Deal Breaker?

[Island_Oak]

Is one spouse’s use of contraception and/or refusal to be open to future procreation (we’ll assume for the sake of argument there are some children born of the marriage so it is not an absolute refusal) a legitimate basis upon which to seek an anullment of the marriage? In other words, which is the greater evil…breaking the marriage vow or living with a condition of on-going, unrepentant mortal sin under one’s roof?

 

[Rebecca_New]

I would ask your Priest for sure, but it seems that as long as you are not the one taking the birth control, then you are not the sinner. If you have relations and are open to new life then where would your sin be?

 

[Island_Oak]

I am not asking if the non-contracepting spouse is sinning, just if he/she is obligated to endure, and passively participate in this particular sin of the marriage bed–or–has justification to get an anullment?

 

[Rebecca_New]

Did you decide before you were married what you would do? I would really ask a Priest in confession. But I do have to comment that people who use birth control do not talk about things the was NFP partners do. But it takes two to talk, you can not expect to be happy about this, but talk about other things and sort of talk about this too. Maybe you just haven’t presented NFP in the right way. Contact another couple through your church and find out all there is to know about NFP first. You will be in my prayers, you and your husband.

 

[cheese_sdc]

I would think that it would depend on many factors…

How many kids does the couple have already? (If the couple already has 4 or 5 kids, that may change the complexion of the question).

Are there some circumstances that would make having additional children an undo hardship? (mental illness, work issues, health issues, etc).

What is the age of the couple? (The partner may reasonably think that she/he is getting to old to safely care for a child or carry it to term).

Was the number of children discussed before the wedding?

For example, two people in there mid twenties get married after agreeing to have two kids and use ABC to regulate pregancies. One person, after the marriage, then undergoes a conversion experience of some sort and becomes a hardcore Catholic and will not use birth control. That situation is delicate, because the non converting partner still is in the marriage, and their desires must be respected. I could see that ABC would not be a deal breaker there.

Another example: A couple has never practiced ABC, and after 8 years has 6 children. The wife, during the last pregancy developed insert medical condition here which could endanger the fetus in any subsequent pregencies. And lets assume that the wife has significant enough variability in her cycles to make NFP unreliable. I could see that ABC would not be a deal breaker there.

 

[Cristiano]

Is one spouse’s use of contraception and/or refusal to be open to future procreation (we’ll assume for the sake of argument there are some children born of the marriage so it is not an absolute refusal) a legitimate basis upon which to seek an anullment of the marriage? In other words, which is the greater evil…breaking the marriage vow or living with a condition of on-going, unrepentant mortal sin under one’s roof?

If both got married with the intention of being open to the children then the marriage is valid (from that point of view) and cannot be annulled. Evil is in committing sin and not in living with sinners. Look at St. Monica.

 

[Island_Oak]

Did you decide before you were married what you would do? I would really ask a Priest in confession. But I do have to comment that people who use birth control do not talk about things the was NFP partners do. But it takes two to talk, you can not expect to be happy about this, but talk about other things and sort of talk about this too. Maybe you just haven’t presented NFP in the right way. Contact another couple through your church and find out all there is to know about NFP first. You will be in my prayers, you and your husband.

This is a question concerning Church policy prompted by a question raised on another thread, not a personal situation I am facing in my own life. See forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=117753

If both got married with the intention of being open to the children then the marriage is valid (from that point of view) and cannot be annulled. Evil is in committing sin and not in living with sinners. Look at St. Monica.

Thanks…I suspected the answer would be somewhere along these lines…

 

[Cristiano]

I am not asking if the non-contracepting spouse is sinning, just if he/she is obligated to endure, and passively participate in this particular sin of the marriage bed–or–has justification to get an anullment?

The spouse is not passively participating in the particular sinning if he/her truly wants the spouse to stop contraception. The spouse still has an obligation to spousal relationships (withholding them would be sinful). The annulment is granted for a defect at the time of the marriage, and not for changes later on. We get married for better or worst.

I am sorry for the spouse that finds himself/herself in that situation. It must feel really lonely.

 

[queen_anne78]

I would add that IF one spouse (or both I suppose) DID NOT intend “to accept children willingly as a gift from God” at the time of their vows, then perhaps this would be a defect/impediment to marriage, making an application for an annulment a possibility. It seems this would be a problem if A) one spouse intended to be open and thought other spouse was going to be open as well but turns out other spouse is not going to be open and B) neither spouse took their vows seriously at the time, and one spouse later has a conversion of heart.

This situation would be the opposite of “both spouses intending to be open to life” when they recited their vows, making the marriage valid, but now for whatever reason questioning their openess.