Dealing with an antagonistic non-believer.

[James_2_24]

I know this guy who is the husband of my wife’s best friend. Now for the longest time he’s been extremely rude and antagonistic towards our faith. He’s growing increasingly bold and more “in your face”. I finally had enough when today he made a comment and said that being Catholic doesn’t mean a “d*mn thing”.

In the past he’s made comments like, “Catholics say to pray for Obama I can’t believe that s__t” & “Instead of inviting Obama to Notre Dame they should invite Michael Jackson”

He’s connected to me on the facebook social networking site. However, today, I finally “unfriended” him so that I don’t have to see his comments and he can’t post on my site. I suggested my wife do the same but she refused. She apparently doesn’t want to “start anything” with his wife, her bestfriend.

The way I look at it, you can’t let people just walk all over the Church and your Faith like that. At some point you have to make a statement and say, “hey I’m not going to take this anymore, my faith means a lot to me”. I believe I’m doing this by “unfriending” them. The fact that my wife won’t do so seems to send the wrong message in my opinion. It’s not like they can’t contact her to apologize or to reason with us. They have other means: phone/email.

Up to now neither of us have made a statement. To me she is not much of a friend to my wife if she doesn’t step in and tell her husband that he shouldn’t disrespect her friend like that.

I’m sick and tired of it. This has been going on for a long as I’ve known the guy. Now my wife and I are fighting cause I think she puts her friendship ahead of finally taking a stand. This is the perfect opportunity to drive home to her friend that her faith means a lot to her and she will distance herself if we continued to be talked down on.

Keep in mind, its almost impossible to reason with this guy. He’ll cuss and cuss and just say inflammatory things to get a rise out of you. I’ve tried several times to talk with him…

 

[josie_L]

I know this guy who is the husband of my wife’s best friend. Now for the longest time he’s been extremely rude and antagonistic towards our faith. He’s growing increasingly bold and more “in your face”. I finally had enough when today he made a comment and said that being Catholic doesn’t mean a “d*mn thing”.

In the past he’s made comments like, “Catholics say to pray for Obama I can’t believe that s__t” & “Instead of inviting Obama to Notre Dame they should invite Michael Jackson”

He’s connected to me on the facebook social networking site. However, today, I finally “unfriended” him so that I don’t have to see his comments and he can’t post on my site. I suggested my wife do the same but she refused. She apparently doesn’t want to “start anything” with his wife, her bestfriend.

The way I look at it, you can’t let people just walk all over the Church and your Faith like that. At some point you have to make a statement and say, “hey I’m not going to take this anymore, my faith means a lot to me”. I believe I’m doing this by “unfriending” them. The fact that my wife won’t do so seems to send the wrong message in my opinion. It’s not like they can’t contact her to apologize or to reason with us. They have other means: phone/email.

Up to now neither of us have made a statement. To me she is not much of a friend to my wife if she doesn’t step in and tell her husband that he shouldn’t disrespect her friend like that.

I’m sick and tired of it. This has been going on for a long as I’ve known the guy. Now my wife and I are fighting cause I think she puts her friendship ahead of finally taking a stand. This is the perfect opportunity to drive home to her friend that her faith means a lot to her and she will distance herself if we continued to be talked down on.

Keep in mind, its almost impossible to reason with this guy. He’ll cuss and cuss and just say inflammatory things to get a rise out of you. I’ve tried several times to talk with him…

Well, this seems to be quite a problem, however, I would not suggest in my opinion to pressure your wife into doing something she is not ready or prepared to do. I’m not saying you can’t offer her advice or do something independently of her, but at the same time it cannot get to the point wherein (as I see it already has) it will disrupt the harmony between the two of you (your relationship to her should be the most important thing to you). I would suggest you pray a lot as this situation will probably take some time to sort itself out. In the mean time, why don’t you just tell the guy to politely “shut up”, or refuse to talk about religion and such. You can also try to change topics, divert his attention away from speaking on such matters, is there anything else, for example, that he is extremely interested in talking about?

 

[James_2_24]

Um, not really. He seems to always search for something inflammatory to say. It seems he’s only interested in offending Christians/Catholics. A Bill Maher of sorts.

 

[josie_L]

Um, not really. He seems to always search for something inflammatory to say. It seems he’s only interested in offending Christians/Catholics. A Bill Maher of sorts.

Oh, he’s that kind of an idiot, well, this makes things a little more difficult. But have you tried directly telling him that it offends you and that you do not wish to talk of religion and/or your faith if he cannot do so in a respectful manner? Sometimes being forthright is the best thing. And you shouldn’t feel obliged to be “nice” while doing it. I don’t mean you should cuss or insult, I mean rather, tell the guy in no uncertain terms that he should desist from speaking thusly. Crassness, cussing and the like should not be tolerated whatsoever. If all else fails tell the guy he’s being a jerk (I personally would prefer “a*s” but I wouldn’t recommend it ).

 

[Catholic1954]

Good for you for cutting this guy loose. The Book of Sirach says we should not “sit in the company of the insolent.” Hopefully, your wife will come around. She probably does not have as much interaction with him as her friend, and doesn’t notice his attitude.

 

[BareKnuckler]

I know this guy who is the husband of my wife’s best friend. Now for the longest time he’s been extremely rude and antagonistic towards our faith. He’s growing increasingly bold and more “in your face”. I finally had enough when today he made a comment and said that being Catholic doesn’t mean a “d*mn thing”.

