Deacon's Wives

[Corki]

Yesterday, I attended a diocisan workshop on the Sacraments. When we were discussing Holy Orders, the presented told us that a deacon can be married at the time he is ordained but if he is subsequently widowed, he is not allowed to remarry. Fine, I knew that - no surprise. There was one couple in the workshop, a deacon and his wife. She brought up that the deacon’s wife is also not allowed to remarry if her husband (the deacon) dies. The leader did not contradict her. I have never heard of this before and it doesn’t seem to make sense. I tried to research but could find nothing that addresses this.

Has anyone heard of this?

 

[cameron_lansing]

Yesterday, I attended a diocisan workshop on the Sacraments. When we were discussing Holy Orders, the presented told us that a deacon can be married at the time he is ordained but if he is subsequently widowed, he is not allowed to remarry. Fine, I knew that - no surprise. There was one couple in the workshop, a deacon and his wife. She brought up that the deacon’s wife is also not allowed to remarry if her husband (the deacon) dies. The leader did not contradict her. I have never heard of this before and it doesn’t seem to make sense. I tried to research but could find nothing that addresses this.

Has anyone heard of this?

It is not correct. That fact explains why you will find nothing to address it.

 

[Pani_Rose]

It was made very clear to me that if something happened to my husband, I would not be allowed to marry again. I think it depends on the Rite. We are Eastern Rite - Ruthenian, serving a Melkite parish.

For me, it’s OK. I think for younger women with children it would be hard, surley there would be a dispensation or something in that case.

Seems there was discussion on this on the byzcath.org forum sometime ago.

 

[Joannm]

It was made very clear to me that if something happened to my husband, I would not be allowed to marry again. I think it depends on the Rite. We are Eastern Rite - Ruthenian, serving a Melkite parish.

For me, it’s OK. I think for younger women with children it would be hard, surley there would be a dispensation or something in that case.

Seems there was discussion on this on the byzcath.org forum sometime ago.

This is not so for Latin Rite wives of deacons. She may marry again…she makes no such promises when her husband is ordained. She must only approve of his being called to ordination and has no other formal obligations beyond supporting her husband in his ministry and the regular obligation of family life.

 

[Pax_Vobiscum_57]

My husband is a deacon in the Latin Rite. I have no such obligation.

However, on a personal note - it took me 27 years to get him the way I want him. I wouldn’t wanna do that again.

 

[Leopard]

I know two widows of Latin Rite deacons who have remarried.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Yesterday, I attended a diocisan workshop on the Sacraments. When we were discussing Holy Orders, the presented told us that a deacon can be married at the time he is ordained but if he is subsequently widowed, he is not allowed to remarry. Fine, I knew that - no surprise. There was one couple in the workshop, a deacon and his wife. She brought up that the deacon’s wife is also not allowed to remarry if her husband (the deacon) dies. The leader did not contradict her. I have never heard of this before and it doesn’t seem to make sense. I tried to research but could find nothing that addresses this.

Has anyone heard of this?

Most likely you won’t find anything because she is not bound to that promise or vow.

 

[otjm]

It was made very clear to me that if something happened to my husband, I would not be allowed to marry again. I think it depends on the Rite. We are Eastern Rite - Ruthenian, serving a Melkite parish.

For me, it’s OK. I think for younger women with children it would be hard, surley there would be a dispensation or something in that case.

Seems there was discussion on this on the byzcath.org forum sometime ago.

You may have been told that, but you just might want to do some research on the issue. Asking the person(s) who told you might not be the best way to approach the issue, but I would find someone in your rite who was knowledgeable of your Canons and have them come up with the specific Canon that covers that; if they can’t, I would not go around presuming that it was the truth.

Lacking that, I would find a good Canon lawyer in the Latin rite and ask them to research the issue.

People get told a lot of things, often by very well meaning people, who are just flat wrong. It wouldn’t be a first.

