Dealing people who are cafiteria catholics

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vallancec

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My dear friends in Christ,
I was wondering if anyone has dealt with catholic family members who are cafeteria Catholics. In other words people who believe only what they choose to of the teachings of the church.
Divine mercy tells us to teach people about what they don’t know or refuse to acknowledge about the teachings, however I’m having a hard time with doing this.

Thanks for reading this.

Love and Peace in Christ

C.
 
As frustrating as it may seem, the only one who can truly convert them and bring them to the truth about what they believe, is God…so pray for them…
 
You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink is germane.
 
Everyone is a sinner to some degree. At what point does it earn the label “cafeteria”?
 
They are either the sad victims of poor catechesis or their prideful ignorance, in both cases, they need our prayers. May the Lord have mercy.
 
vallancec said:
My dear friends in Christ,
I was wondering if anyone has dealt with catholic family members who are cafeteria Catholics. In other words people who believe only what they choose to of the teachings of the church.
Divine mercy tells us to teach people about what they don’t know or refuse to acknowledge about the teachings, however I’m having a hard time with doing this.
Thanks for reading this.
Love and Peace in Christ
C.
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One of our Lord’s Sacred instructions is:
Always treat others as you would like them to treat you.

**I like to point out that, if we followed that instruction in regards to nuclear weapons, we would demand that our government get rid of them. I get little agreement form Catholics about this idea.
To me that is a prime example of the “cafeteria” style of religion: follow it until you encounter a teaching that seems detrimental to your own welfare.

Labeling anyone as a “Cafeteria Catholic” seems hypocritical to me at best.**
 
I understand what you are saying, this has nothing to do with the fact everyone is a sinner. We know that.Your talking about people whi are are setting themselves up as God and not being obediant to all of the Church teachings. Be patient with them and if God gives you the opportunity have sime dialogue. Make sure you do your homework though because many of these people have clever reasons why they follow only what they want to believe. It usually stems from the fact that they dont want to admit they are wrong amd have to change their life. As someone said above, you cant force them either, sometimes its best to leave it in Gods hands especially if they are not wanting to learn or listen.
 
Beryllos said:
Everyone is a sinner to some degree. At what point does it earn the label “cafeteria”?
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To me it means Catholics that who choose not to follow all church teachings and argue they don’t need to.
 
Beryllos said:
Everyone is a sinner to some degree. At what point does it earn the label “cafeteria”?
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It’s not about sinning. Everyone sins. A “cafeteria” Catholic believes that one or some of the teachings of the church are wrong.

For example, someone who fornicates but believes it’s a mortal sin isn’t necessarily a cafeteria Catholic. They are a sinner. But someone who believes that fornication is not a mortal sin (or not a sin at all) would be a cafeteria Catholic.

There is a difference between struggling with a sin vs. denying a sin is sinful.
 
vallancec said:
To me it means Catholics that who choose not to follow all church teachings and argue they don’t need to.
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In a cafeteria, we pick and choose what we want to eat, whether it’s good for us or not! A “cafeteria” Catholic is one that picks and chooses what one wants to believe in the teachings of the Catholic Church, whether it’s good for them or NOT. God Bless, Memaw
 
My siblings, parents and maternal aunt, uncle, and grandma(My maternal grandpa is Protestant) are Cafeteria Catholics, so I feel qualified to say: Love them, pray for them, bring the issues up occasionally if it doesn’t get them emotional; then leave it alone. There is a point where getting too pushy drives them away, but you also should bring the things up occasionally. I’ll pray two decades of the Rosary for your family. Please pray for mine.
 
I absolutely have encountered this, as well as have lived it for many years. It wasn’t until I fell away from the Church for a long time that I realized this is what I had become. When I came back and decided to start praying my rosary and read my bible, my views changed.

I recently had a conversation with a friend who was in the same place I had been. I spoke openly to her and sent her a bible, as well as encouraged her to start a rosary novena. I’m not sure where she is with it today, but I hope she’s making use of it.

The truth is, most “cafeteria” catholics are open to discussion- they just need gentle direction and conversation. Just encourage them to pray, and pray for them
 
I know there is a day in the chaplet of Divine Mercy that addresses the “lukewarm,” but I would suggest that those who are ordering carte blanche, are at least IN the right cafeteria!

Our wayward friends believe in the divinity of Christ, or believe in God, but they may not accept this doctrine or that… yet. Even if they are never in full agreement with Rome, we cannot ever be sure of God’s ways, per Isiah 55:8-9.

I think all we can do is be the best examples we can for anyone, and if you are like me, look to others for an example when I myself fall into sin, which is not all that rare these days unfortunately.
 
Pray to the Holy Spirit to give them guidance & direction in their lives.
 