In the past he’s made comments like, “Catholics say to pray for Obama I can’t believe that s__t” & “Instead of inviting Obama to Notre Dame they should invite Michael Jackson”

He’s connected to me on the facebook social networking site. However, today, I finally “unfriended” him so that I don’t have to see his comments and he can’t post on my site. I suggested my wife do the same but she refused. She apparently doesn’t want to “start anything” with his wife, her bestfriend.

The way I look at it, you can’t let people just walk all over the Church and your Faith like that. At some point you have to make a statement and say, “hey I’m not going to take this anymore, my faith means a lot to me”. I believe I’m doing this by “unfriending” them. The fact that my wife won’t do so seems to send the wrong message in my opinion. It’s not like they can’t contact her to apologize or to reason with us. They have other means: phone/email.

Up to now neither of us have made a statement. To me she is not much of a friend to my wife if she doesn’t step in and tell her husband that he shouldn’t disrespect her friend like that.

I’m sick and tired of it. This has been going on for a long as I’ve known the guy. Now my wife and I are fighting cause I think she puts her friendship ahead of finally taking a stand. This is the perfect opportunity to drive home to her friend that her faith means a lot to her and she will distance herself if we continued to be talked down on.

Keep in mind, its almost impossible to reason with this guy. He’ll cuss and cuss and just say inflammatory things to get a rise out of you. I’ve tried several times to talk with him…

lol, I have dealt with a lot of people like that online and offline. I would reccommend staying away from him, he is obviously disturbed with himself, and maybe he had something happen to him to cause his hatred towards the church, or maybe he has too much spare time, idk, but I’d advise staying away from him.

 

[Teteli]

I know someone like this! We didn’t disagree on religious matters (because we didn’t discuss religious matters), but we disagreed on everything else. She eventually became my archnemesis.

Eventually it was resolved via my firm policy of not speaking to this individual. If my husband wanted to go talk to her, good for him. He’s more patient than I am. Eventually I got distanced enough from it to be amused rather than angry at her blatantly transparent attempts to antagonize me.

That may be your best option. Obviously you can’t make decisions for your wife - if she wants to hang out with her friend, and if her friend comes with husband attached, then that is what it is. But you don’t need to be around someone who is just a jerk.

 

[Reepicheep]

@ James 2:24…
You say that this man is hostile and unreasonable.
You do not say whether his wife behaves in the same way.
If she does not, then why should your wife refuse to associate with her?
In any case, even if your wife is wrong, pressuring her seems unwise. She’s an adult; let her make her own decisions.

 

[kalt]

I know this guy who is the husband of my wife’s best friend. Now for the longest time he’s been extremely rude and antagonistic towards our faith. He’s growing increasingly bold and more “in your face”. I finally had enough when today he made a comment and said that being Catholic doesn’t mean a “d*mn thing”.

In the past he’s made comments like, “Catholics say to pray for Obama I can’t believe that s__t” & “Instead of inviting Obama to Notre Dame they should invite Michael Jackson”

He’s connected to me on the facebook social networking site. However, today, I finally “unfriended” him so that I don’t have to see his comments and he can’t post on my site. I suggested my wife do the same but she refused. She apparently doesn’t want to “start anything” with his wife, her bestfriend.

The way I look at it, you can’t let people just walk all over the Church and your Faith like that. At some point you have to make a statement and say, “hey I’m not going to take this anymore, my faith means a lot to me”. I believe I’m doing this by “unfriending” them. The fact that my wife won’t do so seems to send the wrong message in my opinion. It’s not like they can’t contact her to apologize or to reason with us. They have other means: phone/email.

Up to now neither of us have made a statement. To me she is not much of a friend to my wife if she doesn’t step in and tell her husband that he shouldn’t disrespect her friend like that.

I’m sick and tired of it. This has been going on for a long as I’ve known the guy. Now my wife and I are fighting cause I think she puts her friendship ahead of finally taking a stand. This is the perfect opportunity to drive home to her friend that her faith means a lot to her and she will distance herself if we continued to be talked down on.

Keep in mind, its almost impossible to reason with this guy. He’ll cuss and cuss and just say inflammatory things to get a rise out of you. I’ve tried several times to talk with him…

Why are you being so wishy-washy about this. You are two grown men. If he’s making rude comments to you, and you don’t want to listen to his stupidity anymore, tell him so. Tell him clearly that you won’t tolerate his nasty comments. (Don’t use the word nasty, he’ll think you’re wimp. ) Simply say, “I don’t want to hear it.” Follow that with stoney silence. Talk to everyone else in the room, but completely ignore him. But don’t say anything that includes “It really bothers me…” “It’s not right…” “You shouldn’t…” He knows all those things already, and you’re not his mother.

Tell him once. Remind him once (the next time you see him). After that, ingore every comment he makes. If after ignoring him he’s still talking trash, tell him to leave.

Blocking his access to your Facebook page is a good first step. Block his email. Don’t take his phone calls.

It’s important to stay calm when you’re doing this. His goal is to get you going. If you refuse to listen to him without getting hot under the collar, you win, he loses.

Your goal isn’t to change his mind or what he says. Your goal (your right!) is to get him to stop making those comments to you and around you.

He sounds like a very sad excuse for a man, to me. Real men don’t belittle other people’s faith to feel better about themselves.

If none of this works, you have the right to refuse to be around him.

Your wife has a best friend. Let the friendship be between them alone. You don’t have to be around the woman’s husband.

FWIW, this is between you and that guy. Your wife and her best friend don’t have to stick up for you.

The guy’s a bully. You’ve dealt with bullies before. Shut him down.