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narda73
Guest
i’m a single mom with kids. i am living in with my partner for a year now. he’s accepted my kids and has slowly grown fond of them, too. he’s single in his 40’s single with no kids. he said he had a live-in partner before but he chose to end the relationship because he can’t stand her attitude.he’s the silent, shy type who can’t express his feelings very well. he’s not expressive. in fact, in the first few months it was like having a wall for a boyfriend. i tried to reach out and somehow he has warmed up. he’s not a flirt like my previous men i’ve encountered. i’m hoping that he’d be the ONE ‘coz i don’t want to start all over again and i don’t want my kids to get confused or hurt again.only problem is he’s OVERLY DEFENSIVE. if i asked what’s wrong he’d say "I TOLD U NOTHING IS WRONG!’. a sample of his being overly defensive: if i ask him WHY DON’T YOU BRING YOUR CELL PHONE ANYMORE? he suddenly raises his voice and say: WELL, I’M NOT WAITING FOR ANY CALLS OR TEXT MESSAGES LIKE YOU.at work when his boss was looking for him and it took awhile before he was found. the boss asked: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? WE’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU FOR A LONG TIME? he gets very upset saying: WELL, IF YOU’RE TRYING TO MONITOR ME THEN YOU MIGHT AS WELL COME UP WITH A JOB ORDER FORM FOR EVERYTHING I WOULD DO SO YOU DON’T START WONDERING WHERE I AM OR WHAT I’M DOING! he gets irritated with even the SIMPLEST QUESTIONS. we work in the same company but i’m with management and he’s a technician. he has perceives me as being very controlling at some point he said i treat him like a slave but all these are just in his head. he feels i’m always looking down on him even if i’m not.we come from different family backgrounds and financial standing. He never talked about his family but he reacted to a show we were watching wherein kids were being physically punished by parents –he said he experienced that, too. i try to make him feel that our different background shouldn’t be a big deal to me but still during arguments he raises this issue that we’re never going to be able to get along because we are so different. most of the time during a fight or misunderstanding, he’s the one who’d say YOU KNOW WHAT IF YOU CAN’T TAKE ME ANYMORE JUST GO AND IT’S OK WITH ME. I DON’T WANT TO MAKE THINGS DIFFICULT FOR YOU ANYMORE. or he’d say I CAN’T STAND THE WAY YOU TREAT ME.during the first few months of our relationship there were a couple of instances wherein i threw my pillow on him 'coz he was like a cold animal not even responding or attending to my needs. he has never forgotten that even if i explained why and apologized for it. he’ll bring it up during fights. but in fairness to him his treated has slowly improved somehow- in terms of being warm towards me after. i’ve read somewhere that overly defensive people are actually insecure and were hurt sometime in the past.he’s also accusing me of being overly jealous just because i asked him who called him and just because i asked to see his cell phone. i ask to check his cell phone because i don’t want to sneak behind him like he does to me. he claims he doesn’t check on my phone but iv’e caught him several time sneaking when he thinks i forgot my phone. then he comes up with conclusions as to why this person called or why this person sent sms.i stopped checking his phone then later on he says i’m so strict that he can’t even be himself during a party or that he has to watch his moves because i’m so strict and jealous. I offered once that he could go to a party without me. He didn’t respond to my sms when I asked why-he said he didn’t do so because it was non-sense because he didn’t ask if he could go so why am I pushing him to go. i explained that I WASN’T PUSHING YOU TO GO. I JUST WANTED TO SHOW YOU THAT I TRUSTED YOU SO YOU’D STOP SAYING THAT I DON’T TRUST YOU. I JUST INFORMED YOU THAT IF “IN CASE” YOU’D LIKE TO GO, IT’S OK WITH ME. WHY DON’T YOU JUST APPRECIATE MY EFFORT OF SHOWING YOU THAT I TRUST YOU? his answer: BECAUSE IT’S NON-SENSE. I DIDN’T WANT TO GO BUT YOU KEEP PUSHING. i only txt him once so i don’t get it why he felt i was pushing him. we had a nasty argument that started with work issues that led to personal issues then he told me YOU KNOW WHAT, JUST PACK MY THINGS IN YOUR HOUSE AND PAY FOR THE APPLIANCES I HAVE PAID FOR! i text him back: “OK”. he told me he hopes we could still be friends and i answered that he could still be friends with my kid. that’s when he mellowed down and later text me explanations why he was hurt. Basically, his issues are all in his head but i apologized anyway if he felt i meant to hurt him, etc.but i was really ready to let him go now since i witnessed that incident with his boss. i realized he’s not only like that with me but with everyone else around him. it’s like no one should never ask him any questions. it’s difficult to deal with someone you couldn’t even ask without enraging him. the only reason i’m putting up with him is because of my kids. i feel that they need a father figure and i’m scare to raise them alone. the previous men in my life were either separated or divorced so when a single man came i thought i’d better make this work because at least with this one, HE’S ALL MINE. and in fairness to him, i know he’s loyal. my exes were lookers and women come after them because they also knew how to win a woman. should I give him another chance or just end it. if i give him another chance, how should i deal with his defensiveness? after the nasty fight, he never said sorry but he still sent sms & he kissed me. financially he’s not exactly a d gold mine, in fulfilling my emotional needs he’s improved but sometimes it’s just like he’s so disconnected.