Dealing with being alone and feeling like I'm going crazy

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lovedance4ever

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Can you please pray that I can accept the hand that I’ve been dealt, and that I am able to live happily, regardless of being alone? I have no friends; I know a lot of people say, “I have no friends,” which translates to maybe only one or two close friends. But that’s not what I am saying. I actually have NO friends at all. None. So please don’t say, “you must have someone!” because I don’t.

I don’t even know how to act in social situations anymore. I’m usually the quiet guest who stands alone in the corner. Part of the issue is my fault, because I’ve just given up on trying to meet people. I’m so sick of hurting that I close off in order to prevent myself from being vulnerable.

I think differently from a lot of people, I guess. I have “unique” interests, I guess you’d say. I love learning, I pay a lot of attention to detail…and I guess I come across as odd. And lately, I feel like I’ve been going crazy. As I mentioned before in a previous post (a while ago, actually), I was diagnosed with grapheme-color synesthesia, which basically means I project colors onto numbers and letters. The upside to that, is I can memorize long sequences of numbers with no problem. I also have a photographic memory. The downside is that lately, it feels as though my mind is congested, if that makes sense. I see colors every time I look at something that has numbers or letters on it. It can actually be a huge distraction and irritation at times…and it makes me feel like I’m losing my mind.

Why am I so weird? Why can’t I be like everyone else? I know Our Lord has a purpose for everything, but sometimes I wonder if I even have a purpose in life. Am I going crazy? 😦

Please pray for me. I guess that’s all I have to say. If you have any advice, I’d appreciate it. If not, prayers are more than enough. Thanks.
 
Think of ways how you can help the community. Try to look for volunteer work.The best way to fight these feelings is to forget yourself and help others.
 
lovedance4ever said:
Can you please pray that I can accept the hand that I’ve been dealt, and that I am able to live happily, regardless of being alone? I have no friends; I know a lot of people say, “I have no friends,” which translates to maybe only one or two close friends. But that’s not what I am saying. I actually have NO friends at all. None. So please don’t say, “you must have someone!” because I don’t.

I don’t even know how to act in social situations anymore. I’m usually the quiet guest who stands alone in the corner. Part of the issue is my fault, because I’ve just given up on trying to meet people. I’m so sick of hurting that I close off in order to prevent myself from being vulnerable.

I think differently from a lot of people, I guess. I have “unique” interests, I guess you’d say. I love learning, I pay a lot of attention to detail…and I guess I come across as odd. And lately, I feel like I’ve been going crazy. As I mentioned before in a previous post (a while ago, actually), I was diagnosed with grapheme-color synesthesia, which basically means I project colors onto numbers and letters. The upside to that, is I can memorize long sequences of numbers with no problem. I also have a photographic memory. The downside is that lately, it feels as though my mind is congested, if that makes sense. I see colors every time I look at something that has numbers or letters on it. It can actually be a huge distraction and irritation at times…and it makes me feel like I’m losing my mind.

Why am I so weird? Why can’t I be like everyone else? I know Our Lord has a purpose for everything, but sometimes I wonder if I even have a purpose in life. Am I going crazy? 😦

Please pray for me. I guess that’s all I have to say. If you have any advice, I’d appreciate it. If not, prayers are more than enough. Thanks.
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Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance & direction.
 
You aren’t unique, there are others of us who have things such as synesthesia. Are you on the autistic spectrum or ADD or anything similar? Some of what you describe raises those questions to me, but only a professional should make a diagnosis so I’ll leave that there for you to decide if you should consult someone.

Those of us who in whatever way aren’t “neurotypicals” often find great friends when we meet others like ourselves who “get” us. Then it becomes easier to relate to a broader group of people later on when you’ve had a chance to be among your own “tribe” where you feel safe and understood, and where others have likely struggled with social skills and sensory differences, and maybe know some helpful strategies. Good luck and God bless, and above all, don’t become discouraged! :hug3:
 
First of all, ask the Holy Spirit to lead you. He will. Go to church and get involved there. People who are introverted must make a concerted effort to go out and get involved in activities. I should know, being introverted myself. If I didn’t make a concerted effort to get out and get involved, I wouldn’t do it. I’m perfectly content at home doing next to nothing - but after a while, we all need human contact or we get lonely, which can lead to depression if it goes too long. God created us to be social creatures - we need each other. But, if everyone was an extrovert, there’d be no one able to contemplate ethical questions or read emotions. Extroverts need us introverts, even though they sometimes think that we’re always mad with them or that we’re stuck up - we’re not - we’re just more likely to be deep in thought. But we need extroverts too - to get us up and going and doing stuff.

