Dealing with a gay co-worker

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Haven’t read all posts but got the main idea. It’s a tough situation. First, I would find and read the sexual harassment policy. If there’s a point person, perhaps you can ask what you can say and whether you can say anything. If the co-worker mentions this kind of thing over and over, he is probably taking your silence as a sort of acquiescence. He may think he can tell your more details over time. If it is within the office policy, I would not counsel him from a religious point of view. I would suggest, if it’s within the policy, to tell him,please don’t offer personal information to you, that you are a Catholic and believe in the teachings of the church and that you are offended when he tells you these things. I wouldn’t go any further unless he asks you for more. If he does, you can say that the church believes homosexual acts are immoral but that homosexual persons are entitled to be treated with dignity. Beyond that, I wouldn’t go into anything more unless he asks you to provide him more information. You see, the thing is to get the sexual harassment policy on your side. If he continues to say things, you are the one being offended and have the responsibility to tell him so. As far as pure religious explanation, leave that for outside of the workplace if he should ask you that. And be nice to him otherwise. He may be insulted but you need to go out of your way to be pleasant and as casual as you can be. Best of luck. Years ago, I had a co-worker supervisor who was gay and bragged about his liaisons. That was before sexual harassment policy really developed. We all had to tolerate it.
 
AliciaCL said:
Haven’t read all posts but got the main idea. It’s a tough situation. First, I would find and read the sexual harassment policy. If there’s a point person, perhaps you can ask what you can say and whether you can say anything. If the co-worker mentions this kind of thing over and over, he is probably taking your silence as a sort of acquiescence. He may think he can tell your more details over time. If it is within the office policy, I would not counsel him from a religious point of view. I would suggest, if it’s within the policy, to tell him,please don’t offer personal information to you, that you are a Catholic and believe in the teachings of the church and that you are offended when he tells you these things. I wouldn’t go any further unless he asks you for more. If he does, you can say that the church believes homosexual acts are immoral but that homosexual persons are entitled to be treated with dignity. Beyond that, I wouldn’t go into anything more unless he asks you to provide him more information. You see, the thing is to get the sexual harassment policy on your side. If he continues to say things, you are the one being offended and have the responsibility to tell him so. As far as pure religious explanation, leave that for outside of the workplace if he should ask you that. And be nice to him otherwise. He may be insulted but you need to go out of your way to be pleasant and as casual as you can be. Best of luck. Years ago, I had a co-worker supervisor who was gay and bragged about his liaisons. That was before sexual harassment policy really developed. We all had to tolerate it.
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I’d add… and be extra careful in judging your gay co-workers, as they can happen to also share the same faith as you, and could unveil any hypocritical behaviour, especially if everyone in the office know that the boss is a divorced remarried person and you wouldn’t dare to interfere with his personal liasons.
 
Christininha, good point. Meeting a 2nd spouse of a divoreced co-worker, boss or someone in one’s own immediate family, certainly doesn’t require us to tell them they are living in sin, that God really meant until death do you part. We can think it but can’t inject this into family or workplace. Indeed, there are praticing gays who consider themselves Catholic. Not sure how they rationalize it but this shouldn’t come into the work place. I wouldn’t discuss that unless the co-worker, outside of the workplace, after work, asked for your beliefs or fo you to explaian Catholic doctrine.
 
AliciaCL said:
Christininha, good point. Meeting a 2nd spouse of a divoreced co-worker, boss or someone in one’s own immediate family, certainly doesn’t require us to tell them they are living in sin, that God really meant until death do you part. We can think it but can’t inject this into family or workplace. Indeed, there are praticing gays who consider themselves Catholic. Not sure how they rationalize it but this shouldn’t come into the work place. I wouldn’t discuss that unless the co-worker, outside of the workplace, after work, asked for your beliefs or fo you to explaian Catholic doctrine.
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That didn’t use to be the case. In the past, divorced people were usually shunned. But today, most people tolerate them, and the world carries on turning itself around. This is why I think that what may appear to be a sexual harassment case can easily become a religious harassment case and turn against you. Someone else has mentioned consistency before… Persons who are really intent on jumping on high horses and talk about morals to gay co-workers, without their request, better make sure everything else around the office is in line with doctrine, otherwise they could easily see themselves feasting on a very large and nasty can of worms on their own…
 
I think all this talk of reporting to hr or telling him his lifestyle in not compatible with you faith or calling it sexual harrassment is not a Christian approach at all. I agree with the famous quote by St. Francis. “Preach the Gospel always, if necessary use words.”

