Dealing with a sibling and underage drinking

[Xantippe]

I would say then the person to talk to is the cousin.

I had a couple friends like that who apparently enjoyed “bonding” over falling over each other and holding each other’s hair back so they could throw up. It’s bizarre and really unhealthy, and no, even on many college campuses, I don’t think most or even a majority of students behave like that.

Except for the fact that the cousin sounds like a moron who is grasping at excuses to overindulge–like, she can’t even wait until Thursday night, let alone Friday?

My working assumption in this situation is that the cousin is a an alcoholic.

I think I’d talk to sis, point out to her that cousin sounds like she has a drinking problem, and suggest that sis have no more than a drink or two with cousin and then have an arrangement to bail and do something else with you (if you’re available).

 

[Xantippe]

I have a question. In this situation we have two siblings, a cousin, and a college. Does the younger sister have good friends? Friends engaged in healthy behavior? Are there sports or talents involved? Is she focused on a major or course of study?

Because the way thIs sounding is a lot like the old cartoon cliche of a conscience represented by an angel on one shoulder ( the op) and the devil on the other ( the cousin)

I’m just wondering why this is such a family affair.

Sometimes a lot of members of a single family wind up at college in a small town at the same time–I know it happened in my family. At any one time, there might have been three or four of the youngest generation at State U.

Edited to add: And now I’m really wondering what it was like. (I wasn’t around at the time.)

 

[BoomBoomMancini]

My whole point is that I don’t think it’s my cousin’s place to “initiate” her before she’s not even been away from home for two days. If she wants to have a drink, fine. But my cousin wants her to have a drink and get drunk. I don’t like that, and frankly, I think it is quite disrespectful of my cousin to try and do so.

If your cousin is someone who is regularly getting completely smashed and wants to “initiate” your sister into that kind of relationship with alcohol, then I’d amend everything I said in this thread and say that your cousin sounds like a problematic drinker and you should try to steer your sister away from her. I was interpreting it more as your cousin saying, “Hey, let me wingman for you at your first college party so you don’t go nuts or get into a bad situation” not “Let me pour cheap vodka down your throat until you projectile vomit.”

 

[Xantippe]

If your cousin is someone who is regularly getting completely smashed and wants to “initiate” your sister into that kind of relationship with alcohol, then I’d amend everything I said in this thread and say that your cousin sounds like a problematic drinker and you should try to steer your sister away from her. I was interpreting it more as your cousin saying, “Hey, let me wingman for you at your first college party so you don’t go nuts or get into a bad situation” not “Let me pour cheap vodka down your throat until you projectile vomit.”

Yeah.

 

[deutsch1997bw]

I don’t know why this has to be a family affair. I had a conversation with my cousin today, and she more or less told me that I am overthinking all of this, and that my sister can make her own decisions.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

A cousin that wants to get an underage person drunk on purpose is a dangerous influence.

 

[pensmama87]

Except for the fact that the cousin sounds like a moron who is grasping at excuses to overindulge–like, she can’t even wait until Thursday night, let alone Friday?

My working assumption in this situation is that the cousin is a an alcoholic.

I think I’d talk to sis, point out to her that cousin sounds like she has a drinking problem, and suggest that sis have no more than a drink or two with cousin and then have an arrangement to bail and do something else with you (if you’re available).

Sorry, I wasn’t clear - I think the cousin sounds like bad news, too.

 

[Xantippe]

Sorry, I wasn’t clear - I think the cousin sounds like bad news, too.

No problem–I feel like the cousin has such bad judgment that there may not be a lot of point in attempting to persuade her of anything.

 

[Allegra]

I would have let the cousin know how I felt about it at the time. Since it doesn’t sound like the cousin is being reasonable, I would have a heart to heart with sis. It IS her choice, but you would be right to point out the consequences of that choice, and there are a lot of them, some of them unpredictable. For example, if she were to be caught drinking on campus, it could effect her scholarships or if she has a work-study arrangement. While it’s true that it’s rare, there can be legal ramifications, especially for the individuals that are supplying the alcohol for minors. I personally know someone who had to change from their education major because he was trying to be “cool” by buying booze for kids who were “practically 21 anyway.” They broke into a home under construction and accidentally set it on fire. No chance a school would have hired him. Then there’s the safety issue of being with a group of extremely inebriated dumb-dumbs. Having a glass of wine with friends or family is not the same thing as what the cousin seems to be proposing. I know it’s illegal and all, but I’m sort of glad my parents taught me appropriate social drinking rather than leaving me to figure it out once I was on my own.