Regardless, whenever you struggle, remember what St. Paul wrote about his problems: “I begged the Lord three times to remove this thorn from my side, and three times He refused - saying “My grace is sufficient for you”.” Nothing is impossible for God. Put your faith in Jesus and let Him lead you (and if you do need psychological help, ask your pastor which psychologists/psychiatrists use a Catholic Theology of the Body - you don’t need any shrinks telling you that the way to get out of this is to commit sexual sins).
 
Hi lovedance4ever,

I know that you feel alone, but you have us here on the forum. We are your friends, and we really do care about you. We care about what happens to you, and care about what you are going through, in life.

I am so sorry that you feel that you are all alone. :hug1: :console:

Prayers said that you may be comforted, dear one.

Hang in there.
 
I am going to hold you up in prayer….I notice your online name - do you dance?
 
I have heard mention of that condition before, and I took the liberty of looking it up on the internet. Wikipedia said that on rare occasion a person with grapheme synestheisa can have “overload”. Maybe that’s what’s happening?

It did say some use this to their advantage in their work and such.

Too bad you couldn’t work in some capacity at a place that is more accepting of people who are different. One place that comes to mind off the top of my head is Goodwill. They work with people with all kinds of disabilities and conditions, autism, Aspberger’s, physical and emotional disabilities.

Now, yours might not really be a disability, but again, I have found them as accepting of all kinds of people, more than the regular population.

Then, the other place that comes to mind as being accepting in some mental health settings, mainly like the ones that primarily deal with young people.

Years ago, I volunteered different places, finally found my fit at Goodwill, volunteered there for years and was very happy. I got along with the workers, and I found them so understanding, accommodating, patient, and more.

I also worked as a professional interpreter. I worked in all kinds of settings, hospitals, all over. Anyway, again, I found more acceptance when I worked in mental health than really anywhere else. In fact, my supervisor said she’d pay me more anytime I worked in mental health! Well, mental health wasn’t at all what expected. It was interesting and fun.

I found people to be very understanding and that it was easier to fit in there than other places.

In Mexico, again, I tried to volunteer. It didn’t work out until I began volunteering with a blind organization down the street. Well, they have varying degrees of visual impairment to mild all the way to total blindness. Some of the workers are visually impaired, some not. The people who are there working are ALL volunteers.

So, I have found the above places tend to attract a certain kind of people that is not typical in your normal places. These people are a little hard to come by. However, if you go to places like I mentioned…Goodwill, mental health, blind organization, I think you’ll find a lot of nice people there who might be able to understand, and handle, what you have. Well, yours would probably seem like a “piece of cake” after everything else they handle on a daily basis.

Well, I say this because they sometimes work with people with multiple disabilities. They have to be able to adapt to unusual situations all the time.

I’m not visually impaired, myself, but I’m currently volunteering with the blind, studying Braille. I’m having trouble learning the abacus, because, unlike you, I HATE math!

That’d be sort of interesting for someone like yourself, to hear about numbers rather than seeing them, wonder what effect it’d have on your grapheme…synesthesia. Although, you could write them if you preferred. When we “write” numbers on the abacus, it is by moving the beads up and down.

You’d probably be teaching the abacus in short order! lol

Also, if you found numbers distracting to that point, you could probably shut off the lights, and do like they do!

Do you have a blind association nearby? Maybe you could learn the abacus and help them with that.

I think you would probably fit in with other people who are different, as well. Just my opinion.

Oh, once, Goodwill did a kind of testing on me. They tested all kinds of things…spacial abilities, math, verbal…dexterity, introvertedness/extrovertedness, a personality profile (when I was in vocational rehabilitation)…they might know ways to handle someone like yourself and have ideas and suggestions. Just a thought.

Good luck with whatever you decide, though.

😉
 
lovedance4ever said:
Can you please pray that I can accept the hand that I’ve been dealt, and that I am able to live happily, regardless of being alone? I have no friends; I know a lot of people say, “I have no friends,” which translates to maybe only one or two close friends. But that’s not what I am saying. I actually have NO friends at all. None. So please don’t say, “you must have someone!” because I don’t.

I don’t even know how to act in social situations anymore. I’m usually the quiet guest who stands alone in the corner. Part of the issue is my fault, because I’ve just given up on trying to meet people. I’m so sick of hurting that I close off in order to prevent myself from being vulnerable.