I have worked with openly homosexual people in the past. It has always been well known at the places I have worked that I am a serious practicing Catholic. So there was never any doubt what my beliefs were as far as homosexual practices were concerned.

One gay man in particular also filmed pornography on the side for extra money -and he practiced the new pagan religion wiccan. (Heterosexual pornography apparently.) When he would bring up these subjects I would look at him with great sadness. Despite knowing my strong beliefs he seemed to be open up to me more than anyone at my work place.

He discussed the violent abuse he at the hands of his mother as a child, the loneliness of the homosexual life style apparently long term relationships are rare and anonymous sex is common, his baptist up bringing and how he once actually preached at baptist church before turning to wiccan as he was condemned by his church for being gay. I prayed for him regularly and after a while I told him that I did.

He eventually was promoted and was being transferred to another location. Usually when someone was promoted or being transferred a cake was purchased with a congratulations or good luck written on it and put in our break room. No one did that for this particular man probably because he was a rather strange man and not well liked.

I went on my break to the corner grocery store and picked up a cake of his favorite flavor and had the bakery write on it. He saw me as I came into the break room and was tearful.

What this man did in his private life repulsed me but we are called to hate the sin not the sinner. We are called to love our neighbor, not only the neighbors who have sins we can relate to -because we all sin. We are called to be Christ to others not look down our noses at them.

Where I work now, I often get openly gay customers that often come in as couples (we sell home decorating stuff). While I am waiting on them I pray for them in my head. Maybe no one else they know is? I treat them the same as any other customer because they are all children of God.
 
This is an issue that takes on many flavors besides the gay in the work place. No employer can have sufficient rules to cover every situation, thus the need for supervisors for the employees and asprin for the supervisors. Anyone I work with has the right to tell me about their gay dates…once. Then they will here me expercise my right to tell them I don’t wany to hear that garbage.

Because most people really know where to draw boundries such things seldom become issues. For those that are clueless to such things, being shut down a time or two will educate them.

Now, substitue their gay date with any other controversial topic from sex or religion to politics or pets. The princple will remain. If the kiddies can’t work it out for themselve and find their own boundries, then I step in and ban the topic or topics under threat of insubordination and note that both have issues getting along with co-workers. I do not care about most of the personal stuff at work* until* it starts to affect the job. On this, goofyjim and I agree, perhaps for the first and last time. 😃
 
Guys, I’m sorry, but to just remain silent is uncharitable.

The FIRST Spiritual Work of Mercy is to Admonish the Sinner.

Pax
 
This is simple really.

Just tell the person that you would rather not talk about that subject.

Him: “Hey XXX, I cant wait for my date tonight with this cute guy I met”

You: “Hey XXX, could we keep the conversation on a professional level? I would be more comfortable with that, I am not very comfortable with talking about people’s dating life”
 
Voltaire: I may not agree with you, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. (so you don’t have to agree, but he has the right to say it)

I think you don’t have to agree. Why don’t you get to know him, but saying your off limits cause your straight is not offensive, but telling him he is going to hell is. Why not get to know his story? If he starts coming onto you or if he had sex with a man and explicitly makes sure you know about it, stand up for yourself (I like the phrase: Yeah, I didn’t need to know that, but keep it as a playful tone, but he’ll get the point.) Maybe if you got a gay’s point of view on things, especially if he’s Christian, he can help you become more of a better person yourself. Being gay is not evil. It won’t condemn him to hell. It’s what he does with his gayness (like anonymous sex nightly or druggy orgy raves) that can condemn him. Maybe ask him, if you get to know him, things like have you ever thought about celibacy, or are you waiting for a civil union or marriage? Do what you want. Don’t hate. Just love. I alsofind it nice that your concerned about his feelings and your moral ethics.
 
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