I think it can be really difficult sometimes to NOT try and drag our closest friends and relatives kicking and screaming onto the right path, because we know what they are missing and we think if they could just experience it, they would get it! We experience the love and joy of Christ, we seek Heaven, and we want that for them, too. In some cases, we also fear hell for them, and we want to do whatever we can to help them avoid it. Because we care about them, we want what is best for them!

But we also have to trust in God, and know that He loves them even MORE. We cannot be the Holy Spirit for others. We must let them freely choose to come to Him, to love Him. Love can’t be forced. Even some of the disciples turned away from Jesus–even after seeing Him perform miracles right in front of them! Do we, mere human beings, expect to get better results? Well, I don’t know about you, but sometimes I do… :o

I have to remember sometimes that I can’t force faith to grow… I can only try to plant a seed or two. It takes time and patience and lots of prayer. And I’ve found that often, the less I say, the more likely they are to hear the Holy Spirit and their own conscience speaking to them in the silence.

Many people think judging an action is the same as judging the person. So sometimes, people will think you are judging them when you’re not. It can be a difficult thing to share the truth, especially when some people are very touchy and uncomfortable facing their own mistakes and poor choices. You might even find that simply having Christ in your life is, sadly, enough to drive some people away, or to keep a cool distance.

Pray for them regularly. Reprimand and correct wrongs when they might actually listen (or when others might), plant seeds when you can. Love them where they are and be a good example. And did I mention, pray for them? 😃
 
vallancec said:
My dear friends in Christ,
I was wondering if anyone has dealt with catholic family members who are cafeteria Catholics. In other words people who believe only what they choose to of the teachings of the church.
Divine mercy tells us to teach people about what they don’t know or refuse to acknowledge about the teachings, however I’m having a hard time with doing this.

Thanks for reading this.

Love and Peace in Christ

C.
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I think the key is to call them out on their fabricated beliefs, or contortions of Catholic teaching.

You don’t need to be mean about it; just simply point out that “…that may be what you believe, but that’s not what the Church teaches.”

Then simply point out what the Church maintains on the issue. Leave it at that.

If they accuse you of judging, you need only respond–“hey, you’re the one making a bald faced erroneous claim here. What would you have me do–support your lie? Deceive yourself if you like, but don’t champion your lie as Truth. So I’m not judging you–just correcting you. As I hope you would me, if I declared that the United States believes in communism, or such” (or something along those lines).
vallancec said:
To me it means Catholics that who choose not to follow all church teachings and argue they don’t need to.
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Concur.

JMHO/FWIW.
 
vallancec said:
My dear friends in Christ,
I was wondering if anyone has dealt with catholic family members who are cafeteria Catholics. In other words people who believe only what they choose to of the teachings of the church.
Divine mercy tells us to teach people about what they don’t know or refuse to acknowledge about the teachings, however I’m having a hard time with doing this.

Thanks for reading this.

Love and Peace in Christ

C.
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You might want to read what John Martignoni does about it here: forums.wordsfree.org/index.php?topic=1008.0
 
With the type of world we live in today, I think we ALL do this to some degree, for us to live a fairly ‘comfortable’, free life, we would almost have to be cafeteria christians to some extent. on the other hand, if we were truly follow what God wants us to do and how he wants us to live, in modern society, most of us would be in jail, homeless etc.

But we ‘go along to get along’ in this world, we sit down and accept some things the people in power tell us, because to go against it, would mean arrest, loosing your job, your home, etc.

I have a feeling we will have to answer for this one day too, myself included, Im guilty of this too, I prefer to not be jail or homeless, so I go along to get along, an example would be willing paying our taxes, even though we hear and probably dont hear about some of the things our money is used for, of course the old 'give onto Caesar verse is dragged out as an excuse, but really, most of us just accept some things we have to accept and do in order to have some quality of life in this type of world, while refusing to pay these taxes is probably what God would prefer, and live happily with the consequences, but that is not a good thing for our earthly bodies and temperaments, so we agree to let things slide for the sake of our earthly lives.
 
vallancec said:
My dear friends in Christ,
I was wondering if anyone has dealt with catholic family members who are cafeteria Catholics. In other words people who believe only what they choose to of the teachings of the church.
Divine mercy tells us to teach people about what they don’t know or refuse to acknowledge about the teachings, however I’m having a hard time with doing this.

Thanks for reading this.

Love and Peace in Christ

C.
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Find out which topic(s) they disagree with on the Church. Then find brief (easy to review) resources that address that topic and give it to them.

Lighthouse Catholic Media CDs/MP3s are great tools for Cafeteria Catholics. So is the Symbolon Series on FORMED.org.

Catholic Answers also has their 20 Answers series which is great too.

God Bless!
 
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