Dealing with an angry boss

[ACanthony]

Hello all. I am 26 years old. Recently I have made an effort to try and be nice to all of the people in my life, even the ones I find very, very hard to love. I made this effort after reading the bible passage about how to be nice your enemies because even the tax collectors can be nice to their friends. However, my boss at my work is very hard to get along with. She has very very poor social skills and often gets the nervous shakes when she talks. I of course feel bad for her. However, since she is often so nervous (she basically assumed the role as our boss by accident) she is often very mean to us. Deep down inside she is a nice woman (she’s even a Catholic) but because sometimes she can be very vicious, I sometimes curse her out in my head. I never attack her personally to co-workers but since my life is affected by her inability to manage well, as you can imagine it’s a frustrating time at work (she will sometimes resort to shaking her computer monitor and even giving it the finger). I guess my dilemma is that #1. Is there any method I can help to deal with her in a more loving way? #2. I do feel guilty for cursing her out in my brain sometimes and I know that’s not what Jesus would do but does God understand where I am coming from since it’s a manager to employee relationship? Thank you for your guidance. -Anthony

 

[Mark77]

Pray for patience & be a living example of the Merciful Love of Jesus Christ, our Lord & Savior to her!

Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, Ora pro Nobis Peccatoribus!

mark

 

[Brywan]

Make this passage of scripture the focus of your meditation and prayers:
I Peter 2:17-24

I also have a boss who I would say has a “difficult” personality. He goes through employees like crazy. But I’ve been with him 30 years and we have a good relationship–I would consider him a friend at this point. I respect his authority over me and I focus on the aspects of his person that I admire–his honesty, his work ethic, the quality of his work, etc. I try to accept him for who he is and not begrudge him for who he is not.

An extra bonus of working for someone like this is that you have plenty of opportunity for developing in Christian virtue. Plus, your co-workers get to see how Christians act when they are confronted with difficult people and situations…

Patience isn’t patience until it is tested.

 

[Miss_Linda]

I have a very similar boss and I do understand what it is like when you work with someone who has a difficult personality. My boss is the senior partner of a large law firm and does not handle stress well. In fact, when I was hired (on my very first day ) one of the other secretaries walked by and said “Oh, you’re much too gentle. You’ll be gone in a month!” Well, that didn’t happen. It’s been six years now. Prior to my being hired, my boss had gone through a new secretary at least once a year. I now consider her a friend. She has been extremely generous with me. Yes, she is difficult. She screams, cries, even occasionally throws things. People at the office don’t understand why I put up with it, and they understand even less why I defend her when someone says something unkind about her. When they ask me pointedly why I don’t just walk out, my response is simply: We must live our faith, not just read about it or talk about it.

In my mind I have learned to separate the (very bad) behavior from the (very good) woman. When she becomes agitated, I try to see the situation through her eyes. She is upset, is there anything I can do to alleviate her stress? Often just remaining calm and focused on the work at hand helps. It’s difficult for anyone to continue screaming if the person to whom they are shouting remains polite and calm.

The people with whom I work have all remarked how much calmer and more reasonable she has become in the years that I have worked with her. They think it’s something I have done, and I keep telling them that the influence most definitely does not come from me!!

My point in this rambling message is that you can have a very positive influence on someone who desperately needs to see the love of Christ in another human being. I began going to Eucharistic Adoration after work each day to pray about my boss, and about the situation. This truly made a miraculous difference.

I recommend reading Chapter 3 of Book VIII in St. Francis de Sales Introduction to the Devout Life. This chapter, entitled “Gentleness towards others and remedies against anger” may be a great aid to you.

I sympathize very much with your feelings, but I assure you that this difficult situation can be a rung on the ladder toward holiness. This will be an opportunity to implore God for the grace of patience and humility.

You will certainly be in my prayers.