I think differently from a lot of people, I guess. I have “unique” interests, I guess you’d say. I love learning, I pay a lot of attention to detail…and I guess I come across as odd. And lately, I feel like I’ve been going crazy. As I mentioned before in a previous post (a while ago, actually), I was diagnosed with grapheme-color synesthesia, which basically means I project colors onto numbers and letters. The upside to that, is I can memorize long sequences of numbers with no problem. I also have a photographic memory. The downside is that lately, it feels as though my mind is congested, if that makes sense. I see colors every time I look at something that has numbers or letters on it. It can actually be a huge distraction and irritation at times…and it makes me feel like I’m losing my mind.

Why am I so weird? Why can’t I be like everyone else? I know Our Lord has a purpose for everything, but sometimes I wonder if I even have a purpose in life. Am I going crazy? 😦

Please pray for me. I guess that’s all I have to say. If you have any advice, I’d appreciate it. If not, prayers are more than enough. Thanks.
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Well if it helps your not the only one. You can get out there and volunteer and join groups and I encourage your to do so but I don’t guarantee it will change things other then give you more confidence. What people need to connect I’ve never understood. I don’t have close friends but lots of acquaintences.

As to living and dealing with being alone I look at it as it is what it is and nothing I ever do or try to will change it. It’s helps a bit being a natural loner but the social need to interact is always still there. You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t have it. I always thought there should be a loners cyber club out there but there isn’t one that I ever found. Just know it’s not just you.
 
Upon reading the original post again, I had an additional thought - lovedance4ever, it sounds like you’re burned out on trying to make friends right now. Why not just take that as a temporary situation and turn the lemon into lemonade? 🙂 Perhaps God is calling you to solitude as an opportunity to grow closer to Him? Spend some time in prayer and contemplation - and eventually discernment (St. Ignatius advises not to make a decision in a time of desolation, so don’t hurry this part) as to where you should go next in your life. :gopray:

I’ve found that often if I can’t do something to change a situation that feels negative, maybe I have to find a way to look at the situation itself as a blessing in disguise. Sometimes just “reframing” it into a more positive context helps. Instead of loneliness, for instance, think solitude; instead of isolation think sabbatical . . . Does that make sense? 😉
 
powerofk said:
“My grace is sufficient for you”
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Of everything that everyone has written here, this is what stands out to me most.

Perhaps God is calling you to understand this. Perhaps he wants you to be happy without others first. Not forever, but until His grace, his Love alone is enough for you, so much so, that no one else matters.

You cannot look to others to make you happy. It needs to come from within.
 
:console:

May God bless you and be with you always.

Also, please feel free to pm me anytime. I’m somewhat introverted and sometimes feel too that I have no friends.

Also, maybe counseling could help you. Therapy has helped me immensely, perhaps it might help you. I don’t know. What do you think?

my :twocents:
 
Join the club. Jesus prepares a place for the single vocation.
It takes learning to love God as much as He wants.
That’s the only way out of selfishness for poor sinners.
 
Perhaps the answer is in your handle? I don’t know what kind of dancing you are into, but if you have any interest in partner dancing (swing, ballroom, etc.), perhaps there is a local scene in your area that is worth looking into? As a fellow introvert, I have always found it easier to communicate with those I do not know as well through movement-- and it has worked beautifully, across all sorts of (perceived) barriers: language, age, etc. 🙂

I also want to say…I can relate to the “no friends” (as in really zero friends) situation. We’re not as odd as some folks might think. I attribute mine to having moved around a lot in my twenties for work, etc. and now, being in my early thirties, living in a city where most folks a) stay close to who and what they know (that goes for ethnicity, neighborhood, etc.) and b) tend to marry and settle down on the younger side. I, too, felt ill at ease about it for quite some time…I took it to the Lord in prayer, I prayed with my spiritual director about it and I am now much more at peace. I have slowly begun to make more acquaintances but am OK with relative solitude in the meantime. Perhaps the Lord has something to show you in this time of isolation?
 
Prayer of St. Francis Xavier
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I adore you, God the Father Who created me; I adore you, God the Son who redeemed me; I adore you O Holy Spirit who have so often sanctified me and are still sanctifying me. I consecrate to you my whole day for the pure love of you and for your greater glory. I do not know what is to happen to me today, whether troublesome things or pleasant ones, or whether I shall be happy or sad in consolation or in grief. It will be as you please. I abandon myself to your providence, and I submit to all your wishes. Amen.
 
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