize first and foremost, I am not the pastor. I am there to help him. So I do so in whatever capacity he may request. This also helps us who are prideful, to practice humility, whether we want to or not. In recognizing that the diaconate is a ministry of service, and that the servant does not dictate what he does, is a huge step in happiness in the diaconate. you will be in my prayers. Keep me in yours.
Prayers & blessings
Deacon Ed B

 

[vocatio]

I personally believe that your advice about declairing my catholicity is best. However, the dynamic in my wife’s family is one lacking in charity. They would pounce at us every chance they had once the discovered the truth. My wife’s mother is a widow and 82 now. My FIL was a bishop or elder in their faith and they are very conservative fundamentalist. You’d have to visit “Preacher’s Files” to get an idea of what they’re like. Story after story you’ll find that the family and friends will cut the individual or family off and then procede to try to reconvert them.

Our paster is a Franciscan Friar and very spiritual. We have confided in him many times personally and now via email. He’s given me lots of advice and her. But he agreed that keeping this a secret would be much like Edith Stein. Evenually it may happen. We’re not afraid to tell the brothers that are preachers or the others as well, but telling her mom would just break her heart at this age. She does not have a strong education and would never understand it. Her dad died in 2004 3 years to the day of her confirmation. We would never allow our children to visit any of them without our presence. That’s how bad it can be

I am all for being humbled as low as I can get. My wife teases me and says that my desire to be a deacon is a desire to wash the toilets or do the lawn. Well if that’s what is required of me, I’d do it. However, that’s a typical protestant use of deacons in our former faith. It’s funny now. .