 

[Pani_Rose]

Hi Y’all,

I am sorry if I led anyone to think I was concerned about this. I am not. WE have been married for 40 years. There is no way I am starting over again with anyone, even if something happened - which I pray he has a very long life yet to live in the service of our Lord. I would continue on doing what I do, and what I have always done, to serve the Lord in whatever way he asks of me.

I was just stating it is what they told us.

Pani Rose

 

[bpbasilphx]

It’s not uncommon in Orthodoxy (and, I might guess, among Eastern Catholics) for the widows of priests to become nuns, provided the children are grown.

At least one of the nuns at Elwood City is a priest’s widow.

 

[envchemist]

I agree with everyone who said that a Deacon’s wife can remarry. This has to do with Holy Orders. Once someone is ordained they cannot receive the Sacrament of Matrimony. Thus the Deacon cannot remarry without a dispensation from Rome. Since the wife cannot receive Holy Orders she is free to remarry.

 

[Br.Rich_SFO]

Yesterday, I attended a diocisan workshop on the Sacraments. When we were discussing Holy Orders, the presented told us that a deacon can be married at the time he is ordained but if he is subsequently widowed, he is not allowed to remarry. Fine, I knew that - no surprise. There was one couple in the workshop, a deacon and his wife. She brought up that the deacon’s wife is also not allowed to remarry if her husband (the deacon) dies. The leader did not contradict her. I have never heard of this before and it doesn’t seem to make sense. I tried to research but could find nothing that addresses this.

Has anyone heard of this?

No, It is possible that in some places she may be requested to make a promise, but it carries no binding efffect. She is not of course bound by his ordination.

 

[Sir_Knight]

It was made very clear to me that if something happened to my husband, I would not be allowed to marry again. I think it depends on the Rite. We are Eastern Rite - Ruthenian, serving a Melkite parish.

I think that this needs to be looked at logically. When your husband became a deacon, did he take the vows or did you? Because if you didn’t take any vows, how can you be bound by the vows that he took?

 

[Digitonomy]

I would find someone in your rite who was knowledgeable of your Canons and have them come up with the specific Canon that covers that; if they can’t, I would not go around presuming that it was the truth.

I searched through the Code of Canons of Oriental Churches last night, and that document at least does not mention it.

 

[THurifer2]

Hi Y’all,

I was just stating it is what they told us.

Pani Rose

I am sorry you were given some bad and false information. I am wondering under what premise would one use to tell a woman she cannot re-marry? The wife of a deacon takes no vows and recieves no sacrament pertaining to the sacrament of holy orders.

The wife a deacon is canonically the same as any other Catholic layperson who is married.

 

[DL82]

It’s not uncommon in Orthodoxy (and, I might guess, among Eastern Catholics) for the widows of priests to become nuns, provided the children are grown.

At least one of the nuns at Elwood City is a priest’s widow.

I think there is a difference of understanding about the role of a Priest’s or Deacon’s wife in the Eastern Churches, it’s often seen as a calling in its’ own right, as the Priest’s wife has to abide by her husband’s rule as her parish Priest, follow the canons on abstinence before the Divine Liturgy, move with her husband at the direction of the Bishop, etc.

I remember the wife of our Orthodox chaplain at university was an ikon writer, and the wife of the Melkite Catholic priest here in London is the choir leader at their church. I’m told that’s fairly common, the choir leaders will be matched up with the seminarians before they are ordained, and the ones that don’t find a Priest to marry will often go on to become nuns!

While that’s a particularly Eastern view of marriage, and not one I could ever follow, I do think it’s important that a Deacon’s wife shares in her husband’s calling to a high degree, just being resigned to it isn’t enough. I remember I broached the subject once with my ex-fiancee, because I’m considering whether I might some day be called to it, and I think that was one of the things that sent her packing! Deacons are the only married clergy in the Roman Rite, and so they have a responsibility to teach us about what an exemplary Catholic marriage should be. They can’t do that without the help of their wives.